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 Becoming_Me
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 1
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I am assertive in nearly all the areas of my life. However, I am sexually submissive I do not see this as a flaw there is just something about being told what to do during sex that does it for me. However, I wonder if men find this a turn off?
 candlesbynight
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 2
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/13/2011 5:17:52 PM
I don't find it a turn off. It can be pleasing to have your partner respond to your wishes. If that makes you get turned on, then you should be submissive. If it is sexy then so be it. Making love and having sex has to be mental and physical for it to be satisfying.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3
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Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/13/2011 5:41:33 PM
There are men who are dominant in the bedroom who are a match for this very thing. Perhaps they are also submissive everywhere outside the bedroom. Bonus!
 Daedric
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 4
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Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/13/2011 9:11:48 PM
Not a problem for me..
 HappyDip
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 5
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/13/2011 9:23:14 PM

However, I wonder if men find this a turn off?

IMO it depends on the behavior and what you are defining as "submissive."
I mean some women will just lay there, not making a sound.
Other women will sit there and do nothing and then get mad that the guy didn't just read her mind and become super dominant guy.
Others treat it like a game and start throwing out "master" or "daddy."


It also depends (for me, and IMO) why you are doing something.
Like some women are "submissive but really they are just lazy and want the guy to take all responsibility.
Some women see themselves as "submissive" but are really waiting for the guy to do the right things to her. They aren't really submissive so much as passive aggressive or "topping from the bottom."

To me personally, in general, it is a turn off. Because it kind of seems like you don't really want to be there. You don't really want to participate. You are just doing what I want you to do in order to get something from me later, or to feel you are in a relationship.
Or like someone in the kitchen that stands in the way and says "I want to help, what do you want me to do?"
Plus I am lazy. I want to focus on what I want to do to you. Not have to focus on what I want to do to you, what I want you to do to me, and offer directions and compare and contrast what's happening vs. what I said you should do, and all that crap.
 Becoming_Me
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 6
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/13/2011 10:22:37 PM
happydip though I am new to the life style of sexual submissive and dominants and don’t know everything it seems apparent to me that you have never met a true sexual submissive. It is not about laying their like a carpet and just letting the dominant do all the work, that wound not be any fun. You just get something from being directed controlled during sex. Its not about your partner not knowing your desires or you not knowing his. That is a discussion you have before you reach the bedroom. And from my knowledge of the life style which I will admit is in the learning stage and my own thoughts for myself there is participation on both ends just one the sub is taking direction and being dominated, and the other the dom is controlling your pleasure to a point. In a good relationship nothing would happen that both did not want.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 7
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/14/2011 12:58:16 AM
It is a true nature of sexuality... I can not even call it a turn on. It's something that's just is for me.
People seek to submit for various reasons. Issues of past abuse trigger major alarms for most Dominants.
 addictedpoetess
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 8
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/14/2011 6:24:32 AM
what do you mean it triggers alarms?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 9
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Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/14/2011 6:42:41 AM
I have never did any research on the Dom/Sub life....so I have to wonder....
Can a sub initiate the sex? Is the sub allowed to ask for things during the act?

I can't imagine not having any control what-so-ever of my sex life...
I do like to be "man handled" so to speak every now and then......but when I get the urge to take control.....I can't imagine having to ask permission to do so.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 10
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Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/14/2011 7:37:14 AM

However, I wonder if men find this a turn off?

Some will, some won’t. Depends on the man is a very subjective thing. There is no definitive answer.


I mean some women will just lay there, not making a sound.

That doesn’t make them submissive.

Other women will sit there and do nothing and then get mad that the guy didn't just read her mind and become super dominant guy.

That doesn’t make them submissive.

Others treat it like a game and start throwing out "master" or "daddy."

That makes them good game players.


It also depends (for me, and IMO) why you are doing something.
Like some women are "submissive but really they are just lazy and want the guy to take all responsibility.
Some women see themselves as "submissive" but are really waiting for the guy to do the right things to her. They aren't really submissive so much as passive aggressive or "topping from the bottom."

I have never dated a submissive woman, or any woman for that matter, so I can’t speak to this. I know my submissive MALE partners have never once just laid there and let me do all the work. Any one that automatically expects their partner to know what they want without prior discussion, is not truly understanding what it means to share that moment with someone. Yes, there are times when I scream in my own head at my partner because he’s missing something and is failing to give me what I want most. Problem is, unless he’s told, he’s never going to know. I’m learning to be more vocal about what I need. Asking for things is difficult for some women, dare I say most women, because we are raised to provide care to others before we provide care to ourselves. I do hope this is changing in today’s society. So now I ask for things. Or I just.. make them happen.

In my 20s, I expected men to make me orgasm. That doesn’t happen. Only I can do that. I can tell him what he needs to do if he would like to help, but ultimately making it happen is my responsibility.


To me personally, in general, it is a turn off. Because it kind of seems like you don't really want to be there. You don't really want to participate. You are just doing what I want you to do in order to get something from me later, or to feel you are in a relationship.
Or like someone in the kitchen that stands in the way and says "I want to help, what do you want me to do?"

I think you’re confusing submissiveness with antipathy. Some women do not enjoy sex, and as such view it and everything to go along with it as a chore, or duty. They are doing it for your benefit, not theirs.


Plus I am lazy.

By your own words, that would make you submissive.


I want to focus on what I want to do to you. Not have to focus on what I want to do to you, what I want you to do to me, and offer directions and compare and contrast what's happening vs. what I said you should do, and all that crap.

Hmmm… Interesting. Don’t we all do that to some degree anyway? I know that going into an intimate moment, I’m thinking about what I want to happen, what I want to do to him, have him do to me, what I hope happens and hoping what I don’t want to happen to not happen along with putting my trust and faith in him that he will do things I like, that he lets me do things I like to him, and that we both enjoy the experience and end up satisfied by the experience. Oh.. and that the police aren’t called or the bed breaks. Again.


Issues of past abuse trigger major alarms for most Dominants.


what do you mean it triggers alarms?

If someone has experienced abuse or trauma in their past, sometimes some of the things a dominant will do to them can trigger a negative reaction such as PTSD flashbacks. That is not a good thing. For anyone. You want to avoid inflicting long lasting or permanent physical or psychological harm on the people you are with. Asking questions and communicating past experiences, along with future expectations is all part of the process in a D/s relationship courtship and play negotiation.

There are some submissives who have experienced trauma or abuse, who deliberately seek out similar activities in order to be able to regain or feel they now have control over themselves and their lives, and what happens to them. It’s an empowering thing for some. Being able to go through it knowing they can stop it with one word if they need to.

Someone that has been sexually abused or a victim of incest might not seek out that "daddy/mommy" style of relationship. Some do though. They could be wanting to replace their bad childhood experiences with good ones. *shrugs* It's a bit beyond me and my understanding of the why they would do this. Certainly not within my scope of knowledge.

Being submissive sexually does not mean you are a doormat or you don’t have a voice or opinion on things. Submission is more about wanting to be taken care of, to be shown love, to be made to feel special, to take care of someone else’s needs and desires, putting them first… and more. You don’t have to be submissive in order to have those things.

Most of the submissive men I know absolutely adore the fact that a woman is controlling them. Men are usually seen as being in control, in charge, the leader. So swapping that so the woman is in control can be very arousing for them.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 11
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/15/2011 7:48:07 AM
what do you mean it triggers alarms?

It can be very emotionally damaging to get into relationship if there are unresolved psychological issues. For both actually but in most cases ones that are emotionally well that suffer.


Can a sub initiate the sex?

yes

Is the sub allowed to ask for things during the act?

not with a gag
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 12
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Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/15/2011 8:10:09 AM
Not a turn off at all, but I love role play
 Ranja111
Joined: 4/6/2011
Msg: 13
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Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/15/2011 8:31:24 AM
OP
I don`t like submissive. I am not the person "under" the man.
But most men want just that. They should know that, given my
very outspoken profile, but so far, and in real life meeting/ relationships
the men don`t seem to understand what I want. They just want their way, but like mine too. They don`t really know what they want. The men I met(exept one) all wanted the woman to be submissive. No matter what they are writing, in IM`s, ectr.
That is frustrating.
 getanet
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 14
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/15/2011 9:17:11 AM
Seems like a little element of "escapism" from day to day life. More healthy than drinking too much alcohol to "escape" or whatnot. As a submissive, you know what you want and like, which is awesome. That is waaaay different from being indifferent or disinterested. There are many men who would like to oblige you, no doubt. Getting a woman off is entirely sexy.
 Mitch529
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 15
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/16/2011 6:08:17 PM
I would like a sexually submissive woman.
 logo23x3
Joined: 10/12/2010
Msg: 16
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Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/16/2011 6:54:10 PM
Personally, I would hate a rigid role of submissive/dominance in the bedroom or anywhere else for that fact. The fluid play of each us bringing something special to the bedroom scene is a very erotic turn on for me in my relationship. That could be from taking clues from Carpe's body language, her breathing cycles, what we talked about before hand or just something that pops into my mind at the time. In order to kick it up a few notches.

Surprises work too!!!!
Since, she looks super hot in her Super Girl outfit.

But everyone has their own thoughts of what works for them. Some have already found it.....others are still searching.
 flittery1
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 17
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Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/16/2011 10:03:45 PM
I've found it to be completely the opposite of a turn off for those men who crave it. If you are submissive, and your partner is turned off by it, I'd encourage you to keep looking. If you're in the lifestyle as you mentioned, then I really don't see this as a problem you're going to have.
 l00katme
Joined: 8/16/2009
Msg: 18
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/17/2011 7:54:14 AM
If you are submissive, you need to find a man that is domint.

I am dominat, musch more so than even what you may be interested in. I not only have to find a woman that is submissive, but a woman that is interested in servitude (particularly 24/7). I won;t delve to much further into that as many don't understand the concept of a master slave dynamic, there are many out there that have fetish, the trick is finding somone who is interested in the same fetish or concepts of what a D/s or M/s relationship may encompass.

It makes it particularly hard for people with fetish to find what they are looking for or to even express it as it can be considered taboo and "regular" people don't understand. Talking about sex for many is also considered taboo and in many aspcts of play coincide with sexual acts (not always but many). Being a woman you should find it easier to express these feelings or ideals compared to a man trying to explain that they are submissive, I find it difficult jsut explaining I am dominant, not because I don't know how to express it but because people don't know how to take it.

I will say though, being semi blunt and honest with who you are speaking can be both helpful and non helpful. fact is that if you say "Hey I am a submissive personalty type" that either,
a) they will turn tail and run (you don't want them anyways as they are not openminded.
b) become inquisitive and possibly be interested (these people at least take the time to understand).
c) they look deep into your eyes and tell you they have been waiting for you.

Interestingly it is my opinion that a submissive approach the dominant initially to show interest and worthiness. Agian this may not be the case 100% of the time, it is for me since I am interested in the Master/slave dynamic which encompasses the Dominant/Submissive dynamic.

The most importnant thing with any relationship is communication, honesty, and trust.

Hope that helps.

That being said,there are sites geared directly to the "fetish" lifestyle, some searching and a bit of research will help you to become more confident.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 19
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Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/17/2011 8:43:05 AM

I would like a sexually submissive woman

Not me...
I prefer women to be at least my equal. I don't need a submissive....
Sexually or otherwise....
Dogs are submissive... people don't need to be....
 JVHKC
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 20
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/17/2011 2:01:38 PM
I have found that some variety can be fun.
I prefer my partner to be an equal, but I enjoy trying new things.
I have had women be very submissive to the point of wanting to be tied to the bed.
I have had women get wild and push me down on the bed and use me like a piece of meat.
It is all good and consentual.
If I had to classify me it would be as a gentle dom. I like to push my partner just a little outside their comfort zone to keep things exciting.

Never be afraid to enjoy and expand your sexuality / sensuality.

One of my greatest joys is having my partner say OMG that was amazing and then fall asleep exhasted.
I will adjust my role as needed to achieve my goal.
 granolamartha
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 21
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/17/2011 2:37:38 PM
[One of my greatest joys is having my partner say OMG that was amazing and then fall asleep exhasted.
I will adjust my role as needed to achieve my goal.]

Oh, JVHKC, would you just move to AZ and marry me now? You are a keeper!
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 22
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/17/2011 4:47:56 PM

I prefer women to be at least my equal.


There is nothing about "submissive" that means "less than" in a D/s relationship.
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 23
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/17/2011 6:13:00 PM

I am assertive in nearly all the areas of my life. However, I am sexually submissive I do not see this as a flaw there is just something about being told what to do during sex that does it for me. However, I wonder if men find this a turn off?


Are there any more at home like you?
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 24
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Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/17/2011 6:29:28 PM

There is nothing about "submissive" that means "less than" in a D/s relationship

You can go ahead and believe that all you want... It's your opinion. In my opinion, anyone who wants to 'submit' has more than a few issues...
Yes, maybe a 'sub' balances out a 'dom'.... How nice for both.... they're both equally to lunch.... (maybe that's why you see them as equal... LOL)

I don't have the desire to be 'dominant' either... I don't need to be... I am happy as I am... I don't need to get off on controlling or dominating other people... I also think they have a few issues...
In my opinion, weak minds can be either dominant or submissive... Even my dog knows not to submit to another dog.... but it doesn't mean he goes around bossing other dogs either....

 Becoming_Me
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 25
Sexual Submissive Turn on turn off?
Posted: 10/17/2011 7:34:10 PM
Thank you all very much for your thoughts. As I am relatively new to being sexually submissive and my first couple partners to this end have been iffy it is nice to get some feedback from those of you who have more experience and knowledge.

However m_church I wonder why you even took the time to check out this thread it is obvious that you are closed minded and do not see any fun beyond the so called normal.
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