| | trying to move onPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | I'm having a real hard time letting go of my past some days. I'm separated going through devorce and custody battle. My wife turned into a whore after joining a mixed ball league. She was just not coming home at all on weekends and the lies were adding up. I just don't understand how I can still want her back? We have a 2 year old son together backed by a 3 year marriage and 12 years together. Her words were I love you but I'm not in love with you. Wtf is wrong with me? | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 10/23/2011 11:05:06 AM | | What's wrong with you is that you are attracted to an abuser. Cheaters suck at life. Heal. Then find someone who does not suck at life. | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 10/23/2011 12:25:08 PM | | Souns like you apparently need some decent advice. I can't say if you have valid reasons to feel something is wrong with you, because I don't know you. It's a very good possibility that you had nothing to do with her feelings for you changing. I think sometimes, especially when a couple is young.. people grow up and grow apart. Try not to dwell on finding a reason, you will just drive yourself crazy.. There may just be nothing to find. Also, now you can't be with her anyway if the trust is gone. You will be ok. | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 10/23/2011 2:35:55 PM |
My wife turned into a whore after joining a mixed ball league.
First thing I would say is seek therapy.
Next is to say that anger lasts a life time and will poison everything including your son.
Next is to say that you want her back because you were blind to the whole relationship.
Next is to say that you were blind to what a very deeply angry person you were and before you say you weren't you called her a whore in a public forum and that doesn't pop up overnight.
Next is to say that it does get better.
Next is to say that your life is going to suck for several years
Next is to say that you have the option of being a cool guy that can recover from any setback and be happier and stronger than ever before.
Next is to say that every day is a new day.
Next is to say that work, career, success, and life are open for you
Next is to say that whatever comes next can be your best day ever
Next is to say that your son means more than both of you and nothing that has ever happened or will ever happen between his mom and you should ever be laid at his feet.
Next is to say that there is nothing wrong with you
Next is to say that there is nothing wrong with her
Next is to just accept that you need it and speak to a therapist
Finally, it is now up to you. | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 10/23/2011 3:56:22 PM | It's normal that you still want her back. Because you know that she's a good person, and she loves you. Othewise you wouldn't last that long. But that is the problem, 12 years. You've been together since highschool. She never had a chance to love anybody else. It's normal that she wants to fall in love one or a few more times before she dies. Try to understand her, and try to do the same thing. I know it's hard, take it slow. Don't try dating yet, because last thing you need is another rejection. try to sleep as many prostitutes as you can afford. That will keep you busy. Smoke some weed, but stay away from alcohol.
It happened to all of us, you'll be just fine. | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 10/23/2011 4:58:19 PM | The same qualities the keep a person committed ...to give their partner the benefit of the doubt... to try and work it out... when troubles come .. . are the same qualities that keep a person hanging ... even when there IS NO DOUBT. Such qualities are a strength when there is a reasonable chance for the relationship to get better. They are a detriment when the person denies the reality of it all.
Wisdom is in getting past the denial, and accepting the situation as it is, not as you wish it could have been.. and keep moving forward.
It will hurt for some time to come... but in the words of Winston Churchill... "When you are going through hell, keep going!"
Life is like a horse... parts of it stink.
Take care.
W. | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 10/23/2011 7:04:25 PM | OP....What makes you think "YOU" are the problem or that "YOU" suck??!!!
You along with other people that get married, have dreams of having a marriage work. Unfortunately, they sometimes don't work out.
Obviously, your ex wasn't finished living the single life when she married you. In a nut shell, Find someone that is crazy about you!!!! | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 10/24/2011 6:13:34 PM | | It seems right that I was angry. I do have to forgive her and move on. I have a wonderful son and amazing friends a good career to boot. Life really is not all that bad I just wish this emotional roller coaster was over. But I must admit every day it gets a lot better. It's my chance to go out and have som fun and meet some new people along the way. Even if it was not my decision. I also want to show her she walked away from a great guy. But wish her all the best. Maby the whore thing might have been out of line. | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 10/25/2011 7:28:26 AM | Trying to date when you are still caught up in so much anger with your Ex is a lousy idea. Calling someone a 'whore' ........ bad sign.
Think of how unfair she treated you, do you think it would be kind to have some new gal have to deal with that kind of baggage? | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 10/25/2011 8:24:16 AM |
I also want to show her she walked away from a great guy.
Sorry buddy. You are not ready. You have not taken your share of the responsibility yet.
Words have power and meaning. If you can't hear what you’re saying and where it is coming from then you are not ready. Even the last contrition was a 'might have been' not acknowledging the literal backhand in the face power of those words.
The anger doesn't just go away. You can't wish it away. You can't ignore it. What you need to do is to talk to someone about it and go from there. Oh, and btw... when you end up in court seeing a therapist is major ++ points. And you will end up in court. Guaranteed. And just wait until you hear the things her lawyer comes up with... | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 10/31/2011 5:13:23 AM | As the saying goes...time will heel wounds. It will be hard for you to let go initially but eventually you will. Time is of the essence - remeber that. Addition to why you still desire is because, you have a son together and prior to that you were with her for so long and at this present moment you don't comprehend why this happened. Stop thinking or asking why....praise the lord you found out now then later on. Everything in life happens for a reason...nothing in life happens by mere coincidence - remember this also.
She will always have love for you, but unfortunately she is not in love with you; she's fallen out of love with you. Let her go..if she comes back...then she was always yours...n if she don't...then she never was worth it to begin with!
Bless your heart! | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 11/1/2011 5:07:50 PM | | Nothing is wrong with you. It's normal to want to have what you used to have before it was all torn apart by her infidelity. But you do have to deal with reality, and the reality is that you will have to move on and recognize her for the cheater she is. Definitely take a break from the dating scene for a while while you recover. | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 11/1/2011 9:28:49 PM | OP.
You've gotten some good advice already.
You don't need to forgiver her for cheating on you, on the contrary, that was uncalled for no matter what her personal issues were. Just leave her in the dust.
You want her back so you can "make" her love you, so you can fight the battle again and maybe keep her honest. It doesn't work, once a whore, always a whore, be it men or women.
The good news is that you have a son and a new life. Go find a decent woman and consider this a parole from a life sentence chained to a horrible person. | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 11/10/2011 7:08:20 PM | | Yeah, every gal is looking to heal the guy with the bad attitude that has only had only one women since the 9th grade. | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 11/11/2011 12:12:46 PM | no matter what....
or what she does.....
never call the mother of your kids a whore.
The sooner you get over the anger,
the sooner you'll get over her. | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 11/15/2011 2:57:49 PM | There is nothing wrong with you (that I know of - haha just kidding!).
Honestly, if she was the one that cheated on you instead of confronting you like an adult with her feelings and insecurities, you should be asking yourself "what is wrong with HER?".
My best advice is to try and move on from all this (although I know that having a kid involved makes it a lot harder to do). She's not worth your time! | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 11/16/2011 11:30:49 AM | You can call her a whore on here all you want. Real people know it's important to get the hurt and frustration out of your system in a safe environment. Much better here than around the neighborhood where it might get back to her.
A friend of mine is still devestated by her lying cheating ex. In our circle of friends we refer to him as****ead, scumbag, loser, pieceofshit etc... She knows she can rant about him all she wants with us, cuz we even help. Get the pain out of your system. | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 11/16/2011 3:01:50 PM |
I'm having a real hard time letting go of my past some days. I'm separated going through devorce and custody battle
Maybe I'm not understanding this.
"Past" denotes something in the actual past. "Going through" denotes the present.
So it seems like it's not your past you can't let go of so much as understand how the present is changing?
My wife turned into a whore after joining a mixed ball league.
Better than a zombie, isn't it?
Turned into a whore? They need more movies about the whorpocalypse. "A strange meteor flashes across the night sky, 2 lonely teens sheltered in an all metal shed are spared the fate of the world. A fate of a world full of whores!"
"Hoors I telya! Tousands and tousands of hoors! Hoors everywhere! Dars naw escapen da hoors!"
I just don't understand how I can still want her back?
I wonder if it's that you want her back or you just want things to be the way they were before all the "bad" stuff and change.
Wtf is wrong with me?
You are in a transitional time. | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 11/18/2011 2:34:58 AM | Being in love does not last. True love does. She was looking for excitement I would say but that doesnst make her a whore. ....She was just over it all after so many years and letting you know in no uncertain terms......That you have a son together is a bond and you will take some time to get over the divorce and can love again. I wouldnt be looking online though......or expecting anything here. Offline is always much better. You at least can see what you are getting in general... Any hot woman on here contacting you can be a scammer, so beware.'
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Posted: 12/16/2011 1:21:59 AM | SWEETHEART, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. WE ALWAYS WANT WHAT WE FEEL IS THE BEST FOR US, U OBVIOUSLY WANT HER BACK BECAUSE YOU STILL LOVE HER, SHE IS THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD AND YOU TWO HAVE A LOT OF HISTORY TOGETHER; SHE IS ALL YOU HAVE KNOWN.
LET BY GONES BE BY GONES, AND SO ON AND SO ON. ITS THE PAST, SO DONT FOCUS ON IT IN THE PRESENT OTHERWISE YOU WONT BE ABLE TO CONCENTRATE NOR LOOK FORWARD TO THE FUTURE! LET IT BE, SHE ****ED UP (LITERALLY); HER LOSS!
PICK UP THE PIECES THROW THEM IN THE GARBAGE. ITS LIFE AND IT GOES ON SO MAKE THE MOST OF IT. U HAVE SON, SO DO IT FOR HIS SAKE CUZ ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
AS FOR HER SAYING SHE LOVES U, BUT SHE AINT IN LOVE WITH U. THE BASICALLY MEANS; SHE CARES FOR U, AFTER ALL U ARE THE FATHER OF HER CHILD, SHE WILL ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE IN HER HEART FOR U BUT SHES NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU MEANING SHE CHOOSES NO LONGER TO BE WITH YOU, SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU THE WAY SHE DID BEFORE.
HUMANS WILL ALWAYS EVOLVE. | |
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Law212
| | Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 24 | |
| trying to move on
Posted: 12/16/2011 1:53:42 AM | I looked at your profile to check your age so dont get wierded out if you see some dude looking at your profile...lol
You a re 28 and say you were with her for 12 years.....People change a lot from the ages of 16 to 28.
Also people that young eventually start wondering what they have been missing out on by tying themselves down so early in life and want to make up for lost time by going nuts pretty much.
Theres nothing wrong with you. you both are probably different than when you first got together. And sure you will miss that girl you fell in lov e with but thats not the same girl she is today.
Time to pick up and start a new chapter. | |
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| trying to move on
Posted: 12/16/2011 10:19:27 AM | | i know what your going through. i'm going through a similar situation. i'll tell you what my dad told me. it was very helpful. how far can you walk in a forest? half way before you start walking out. keep as busy as possible. allow time to heal and forgive. bury yourself in your kids. one day she will realize she messed up. hold on to hope. i know i am...i feel like that's all i got left. hope this helps. | |
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