| | Do guys actually date single mothers?Page 1 of 13 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13) | | I'm 22 and a single mom of a 2 year old. My son's dad left while I was pregnant. That's beside the point. It seems like most guys I meet want nothing to do with a girl who has a child. What are they afraid of? I can have the best connection with someone and the second I tell them about my son, they lose interest. Are they immature? Worried about my lack of freedom/spontaneity? Are they scared of a possible commitment to that child? I don't expect them to become instant Father. Anybody have opinions on this? | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 2:57:18 PM | Even though your situation isn't unique, the problem is this most guys, notice I said MOST guys your age are not looking for single moms, that doesn't mean they are wrong, or immature, its means that its not appealing to them. You may not expect them to become a instant father but that is the stigma out there that says otherwise.
You will have challenges, if you are patient you will find the one that doesn't mind single moms, but you will have to kiss a lot of frogs, put up with creeps, losers, whack jobs and swamp donkey's etc .
Good things happen to those who willing to wait, or at least have the bad ones whacked, works for me( kidding about having them whacked) | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 3:06:07 PM | OP - guys do, but typically its gonna be older guys dating older single mothers...
mainly cuz he has kids of his own and most women in his age group at that point DO have kids...
he doesn't have as mnay options in his age group without that baggage
most guys in his early 20s don't want kids of any kind NOR marriage...
he has so many more options available to him without all your baggage... | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 3:06:47 PM | | I agree with you. Most guys 22yrs old and even 25 aren't looking for that. Thanks for the words of encouragement. You're swamp donkey comment made me laugh out loud. | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 3:14:54 PM | No. None of them do. We have an invisible mark on us that reads "single mom. do not date" 
You are only 22. Most men your age are sorting their wild oats, midway thru or finishing college, and or just having fun. They lack the understanding of dating someone who has a child. I dont blame them. Sorry. When I was 22, I was responsible, living on my own, but also hitting the bars with my friends and having fun. Im sure you can do those things once in a while, but, like I said, they are just at that age where they want to enjoy their time   | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 3:19:05 PM | This is why I dislike threads on Single parents always someone will bring up " baggage"
To those I ask , why are children considered " baggage" ? or start saying something nasty about single parents.
The truth be told, everyone has challenges when it comes to dating, the trick is to get around the challenges and find the opposite sex ( or same sex if that is your thing) that is compatible with you.
The bottom line OP, is some guys will find you appealing, if you focus on YOU, being a single parent is one thing, have the focus on you and not the fact that you are a single parent.
You should probably remove the picture of your child, its fine to mention you have a child but bring the attention to you, having a child or children is a blessing and lots cannot for what ever reason comprehend that, some wont like you because of it, but so what? that isnt the type of person you want, you found out from the baby's father . | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 3:32:45 PM |
You should probably remove the picture of your child, its fine to mention you have a child
Ironic CDN....you have a picture of you and your godDAUGHTER on your profile.. | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 3:42:37 PM | | Ironically she is 18 years old and has given me permission to post the pic ( including her mother), where as a 2 year old child cannot consent | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 4:00:31 PM | JessRose,
As Iceman said, you'll find someone. It might take a little longer than it would if you were not a parent, but it will happen.
You don't have to be so harsh. "All your baggage"
A quick check of his posting history will show that he apparently feels a need to throw in a comment like the one above whenever possible. To consider a child baggage is beyond crass!
Best of luck to you, Op! | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 4:11:23 PM | | Nice to know YOU feel the children would be baggage. And would only date a single mom because he doesn't have as many options. Fortunately some people still see children as a blessing even if they arent their own. I hope all the single mother's see your reply which will obviously further reduce your options. Are you honest about your feelings up front or harbor resentment due to lack of alone time after the fact? | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 4:43:09 PM | Speaking as a 21 year old lad, it's just not appealing at this age.
I wouldnt mind if I was in my late 20s, 30s, 40s+ etc, but at this age I want to be going out with my friends and having "fun" in life before settling down, which is essentially what they would be doing with you.
Its just that going out with a single parent carries so much responsibility emotionally, financially and socially. I'd feel that I would have to be a "dad" to the kid and I, like most other guys, are just not at that stage now.
Saying that, I think loads of other single guys wouldnt have a problem, nor would the vast majority of single dads. Youve just got to do a bit more searching, and eventually youll hit the jackpot for you and your son :)
Rob | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 4:51:51 PM |
Are they scared of a possible commitment to that child?
Unfortunately there are so many legal issues that stack up against a guy that dates a single mom with kids that keeps so many from taking the risk. For example, in some states and most provinces the man could be legally obligated to pay child support for the child even though he isn't the biological father should your relationship go sideways after living together for a time. He just has to be "percieved" as a father figure to the child. That alone is a BIG deterrent in some cases for guys to date single moms.........
Think about it. How would you like to pay child support for a decade (or more) after you've dated someone with kids for only a year? Pretty big risk if you ask me.......
Some guys (like myself) also have a hard time always coming in second or third or forth in the family pecking order after the kids. It takes someone with a great deal of understanding and patience to accept the fact they may not ever be considered an "equal" in the family heirarchy. For that reason, I avoid single moms that say "my kids come first".
Not exactly what most single moms want to hear, I know, but it will explain why some men will avoid you......
Do keep trying, though. Note I said SOME men above. Not all are like this. I do believe there is someone for everyone out there, you just have to make an effort. As picky and opinionated as I am, I was able to find someone, although it did take a while......lol..... | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 5:03:26 PM | I think people get all fvcked up about the dating single mothers thing.
There really should be no problem with dating single mothers. The problem is with living with single mothers, as silverhawk has pointed out.
Dating, by most women's definition, means that you are having sex with the guy you're dating, which is just as it should be, as long as the guy is smart enough to wrap it up every time he bangs the woman he's banging.... erm... dating.
The problems always begin when the guy starts living with the single mother. I think that distinction is important.
And, Disneymom, you seem a bit more stable since you've returned. Nice to see.
Cheers.
 | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 5:18:11 PM | | I have dated plenty, married, had another child with my late husband, and am now in a LTR, after i became a single Mother. I never made it an issue or had a hang up about it, simply part of who i am. | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 7:08:58 PM | Wow, yet another redundant post asking why guys don't seem to want to date single Moms. Does anyone here EVER do thread searches before posting???
I don't understand why it's apparently some big "mystery" that young single guys are not going to want to get involved with a single Mom. Most guys up to 25 yrs old (or even more) are not looking for an instant family. They're still finding themselves, getting an education or career, sowing their wild oats, having fun, enjoying their freedom. With the many single women out there (no kids), why would they choose someone who doesn't have the same freedom as they do? I would venture to guess, too, that most young single Moms are looking to settle down with someone (for the sake of their child) as opposed to just casual dating/partying............and understandably most young guys are not at that stage in life, they're not thinking about settling down or marriage or being someone's step-Dad. Doesn't make them bad or selfish at all, it makes them smart. Nobody should be having kids at age 20 or looking to settle down that young anyway. | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 7:17:14 PM |
You don't have to be so harsh. "All your baggage"
Well, that's what most guys in their early 20s are gonna think...hnmmm young girl, not married already has a kid ?
I can do better than her.
A quick check of his posting history will show that he apparently feels a need to throw in a comment like the one above whenever possible. To consider a child baggage is beyond crass!
however you wanna slice and dice it - a woman in her early early 20s with a kid and married does have baggage.
that is akin to a woman in her mid- late 30s who has 3 kids from different daddies... | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 7:25:27 PM | ^^I agree. It is perceived by a lot of young men as a lot of unnecessary baggage, that's just a fact. The baggage of:
-she's likely struggling financially to support herself/her child/children and he'll then always have to pay for everything
-he may have to deal with a jealous 'baby-daddy'
-she likely won't have the freedom that he does to go out, spend weekends away, attend events because finding (or affording) child-care may be difficult
-she may JUST be looking for a new daddy for her child/children
-did she end up pregnant because she was purposely careless with respect to birth control such that she might end up pregnant by him?
The above are real concerns and considerations for a young guy. Why would he take such a risk when there are plenty of nice single, child-less girls out there? | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 7:37:33 PM |
No, not the adult one. The one on your back looks ALOT younger. Not 18 at all. (your caption reads baby goddaughter) and her parents consented and she wanted me to post it as well. | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 8:05:37 PM | whatever dude. i dont by it. at all. 
according to your first post about the pictures, you are saying that by taking it down, it brings attention back to you, and not about your child...this has nothing to do with the "age of a child", but, however ya wanna spin it for your validation!  | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 8:38:28 PM | | Not all single mothers are struggling. I may not have his father in our life but we're doing damn well. I am one semester away from being a High School English Teacher, I have worked my butt off my whole life to be financially stable and I am proud to say I'm doing okay. I'm not looking for a guy to be a father figure right away. And I can't belive you included that the girl might be pregnant because she was purposely careless with birth control. The reason I got pregnant is just as much his fault as mine. Just because I am a single woman with a beautiful 2 yr old child does not mean I'm struggling. I may not be able to go out and have as much freedom as other women, but maybe that makes me a little more mature and responsible. I have a good head on my shoulders and I'm sorry but my son is defintely not "baggage". He's wonderful and any guy would be lucky to meet him. Thanks for the ones who have been encouraging but there are way too many who stereotype single moms. | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 9:40:32 PM | I don't disagree with you icequeen, but... since it's a man who has NO choice as to whether or not to be held financially responsible for a child they may not want, isn't the burden to be borne by the individual to whom it is most important not to be held responsibole for a child? Getting pregnant, or getting someone else pregnant is gender specific, for sure, but bearing the responsibiity is not . The burden falls upon the one who has the most interest in prevention. We all know the reality whether or not we agree on the fairness of the situation. In short, it takess two to tango, and I am reasonably certain that for every woman who intentionally gets pregnant there exists a man who convinces a woman that she is "safe" having sex with him. A control issue, most likely, but control issues are not solely relegated to those of the female persuasion. Bottom line: man or woman, if you don't want a child, it is up to you, and you alone, to ensure that you do not produce one!
For the op, sure there are men who date single mothers, less so young men who willingly date young single mothers with anything other than the intent to get laid. Fact of life; deal with it & move on, but be sure to tread carefully. | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/21/2011 2:03:17 AM | 5150Rivergirl , well cupcake, I don't really care if you " buy" it all, 1) Im not a single parent wondering why someone isn't dating me? 2) I hate to break it to you but its a double standard, Im a guy and even if I posted a picture of lets say a 2 year old child and myself, most women would think its cute, but if a woman posted that pic , some would think it could attract " pervs"
c `est la vie, say the old folks ,it goes to show you never can tell | |
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| Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/21/2011 3:23:56 AM |
It seems like most guys I meet want nothing to do with a girl who has a child. What are they afraid of?
"They" are not afraid, just not interested in an "instant family". Normally, the guy meets a girl; they court and then they get married. During the first year, they go out often and enjoy themselves (bars, movies, etc) and then (maybe a year or so later) they have children. | |
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