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| | A piece of me died when you left....Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | | Even now I can still see your smile, hear your laugh, smell your perfume, and my heart aches in your absence. I can remember having my breathe taken away the first time I laid my eyes on you leaving me speechless. I can never look a the stars the same way again after the nights we spent in the park sitting on our bench rambling on about all sorts of random things. I still have and use the wallet you bought me on when you went to Cancun. I will miss falling asleep staring into each others eyes, knowing that in that moment I was right where I needed to me with who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Now I sit and wonder would could have been had I just made that move a little sooner, caught your eye a few months earlier, had my shit together at the time. I guess there's always going to be the what if's but I don't think in my mind I would have ever been good enough for you. In the back of my mind you deserve everything world has to offer and more, and I would have never been able to give you that. On some level I think I'll be alone for the rest of my life, and being in the military I don't think that's gonna to hard to accomplish. Every time I try to put my self out there and really open up to someone it seems that no matter how open and honest with the ladies around here only see the uniform all the stereo types that with it. I was raised to have great respect for women, which makes me easily played because I hopelessly wear my heart on my sleeve. I know I've drifted away from my main topic but right now I just need to get all of this out of me cause it's been bottled up for a long time. I'm tired of being alone, it's almost been unbearable the past 3 years. What's worse I don't even know what it is I'm doing wrong out here.... I try to be the nice, loyal, dependable guy the almost all of the women on here describe they want. In many ways genuinely that is my personality, I've always been the nice guy that finished last. Strangely only when I act out of character,**** and arrogant it seems women around here are drawn to that. Just sooooo frustrating really with the whole circus that is my life. I'm done if you read this, know that I wasn't reaching out, or looking for sympathy, simply venting to keep my sanity. | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/4/2011 11:22:51 PM | | I'm just responding because I believe in bros before hoes now. I've been alone for 3 years now also. All I see is suffering, always alone, I'm a nice guy as well, just being the real me, and I have real emotions and let them out, I'm not some douchebag guy who clings it all inside. Most women say where are the good guys who listen and want a long term relationship. Well I do, and I clearly see that you do also, and we're good men who do our best at what we do, and we're good and respectful to everyone and women, but it's never good enough for nobody. Reading your story made me have a tear, I feel your pain. You just be a nice guy, show your mood, you listen, your give words back to women, yet they still don't take you or me. There's no hope left for these women, if they were who they said they were, they'd accept us and take us for being the nice respectful men that we are. All the pain and loneliness I share with you, and I hope some women can rethink a reality because we are true respectful men. | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/5/2011 11:52:38 PM | OP,
Geeze guy... snap out of it. It sounds like you put this woman on a pedestal, it is lonely on a pedestal, it is scary on a pedestal because you might fall off, and most people will never believe they deserve to be on a pedestal.
Second you came right out and said what is the problem:
"I try to be the nice, loyal, dependable guy the almost all of the women on here describe they want."
And you don't think that an emotionally healthy woman can't see through how hard you are trying? How about being yourself?
"...I've always been the nice guy that finished last."
OP, the difference between a nice guy and a door mat is simple. A nice guy is nice to himself first. This woman either ditched you because they got tired of waiting for you to man up, or decided you were too "nice". Women that tell you that you are too "nice" are telling you that you that they aren't "nice" all the time. They know that the second they let their inner monster out on your sensitive b*tt, you will either turn and run, or even worse you might get your feelings hurt and stay and then they have to be mean to by dumping you after their pity for you wears thin.
Women want a guy that can take their cr*p when they get "not nice". They are wonderful but emotional creatures and most are amazed that guys put up with them long term. The healthy ones know that they NEED a strong man that will take their cr*p and throw it right back on them when they deserver it rather than break down blubbering, leaving them, or writing whiny self pity posts on a public forum.
"Strangely only when I act out of character,**** and arrogant it seems women around here are drawn to that."
Strangely? You provide the answers in your own post but you are too stuck in your pity party to realize it? Grow a pair to go along with that uniform and quit acting so desparate. When you think you have it bad and feel like writing another pity post go visit a VA hospital and thank those soldiers for their sacrifice and service to our country. | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/6/2011 6:46:11 AM | 3 years you've been pining away for this girl?
She was just a girl, and nowhere near as perfect as you remember her. The sooner you let go of this the sooner you will meet someone new. Self pity is one of the most destructive emotions we have. | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/6/2011 8:00:30 AM | ahh OP I know where you are coming from. I had this guy that I was sure I couldnt make it without....wasted 2 and a half years waiting for him t see how awesome I was ....yea....read that again...see how retarded that sounds? If someone does not want to be with you, let them go. You can't make someone want you. You may not be able to control how you feel about them, but you can control how it affects you. I still love this man, but he does not run my life anymore. I am working on ME, and learning new ways to move forward. It took therapy to help me, maybe you could get some use out of it as well. No shame in getting help if you are depressed as I was. Oh and the poster who wrote "bros before hoes"....I can't imagine how your "respectful" attitude keeps you single...good lord.... | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/6/2011 9:08:50 AM | To 1776or1984,
Really guy, I mean I appreciate the feed back but I did put in there this wasn't to try and get a pity party going. I was a little inebriated feeling down, had a conversation with the girl I was talking about and it just brought back all kinds of feelings that I had thought I long since forgotten. I don't need to grow anything, confidence isn't something that I'm lacking. I just get aggravated at the fact that women complain about not finding their cookie cutter guy and when he's staring them in the face they go for the guy that belittles them, talks down to them, and makes them feel like sh*t. I've read more profiles than I care to remember, written many personalized messages trying to connect and for what? I've only averaged maybe 1 reply back from every 10 to 15 I send out. Frustration was the underlining message in my post, and before you try and lecture me about sacrifice again trying holding a guy you've know for three years, ate, slept, and sh*t in the same hole with for 11 months, meet his wife, go and cheer for his son's baseball team, only to be on a patrol and a lucky shot from some 3rd world piece of garbage catches him in the neck and you have to watch him bleed out and die because we were still taking contact and the medic couldn't safely move to us, then escort his body back state side and hand his wife a folded flag and explain to his little boy that his father died a hero....Think before you speak pal... | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/6/2011 9:19:10 AM | To Carolann & lovebites,
Thank you for the comments, but I was drunk and like I said to the Mr. you need to grow a pair guy, I had just talk to her and I just brought all those emotions back. I didn't really have a solid father figure growing up and my mom did it all single with 3 kids and 2 jobs and still never missed one baseball game, football game, or school event. I guess you could say I'm a "mama's boy" I have a great relationship with her and I think I'm a better man for it. Thanks again for the input. | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/6/2011 5:03:52 PM | That piece of you that died is the self worth and ego
you had based solely on her liking you.
When we are with someone it should make us happy.
But not make us more in some way than we already are.
When we break up with someone it should make us sad,
but not less than we are.
If it feels that way you are not dating healthy.
You are dating for your self worth.
which means you are bringing nothing to the table,
just sucking it out of her.
A typical nice guy thing to do.
but exhausting for a woman to put up with.
My advice is to find the simple joy in being you.
and then find a girl who wants to share that joy.
NEVER make a woman your joy.
good luck. | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/6/2011 6:18:25 PM | Ever consider just writing your feelings in a letter that you don't post online or ever mail? What about counseling or talking with a friend? It gets the angries out while protecting you from looking like a tool in a public forum.
Maybe women aren't attracted to the angry, sullen, drunken, hostile, obsessive vibes you emit... Posting your inner most stuff online while drunk is not something healthy people with healthy egos do…Most have an ego defense that would not allow public humiliation...most would at least have the sense to remove the post when sober. The fact that you left it up and now defend it seems rather suspect and looks like a cry for attention to the one that got away. She may not be on the sight, but someone she knows might be.
Passive aggressive men are best left alone…And you come off as exceedingly passive aggressive. Women will thank you for these posts because you are exactly the guy they should steer clear of…most don’t give a warning but bad news is written all over you.
Grow up, take a break and give yourself more time to move past...If for no other reason than to protect yourself from becoming ostracized and a joke to women you have yet to meet...obviously you are not ready to date and any woman you encounter is sure to feel the wrath of what's left over from your past relationship...Wow | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/6/2011 7:04:29 PM | To Phenom,
I posted some feelings I had about a woman I dated 7 years ago I a "Broken Hearts" forum. I would assume you either think your educated enough or you are, to just pass off a personality evaluation on the fly from a drunken vent. You know absolutely nothing about me other than I wrote a something just to get if off my chest and I could really care less if it'd done in a public forum or not. I'm not one to shy away from constructive criticism, it's the best way to get all the angles on a problem. Who cares if I sound like a "tool" again this is a freaking "Broken Hearts" forum, if I didn't sound like a tool in some fashion or another, yes you could say I was looking for pity. "cry for attention to the one that got away" she's happily married with 2 kids and lives on the other side of the country.....could you be more wrong. What is with you people and your auto negativity, how bout you get a life and stop trying to psycho analyze strangers of whom you now nothing about. I could see if we'd at the very least shared a conversation or 2 prior to your post and knew me but you're reaching with this and only looking for the bad and destructive qualities in men. | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/6/2011 8:45:29 PM | Your rant has nothing to do with me. Your assumptions illuminate the wearing of a very large ass hat. My degree and experience allow me to clearly see the underlying issues of what you posted and when I see a fool (tool), I call him on it. That’s not a Clinical category…just plain messiness.
I know nothing of your personality aside from the self pitying intensely insecure young man you appear to be which is evident from your posts. All of my opinions are based on what you have written and I stand by my opinion based on the information you provided herein.
Fortunately, I am neither suffering a broken heart nor do I choose to vent in a public forum over people who found me lacking 7 years ago....I have a life. As for looking for destructive and/or bad qualities in men...you are so off base: I am of the opinion that most men in general have many wonderful qualities and those who are working through difficulties need not use public forums to piss and moan...it's unmanly at best and hugely unattractive. Saying that you are not having a pity party belies the fact that this is all you have written about.
You have shown yourself to be intensely dysfunctional and wallowing in self pity over a woman who has clearly moved on and made a life for herself...time to get a clue and stop projecting/vomiting on the general public. If you are having issues with closure- again, I suggest that you pursue counseling or get with some trusted and wise friends to vent to. Not getting the attention you sought and venting at responders to what you wrote speaks to your inability to handle criticism...What exactly are you looking for?
If you were self aware enough and had a shred of pride, you'd follow wise suggestions and get a clue. Women don't want bad boys; just grown men who know how to learn from past experiences and use past mistakes for their own betterment to build solid mature relationships that can last.
You will garner far more respect and understanding by putting your big boy pants on and accepting that sometimes, even with the very best intentions, relationships don't work out...they don't need to be dug up and published 7 years post mortem.
Identifying me as your target does not change the fact that you started this thread because you can't handle your emotions or your alcohol. | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/7/2011 12:30:52 AM | To Phenom,
I really don't know what to say other than thank you for paying attention to something that you've already label "beneath you" and not worth your time. You really have a lot to say about something that yes, meant something to me 7 years ago and a conversation I had with her brought back things that I wish I could have changed then knowing what I know now. That's what maturing is I thought but I could be wrong..... Being able to handle my alcohol? So now I'm a drunk thanks for that comment...yet again an opinion based solely on what you've read not what you know. You may be well educated that of which I have no doubt but that doesn't give you the right to try and belittle me. Thank you for your insight but you I still don't appreciate being talked down to.... | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/7/2011 1:00:44 PM | | Sheesh people...he was sad and wrote on a broken hearts forum...we have all had weak moments and have been frusterated. Tearing him a new ***hole isn't necessary. There is constructive advice that yes sometimes hurts and we don't want to hear it, but NEED too, but it can be done in a respectful way. | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/7/2011 1:24:38 PM | | If you can stop all the overwrought fantasy and check into real life for a second, you might wonder why you would push all those feelings on someone who doesn't want you and/or didn't treat you well. Seriously, why would a sane person go there? Ask yourself that. Because what you are really doing is playing head games with yourself, you are NOT really loving someone, you are all soaked up in your own drama and make believe, and any sane woman would run like the wind away from something so fake. Yeah I do know full well how hard it is to see it yourself when you are so busy being in it, but really, it's phony and not love at all. | |
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Posted: 10/7/2011 4:06:58 PM | ~OP~ I have this opinion that there is ONE place here on POF where we should be kind to others (more so than other forum topics/threads) and that's here in Broken Hearts. I've had a couple drunken post-nights (augh!!) and those have landed here specifically because I really didn't know what else to do with all the gushing that wanted to get out, but not to really talk about. Just ignore those who take your rant as something more than what it was ~ a point in time when your fingers needed to get the emotions somewhere, even somewhere as simple as here.  As for missing someone for three years? I'm going on 7 with one certain ache and there are times when I just can't believe it's still lingering. Regardless of how that makes me shake my head at my own self, it's fact. Some people touch our hearts/lives differently than others and it's OK if you still hurt today. Hell, it's OK if you are still hurting years from now on some level. Just let yourself rant then get out and move a little forward. Be kind to yourself about these things ~ you could be one of those people who never has a heart-break because they've never been brave enough to give their heart away. Now what a shame that is. JMO  | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/7/2011 4:40:41 PM | OP, I'm with VGE on this one.
Personally, for me, it has been a little over 3 years since she left. I don't sit around every day pining at a picture of her and deep down inside I hope that she has found happiness (with someone else, if that is what she wants) - heck, we now live 1000 miles away. However, almost every day I find myself thinking about some aspect about her.
The one that always comes to mind is when I saw her a little after midnight with the snow gently falling all around her on a January night. That was the most beautiful image that has ever crossed my eyes, and whenever I think of it, it just stuns me with awe ... even three years later.
Would it be easier if I never thought about it? Yeah. Would it be easier for me to find another relationship if I did just put her behind me? Yeah. Can I rationalize in my mind reasoning to just forget about her? Sure. The thing is this: love doesn't work that way. And, for me, as much as it hurts to think about it some times, I just go along with the lyrics to the song ... "I wouldn't have missed it for the world."
Will I ever forget about her? I don't know. A lifetime is an awfully long time, and anything is possible.I wish I could tell you that the answer is time, but that certainly hasn't been the case for me. And, for me, to be able to just forget about someone you gave your heart to at the flip of a switch ... gee, that just doesn't sound too sane to me: it sounds like a trait that you would expect to find in a serial killer.
As for other posters, the only thing that I would recommend is that anyone with a computer and a keyboard can post. Just take the wisdom that you find, and leave the rest behind. And thank you for sharing. | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/7/2011 4:56:19 PM | Thank you VGE & Sundevil... Your posts were great and made me feel I am not alone and somewhat normal.
Obviously people react differently to heartache and I think the depth that they loved. Some people lack compassion and empathy for others heartbreaks, and that says a lot about them.
Sometimes, I think it would be easier if I could just stop the warm and tender memories and move right on. I have tried, but it hasn't been that successful. It's been over 3 years since I lost someone who was very special to me. It still lingers at the back of my mind, and can bring a smile or a tear to my eyes for the slightest reason.
Warm thoughts OP for expressing yourself. So sorry about your friend, his wife, and son that is just so sad.  | |
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Posted: 10/7/2011 5:11:52 PM | To VGE, Sunevil, and azul,
Thank very much for the posts it seems that some of you have finally realized why I posted. To be honest I had put her behind me a long time ago but in this digital age it's as easy a google search to find all of your contact info and she found me on facebook, and gave me a call. My heart soared the heavens just hearing her voice again, which in turn ripped my heart break wide open all over again. For now I'll just move on like before but being in the lonely place that I'm in now only makes me long for companionship even more. I just wish I could finally find someone willing and worthy of what I have to offer. Someday perhaps, but I will have to deploy one more time before my term of service is up so anything serious will have to be put on hold. My prayers go out to his family everyday VGE, thank you for your comment. | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/7/2011 9:42:03 PM | OP,
Others honed in on the pity party too. Okay, you wrote that post while you were drunk then compounded the damage by telling the world?
What most healthy people will take from your post is that you are raging at the bad boys and the sick, stupid women that put up with being belittled and being made to feel like sh*t (news flash, no one can make you feel anything emotionally, it comes from inside). No you didn’t call them stupid, you merely demonstrated how stupid they were with the picture you painted.
Getting back 6 to 10% responses from messages should be pretty good. I don’t know personally as I rarely message anyone unless they really come across as special and a possible good match. If you are spraying the battlefield with a machine gun instead of aiming that could have something to do with your perceived lack of success.
My point with the VA hospital went right over your head, didn’t it? You are so wrapped up in yourself and your pity party that you missed the point that so many have it so much worse than you. How about explaining to those that didn’t make it back that rather than enjoying your freedom and your life you choose to post pity rants online for all to see? Happiness starts with self respect and gratitude for what you have. Others can see the lack of happiness and avoid you like the plague.
Dude, women are attracted to strength, not whiny drunks posting late at night about not having a “solid” father figure. You had a dad right? Some didn’t. And you are a grown up now, right? Or are you still a child blaming daddy for not making you feel right?
Rather than bashing Phenomenally42 and the others you might want to consider why what they see is so far away from your perceived self image. By the way, she didn’t call you a drunk, you repeatedly called yourself a drunk in your posts. Stray cat did an outstanding post and you can’t beat BrockLee’s advice. Or you can thank those that agreed with you, demonstrating that you didn’t post for advice, you posted for validation that wallowing in misery isn’t harmful. | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/7/2011 10:06:23 PM | To 1776or1984,
Please don't say anything more about the VA hospital again to me ever. Unless you've served and spent time on the line, not a support MOS, don't mention anything military related to me again. You sir need to just let it be, and stop busting my chops. I could go a life time without every having to read another one of your replies. You seem like you've got better things to do other than sling your BS on my post.... | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/7/2011 10:30:03 PM | And I do have far better things to spend my time on yet you fail to see the truth when it is staring you in the face, even when several women posters slapped you in the face with it.
Again, what makes you angry hit a nerve. There is where you should be looking rather than lashing out against those trying to help. | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/8/2011 6:55:14 PM | And I do have far better things to spend my time on yet you fail to see the truth when it is staring you in the face, even when several women posters slapped you in the face with it.
Again, what makes you angry hit a nerve. There is where you should be looking rather than lashing out against those trying to help.
He's not lashing out at those who tried to help, he's speaking his mind to those who had nothing kind to say. This isn't a free-for-all for anyone who's been wounded. We've all been wounded or we wouldn't be here. You don't like his response(s)? Don't reply. It's pretty simple ~ "Broken Hearts" is where we come when we want empathy, compassion and even sympathy. Like it or don't. If you want to spew hate/trauma/drama and discontent? There are MANY thread/categories just awaiting you to opine to the opposite of compassion/kindness/empathy/sympathy. Don't like it? Go to where the haters reside. He's not at fault here, you just wanna be a nuisance. No offense, but that's the truth, as kindly as I feel like putting it. JMO | |
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| A piece of me died when you left....
Posted: 10/8/2011 7:27:32 PM | OP, if I may suggest a different tact ...
Those that say that we are wrong have a point - frankly I can see how they can see the situation and take the rational conclusion to, "Just forget about prior loves." Logically it make sense, right?
The thing is this: when I see that they post that way, it tells me one thing: they've never loved that way before - to that level. It's not being wrong, and it's not being right ... this isn't an argument. It's just that sometimes you have to experience to understand.
At any rate, I welcome their posts for these boards would become a boring place if we all posted the same thing. Remember what I said - take the wisdom and leave the rest. I know that I'm a guy, but please accept this hug all the same, and just know you're not alone. (At least VGE, Azul, and I have experienced it and we know what you are going through ...)
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