| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/22/2005 4:24:33 PM | Various societies still conduct the practice of pre-arranging the marriage of their young. In such a society, the parents (or the elders) would have the nuptials planned out between their child and that of another family, and when that child becomes of age the bands of matrimony are tied (usually in a jubilant and festive manner)........it has been shown that this type of union is just as healthy, loving, and rewarding as any successful marriage counterpart in western societies, additionally, it has been remarked that the rate of divorce or separation is far less then that of western culture.......the advantages of such a system would be that it would save a young man/woman a great deal of energy that is involved in the pursuit of that so-called "one" or "soulmate" that is supposed to be out there, the other advantage is that it would nearly 'assure' that virtually everyone would have a spouse well before they enter into 'mid-life'............the disadvantage is that a child is not given much of a choice in the matter, and a great deal of trust would have to be put in the decision making ability of the parents/elders.
any additional thoughts on this? | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/22/2005 4:44:08 PM | | The westerners seem to expect a lot from their partners and when there are conflicts of interests, that will lead to problems. They are more open and adventerous. In oriental societies, marriages are like life time commitments. One can't really say which one is better. One has more choices but being so flexible can create more problems where the boundary of ethics is often blurred and the relationships can be only skin-deep , while in the other, one has to live with what he/she got, but there is often more faith love and care in such relationship. I don't think there is a 'great deal of energy' involved in finding a 'soulmate', but the real point is where the responsibility falls. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/22/2005 4:56:17 PM | | To me a lot of the pre-arranged marriages looks like inbreeding. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/22/2005 5:03:50 PM | | Who knows maybe it would be better in the long run. It sure doesn't look like we are doing so good picking them out ourselves. The divorce rate in the US and Canada is what 60%? | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/22/2005 5:08:18 PM | | I've done a small bit of reading on this concept. When I first came across the idea, I was in agreement with the poster that stated, "Hell no!", BUT I think that's my ignorance coming to light......because I don't completely understand the dynamics of it, nor do I have the right to judge what seems to be working for so many people. But I question...IS it working, or is there the possibility that divorce is so frowned upon culturally speaking that it wouldn't be an option for most of the said couples...... | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/22/2005 5:10:26 PM | | They occored and occur in those cultures for a reason and if I lived in those cultures OF COURSE I woudl do it. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/22/2005 6:34:52 PM | | One of my grandfathers had 3 small sons when his first wife died. Through some connections he was told of a 15 year old girl who was from the same town he was from in Ireland and he went, met her family, took them on a little adventure and married her. that was my grandmother. She had my father 9 months later and 5 more children after that. She unfortunately died at 57 yrs. and Grandfather lived to be 100. I know she respected him. I know she adored her children, but that's how it was. She was completely servient and made a perfect home and seemingly happy family. Would I do it?...I wish it was that easy. Women in societies and times when and where this applied/s were raised to be wives and mothers. I know alot of women today who's mothers havent even taught them to cook! I don't think women have done themselves any favors..Send me back in time with a few adjustments on the sexual side..I think life would be grande. I'll be the perfect lady for a real man of my house. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/22/2005 6:48:09 PM | Not rooting for the "pre-arranged" system, in fact its the last thing in the world I would even give a 'Thumbs-up' to.
However, from what little I know, for the most part, their Kids were consulted in the process, and if Junior really didn't like Susie, that was a main Point for the Parents to look elsewhere to keep Peace between the Families.
But then there are endless variations of it too ... | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/22/2005 7:15:11 PM | | As long as I could have vetoed their first choice -- who was obnoxious -- that would have worked out great for me. My parents' friends had some seriously FINE daughters. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/23/2005 3:44:16 PM | | Thats there customs,you cant really change them.it sounds very hard to have to marry somebody that you know you dont really want to be with with.to much pressure. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/23/2005 9:22:49 PM | | As stastitics shows pre-arranged marriages have the lowest divorce rates. Something must be right than. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/23/2005 9:42:56 PM | the only reason why divorce rate is higher if we pick our own mates is that pre arranged marriages, they dont have the choice for divorce. they are stuck on a loveless marriage. is that really fair to all involved here? no.
MM  | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/24/2005 3:35:45 AM | | Maybe there would be more family togetherness and less divorce. That is probably what is wrong with the USA to begin with, no respectable standards | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/24/2005 4:16:00 AM | Unfortunately in a lot of the societies that have pre-arranged marriages still also practice dowry. I've read a lot of articles lately about the high suicide rates in women in arranged marriages because of conflicts revolving around dowry. They don't have an out because these societies make divorce extremely difficult, if not impossible. So they get stressed out and kill themselves. A lot of arranged marriages also include abuse from either the husband or the mother in law.
I had a friend in high school who was origionally from a culture like that and she had a pre-arranged marriage. She ended up burning herself to death because her mother in law was abusing her because she felt the dowry was too small.
Just something to think about. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/24/2005 11:47:06 AM | I have a splended idea.
Any of you nice ladies want to pre-arrange to marry me? | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/24/2005 11:54:10 AM | I think part of that romantic ideal for those cultures is the excitement of the one day marriage (so I have heard it described) an anticipatory love situation.
It's hard for my Western mind to concieve, but if it works for another culture, who and I to judge it? | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/24/2005 11:59:00 AM | I read an article a short while back that said "love killed marriage"
In some ways it is true, with our culture in the western world we are almost raised to believe that our prince or princess will come along and sweep us off our feet and we'll live blissfully ever after.
It just does not work that way. You certainly can be swept off your feet and live blissfully, but there will be times of hardwork, commitment, and questioning that come along with it.
I wouldnt want to be in a pre-arranged marriage- but I think it reminds us that we should appreciate who we have an value them for who they are... instead of being so quick to proclaim how we deserve more. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/24/2005 12:09:46 PM | I,d show up to my wedding with an automatic weapon.
try to force into something and we,ll see some blood | |
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zora_
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Joined: 12/28/2004
Msg: 22 | |
| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/24/2005 12:14:48 PM | | From where i come (india) the whole arranged marriage custom is pretty common...its something thats very naturally expected of u...its not a big deal, infact marrying someone of ur own choice (specially if that person belongs to a different religion) becomes really hard... though I think many parents are now opening up to the prospect of "love marriage" ... its not as hard as it used to be...but most often (suprisingly) arranged marriages do work! i mean my parents had an arranged marriage n they turned out just fine! :-) | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/24/2005 12:32:12 PM | Arranged marriages are practiced mostly in cultures where women still have little or no rights. They are not given a choice and they do not have the luxury of divorce. There is a high suicide rate among these women.
As little as 100 years ago, arranged marriages were common in North America and Europe.
If you look at the Christina standard for a marriage 200 years ago, you will know what an arranged marriage is today. It was a system set up which benefited the man and relegated the woman to the place of second class citizen.
Men commonly beat their wives (there is a passage in the bible that says a man should *admonsh* his wife using a rod no bigger than his thumb) believing it their right and duty.
Sex was a *base* act and a wife was not allowed to enjoy it. Sex was for procreation and even men were taught to be ashamed of it. They were taugh to spare their wives the *unpleasant urges of men* and to take their *shameful desires* to a prostitute. Most marriages became sexless once the desired number of children was reached.
Divorce was NOT permitted. But marriages failed just as often. If the marriage was unhappy a husband had the right to *set her aside*. That could be anything from simply ignoring her and going about his business thus relegating her to the status of servant in her own home to sending her to live elsewhere or the husband leaving to go elsewhere. As long as he made no efforts to divorce her he was completely within his rights.
If she left, her reputation would be ruined and between the lack of education, lack of status and lack of respect (a woman's value in society was diretcly related to the status of the man she married) her prospects would be almost non-existant. These women often were rejected by their own families for the disgrace leaving would bring. (imagine knowing that to leave a bad marriage could put you and your kids on the streets as undesirables, no wonder women put up with the crap they did)
No matter how badly a woman and/or her kids were abuse it was always considered the womans fault. | |
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rodd26
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Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 24 | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/15/2005 9:03:43 AM | | marriage is not only about two persons coming together...rather it is a union of two family. In arranged marriages you are at liberty to choose a family as well as a mate of your liking. | |
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