Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 FFHockey
Joined: 9/15/2011
Msg: 1
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Dated for 8 months. I love her and I want her. She broke up with me saying she loves me but is not in love. We have talked on the phone and she mentions that perhaps we just need to start over and try again. But she is confused and doesn't know what she wants.

So we have gone out as friends a couple of times now. It's hard for me to be just friends. I want more.

Getting her back is the goal so what should I do?

Do I tell her that just friends is not good enough for me, and its all or nothing?

Or do I continue playing along with her friend game?

The only reason I haven't told her that we cant hang out anymore, is because I am wondering if this will make her think I hate her and don't want her.

I just want to make sure I play my cards right.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 2
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 5:56:10 PM
A woman that "loves you but is not in love with you" is never going to be "In love with you". Forget about it and move on.
 azul14
Joined: 11/26/2010
Msg: 3
view profile
History
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 6:03:13 PM
Slow down, and enjoy the moment. She cares about you. Don't blurt out how you feel. Try to relax and either way at least you have given it your best shot. Good luck.
 FFHockey
Joined: 9/15/2011
Msg: 4
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 6:05:49 PM
Ok but we aren't sleeping together. So, the thought of her possibly dating another guy and sleeping with him at the same time I am her "friend" is absolutely repulsive to me.

I dont want to be stuck in the friend zone. I dont want to be her gay friend that goes to the mall with her.

I WAS a good friend to her and I DID go shopping with her...but....we were together at that time.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 5
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 6:09:20 PM
It all depends on what you want and what she is prepared to offer. You want to be exclusive - are you okay with being the exclusive good enough for now guy she will turf you when the real deal comes along. That is probably the best you can hope for if she loves you but is not in love with you. I would have a discussion with her about where she sees this going and if it's not going where you want it to then decide if you just want to see her once in a while as a friend
 logo23x3
Joined: 10/12/2010
Msg: 6
view profile
History
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 6:20:04 PM
I would say you have to be blunt and ask her what her idea is of starting over. You are right, you could end up being the guy friend who only goes out shopping with her. If that is all she can promise you and you are holding out that there will be more. It might just end up that way.
Since, if there is no guarantee from her side or definition of what she is wanting. Leaving it all up to fate. You could end up with a whole lot of heart ache in the end.
 scsweetie4u
Joined: 10/6/2009
Msg: 7
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 7:09:25 PM
Trying to be "just friends" with someone you are in love with will never work. You will just be setting yourself up for heartache. The best thing you can do is tell her that is not enough for you and if she is not willing to offer you more, then let her go and move on. It will hurt for awhile, but not as long as it will if you try to be just friends. Best of luck to you.
 home_osorio
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 8
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 7:12:12 PM

A woman that "loves you but is not in love with you" is never going to be "In love with you". Forget about it and move on.


BULLS EYE!
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 9
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 8:05:41 PM
You can get by with a "do over" on a first date or meet...but after 8 months it's fix it or forget it.

It doesn't work going from relationship to friends. Maybe down the road you might get back to that point...but not right away.

You are playing along because you don't want to be friends...you want her as your GF. She is playing along because she doesn't want to cut you out of her life. Not a basis for a relationship or for a friendship.

I'd give her a sh1t or get off the pot request ASAP. And if there's a stallion kicking up dust outside the corral and she's wanting to take him around the barrels a couple of times...be clear that you wont be waiting for her in the barn.
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 10
view profile
History
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 8:53:15 PM

A woman that "loves you but is not in love with you" is never going to be "In love with you". Forget about it and move on.

Yeah I agree. Years from now when you look back, you'll probably see this as the beginning of the end with this woman.

"loves you but is not in love with you", "confused", "doesn't know what she wants" etc. are clich├ęs. They are often things said to soften the blow when a woman dumps a guy. So it really doesn't matter much what you do afterward, because your chance of getting her back is next to nil. But if you want to leave with a positive impression, man up and state for the records that being just friends is never going to be good enough for you. At least that way, you can walk away with pride and dignity, having made a stand. Women tend to respect a man more that way, instead of the wimpy "I will cherish whatever scrap you throw my way" cling-on.

It's a long shot, no matter how you play your cards. You're either drawing dead, or at best gunning for an inside draw against a made hand.
 johnnylange
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
History
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 9:13:27 PM
She loves you, but she's not in love.
She mentions that you two perhaps should start over and try again. But...
She's confused and doesn't know what she wants.

So I'd say that this sounds like the classic case of...she met someone else, possibly cheated somewhere along the line, or for some unknown reason, ended the relationship.

Whichever one it is, she's keeping you as a backup plan and keeping her options open by using those lukewarm phrases until she knows whats going to happen with the other guy.

I'd cut your losses now and stop being so needy. Sorry to sound harsh, but it's the truth.

Edit: Don't tell her anything, don't call, email, text, nothing. You don't want to be friends, so don't be friends. Just let it go.

If she calls and says "Can we be friends?" Just say no.
 jimolee
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 12
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 9:20:56 PM
Just curious why you are on a dating sight. I would just move on because they have no problem moving on themselves. you'll meet someone else and look back and wonder why you even cared;
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 13
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 9:38:00 PM
Couldn't agree more. The most you should do with her is have a superficial sexual encounter with her with your emotion completely uninvolved, because she left you for a reason and to have her just deny you & comeback to you so easy reflects on how lowly you view yourself.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 14
view profile
History
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 9:38:47 PM
Eight months and she decides she's not in love with you but want to be friends and hang out? Look if this is hurting you, don't do it. I'll all for taking your time and all but you've already been together and now it sounds like she's playing you for a chump. Tell her the truth, that it's not working for you and walk away.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 15
view profile
History
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 9:53:53 PM
But she is confused and doesn't know what she wants.

Of course she is. Of course she doesn't. Better question is will she get confused and not know what she wants again, and do you want to experience breaking up again and again(likely)?


Getting her back is the goal so what should I do?

The answer to this question is different then the answer your thread title asks ;)

If your goal (I might recommend a different goal) is to get her back you have to change whatever it is about yourself that she didn't like. Perhaps she doesn't like that you are in love with her. Can you change that for her?


Do I tell her that just friends is not good enough for me, and its all or nothing?

Exactly what you should do, since it's really the only thing you can do. You already acknowledged you can't be just friends with her.

The only reason I haven't told her that we cant hang out anymore, is because I am wondering if this will make her think I hate her and don't want her.

Compassion should take both your feelings into account. You are worried about her feelings meanwhile your own feelings suffer. If you want to be with her it does seem like she is willing to give it a go again so express interest in that... obvious interest. Just be ready for likely future heartbreak...

ALSO


For Hang Out
Intent FFHockey wants to date but nothing serious.

Careful what you wish for.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 16
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 9:58:44 PM
keep it moving it's sometimes hard being friends with the ex. Some people can pull it off and some can't. OP that's up to you to decide that.
 semi_sane_jane
Joined: 3/10/2011
Msg: 17
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 10:12:56 PM

The only reason I haven't told her that we cant hang out anymore, is because I am wondering if this will make her think I hate her and don't want her.


Don't use the words "friends is not good enough for me", but do tell her you can't hang out anymore as friends, because you're still in love with her, and trying to maintain a friendship makes you feel too conflicted. This will let her know that you care about her, but you care about yourself also, and you can't sacrifice your happiness on behalf of hers.

Not hanging out for a little while will give her the opportunityto miss you, and missing you is the only thing likely to inspire her to work through her confusion, and figure out what she wants.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 18
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 10:43:59 PM

Do I tell her that just friends is not good enough for me, and its all or nothing?

No. Just stop being friends with so that it's nothing and don't have anything to do with her unless she gets in touch with you and you get it all. Giving her an ultimatum will backfire. If she's going to change her mind, it will only be because she misses you. As long as you're willing to be friends with her, that will never happen.
 patrick28t
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 19
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/16/2011 10:53:39 PM
Inform her that just friends ain't gonna work out for you.

How is it a fair relationship if the girl has the friendship she wants, and you're unhappy with it?

You have little choice. Anyway, women are turned off by indecisive sissy-men. If it's not too late, you can prevent your entry into the friend zone.

Invite her for dinner at your place. (sex is implied) It's that, or it's nothing. Don't budge.
 AxMurderer
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 20
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/17/2011 4:16:55 AM
You don't want a friendship with her. So no friends. Do something overtly romantic in an effort to get her back. Plan a very special night. Or alternatively, let her go. If you let her go and she still wants you, she will run to you.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 21
view profile
History
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/17/2011 7:22:27 AM

It's hard for me to be just friends. I want more


Then that is your answer. She will not give you more or is so afraid of hurting you she would rather string you along and play the friend game.
The fact is while you can be friendly with some women you CANNOT be friends with this one because you feel too much.
Walk away cleanly, and the sooner you will have you heart open for a real relationship.
 HappinessOK
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 22
view profile
History
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/17/2011 7:29:38 AM
Speaking from experience here....I dont think Loving you and being "In love " is going to change. She will always keep you in the friends zone.

The only time I see things change is if you were dating someone else and the shift has taken place..she may "see" you in a more attractive light (always want what you cant have)

I would suggest you turn your attention to someone else... (I know, I know, easier said than done!)
 A_Gent
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 23
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/17/2011 7:36:13 AM
Ya know... some people go through phases in their lives and who they are able to be in-love with can be largely a matter of timing. Perhaps she is prepared to take that step now, and you will never know unless you play it out. But then, there are no guarantees either.

Wisdom is in knowing if it is worth the investment of your time, money, and emotions .... or whether you have invested enough and it is time to thank her for sharing her life with you for a while - so sad that it didn't work out ... then cut yourself loose and move on along life's journey. At least you will have had good practice for a relationship with a woman who can love you as you love her.

As for playing your cards... you cannot make someone love you. You can however be a person - because it is a true extension of yourself, not something that is put on - that treats others with respect, dignity, compassion, and other attributes of being a loving person.

She may return the sentiment, but that is her choice as it would be yours. And really, wouldn't you rather have someone who is with you because she sees the true value in you and wants to be with you... not someone who needs to be convinced, or worse.... has been played?

And if you truly love (respect) this woman, you will want what is best for her, even if it is not you.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 24
view profile
History
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/17/2011 7:56:36 AM

I would suggest you turn your attention to someone else...


You're only in your 20's, so this scene will play out many more times with other women in your lifetime, and you will look back at this time and say to yourself "What was I thinking? She's nothing special". Every woman you meet now will be "The One" in your mind until after time, you'll realized that there are a lot of "The One"'s.

The fastest way to get a 20-something woman to want you back is to start dating other women. Young people think when they break up with a love interest, the person they broke up with should not be dating, and instead, they should be grieving forever. They think time should stand still and don't understand the concept of moving on in life.
 *allthingsnice*
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 25
view profile
History
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 10/17/2011 8:16:15 AM
I hate to say it, but i think she is just paying you lip service because she knows how you feel about her... the bottom line is " she's just not that into you " - if she was, you would be in a relationship with her and she would be telling you that she is IN love with you.

Hard facts - she isn't, and the simple answer is you can sit and beat yourself up about it and wonder how you can get her back despite her leaving you..or you can dust yourself off and get back on the horse and enjoy your life.

This will not be the first break up you go through, and it's always hard when someone you love and care for tells you they don't feel the same anymore - it's the hardest thing to hear, but you cannot make someone love you, and i would give her the space to let her sort herself out and in the meantime you carry on and keep smiling.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?