| | FIRST DATE: MEET "JUST FOR DRINKS" OR DINNER?Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | | I'm wondering how people feel about that first meet. i have asked a women to meet me out for drinks, and she was turned off that it wasn't a meal. i have also had some women who when they get to the restaurant or bar they order food, and expect me to pay. to me the first meet should be relaxed and more about the conversation than how much i am willing to pay for dinner. i have also had women suggest expensive places to meet...lol. my feeling on that is, they must want to go to a place they could never afford on their own. anyway, what does everyone think?? | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/27/2011 3:46:32 PM | OP,So first date must be something relax and just to get to know each other,have fun,laughs and see if you will get on...
On first date don't need to spend loads of money or taking them to expensive restaurants and meals,it is really weird that those women asking you to take them to expensive places to be honest...
I got a rule myself,FIRST DATE,ODA-only drinks allowed and that is all,no flowers,no chocolates,no expensive places,just chilled out drinks to chat and getting to know her an see if we get on!!
Be aware of those women who asking you for expensive dates are genuine at all,a woman if wants to know you,she will be comfortable with an ordinary date at all,good luck,all te best!! | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/27/2011 3:58:09 PM | usually i see first meetings and first dates being to seperate events...but mostly i would say in either case before you agree to go somewhere with a woman discuss with her to make sure if its a meet or a date, some would expect more from a date if thats how you are phasing: for example, asking if shed like to meet you maybe have a drink or two...as opposed to would you like me to take you out anywhere youd like to go...
money is something that sometimes i feel awkward about in situations to because im a very simplistic person and if it was discussed as a meeting i would pay my own way in a date i would offer but some guys take offense to that as well
but in order to avoid these expensive place why dont you make a suggestion first as to a place you know that might have a happy hour or something like that | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/27/2011 4:12:05 PM | TOMC16, how long have you been online dating? I ask that because most guys start out taking women to dinner for a first meet. But it doesn't take long for you to realize that you are buying a lot of dinners for no good reason.
After buying too many dinners you will learn to keep a first meet as simple as possible. It doesn't always work .... even happy hour can cost you $40 before you know it. But as a rule - No Dinners on a first meet!!
If she insist on dinner, be blunt, ask her if she will be paying for her own dinner. I think that is fair. | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/27/2011 4:13:29 PM | A date or a meet?
Date? possibly dinner.
A meet? First time seeing eachother in person. A drink.
Who the heck wants to sit through a dinner if you won'r even consider seeing the other again? | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/27/2011 4:56:27 PM | I like to think that I'm a reasonably generous guy when it comes to dating but it's true that one can go through a ton of money if he takes every "meet and greet" out for an expensive dinner. This I learned the hard way, and now I always suggest just coffee, a drink, or possibly (if we have talked a great deal and I think there might be a connection) a light lunch.
Aside from the financial aspect, who wants to sit through a long dinner with someone you have no interest in, and have no desire to ever see again? | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/27/2011 5:34:34 PM |
A date or a meet?
Date? possibly dinner.
A meet? First time seeing eachother in person. A drink.
Comedy club!! 
It's a great middle ground. You have drinks...food...laughter...witnesses...large exit... | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/27/2011 5:39:20 PM | ^^^^ LMAO
I see a first meet as NOT a first date.
A cup of coffee is what I usually do. And if it turns into something more then you can do that.
Ive had first meets be nothing but a cup of coffee.. and it was being polite (on BOTH parts) to even finish it. Others, have went into dinner and a walk along the lake..etc.. and several dates more.
But saying upfront that this is a first meet and not a date might seem harsh to some women because Ive heard them say they are "worth" it. Whatever....
I say keep your money in your wallet and see how they respond.. ;)
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/27/2011 8:57:17 PM | I think a first meet should be something light and simple with a time limit.
Coffee, tea, juice bar with a max of 45 min-1hr.
A first date shouldn't be expensive and doesn't have to include a meal. It could be a street faire, biking, museum, art show etc. and when you decide on taking her for a meal why not do a breakfast, lunch, dim sum date. To me it's pretty brazen that someone would expect to be taken to expensive restaurants or a dinner date for the first date. If they think they are worth it then they can take themselves out. It should be about the person and not the wallet. | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/28/2011 12:32:23 AM | OP, you have just described one of the reasons why some of us make a distinction between a "get to know each other" meet and an actual date. The initial meet can be over drinks or coffee, or a stroll in the park, or any number of things that offer an opportunity for the two of you to talk and decide if there is enough mutual attraction to go on a real date. If the mutual attraction is there, you even have the option of asking her for a real date that very evening (make plans ahead of time, and keep your evening schedule clear); she might just accept if she doesn't have some other commitment.
If you choose to bypass the meet-and-greet and go directly to a "first date", Zach had an excellent suggestion: a comedy club. You have (I hope) an entertaining evening, a chance for drinks, and lots of opportunity for conversation, all in a nice little package. You might think of other first-date options that offer all these things, but "comedy club" is actually on POF's list of top ten first date ideas. | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/28/2011 5:22:13 AM | | You are the one asking so you should be the one to suggest the venue. Personally I'd go to the local Starbucks or coffee house. A first meet should not be a full blown date. You are just checking each other out to decide whether or not you even want a date. | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/28/2011 5:33:12 AM | The first one is not a date. It is just to determine if you need to even do a date.
I do mine with a time limit. Two drinks or 20 minutes whichever comes first.
And I have had a few where I got there first and ordered a shot of jack daniels. Had the gal show up and have to introduce herself as she used pics from 10 years and 100 lbs ago. And I just hollered at the bartender to make that a double shot of jack. (long sigh...)
Cowboy
VVVVVV edited to add
If someone needs to be bribed with food to leave their home I don't think you will find them all that desirable in the long run.
One of the best lines I have seen on here in awhile. To friggin funny! Thanks. | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/28/2011 5:49:06 AM | If you have not met them in person yet, then Id suggest setting up a tome/day for coffee or a drink, whichever you prefer. Heck, I have even met for an icecream cone. That is just some time set aside to see if the person you connected with online is the same offline.
Once you are satisfied that you think you could enjoy thier company, then Id suggest a dinner date. But not untill you already know you enjoy thier companionship in real life.
Im sad to say that there ARE women out there who date for dinners. It is shameful...so dont allow yourself to be one of the many men who get taken advantage of this way. There are threads in these forums with women stating openly that they feel entightled to a free meal for the pleasure of thier company. Weed those ones out by offering NOTHING to meet them. If someone needs to be bribed with food to leave thier home I dont think you will find them all that desirable in the long run. | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/28/2011 12:40:00 PM | | longer than i care to think about...lol 11 months to be exact. and you are correct. i wanted to show the women i took out that i was serious about wanting to be in a relationship, and i thought one of the ways to show them that was to take them out, and pay for dinner. hoping to impress them. big mistake. | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/28/2011 12:46:48 PM | Im sad to say that there ARE women out there who date for dinners. It is shameful...
Yep, been there several times.
I now insist on a quick meet for a drink or coffee to see if there's interest, if we go on a second date then I will pay. I laugh at some profiles under First Date they say they want a dinner by the ocean...blah...blah...blah, get real. | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/28/2011 1:00:56 PM | First meets for me are just coffee/coke/drink or sometimes nothing. About an hour max. And thats it. I work it like a meet and greet to see if you both want to move onto an actual date. It think that first meetings at Starbucks are so popular not because people love coffee but more because of the limitations on how much money can be spent in one  | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/29/2011 5:58:30 AM | I prefer drinks and I don't expect him to pay for mine, though it's nice if he does. I always (genuinely) do the reach and the offer to pay for mine and I wont be offended if he doesn't. That said, if it's a simple drinks date and he doesn't pay for my one beer, it seems a pretty good gauge of his interest or lack there of.
I always go on a dinner date intending paying for my own, but it's super sweet when a guy pays. If things are going well I'll usually make a comment to the affect of "I'll make it up to you by cooking you dinner." with a nice warm sincere smile. | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 9/30/2011 5:07:47 PM | People use people. It is unfortunate, but true. Even just going for drinks can add up after awhile. I looked at a few profiles about where they would go for first dates, that didn't cost money, before I put mine up. I am fortunate to live near a river that includes a jogging trail as part of a national park. It's free, there are lots of benches, we can sit and watch boats or walk along and look at the National Monuments across the river....
If we are going to dinner and he picks, he usually also says it is "his treat". If he tells me to pick, I either pick something I can afford, or I say "Money is a little tight this week. How about a picnic by the river?". He usually then offers to treat.
Really read the profiles. The ones who say "meet for coffee" or suggest something unconventional or inexpensive are the ones who will not get offended by not going to dinner. There are a lot of women out there who do use dates to get meals that they could never afford, or who take whatever they think they can get from you.
It also depends on what kind of woman you are asking. "Trophy women" come with a price., usually anyway. | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 3/8/2012 12:33:43 PM | | and so it continues..... so i have been on a few more dates, and some woman STILL insist on ordering food, and then either want me to pay or hey...let's split the bill...lol. i think from now on, it's a cup of coffee at a nice coffee shop. anyone else having this issue or opinions | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 3/8/2012 2:01:42 PM | No alcohol on a first date/meet. Even if you kinda sorta like the person, it might lead you to do something stupid.
Then you wake up in the morning with your arm missing up to the elbow ...  | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 3/8/2012 2:29:27 PM | I hope that you guys are talking first for a bit before you first meet. I see it this way, 1. if you are not getting to know this person by phone or email first then it's your fault that you are unaware of what this person would like. 2.If you have managed to knowing this person and they feel as though a real expensive place is a "got to go" then you don't want to be with this person.
3. Someone that is reasonsable would not mind if it's just a simple walk in the park, lunch, or just coffee.
Learn from that and that will help you a lot. Sounds like you are coming across imature brats that expect a man to have it all and spend it all on them
Other wise if you are looking to get some leg then I see why you are asking this question. | |
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| FIRST DATE: MEET JUST FOR DRINKS OR DINNER?
Posted: 3/8/2012 2:47:24 PM |
1. if you are not getting to know this person by phone or email first then it's your fault that you are unaware of what this person would like.
While I agree with your other two points, this one is almost impossible to achieve because over 55% of human communication is non-verbal. | |
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