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Show ALL Forums  > UK forums  > Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?      Home login  
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 homerlone
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 1
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
The scenario is that your ex needs financial help and that you can afford to give it. The break-up with your ex was not good and contact since has not been amicable. Your ex now has a new family but now desperately needs some financial help. You can easily afford to give a sum of money to help out even knowing there is little chance of it being repaid in the near future, if at all.
You have children with your ex who also has children with the new partner. The financial problems do affect your children as they visit your ex and new family and they are aware that you have money to spare.
Should you or would you help out? Let's say the sum in question is £20,000 and that you could easily afford this amount.
It's likely to be a one-off situation, so this wouldn't be the first of many 'gifts'.
 light-star
Joined: 8/24/2011
Msg: 2
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:02:02 PM
Let me think about this - how about 'no'?

 ssp1974
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 3
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Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:02:28 PM
Yes,i would-even if i couldnt afford it-i would help them out to the best of my abilities-only because of the children though..i have actually been through just this scenario,so know that i would-the amount wasn't anywhere near that...but its the kids that matter...
 straycat7
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 4
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:06:20 PM
i wouldnt give my ex the steam of my shite.never mind £20000.
 bambiisnotsingle
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 5
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:07:20 PM
My kids dad lost his job last yr . Ive helped him as much as i can .
So its a yes i would help .
 glasgowgirl.72
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 6
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:07:51 PM
i think it would depend on the reason why they wanted the money. if they had squandered all their money or were in debt then i would refuse. if it was to the benefit of any children i had then i would consider it but still might not give them it.
 ariesgirlx
Joined: 1/7/2011
Msg: 7
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:10:50 PM
im never gonna be in this position as i dont have 2 pennies to rub together

but i think i would help out any way i could from money to time helping look after the kids so the "other" parents could do overtime or whatever it took to help ease things for the kids

and cos it a nice thing to help someone you once loved !
 Caribina
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 8
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:17:09 PM
I get on with my ex, he's a nice bloke. I'd happily help out with a spot of babysitting now and then...but would I lend him cash with not a sniff of getting it back? Not a hope! And frankly I'd think a damn sight less of him if he asked me.
 kirkstmoritz2
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 9
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:17:48 PM
Really depends what it's for, if for example it was to pay off mortgage arrears and the children would be directly affected by a reposession then yes i probably would help out...but i'd want a charge put on the property so eventually i'd get it back....plus modest interest.
 FoxyMoron74
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 10
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:44:57 PM
Yes I would, if i had the money and could help then i would.
You shouldn't loan out money that you arent prepared not to get back anyway...
Yep, a resounding yes from me. I would definately help if i had that sort of money anyway.
 ObjectStupidity
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 11
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Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:46:07 PM
Most deffo not... i would not give the woman the steam off me poo never mind anything of value....

Would be good to see the bint drown in a sea of debt
 halftone
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 12
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:47:35 PM
Not in the scenario the OP outlines. But then I don't and will never had kids, so it's easy for me.
 FoxyMoron74
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 13
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:57:08 PM
so bearing in mind this was in the equation...

he financial problems do affect your children

And this is said

Most deffo not... i would not give the woman the steam off me poo never mind anything of value....

Would be good to see the bint drown in a sea of debt

Nice!
 Amy96
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 14
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 2:58:43 PM
Absolutely not ...

He made his NEW bed let him lie on it

===
If on the other hand he had supported the 2 children he left behind
... with even a penny...
.....then I might consider it ...
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 15
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Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 3:30:17 PM
It depends which ex, a few I would give them whatever they needed if they were in genuine strife whether I could afford it easily or not

Others, I wouldnt piss on if they were on fire although I wouldnt "wish" them harm though. I just wouldnt care less either way

OOPS haha, just realised this was a specific question


I guess the above is still relevant. Just because a break up didnt go all smothly alone isnt enough to make my mind up on a topic like this tbh


But as the pretend "we" have kids together I most probably would if I could EASILY spare the cash as it wouldnt be fair to the kids to let their mum be in a mess when you could help avoid it

So whether we got on or whether I thought she was the skanky street hooker of satan the kids would be the deciding factor really with this specific scenario
 Johnnie1270
Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 16
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 4:25:02 PM
my kids are affected and i can pay it so it is a no brainer tbh.
Put your personal feelings aside for the sake of the children.
Equally importantly I think your kids will learn a better lesson by you doing this than they will learn if you dont.
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 17
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Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/19/2011 10:33:11 PM
Yes.

If I could afford it, then I would help .... If it was a bad split, I couldn't promise that I wouldn't be openly smug about her needing my help though.

I'd want assurances though, that it was going to directly beneficial to the kids though. If they'd be fine either way, then I dunno if I would be so keen to help.
 bambiisnotsingle
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 18
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/20/2011 12:42:50 AM
Yes I would, if i had the money and could help then i would.
You shouldn't loan out money that you arent prepared not to get back anyway...
Yep, a resounding yes from me. I would definately help if i had that sort of money anyway.

Agreed give what you can afford not to get back . Give it as a gift ,
As if they have serious finacial issues they wouldnt have it to pay back .
The one day when we need help we might get it ,
If ive got it i will help friends and family if i havent i say i havent .
But i couldnt sit on a pile of cash and watch someone struggle .
I never ever borrow money though and wont ask for help .
I would just do without ,
I save for what my family needs
 lightningslow
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 19
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/20/2011 12:53:15 AM
No, i would not help them out.

If there were kids involved then i would help the kids and buy them the things they need such as clothes, school books etc. I would not give money to my ex for that reason alone.

Totally irrelevant mind as i have no kids, but i am very protective of children naturally anyway. If theyre my kids then they could come and live with me while she gets her act sorted with her new partner.

I have had amicable splits with ex's yet still dont keep in contact with them. When they broke it off with me they lost all entitlement to me caring about them in a financial sense (if they were dying and needed blood etc i would oblige of course)
 marcochampo
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 20
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/20/2011 1:41:06 AM
The problem is the amount of money he is asking for ,, does tend to raise the eyebrows..
I think most of us would help out friends and family with a few quid to get them by..
20k is a huge sum,,and usually you will need that sort of money to buy a house or invest in a business..with you saying that you will have little chance of getting it back ,rules out the money is for investment purposes ,,
So i presume that its a debt that he has acquired somehow,, If that is the case then it would be counter productive to give him that amount of cash..
As your children are living with you they are not effected financially only emotionally when they go and see him,,
children should not be used as a tool,or leverage...
 Cinderfreakinella
Joined: 2/13/2011
Msg: 21
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/20/2011 1:43:58 AM
From an outsiders point of view it seems pretty clear to me.

The OP clearly states the ex (ex being the operative word here) has a new family, and a new partner.
As I see it, as long as the non-resident parent is maintaining their children from the previous relationship they have no further responsibility to the ex partner (and her new partner).

It would be purely a matter of choice if the money was 'gifted', I don't see it as a liability.

Personally I wouldn't do it. But I would make sure my children were taken care of and that would be as far as any responsibility on my part would extend.
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 22
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Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/20/2011 2:51:53 AM
I think it should depend on circumstances.....

If for example, the ex is in trouble because she went off on fancy holidays or bought home entertainment systems, expensive cars and £300 designer shoes, then i'd be inclined to say "go forth and multiply". A responsible parent does not put their own personal level of perceived social class above the welfare of his/her children.
Gifting money to someone like that and hoping it helps the children = entirely pointless and wasteful.

If she's genuinely struggling and living in virtual poverty herself just to ensure the kids have a happy home, then the answer would be different.

Hope that made sense :p
 Romi_74
Joined: 1/5/2011
Msg: 23
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/20/2011 3:02:12 AM
Of course I would lend them the money...why not, if i can afford it, but I would expect a birthday and Xmas present every year... nice ones ...non just a box of chocolates!!!
 zendy
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 24
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/20/2011 5:35:31 AM

I don't and will never had kids, so it's easy for me.


Never say never
A couple of years ago. A friend of mine called Jack decided to take me and a couple if his closest friends out on a 'wild night' on the town to celebrate his 40th birthday. He took us to choicy wine bars where we kept popping expensive champaigne all night. He kept saying 'life starts at 40' like it his new anthem.. The next day he called me to say that he had no recollection of the night. Almost year goes by and Jack is getting ready for 41st splash when the doorbell rings. He opens the door to find a baby in a bascket and a car speeding off. A note in the bascket read " ThankGod I didn't forget your date of birth from last year! His name is Jack Jr and he is your's. If in doubt,send the DNA results to my Lawyer whose address and phone number are printed overLeaf"

For Jack,life did start at 40 and he has been living it ever since.
 garyzac
Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 25
Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?
Posted: 9/20/2011 5:47:29 AM
I wouldn't offer any assistance.

Why have anything to do with someone who was no longer a friend?
Show ALL Forums  > UK forums  > Your ex needs to find £20000. Would you help?