| | Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | i'll try to be as brief as possible:
-"met" a guy on an online dating site (not POF)
-we chatted here & there via email & texted for about a week or two ...nothing extreme
-we met for dinner this past saturday (he asked me out)
-decent conversation. not a bad date by any means, but nothing magical. if he had asked me out again, i would have said yes, just to have seen where things could have gone (not b/c he was giving me butterflies from just one meeting)
3 things i was a bit turned off by/confused by:
-when the check came (only $20... just went to a small mexican place & neither of us ordered alcohol), i offered to pay half, b/c i always do... b/c i feel like that's the polite thing to do. he accepted the offer. i don't mind paying- honestly. & i know there are threads about this... but i guess i just feel like perhaps that's a sign he isn't into me, b/c if he was, he would have wanted to pay- to make it more of an official date?
-he began to walk me to my car at the end of the date. he asked where i was parked & when i pointed to my car, he walked with me about 4 more steps & stopped about 10 feet from my car to say goodbye. i thought this was odd... every date i've ever been on, good or bad, the guy has walked me to my car at the end of the night.
-when we said goodbye, we kinda did an awkward hug thing, & he said, "text me sometime." this also goes along with when he first gave me his number via email & told me to text him. umm... why can't you text or call me? maybe i'm a little old fashion or stubborn but i want someone who WANTS to text/call me... not just says to himself, "well i'll give her my number- if she texts me, fine, if not, whatever...."
what do you guys think about this experience? should i reach out & contact him? or were these signs he is not into me? appreciate any feedback- thanks :) | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 4:26:59 PM | 3 things i was a bit turned off by/confused by:
-when the check came (only $20... just went to a small mexican place & neither of us ordered alcohol), i offered to pay half, b/c i always do... b/c i feel like that's the polite thing to do. he accepted the offer. i don't mind paying- honestly. & i know there are threads about this... but i guess i just feel like
Yes text him.. once, for claification.. IF he was nice to you. Remember this is 2011, not 1952.
IF you are going to feel like..... when a guy actually takes you up on your halfhearted offer to pay half,
don't bother to offer next time.. Some guys may be watching your reaction when they take you up on it..
every date i've ever been on, good or bad, the guy has walked me to my car at the end of the night. -when we said goodbye, we kinda did an awkward hug thing, & he said, "text me sometime.
He did, he just didn't do as you expected.. make a pretense of being swept away by you and trying the close-in smooch with goggley eyes as he walked away..
He likely picked up your so-so interest and then returned same, so as not to be seen as "desperate" for every attractive girl that he "first meets"..
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 4:29:11 PM | You say the experience was "not magical" for you. Well, it's possible he was picking up vibes from you that you weren't really into the date. Some men view women offering to pay their way as a sign that the woman isn't into THEM rather than the other way around. The car thing is a bit of a wash. The "gentlemanly" thing to do would have been to see you to your car, but again, it's possible he thought you weren't into him. The text me some time deal, same thing. He's putting it on you to make contact to reiterate your interest.
Could he not have been that into you? Sure. But, not to sound shallow, you're young and you have an attractiveness that would appeal to the majority of men, unless said man regularly dates Jessica Alba lookalikes. And if the conversation was decent and you didn't confess to having a cardboard cutout of one of the characters from True Blood in your bed, it's unlikely that he found anything objectionable about the conversation.
Without knowing any other details about what he typically finds "attractive" in a woman or about the conversation you guys had over dinner, I'm thinking he was getting vibes that you weren't impressed and to salvage his ego, he played it cool and is putting it on you to show interest so that he doesn't get rejected. | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 4:31:10 PM | Don't offer to pay half if actually doing so is going to turn you off. Guys hate games like that.
In fact, that may have set the tone for your other 2 issues. He may have thought that you paid half because you weren't all that interested in him and didn't want to feel obligated to him in any way. Or maybe he picked up a vibe from you that you were annoyed that he took you up on your offer to pay half. He probably lost any interest he may have had in you at this point.
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 5:06:57 PM |
Contact him for what reason? You said yourself it was nothing magical. Sounds like he agrees.
ummm.... because not everything has to be fireworks on a very first date, when you've never even met prior to that evening? | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 5:07:32 PM |
should i reach out & contact him?
Nope. I wouldn't bother.
or were these signs he is not into me?
Yup.
he's not that into you. | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 5:15:38 PM |
Don't offer to pay half if actually doing so is going to turn you off. Guys hate games like that.
i really wasn't trying to be manipulative. but it's not that fact that i had to pay half. it was $10. i don't care. it's the fact that i wonder if that makes it any less of a date.
secondly, i've read lots of threads on POF where the guy says, "i'm gonna pay for dinner, but the girl should at least make the offer!" | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 5:40:58 PM | | This is why a coffee meet is better than a dinner date for the first time meeting. The guy doesn't owe you anything and you didn't offer. You said sparks didn't fly so you probably gave body language signs that you are not interested. He owes you nothing at all. He's suppose to treat you special when you are giving negative vibes to him? Maybe he was thinking this woman doesn't even want me to be remotely close to her. | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 5:43:34 PM |
secondly, i've read lots of threads on POF where the guy says, "i'm gonna pay for dinner, but the girl should at least make the offer!"
And you bought that?
We're all just a bunch of miserable, bitter, hardened, washed out, cold hearted has beens with but one desire. That being to pass on our legacy to the generations to follow.
That was a $10 lesson | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 5:49:27 PM | i feel like im being somewhat attacked...
i don't care about $10. i was curious as to whether him accepting my offer meant he wasn't interested.
i wasn't giving off vibes i wasn't having a good time. i said we had decent conversation. there was laughter & it was fun-- all i meant (by "nothing magical") was that i wasn't head over heels or anything (which, should you even feel that way after spending an hour & half with someone you've never met before?).
if he's not into me, that's fine. but if for some odd reason he is, well then i wouldn't want to miss out out a nice guy just because i didn't contact him. that's all i was wondering.... | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 6:05:54 PM | I don't think you've been attacked. To answer your question...and coming from being traditional...he is either not interested or doesn't have much of a clue. But at his probable age...it's of no surprise.
This thread (or one very close to it) has been done a few times. You're going to hear...don't offer if you don't expect to pay. Some will insist the guy should pay. And others will have some combination of both...or something completely different.
Before long...we will have completely forgotten your question and will argue amongst ourselves and discuss things like traditional values and roles, feminism, independence and the gray areas and the transgressing ambiguous lines that dictate social protocols.
Sit back and enjoy the show.
Edit: I used your example of paying the check. But the same applies to walking a lady to her car or door, seating them, opening doors, hand shakes and hugs....you name it.
If you remain interested...wait for him to call/text. If he doesn't and you wish to pursue...go for it.
A first meet/date would have to have obvious signs (without question) that a second is NOT to be forthcoming to cause me to form a solid opinion on a second. It appears you have some questions. | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 6:17:40 PM | A first meet/date would have to have obvious signs (without question) that a second is NOT to be forthcoming to cause me to form a solid opinion on a second. It appears you have some questions.
i appreciate your answer-- thanks. i guess that's kinda what i was wondering...
plus, i don't want to seem like an idiot... a few people on this thread seem to feel pretty strongly that he's not interested at all- so, i suppose im hesitant to reach out if i simply can't "take a hint." | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 6:29:29 PM | | If you actually want to see him again, contact him. If not, then don't. That's about as little game playing as you could possibly do. What difference does it make if you contact him and he really is not interested? You won't melt. | |
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A_Gent
| | Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 18 | |
| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 6:39:18 PM | You want someone who is interested enough to pursue you.. text you, put the effort into wanting to connect with you.
You want someone who reaches for the cheque and says, "No, it is my pleasure!"
You want someone who walks you to the car and at least gives you a gentle... interested yet respectful kiss.. leaves you wanting more...
Hey! You want a date with me!!!!!
But seeing as you are my daughter's age.. it would be a bit creepy for all of us... Don't you think?
You had a successful first date.. successful because you found out he wasn't the right guy for you.
Pat the kid on his head and send him on his way.
You deserve better, don't you? | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 7:33:16 PM | Op,my initial thoughts were that he's not really interested in you or he's particularly shy/awkward but then i read.........
if he's not into me, that's fine. but if for some odd reason he is, well then i wouldn't want to miss out out a nice guy just because i didn't contact him. that's all i was wondering....
So,my advice would be to call him and see if he'd like to set up another date.
Unless you've heard anything back from him?
Ps.You're a pretty girl and i'll bet there'd be tons of guys who'd love to date you  | |
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SC67
| | Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 20 | |
| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 8:36:23 PM |
Some men view women offering to pay their way as a sign that the woman isn't into THEM rather than the other way around.
Arrggghh...there are 19 pages on the "Going Dutch" thread full of men saying that women who don't pay their own way have a "princess complex" & "sense of entitlement." One Prince Charming even said he wouldn't pay for anything for a woman until she was having sex with him.
Back on topic...I have been in your situation many times, OP. You like them well enough, but no serious butterflies. You'd like to get to know them better, but they seem blase about the whole thing. Maybe I'm expecting too much, but I want the butterflies. I think you should keep fishing... | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 8:59:16 PM | Ever considered he might be one of the young dumb and full of well you know? he sounds young and stupid and doesn't know better, I'm betting he probably likes you but doesn't know how to act with a pretty girl, young guys are often like that.
I bet after a while he loosens up, although I'm not a fan of texting, he's probably trying to figure out what to do next, you know the game, " do I wait 72 hours to call/text her" I don't want to text after 24 hours might seem to desperate blah blah blah.
If after a week he doesn't text/call, then relegate him to the past tense, he's either not interested or he's a piece of chicken short a snack pack at pop eyes . | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/18/2011 10:39:48 PM | 3 things i was a bit turned off by/confused by:
-the check
-he began to walk me to my car
-when we said goodbye
I smile when I read this because these can be the most awkward moments. They’re ambiguous, unpredictable, hotly debated, highly symbolic, ultimately meaningless, fraught with significance, utterly trivial, exasperating, unreadable, deal-breaking etc, etc… and I am resolved to never go on a first date!
should i reach out & contact him?
Write him and say 'thanks, I had fun.' Because you did. Tell him one thing you enjoyed – his shirt, the food, a joke, whatever. So it’s personal. And then it’s up to him.
when he first gave me his number via email & told me to text him. umm... why can't you text or call me?
Yeah, I find that a bit annoying too. But did he have your number at that time? I guess he could have asked for it.
But he seems like he might be a really non-pushy guy. It might take a second date to figure out if that’s true or if he’s just not feelin’ it. Or if you're feelin' it.
So reach out. Say hi and thanks. Send him a link to something funny that will remind him of your evening together. Then you’ve done your part. If he don't get it, he don't get it. G’luck. | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/19/2011 3:54:34 AM | Only because you are 23,,,,,
if YOU want to contact him then do it. You don't need any of us to tell you what to do,after all,YOU were on a date with HIM, and only YOU know what YOU feel.
Pretty simple,huh?????? | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/19/2011 4:37:58 AM | He said text some time. So sure text him. You guys went dutch. You are not indebted to him or he to you. You get to start over for the first date if ya want and see if it goes any where since now you are both hopefully over the first date "uncomfortable" stage.
Look when I am on a first date I am looking for signs she is interested in me. Doesnt sound like you were really feeling anything. No sparks or chemistry and that may of come across on your date where he felt there was not going to be a second date or good night kiss etc...
If I was interested in another date with you then
1) Your offer to pay half would of been refused
2) You would of been walked to your car and chatted with before leaving and the idea of the next date would of been probably brought up right then before that date ended. Iam not big on the waiting 3 days to call nonsense. If I liked ya then you know it. I may even text you on the drive home to tell you I had a great time and looking forward to the next date. My dates don't wonder if I liked them or not I promise.
3) You would of received a WARM hug not a short awkward one and I would at least kissed you briefly on the cheek or mouth. And how you reacted to that would of gone a LONG way in letting me know how you felt about me at that point.
Sure you can text him but... I would not hold my breath babe.
Cowboy | |
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| Odd First Date - Should I Contact Him?
Posted: 10/19/2011 5:19:32 AM |
If I was interested in another date with you then
1) Your offer to pay half would of been refused
2) You would of been walked to your car and chatted with before leaving and the idea of the next date would of been probably brought up right then before that date ended. Iam not big on the waiting 3 days to call nonsense. If I liked ya then you know it. I may even text you on the drive home to tell you I had a great time and looking forward to the next date. My dates don't wonder if I liked them or not I promise.
3) You would of received a WARM hug not a short awkward one and I would at least kissed you briefly on the cheek or mouth.
I agree with the above 3 points Cowboy made, and wanted to add that he wouldn't have told you to "text him sometime" if he was actually interested - he would have texted or (even better) called you within a day or 2. | |
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