| | Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?Page 1 of 1 | The title for this thread is a bit misleading, but it's all I could conjure up in a moments notice that was 10 words or less. Here's the deal. Regardless of whether or not a woman messages me first or I message her first, I tend to lure in the ones who have no clue how to have a conversation.
Is it too much to expect back-and-forth talk on an online dating site? Am I going about this wrong? My guess is I am, and I'm curious exactly what it is that's not right.
Example
I sent this message:
Good choice on the nickname, I love Dave. Just wanted to say I think your profile is right up my alley, and that I really like
your pictures. You seem nice, and the smirk is A+. I can value a good smirk :) Anyways, I'd love to chat if you're interested.
Have a great day.
Her response:
Well thank you. I love DMB I grew up listening to them.
Now, at this point, I've already completely written her off as 1) No interested 2) Dull and unable to reciprocate any form of thought to keep the conversation going.
Generally, what I expect from a dating site is that if a woman isn't interested, they simply won't respond. And I assume that if the woman does respond, she's at least mildly interested in talking with me. It just bums me out that what I seem to do is pick women without a personality. Even if the woman has a great profile, the chances of me getting a decent response is 1 in 10.
Is this woman's response expecting something back from me? Or is she just thinking 'durrrrrrrrrr'? Or... is she uninterested? Help me out ladies! Any advice is appreciated. | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:15:46 AM | | I hate to think someone would judge too quickly simply based on one message back not being packed full of standard enough material. It is conceivable that some people do not correspond well through written word. At this point I guess its up to you on how far you want to take it. If her profile truly intrigued you, then it is presumably understandable that the woman who took the time to write it might be also. If you choose to return a message and get another response, then try to get her off online and in to the real world with a meeting. That is where you will really discover if there is a connection. | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:17:10 AM | | The absolute most amount of messages I will continue to send a woman I'm messaging who continues to reply with answers that don't advance the conversation is three. If I've messaged back and forth three times with a woman who insists on answering my questions but not asking any of her own, then that's it. I take it as either she's not interested or has no idea how to have a back and forth conversation. | |
|
| |
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:19:36 AM | Women on here will send you a thoughtful message if they are interested enough to take the time to do it. Some women are too shy or do not like to write much.
When I see a very short reply to the message I sent them or a very short initial email from them I either figure they are a little shy or they can't be bothered because there are " So many men so little Time". Messages that appear to not have any substance are a good reason to either move on to the phone or meeting in person or ending the communication. | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:23:00 AM |
The absolute most amount of messages I will continue to send a woman I'm messaging who continues to reply with answers that don't advance the conversation is three. If I've messaged back and forth three times with a woman who insists on answering my questions but not asking any of her own, then that's it. I take it as either she's not interested or has no idea how to have a back and forth conversation.
Ok, so I'm not the only person on this site that runs into this issue. I figured I was doing something completely out of the ordinary. I have tried the messaging back and forth a couple times, but more recently the lack of conversation seems to be more prevalent and I just don't have the drive to see if the woman will actually ask me a question too.
It's funny because that's my entire disappointment, that the women I've initiated conversation with, or that have initiated with me aren't interested in me at all. They just want me to ask them 20 questions. | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:25:58 AM |
Dude....all you did is compliment her !
Next time ask her some questions, and tell her what you found interesting about her profile.
Hit me back if you need a few lessons in chickology !
I'll take this into consideration. To be fair, when I started on this site back in March, I did initiate actual discussion, would write a couple paragraphs pertaining to their profile and ask a few questions to get them started. I had the same results then--the majority seemed to be uninterested and would never ask me a question or keep the conversation going.
The more I'm on the site though, the more I feel like my attempts at starting discussion are futile, which is why I have fallen back to this form of initial communication. If the woman messages me first, I absolutely always send at least 2 relatively long paragraphs back. | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:30:48 AM | | It goes both ways. I sometimes have a hard time keeping an email convo going due to the lack of info that the profile provides. Having to ask about music,movies,hobbies, interests can be tedious. If the info was already there, I could go ahead and pick something that I know we have a common interest in an elaborate from there. If I have no interest I will not respond. I assume if they are responding that there must be some interest from them. | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:36:21 AM |
It goes both ways. I sometimes have a hard time keeping an email convo going due to the lack of info that the profile provides. Having to ask about music,movies,hobbies, interests can be tedious. If the info was already there, I could go ahead and pick something that I know we have a common interest in an elaborate from there. If I have no interest I will not respond. I assume if they are responding that there must be some interest from them.
Regarding listing everything, I've done that. And when I do, women still ask me stuff that I've already put into my profile. So, I took a lot of what I originally had in it out and completely redid it recently. Plus, at least for me, I find that having something to start a conversation is great, but knowing absolutely everything about the person already can slim back on the topics you have to question the person about. | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:45:30 AM | OP, its not that women have poor conversational skills ( mind you a small percentage of men and women do) its a question of YOUR conversational skills are lacking when it comes to Online dating.
What most of you guys don't realize is just because you compliment someone that doesn't mean that is a invite to start a conversation?
Ive had many of those types of emails and most times I return a " thank you for the compliment" that's all .
If they ask a question I answer, and If I'm interested I will ask them questions and the dialogue starts.
The key here is if they are " interested" they will let you know, if you want to get the ball rolling what was it about their profile that intrigued you? telling a woman her pics are A+ is so nice guyish, all nice guys does that.
Most women wants to know if a guy has substance , and isn't the typical nice guy that thinks he's entitled because he claims he's a nice guy.
Work on the communication skills son. | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:46:10 AM | | She's probably just being nice by responding. I respond to all messages I get, and it's usually something short and sweet because I don't want to lead anyone on. If I'm interested in someone who writes to me, I do my best to keep up the conversation. Unfortunately, if I tell the guy I'm interested in getting to know him, it seems to curse the relationship and he loses interest. | |
|
smk330
| | Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 12 | |
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:54:48 AM | | Cdn_Iceman, thanks for the tip. I have tried that, but maybe I'll give it another shot. Lately, the lack of intelligent response leads me to believe that no matter how many things I try to relate to that she has listed in her profile will do the trick. It's the reason I've fallen back, because it's getting tiresome sending 3 or 4 paragraphs in an initial email only to get back 2 lines that don't continue the conversation. | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 11:10:27 AM | Also OP, it helps to have a profile that is intriguing to women, most women on here will read the profile before they respond, even if you send a email and it isnt nice guyish, and your profile isnt what they perceive as a " match" some will ignore you, some will answer out of politeness and a small percentage is just shy, but you can generally tell a shy person.
Take a break, re evaluate things and start fresh, read a few of these threads and you will see a certain pattern when it comes to why or why isnt a profile attracting the people they want to attract. | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 11:27:42 AM | You are doing well to get responses at all. If I were you, I wouldn't give up QUITE so quickly, though after a short series of three word answers, it's usually clear that at least ONE of us is boring the pants ON to the other.
One story to relate that pertains: I was conversing with a woman here over a series of notes, and then she sent one that just answered my previous one, which finished the conversation we'd been having, and then she said nothing more. I didn't respond right away, because she didn't give me anything to respond TO, and a week or so later, I heard from a mutual acquaintance that she'd given up on me, because I failed to START something new. So it does take both she, AND you consciously trying to converse about something of interest to both, to HAVE a conversation.
In your little example (which I'm not criticizing as though it's all that you're about), your opening note didn't say anything for her TO respond to, past saying "gee thanks," or "me too." All you REALLY said in all that was, "if you want to chat..", and then you left it for HER to set up the entire conversation. When she didn't you blamed HER for being "Dull and unable to reciprocate any form of thought to keep the conversation going."
Granted, you might have been right, but your test message wasn't as up to snuff as you seemed to think it was.
I'm no expert, but I'd think that if you want to have an interesting conversation with someone, you need to start it off yourself. Not with a full life history, or even a full chapter, but at least something that you are yourself interested in talking about. You mentioned liking her nickname (it took me until JUST now to figure out you weren't saying her nickname WAS "dave," just that it was based on the MOVIE "Dave"), and you COULD have said why, asking if your suspicion was correct, as part of starting the convo. Just saying you like it, doesn't make for something for her to come back with past "okay, glad you like it." | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 12:56:36 PM | ~OP~ Written "personality" doesn't mean there is personality, much like lagging written personality doesn't necessarily mean he/she has none in the offline world. I've met some brilliantly personalitied (not a word, I know) people in written form that can't hold a conversation about the weather in the flesh. Likewise, I've met at least one man that was a true character in the flesh, not even close in email/text. I think if there is interest, people write back ~ if not, they don't usually. Take it and run with it and hope to land on the phone sooner than later, you can usually tell much more via telephone than text/email. JMO  | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 1:10:29 PM | Good choice on the nickname, I love Dave. Just wanted to say I think your profile is right up my alley, and that I really like
your pictures. You seem nice, and the smirk is A+. I can value a good smirk :) Anyways, I'd love to chat if you're interested.
Have a great day.
Her response:
Well thank you. I love DMB I grew up listening to them.
In my opinion, it was YOU who dropped the conversational ball. All you did was pay her a couple of compliments, with which she could only respond with a "Thank you".
Then she mentioned that she loved DMB and grew up listening to them. The onus was on you to pick up on DMB as an opening for further conversation. | |
|
| |
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 1:30:30 PM | People, generally, like to talk about themselves. You sample mssg kind of left it up to her to scan your profile and ask questions of you. Make sure you ask a woman about herself. If you like the same band, ask if they like seeing live music, who they've seen, etc. You need to build the questions into your message to allow them to respond. I think many of us have experienced the one liner response, and it is frustrating if you've put some effort, thought, and consideration into your message to the woman. Especially when it seems you have some common interests. Just keep chuggin' along, and yes, sometimes its good to step away from this site. Mutual consideration does not seem to be the norm.  | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 2:19:57 PM | I sent this message:
Good choice on the nickname, I love Dave. Just wanted to say I think your profile is right up my alley, and that I really like
your pictures. You seem nice, and the smirk is A+. I can value a good smirk :) Anyways, I'd love to chat if you're interested.
Have a great day.
I generally did not have a problem keeping a conversation going, but quite honestly, I'd have never sent a message like that or at least not if I expected a reply. And yes, in general, I didn't find women to be very good at getting conversations started, so it helps if you give them something to work with. If you give them something to talk about, you shouldn't have any problem if you get a reply. | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 3:52:14 PM | OP, if you put such phrases in your message as, "I was intrigued by (such-and-such) in your profile. It sounds like something I might want to try. What got you interested in that?"
This not only shows interest in something she likes and does, but that you might like to be part of that activity that is part of her world. | |
|
| Bad timing or are women just poor with starting conversation?
Posted: 9/22/2011 4:30:10 PM | I dont know OP...Id think if the woman looked at your profile upon you emailing her and she was interested, she would have left you something to bite back on...unless she is a newbie. Im in the camp that says if she was interested she woud make it easy for you to reply.
I know if Im interested, I make sure to ask a question to keep the dialogue going. | |
|
Home
login 
