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| | Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?Page 1 of 1 | Hey guys,
My scenario is this: clicked really well, started out everything was great, was obvious from him, now is rapidly fizzling out, why does this happen? It's a common theme with me...:( Also this one doesn't even want to talk on the phone, only text? What's up with that? | |
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| Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?
Posted: 11/3/2011 5:56:52 PM | If it happens a lot, then it might be you.
We can't guess what you do. We don't know anything about the guys. You should be asking, "When does this happen?" There are red flags that come up after you get to know someone better. I couldn't begin to guess what yours might be. | |
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| Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?
Posted: 11/3/2011 5:59:52 PM | Texting is common these days, it gives person time to reply incase they may be busy (such as driving, and no one wants the person they like to be texting and driving)
If you get instant reply then ask if they're free for a call, simple curtesy.
OR
They're wife/GF/husband/BF might be sitting in same room and they don't want to get caught flirting with someone  | |
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| Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?
Posted: 11/3/2011 6:00:08 PM | | I'm guessing you jump right in there and act like a meeting and sex are a relationship. Then the guys you pick aren't really into you when you try to make it something it's not and they move on. Stop trying to make relationships out of nothing. Next time find out who the guy is and how he really feels about you and what his goals are before you try to force something out of just meeting someone. | |
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| Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?
Posted: 11/3/2011 6:02:57 PM |
I'm guessing you jump right in there and act like a meeting and sex are a relationship. Then the guys you pick aren't really into you when you try to make it something it's not and they move on. Stop trying to make relationships out of nothing. Next time find out who the guy is and how he really feels about you and what his goals are before you try to force something out of just meeting someone.
Wow, talk about forcing something.
There was absolutely nothing in her post to indicate any of that. All she said was that she has a pattern of guys blowing hot, then cold. | |
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| Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?
Posted: 11/3/2011 6:14:36 PM | Yes, I jumped to conclusions, and it's so common that I went there. If I'm wrong, she'll say so and we will both live. I'm still guessing it starts off great then it all goes too fast and by the time she thinks it's all great, he has just figured out he doesn't have any interest in her. If I'm wrong, someone else will surely get the right answer out there.
I mean really, what is this question? Isn't that how it always happens when one person likes the other one but the other person isn't feeling it. What else is going to happen but that the one losing interest is going to show less and less interest. | |
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| Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?
Posted: 11/3/2011 6:16:14 PM | OP, it is just a supposition on my part, but I think it may just be as simple as that a dealbreaker was triggered. At the beginning, I think that both sex start off on a roll because there is such great potential. However, through our discussions, we get to know about one another. Some stuff we can let slide under the rug (ie, "Ok, she likes the Bee Gees" ... we can let that slide ...) ... but then there is some stuff that we just can't. (ie. "Ok, she likes Nickelback ... leave this one alone ...")
Ok, I was a little light-hearted about it, but I think you know what I mean. But to find out if there is a root cause, frankly we'd have to get to know more about you. Frankly, the best person to do this is yourself ... just spend some time and do some self-reflection and maybe something will come to light. And keep in mind there might not be one thing ... hey, as guys, we all have different interest, and different dealbreakers. It could be possible that you have tripped different dealbreakers with different guys.
Anyways, as a guy once a dealbreaker is tripped, you come back to earth about things, and slowly you lose interest. And once you lose interest, you don't want to communicate further with her - frankly, you want to get back to looking to see if you can find a better match. Frankly, I would be surprised if it was different for a woman if the roles were reversed.
And why it happens when you text is that this "revelation" comes to light during the stage when you are texting. Many people like to start off with e-mails and texting and see if there is chemistry. If there is, then they move on to phone conversations and then meeting. Maybe things just never progressed far enough along once the dealbreaker came to light.
Personally, if I was you, I wouldn't let it phase me. Frankly, dating is like playing cornerback in football ... if you get burned, it helps if you have a short memory in regards to not dwelling on it. The key is not to find the most guys or to get every guy to want to date you ... the key is to want to have the guy who is right for you want to date you. (Am I right?)
I wish for you the best.
vvv - No sweat. I wish the answer was more concrete, but sometimes the right answer is just an ambiguous one. Just keep fishing ... he'll come along ... | |
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| Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?
Posted: 11/3/2011 6:27:21 PM |
clicked really well, started out everything was great, was obvious from him, now is rapidly fizzling out, why does this happen?
Because it was a little too obvious, he probably was what he had to be to get you to like him.
Now he doesn't want to live up to that guy.
You might have said something like "OMG! We click so well, it's meant to be, there's lots of chemistry here!" And he probably feels he has to keep escalating that BS to keep your attention, it's too much work, and he doesn't want to do it.
So now (assuming he's doing it) he's distancing himself in order to not have to "pay" as much as he thought, to get you to reciprocate how he got you to think he felt, and/or reset the relationship to something that's easier for him to upkeep.
doesn't even want to talk on the phone, only text? What's up with that?
IME most people don't want to sit and talk on the phone.
If you have had several hour conversations? He did those in order to get you to like him...and he doesn't want to do that anymore.
If he directly says anything, you leave,think there's something majorly wrong, he's a jerk, two faced, some other judgment. Or it leads to conflict and that is scary (90% of the forums started are because of this, let's ask strangers because asking them is scary).
If he doesn't do anything and still has them, he's unhappy.
So he feels the only way is to try and just shift everything to text and try to get you used to that. Avoids direct conflict, avoids judgment, avoids nagging, avoids hours and hours of sitting on the phone and chatting like a stereotypical schoolgirl.
If your only phone contact was short and meant to set up meetings rather than chat chat chat then I would say he moved to text because he's hiding something else or something else is going on.
I mean for all I know he has a "no calls after 9" rule. Knowing you "would" answer the phone, but it's more courteous to not put you in a position to lie and tell him it's okay when you might be heading to bed early or something.
For all I know you are contacting him during times he's at work.
For all I know all this happened once and you are over thinking it. | |
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| Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?
Posted: 11/3/2011 6:42:13 PM | Okay, a lot of great insight here, thanks...to expand upon my initial post...
I don't assume after a first meet/sex there is a relationship, I let them set the pace, and follow their leads...it's after he's made it apparent he likes me by telling me so, the actions are there, that I will follow suit, it's after that it generally starts to change. It's starts out with non-stop texting, which I don't initiate, I follow, and shortly fizzles out, sometimes pre-sex, sometimes post...the texts slow down, responses slow down or stop...
Texting to keep a distance makes sense, I don't believe he's hiding a wife/GF etc, divorced twice...we only talked on the phone once the day we were meeting, just checking in basically, nothing since. I asked and he said it's something he does further down the road, but would be short when he did, which I'm fine with. It's nice to hear someone's voice once in awhile, he agreed...
To add to this one, we agreed to hide our profiles to just focus on each other, taking it slow he stated, which I agreed to, and a friend told me today his was unhidden, back up. He swears it's not him online when it says he is, the site does that sometimes...very hard to believe, but I want to. He told me to chill, nothing had changed, but the actions have. Less texts, less affection, less responses in general...so part of what you said HappyDip is spot on. He's leaving for a week tomorrow, still didn't want to say goodbye or goodnight over the phone, said he would by text, never heard from him... | |
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| Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?
Posted: 11/3/2011 7:09:49 PM | The above post ^^^^ I don't see it as a game playing at all. Women love to get idea that if a guy doesn;t give them a degree of relationship they want and at the time they want he plays games. Not true in most cases.
He is clearly pulling away. He eiether doesn't see a potentail with you or it is timing thing. It does happen. | |
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| Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?
Posted: 11/3/2011 7:40:45 PM | | Can you or some other guy please elaborate on the "'timing" thing? Why be on here if the timing isn't right? I haven't been told that by this one, I do agree he is pulling away, although he won't tell me why, just the opposite, he's saying that everything is okay. But other guys have told me the really like me but the timing is bad...??? | |
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| Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?
Posted: 11/3/2011 7:47:07 PM |
My scenario is this: clicked really well, started out everything was great, was obvious from him, now is rapidly fizzling out, why does this happen? It's a common theme with me...:
If it's a common theme with you, then try to figure out how to change the theme. | |
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| Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?
Posted: 11/3/2011 8:27:05 PM | There is nothing to explain with the timing, or any of it really. The issue is a plain and simple one. He lost interest in you. Perhaps it was something that you said or did. Perhaps someone else that he was seeing became the primary focus, perhaps he had a serious issue come up in his family, perhaps he just lost interest. I would really not put so much into this.
Now you said that this happens to you often. As in a guy that you like starts seeing you and then they lose interest in you. If that is the case, I would suspect that it is probably something that you are doing that is causing men to lose interest. Perhaps too clingy or demanding too much attention. Perhaps too fast or maybe you stay too passive and continue to let the man set the pace and follow his lead and he starts to believe that you are not interested. Who knows? We are not there. Frankly, no one her can figure this out for you. But the timing 9 times out of ten it's just a line to let you down gently. | |
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| Starts out strong/fizzles and only wants to text, not talk?
Posted: 11/3/2011 8:34:16 PM | Happens:
1. Initial excitements of meeting someone from the internet.
2. Some men have anti-social tendencies and are too shy to meet.
3. You don't meet quick enough and perpetuate and enable communication via electronics. | |
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