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 Fenicks77
Joined: 8/7/2011
Msg: 1
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Something between FWB and MarriagePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I'm new to this and tried the search without much luck. If this topic has been done to death then I apologize. Do long- term, monogamous relationships have to lead to marriage? I got divorced in the last year and I have no interest in marrying again. My kids are grown, my retirement is taken care of, my house is paid off and I'm enjoying my freedom. I would like to have a partner but not another wife. So is there a relationship that is more serious and monogamous than FWB that doesn't have to lead to marriage?
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 2
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Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 4:56:23 PM
living together
 SugahPunkin
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 3
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 4:58:25 PM
I surely hopes so.

I feel that way myself. Im at the point that Im not sure I would want marriage but Im not looking for just a FWB situation... I want more than that.
Its frustrating but I keep trying.
Hang in there!

:)
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 4
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Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 4:58:46 PM
I'm new to this and tried the search without much luck. If this topic has been done to death then I apologize. Do long- term, monogamous relationships have to lead to marriage? I got divorced in the last year and I have no interest in marrying again. My kids are grown, my retirement is taken care of, my house is paid off and I'm enjoying my freedom. I would like to have a partner but not another wife. So is there a relationship that is more serious and monogamous than FWB that doesn't have to lead to marriage?

Absolutely, there are women on here who are looking for essentially the same thing you are, with or without co-habitation. In the age-group 50+, it may even be the majority of women. :)
 sans_titre
Joined: 9/3/2011
Msg: 5
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 5:11:25 PM
Sure. I am pretty much looking for the same thing. I can't get married or co- habitat or I lose my alimony and I not giving that up.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 6
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 5:23:50 PM
At one point i wanted something, exactly like you describe, after i was widowed.
i wanted someone who was mine & mine only, but did not want to marry or live together, wanted to still have our seperate lives & not be joined at the hip or in a domestic relationship, but have someone to love, go on dates with, have sex with, spend time with, & have a deep emotional connection.

However, a lot of men i have known saw the issue in black & white terms only, either a FWB or a LTR leading to marriage & family. (not saying all men see things that way, just many of the ones i have talked about such things with)....which was hard for me because i wasnt looking to be just a jump off broad, but wasnt looking to get wifed either.
 Sweetlady950
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 7
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 5:26:04 PM
I dont think you will have a problem finding that. There are plenty of women on here that have been married and don't want to get married again. You will mostly likely have to date women in their 40s and up. Good luck!
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 8
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 5:41:29 PM

Do long- term, monogamous relationships have to lead to marriage?


No. Simply find someone who wants the same thing that you do.


So is there a relationship that is more serious and monogamous than FWB that doesn't have to lead to marriage?


Yes, it's a long term committed, monogamous relationship.

I see it as being very different from a FWB relationship. That, to me, means literally friends with benefits- doing things together as friends do largely, with the benefits package as well.

I see a lt monogamous relationship with a 'partner', in the true sense of the word, as living together. However, there are people on the boards who do so and live separately.

Just be up front about what you're looking for and it will lead you to someone who wants the same things.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 9
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 6:03:23 PM

Do long- term, monogamous relationships have to lead to marriage?


Absolutely not. Thats up to the individuals, but it doesn't have to lead to marriage at all.


I got divorced in the last year and I have no interest in marrying again.


Thats smart.


So is there a relationship that is more serious and monogamous than FWB that doesn't have to lead to marriage?


Fwb is not monogomous. Either of you can be , and usually are, going out with someone else. The "Benefits" part usually comes up when one or both are experiencing a dry spell, a "No sex period of time" , so they go to each other for the necessary "Turn and lube".

Dating is not a relationship, and not serious, and not monogamous, so that leaves you with the "Boyfriend and Girlfriend" situation.

The Bf and Gf situation is typically monogamous, at least physically.
The woman will never be emotionally monogamous, its just impossible for her. So you can forget about being her one and only, in the emotional department, even if you do decide to marry her.

The Boyfriend and Girlfriend situation happens about 6 to 8 months later, if you're still seeing each other and feel exclusive to each other. If you have to mention being exclusive, then you're not ready to be monogamous, physically.

Bf and Gf situations don't have to turn into marriage.

You should make sure you and the woman are on the same page about this.
Usually have 3 to 5 years , they start having emotional problems with this situation and no wedding ring.
 HappyDip
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 10
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 6:04:12 PM

Something between FWB and Marriage

Your relationship is whatever you make it to be with another person.

No relationship label defines the relationship...even though so many people come online in an attempt to do just that.

Although, legally, you would probably want to stay away from any states that recognize common law, or it won't really matter how you want to define it socially.

Relationship labels are usually for the benefit of the people external to the relationship and really shouldn't matter to the people in the relationship...i.e. when introducing someone. Labels are for the sake of ease. Can you see yourself doing: "Honey, this is my boss. Boss, this is the lady where we are in a monogamous exclusive relationship without the desire or expectation for marriage."

The only relationship label or type you should ever concern yourself is the answer to two questions "do I want to stick around? Are they sticking around enough for me?"
Everything else (IMO) is for the benefit of dealing with other people.


Do long- term, monogamous relationships have to lead to marriage?

Most don't.


Or are you "really" asking "how can I get a guarantee that she'll stick around without going through the social process of dating, relationship, marriage. I basically want all the benefits to marriage and that heavy committed relationship...just without any of the responsibility or expectations."

That's not possible.
No matter what you do, the more you are around someone, the more they build expectations of you being exactly who you've led them to believe you are.
No matter what, you are responsible for any commitments towards being that person.
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 11
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 6:06:48 PM
OMG I want to cry laughing...


Sure. I am pretty much looking for the same thing. I can't get married or co- habitat or I lose my alimony and I not giving that up.


Please tell me thats a joke...

Makes ya wanna scream get a job!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 12
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Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 6:23:38 PM
@Tim0066: I call it vaginamony. That's why these laws should change. I would like to see what happens when the shoe is on the other foot.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 13
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Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 6:44:43 PM
When I was young they were called companions, but I think it's different than a FWB. FWB seem to mean someone who will have sex with you, be your friend but get lost when a real date comes along, while to me a companion is like a long-term girl/boyfriend. It doesn't have to end in marriage, if both feel the same way, but it is a committed and exclusive relationship. Although it doesn't have to be committed or exclusive, one can date the same person forever and never make a commitment, which sounds more like a FWB. LOL It's really whatever you want to call it, just be honest.
 MagikMan59
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 14
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 6:50:19 PM
I'm fine with long term, but living together and marriage just isn't in the cards for me. There are women who want that also, the ones that want marriage usually state it somewhere in their profile. Read carefully. Good luck.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 15
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 6:57:15 PM

Sure. I am pretty much looking for the same thing. I can't get married or co- habitat or I lose my alimony and I not giving that up.
And they say there is no more romance in the world. Thank God you have your priorities straight.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 16
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 7:02:15 PM

Sure. I am pretty much looking for the same thing


Add me to that group too!

 sans_titre
Joined: 9/3/2011
Msg: 17
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 7:05:38 PM
Ok for me getting slammed for not wanting to forfeit my alimony. Alimony has nothing to do with having a job as I have a job. It was awarded to me through my divorce. I do have my priorities straight. My failed marriage taught me to look out for me first in regards to my finances and what does that have to do with love? You can love and be in a committed relationship without being married. Just like you can be married sans committment and monogamy

I don't think some of you even understand what alimony is, why its awarded, who it is awarded to and the fact that not every state even awards it.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 18
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 7:52:06 PM
Do you get alimony in addition to your child support. Where I live paralegals are paid fairly well a friend of mine was able to raise three kids on her own from her salary doing that with no alimony and no child support.

OT - yes there are manogomous long term relationships where the couple does not cohabitate if this is something you can get a woman to agree to do then why not. It certainly beats the possibility of having to pay alimony.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 19
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 7:53:45 PM

FWB seem to mean someone who will have sex with you, be your friend but get lost when a real date comes along


So; a cheap sl*t with no respect attached.

Maybe that is why I have never had a FWB relationship.

If I'm sleeping with you; you're getting respect, and you better be giving me respect.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 20
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 7:54:47 PM

So is there a relationship that is more serious and monogamous than FWB that doesn't have to lead to marriage?

Sure, but if it's just like being married without being married, what's the point in not getting married?
 sans_titre
Joined: 9/3/2011
Msg: 21
Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 8:11:26 PM
Paddy o Latern

Yes, I feel entitled to everything and anything. All men need to bow down and kiss my feet. Give me a break. Just because I want to collect my full alimony automatically makes me some despicable man using low life? Fantastic.

Good for your friend. I don't currently work as a paralegal but in low paying retail. Why do you think that I should turn away what I am legally entitled to? Why should me and my children go without if we don't have to. My ex husband sure doesn't. I don't live some grand lifestyle. I do a little better than get by.
 stowkentguy
Joined: 9/21/2011
Msg: 22
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Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 8:12:39 PM
Several things come to mind...

First, become a player and just be upfront about what your looking for. However, not many guys can pull this off cause they are wimpy and end up having to lie and cheat cause they have no backbone to tell it like it is.

Second, have a string of short relationships and keep the ladies moving through the house. Keep several cans of paint and curtains around so the can do some remodeling for ya.

Third, spend some time and find another lady like you and keep it as friends and lovers. But really what are your kids and grand kids going to say.

Fourth, become a swinger.

I vote for the fourth myself.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 23
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Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 8:15:54 PM
You've been divorced less than a year, you have no idea what you want for the future, just enjoy now. Don't put any pressure on yourself to figure it out yet.

ALIMONY? In this day an age, talk about a golden parachute.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 24
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Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 8:58:42 PM

Do long- term, monogamous relationships have to lead to marriage?

No, they don't. However, if you cohabit x number of years , it will be considered a common law marriage and you will be subject to most of the same laws as a married couple...at least in Canada.
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 25
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Something between FWB and Marriage
Posted: 10/3/2011 9:24:24 PM
sans

don't defend yourself. it is none of their business and they don't need to know a thing about your situation.

kaylee
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