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 neldon
Joined: 1/10/2011
Msg: 1
what to write in first message?Page 1 of 1    
So if I come across a profile of a girl who seems really interesting, should I tell her what my name is and ask her hers? Or that is left AFTER a response?

I also tried two approaches in messages: one is to write a long description about myself, past, future goals, miscellaneous, and also sent very brief one-liners. Neither got replies. As this is my first time ever on a dating site, I don't know if girls want a lengthy introduction or don't have the time and prefer one sentence.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2
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what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 2:09:16 PM
1. Read her profile. Make sure based on what she's writing that she'd be open to you messaging her (if there's any indication).
2. Send her a message based on what you read and what you genuinely want to know in response to what her profile says. If you're interested and messaging her, you must have some interest in her - what interests you about her (besides the superficial, of course). That's what you ask more about.

Two paragraphs is probably too much. Two words is not enough.
 DoctorMatt
Joined: 9/3/2011
Msg: 3
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 2:22:01 PM
Tip, if you're new. No matter what anyone tells you, getting a response is 99% to do with your photos. If she doesn't like your photos / fancy you then it makes no difference at all what you write. Best keep it short and to the point. Most emails never get a response. If you go to too much effort and don't see any positive results you'll get very demoralised very quickly. At the risk of sounding a cynic, don't set your sights too high on internet dating. For men it's a monumental amount of effort for little or no reward at all.
 Fishinin32
Joined: 9/18/2011
Msg: 4
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 2:28:30 PM
Yeah photos are a big part of it I really like your first 2 the the only one I would question is number 3.

Also one thing I noticed you put must not do drugs but all the women in Canada do drugs so that might be the problem right there...

Also too many Be Mine Roses ladies dont like get rid of em.

This might be a good time to get one off ;)

And as far as the first message goes just make it easy for her to talk to you.

Hey that description in your profile was really funny I am interested in such and such how do you do such and such..
 neldon
Joined: 1/10/2011
Msg: 5
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 2:35:27 PM
Thanks for your replies.

Fishinin32 - pic 3 was recently added so it's not the main reason.

What does "Also too many Be Mine Roses ladies dont like get rid of em" mean I really didn't understand that! Thanks!
 Fishinin32
Joined: 9/18/2011
Msg: 6
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 2:37:45 PM
Oh you havent been schooled on the Be Mine Roses game yet?
Well you get 2 Be Mine Roses you can send off per month so its best to get them off quick so your new ones will come back faster...
Its just a way of showing hte ladies they are extra special ;)

So when you are sending that special someone a message be sure to click that "attach a Be Mine Rose" button but remember you only get 2 per month so you have to be careful with how you use em ;)

But if you run out of Be Mines you can always start sending gifts as long as you have enough POF points!
 neldon
Joined: 1/10/2011
Msg: 7
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 2:39:51 PM
HAHA

Thanks! Never saw that thing. Maybe that's what's wrong.

Also if others have more suggestions I am still reading!
 fitnessman888
Joined: 9/28/2011
Msg: 8
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 2:45:44 PM
I can attest to this, as I experimented with having photos of me in everyday life then some more 'classy' photos of me in suits...the majority of girls I messaged replied when there was a photo of me in a suit, but less than 5% when I was just in regular clothes/life. Yeah, don't expect much from women the net, let alone women on a FREE dating site! They seem to have this floating mentality that there's always going to be somthing better on the next click.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 9
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 2:54:25 PM
Are you using the same writing style and casual humor that you have in your profile ?

You're profile's an easy and enjoyable read.

Try to keep it as real life as you can. Don't discuss chess moves and linguistics lol

unless you are looking for that in a woman.

I would focus more on a good match by doing an advanced search and then messaging them
with your own writing style and ideas. It never works well to adopt someone else's ideas.

Keep it all your own and keep it fresh.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 10
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 3:20:41 PM
Consider the function of this site: To locate and to meet people.

So there should be a good description of you on your profile.

Lets say its Thursday evening...With that noted , your first message reasonably could be:

"Hi, I've seen your profile and I would like to meet you.
Lets meet Sunday at McTavish coffee pub at 2:30 pm for one hour.
See you there."

The entire purpose of these sites is to get offline as soon as possible , so with that brief note, you've accomplished your goal. You found someone, you've set up a meeting.

Thats really all you need to do. The rest is up to them. They can read your profile, and respond with a "Yes" or "No".

Simple as that.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 11
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what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 3:37:00 PM

Consider the function of this site: To locate and to meet people.

So there should be a good description of you on your profile.

Lets say its Thursday evening...With that noted , your first message reasonably could be:

"Hi, I've seen your profile and I would like to meet you.
Lets meet Sunday at McTavish coffee pub at 2:30 pm for one hour.
See you there."
As usual I disagree. He just crapped out a lame message that could be copied and pasted to 1000 women a night. Hardly the best approach. Unless read/deleted is your goal and I am suspecting it isnt for most guys.

Each message should be short and just TAILORED to the individual. Should take ya 2 minutes to cough up a few intelligent lines. I mean how hard is that really?

That suggestion works about as well as "Hey whats up sweet cheeks" which was a recent suggestion from this poster for a first email here. Thats a clue...

Cowboys 10 tips for first messages.

(please learn to SEARCH and just READ the many replies to this same question)

1) 90 percent of getting replies here has nothing to do with the message you send. Just the facts sorry. When she looks at your pics and profile she is pretty sure at that point if you will get a reply before reading your message. Your message just has to not suk basically. Which the quoted suggestion is pretty close to an example of.

2) humor always helps. So a funny subject line or a witty remark will do a great deal for your chances at a reply even if it is a rejection notice. When I say humor don't try sarcasm. Often does not come across well in a first message. She doesn't know ya and you will just come across as an azz.

3) First message should not be a novel. 5 sentences indicating what you liked about her profile will work. Remember its usually not the message but the pics and profile. Read tip number 1 to yourself 10 times slowly. Remember the message just has to not be lame. So no "Wassup baby?" crap. Be polite. Don't talk in gangsta wannabe lame stuff.

4) Do not talk about you. Thats what your profile is for remember.

5) Do not ask her out or hand out your phone number in a first message.

6) You may mention she has nice eyes. Do not mention her butt or boobs no matter what she is wearing or how she is posed in her pics

7) Spell check! No text speak gibberish.

8) Some of you guys write WAY WAY to much in a first message. Not only are you wasting your time but also giving her more reasons to not respond often. Put that time into your profile you spent 5 minutes on and is only 3 lines long!

9) Never copy and paste or send a generic sounding message. Read the message and if it looks like you could send it to several women don't use it. Each message should be short but be tailored to that person. You mention several things you liked in her profile.

10) Always ask her one question so she has something to reply to. Do not ask 10 questions. One or two max.

Good Luck

Cowboy
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 12
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what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 3:51:49 PM
I'm not sure who would show up if a first message had a let's meet here at this time in it. That would be a block for sure. If you are just trying to get laid then yes, the above approach might work fine.

Your pictures and profile depend on what kind of woman you are trying to attract, so show yourself as you really are, being dishonest won't get you very far. People get dates without pictures, with bad pictures, etc., so decide who your audience is and promote yourself, as you are, to them.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 13
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 4:27:28 PM

who seems really interesting


well if you think she is really interesting, don't be boring...


be MORE interesting than she is...

hi I'm Ted- You're Jane....and my dog is Pug is not interesting...


its bullet train time.
 johndunne
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 14
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 5:49:38 PM
From your original post its sounds like you tried two extremes. Try moderation.

Writing a novel about yourself can look odd or desperate, and the vast majority won't reply anyway so why waste your time on a monologue. On the other hand, a paste job or one-liner will not be welcomed - unless you are very clever, very very good looking, or obviously filthy rich, from your profile (and I'll pass on guessing where you fall on that scale with women).

Cowboy is correct that the note is only a small part of the picture. But getting it close to right is still essential. My car starting might only 10% depend on my starter and battery working, but they have to be in decent shape for much to happen.

Use 3-4 lines politely expressing interest, maybe mentioning one thing that impressed you or you both seem to have in common. End with some version of they should feel free to write if interested or else good wishes etc. ...
 neldon
Joined: 1/10/2011
Msg: 15
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 8:29:54 PM
Thanks everyone. Yes it is clear looks are everything on here. So are my pictures bad then?

-sowrite

The way I write depends on the profile of the girl but generally I have less humor in the message than what's on the profile.
 Existentialist29
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 16
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/2/2011 8:57:22 PM
First reply that makes real sense. I never really evaluated what I was doing but I take this approach as well and it seams to work for me. I try to make it a little more personal though. If she has tattoo's I'll ask her to meet me at a tattoo convention. Don't send the message and assume they will just show up though. Make it a question. i.e. I saw your profile and loved the fact that your into art. Their's an art exhibit in our area I've been meaning to check out. I would love some company if your free. Lets say Saturday at 5? Check out my profile and if I peek your interest let know and it's a date.

It goes both ways though. Woman with a one sentence profile don't get a response from me unless I really think they are hot. Then the response is more like.... Thought you were smoking, would love to know a little more about you. If I don’t get a response I don’t take it personal, for all I know she doesn’t date guys who are not catholic but her profile say’s nothing so what can you do. Best advise though is to make it personal. I avoid coffee/tea dates unless there is nothing else to do. Pick a place where you can talk about what’s going on around you if the personal conversation takes a lull. The mall, art show, flee market, Costco for samples, be creative while avoiding creepy.
 crazhouse
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 17
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what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/5/2011 10:11:11 AM
Mr. Messages, awesome advice. My responses went up 5x taking this advice.

You should run for POF president.
 wondercamman
Joined: 9/2/2011
Msg: 18
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/5/2011 10:15:07 AM
I dunno bro, you seem like an average looking guy. However, the girls on here that are average get a lot more messages than guys. Even the fat girls. You have to realize this and message more than one girl. Girls are not as easy as guys are.
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 19
what to write in first message?
Posted: 10/5/2011 11:12:56 AM

Also one thing I noticed you put must not do drugs but all the women in Canada do drugs so that might be the problem right there...


Excuse me? As a Canadian woman who knows MANY other Canadian woman WHO DO NOT DO DRUGS, how are you coming up with that ridiculous notion?

Anyways...WomanInProgress msg. #2 is bang on.
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