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 science_geek1983
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 1
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why is it all about sex?!Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Having tried this site many times, it seems that most of the men i either chat to or get messages from are only after one thing. i have been on this site for a few months, and i would say i have have had two 'dates' cancel, several men wanting one thing. Only about 1 or 2 seem genuine and those usually fizzle out!

it is a very random site, i intend to carry on with it but i do wonder whether it is worth it!!

Any thoughts?
 Emma_Dilemma65
Joined: 5/4/2011
Msg: 2
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:08:52 AM
Gosh what a pretty lady you are, and clever to boot - keep on keeping on I say !!

Someone did a similar thread the other day OP ... so I predict ..

1. someone (who will remain nameless) is going to tell you to "do a thread search" and then report you.

2. someone who likes posting on threads about sex will give you their insight and wisdom.

3. and I'm going to make a cup of tea and watch some mindless TV - ie that dancing show and the pop factor .. yay .. life on the edge !!
 MiaCat74
Joined: 3/3/2011
Msg: 3
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:11:07 AM
Isnt it always about sex anyways :)
Just some people are looking for sex and not overly fussy about getting to know the person, some people really wanna know the person before the sex and most people fall somewhere in between
In general guys seem to find it easier to have sex earlier
Girls (in general) prefer to wait and get to know them a little

So dating is the dance inbetween

Online dating just has more people hoping that if they put out enough hooks they can bypass the dance

But yup, its the world of online dating - possibly about 10% of the mails you get are worth answering, wry smile and if needs be hit the block button

Chat to the people who seem nice
and get out in real life too
 thynameis
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 4
why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:12:09 AM
I’m guessing because a few men have a one tracked mind. Don’t let them put you off
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 5
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:12:53 AM
I'm all out of insight and wisdom at the moment .... I've diverted that power to floozing and tweeting

I'll try and make a special guest appearance later though

****

As a little teaser though, I will say that sometimes I'll meet a girl and after a while, I will realise that I do just want one thing from her.

So?

She can just say no (if she's not interested) or yes (if she is)

Why all the drama?

tbc.
 d_m2010
Joined: 12/19/2010
Msg: 6
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:14:06 AM
Some of us guys are capable of having a conversation that does not involve sex and some us even know how to treat a woman (non-sexually).

but like always it the muppets out that spoil and tar us all with their brush.
 amimont
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 7
why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:15:42 AM
Hmmm, the question I would ask is this, how many of the guys who wanted sex did you contact first? There are loads of decent guys on this site (and out in the real world!) who would like more than sex, the thing is those decent guys won't always just fall into your lap, if you excuse the potential double entendré!

Happy hunting!
 science_geek1983
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 8
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:16:01 AM
I am just glad it isnt just me! I looked back at the other posts like this and there are loads of people who are having the same problem.!!
 science_geek1983
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 9
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:17:25 AM
I would say most of them actually :)

Maybe i just pick the worng guys!
 KarmaSuitsYa
Joined: 2/4/2007
Msg: 10
why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:28:25 AM

I would say most of them actually :)

Maybe i just pick the worng guys!


Aww - what can we do to restore your faith in online dating?

Wait - does anyone have any faith in online dating?

From my own point of view, I'm really not that interested in sex anymore. I know I'm probably a bit weird in tthat respect but I'm sure I'm not unique. Thing is though - how do you come onto a dating site and then say 'Sex? I can take it or leave it really'
 minika
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 11
why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:33:05 AM

Wait - does anyone have any faith in online dating?
If it helps I've been seeing someone who I met online for just over a month now. I can't say it will work out, we're just taking each day at a time & I'm really enjoying his company.

OP yes there are a lot of guys/gals on here just looking for a quick fumble, there are also lots who are genuine as well. I've met a number of genuine guys who have not just been looking for sex. You just need patience to find them. You should be thankful that so far the ones who are on the prowl have bought it up early on, this saves you time.

Good luck.
 MiaCat74
Joined: 3/3/2011
Msg: 12
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:34:03 AM
I Just had a look at your profile and although you look really sweet possibly photos of you sitting on the floor looking a little drunk wont get you the best attention
A great photo for you and your friends - but possibly not the first impression you want to make
 Emma_Dilemma65
Joined: 5/4/2011
Msg: 13
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:44:04 AM
Take no notice OP - you do NOT look drunk. You look like a cute, geeky, science chick should look. You're a young girl and you will eventually meet a lovely chap. Probably not on here, although it's always a long shot. Good luck chuck !
 Nutty_Bat
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 14
why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:50:52 AM

I Just had a look at your profile and although you look really sweet possibly photos of you sitting on the floor looking a little drunk wont get you the best attention


Shes a young girl sat on the floor having a drink , she doesnt look drunk all she is doing is making a funny face , which are much better photos than the ones you see of women drinking in pubs or drinking in pub loos .
 J47_SW
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 15
why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:55:37 AM
I guess because ultimately we are all animals and that primeval instinct within us wants us to have someone to hold, squeeze and kiss. It does get very lonely you know, so I am sure some people even with the best of intentions can seem rather forward or perhaps overly keen on the rumpy pumpy.

The only advice I have to offer is to try and not get disillusioned and most importantly BE YOURSELF.

There are many people on here looking for friendship as well as intimacy and a relationship, I guess what greys or blurs the definition is that with us suffering from the human condition we do not necessarily have things in the "correct order".

Science geeks are the best kind of geeks.

Perhaps you might want to try approaching fish as opposed to waiting for fish to approach you? As more often than not the right people, might be too shy or not quite sure as to how to go about breaking the ice.

I heard a rumour that lots of men on this site tend to send out the "hi" or "Fancy a shag" fishing net in hope that if they send out X messages, Y will be deleted, but Z would respond and Z/Y would actually give the answer the person was looking for.

Do not take it personally, you were probably unsuspectingly caught in the net sent out by some rotten fish.

Chin up, keep smiling and do not let the rotten fish get you down.
 kirkstmoritz2
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 16
why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/16/2011 12:28:19 PM

Having tried this site many times, it seems that most of the men i either chat to or get messages from are only after one thing


Testosterone filled single celled amoebas looking to impale something are and will always be the most keen when it comes to sending messages. It could be a good idea if you started to be a little more proactive and start sending messages out to men that you feel after reading their profile are not ruled by their little soldier.
 qedeshim
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 17
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/17/2011 4:38:01 AM
Well another way of looking at "just wanting sex" is maybe to look at the broader, deeper and introspectively superficial picture of the male psychology.

Firstly we live in an individualised culture, and being an individual sets one apart, purely through the nature of society we inhabit. We are part of and apart from almost simultaneously, and this contradiction, makes many feel a bit self conscious /insecure. Wanting JUST SEX is of course impossible, as one is always dealing with personalities, not just bodies, and such entities have opinions, likes and dislikes. If one wanted just SEX then anyone would do, from the young and desirable to very old and ************, which is not the case, as in general, as people are picky. So JUST sex has to be a personal delusion in most cases.

Most married women who find their partners just want sex, respond to this joyful demand, in the negative, as it naturally puts the women off, sometimes completely, to the point of separate bedrooms. So what is really going on in the mind of the determined and obviously confused male?

Could it be control? Well yes that might play a part.
Could it be pure self gratification? Well it could be, but laying back and showing disinterest does apparently effect the male pleasure somewhat sometimes, thus questioning the degree of selfishness and sincerity.
Most males are somewhat emotionally retarded, and the range of their feelings are therefore somewhat limited. It could be how they interpret their feelings that gets them confused, but in general they are all somewhat emotionally challenged. So wanting "SEX" for most males might be the grown up way of asking / demanding sweets from parents when they were a child. Given a sweet signified approval, love and much more, as parents teach their children simple conditioning responses, which they learn is the way to gauge the parental state of mind. So wanting SEX in the light of satisfying male insecurity, can be treated in three ways.

One can offer the possibility later, which makes the male subject calm down a bit and maybe open up and be friendly.
One can refuse outright which will make the adult revert to childish responses, in which rejection, hurt, whatever, provoke a defensive reaction, appearing quite often to be somewhat aggressive or offensive in reality.
One can accept immediately and be overwhelmingly immediate in agreement, pushing the envelope to its potential onto the male, playing the immediate game the male assumes it wants. Such an overpowering demand from a female far from igniting the pent up desire, firing the male's orientation, tends to have the opposite effect, putting him off, and sometimes frightening him, as all ideas of control, or even self control are drowned by a forceful external pressure. It becomes too easy, therefore must be something wrong, and other adult interpretations of childhood responses to parental offerings resurface. The female become a frightening control freak, and males, who have little emotional control in general, can panic internally.

So males are somewhat (in general) simple insecure creatures, with predictable responses within relatively confined emotional areas. Thus an aware female in order to get her way allows the male subject, of her attention, to believe he has a say in decisions, that in reality have been fed to him in a way he does not realise has happened.

So in conclusion, a male might think he just want sex, but being simple emotional retards, need to compartmentalise to reduce deeper feelings and emotions to simplify their little lives and understanding of life. Males, thus, can at least begin to believe they understand themselves, attempt to be content with who and what they are and have become. A woman should be able to run emotional rings round any male, as however sincere it might think it is, regarding expressing its (superficial ideas of) feelings, it understanding of its feelings has all the depth one would expect from well honed brains pickled from childhood in the puerile superficial realm of self interest.
 garyzac
Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 18
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/17/2011 4:42:57 AM

I am just glad it isnt just me! I looked back at the other posts like this and there are loads of people who are having the same problem.!


Like all the people on this thread:


http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14720661.aspx

?
 Nutty_Bat
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 19
why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/17/2011 5:19:07 AM

why is it all about sex?!


Because what once started off as a dating site as now become a sex site in the eyes of some
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 20
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/17/2011 5:55:49 AM
I get the feeling OP is a little bit of a prude (no offence). You need to take it in your stride, laugh it off!!!!!

When did women start becoming offended that men find them attractive enough to bed?? It's all rather British, isn't it?

I get some rather pervy messages from women on this site, I assume a lot of guys do..... Do we complain? No we don't..... Why? Because we'd have the p1ss ripped out of us for weeks!!! lol
 hellynbackagain
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 21
why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/17/2011 6:40:58 AM
Firstly I agree with Blod you look cute as hell so don't listen to others, me and bloody blod are usually correct...

Secondly, it is true that men seem more interested in sex than we do, and if you believed them, then most of the woman on this site are rampant tarts messaging saucy wee missives left right and centre.... bollocks.

I (and am sure some others will put their hands up to it) am not adverse to a little sexual flirting, but only with men I feel I know and who will not take it too seriously, but have never messaged anyone openly asking for sex, why would I? if that was all I was after there are loads of men locally who would do the job.

So just ignore the pervs, delete them if they are persistent, and don't give up hope, many people that I know personally have found love on this site, and a very very dear couple of close friends met on here 4 years ago and are just about the happiest couple I know.
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 22
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/17/2011 7:29:51 AM
@msg 21

It's easier for a woman to get interest/a shag from a bloke, than it is for us to get the same from a woman.

So women are less likely to go out after it, because quite often the offers will just come to them and in that sense, I agree that women are unlikely to be initiating messages to get sex (especially with blokes they don't actually know)

Lots of birds behave one way and lots of blokes behave another (although sometimes they'll both behave in the same fashion) and some of us will want different things from the site.

So some bloke wants a shag from a bird .... she either says yes or she says no. Why all the drama?

I still say, it's not really much different from the people who decide they want to be in a relationship with someone ... and so then go on the hunt to find someone to be in a relationship with.

Obviously relationships can and do develop from meeting people on the net. If someone loses their faith in "online dating" then go back to the real world shenanigans .... although it could be said, that quite a few (not all) people will be on here, because they've lost faith with the idea of finding someone offline #shrug
 zendy
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 23
why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/17/2011 7:55:03 AM

Having tried this site many times, it seems that most of the men i either chat to or get messages from are only after one thing.


yes that's true,most guys on here are only after one thing and this is not going to change any time soon . If anything,it will only get worse. Most men have Been after one thing for a long time anyway so I wonder why it takes signing up to a dating website for some women to discover this.


Only about 1 or 2 seem genuine and those usually fizzle out!


Another truism but you maybe surprised the about the 'cavalier' manner in which a lot of women on here would dismiss these '1 or 2 genuine guys' anyway. As for fizziling out,you're supposed to suggest a date so it doesn't fizzle out


i intend to carry on with it but i do wonder whether it is worth it!!


It probably depends on what you want out of this site and if you have realistic expectations. This site was about getting you on a date,it never promised you a 'knight in shining amour' you still have find that on your own through the dating process. Keep at it,I've had a date here 2 weeks in a row so it can't be that bad.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 24
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/17/2011 8:02:35 AM
Wont this also be a bit dependant on the audience too?

If you first looked at a woman who was quite prim, then even the most innocent joke of a "sexual nature" like a passing double entendre would be seen as "talking about sex"

Someone who was heading towards being a bit frigid, had a very low sex drive would probably be even worse, and exponentially worse if they were also "prim" on top of their issues to do with sex

So what they would class as "men talking about sex all the time" would to someone more ordinary and with a healthy sex drive and more mainstream sense of humour not seem "sexual" in the true sense of the word, but would just be viewed as normal every day type interaction

Obviously the more attractive the complainer you then also have another common dynamic with intergender interaction kicking in, where some men who wouldnt mind bending her over the nearest ironing board will openly agree with her even if their actual view was that she seemed a bit too "victorian" in her outlooks

And some others will also agree with her hoping it might make them seem appealing to any other forum readers even though they dont agree with anything she says either

Its also not unknown for many women to try and present a very "prim" front on places like this even where it isnt "strictly true" too, to stand out from others and to display more appeal to less sexual, or more sexually insecure men

And then theres the ones who tend to use sex as a form of control and leverage trying to advertise themselves to men who are dumb enough to be attracted by that kind of manipulative women

So the reasons someone might think or claim this is the case are a lot more varied than it JUST being an acurate observation, and quite often its anything but acurate

But as any healthy relationship would (you'd hope) also involve fairly instant and explosive sexual chemistry too shouldnt it be more surprising if men didnt exhibit SOME sexual interest in a woman they are attracted to?

After all, its hardly an insignificant part of a relationship, especially at the start

And as "chemistry" (read lustful fascination) is SUCH an important thing for most women when first meeting someone its almost laughable they would be so defensive about it in the process leading to the topic of meeting


I wonder how many women would respond positively to mails along the lines of

"Hey, I find you totally unnappealing in a sexual sense but your profile seemed witty, intelligent and quite funny so do you fancy a chat?"

Is it really the case women want to assume the sexual fascination IS there, but just have a collection of problems or issues with it actually being made apparent?
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 25
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why is it all about sex?!
Posted: 10/17/2011 8:43:50 AM

Is it really the case women want to assume the sexual fascination IS there, but just have a collection of problems or issues with it actually being made apparent?


I think they want to believe they can induce it or "bring it out" of a man, rather than it being there to start with. If it's already there, then where's the challenge?
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