Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dealing with POF rejection      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Fireflyfrm
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejectionPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I have only been on POF a couple of months but I have felt so much rejection from guys. It seems that more than often I send a nice note to a person after reading a profile and more times than not I get notes like "I have met a nice person and plan to see what happens". I feel if they have found someone they need to GET OFF POF. If I felt "I had met someone and plan to see what happens" I would expect that person to stop searching.
I am an honest, dependable, hardworking, love to travel, fun and sexy person and that is what guys say they want but that is not what they seem to really want.
How do other members deal with the rejection on POF? Give me some support here....PLEASE.
 timetogo3223
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 2
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 7:01:10 AM

How do other members deal with the rejection on POF? Give me some support here....PLEASE.


POF is not real life. I wouldn't give any rejection on here a second thought. Even rejection in real life is not something you want to spend much time on. If you do, you are admitting that you cannot be happy or complete without someone, and that that is your fault. Ain't your fault. It's the way it goes.

Deal with it better by considering POF contacts gravy. The real meat and potatoes are out there walking and breathing and buy gas or walking to church.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 7:20:38 AM
I feel for you, believe me. I lived in a small - though not as small as Beggs - town in OK when I joined POF. Very few of those who claim they are looking for a long term relationship really are. They are mostly looking for a steady weekend date, when it's conveniet for them, who lives within a block or so. I found maybe a handful of men who would have suited me in the whole state, and not one was interested in anything other than the occasional email or phone call. Once I suggested that one man and I meet, after about a year of phone calls and emails, and suddenly I became a stalker, a bunny boiler, and he blocked me on the site.

Online is not real, for most men and women it's a game, they're looking for perfection, not 'Mr or Ms Right for me.' It's like looking through a shiny new catalog chock full of goodies. Or going to a meat market and drooling over a fine filet, then getting nothing because either they can't afford it or don't know how to fix it, but if they can't have what they think they deserve, they won't settle for a sirloin instead.

I did become more or less friendly with some of the people there, mostly through the forums, and from time to time we check in with each other. But one man who said it was a real shame I lived so far away (about 100 miles) ended up flying to Europe and finding someone there. The others are all either happily married now or about to be, to people they met in real life.

Don't take any of it personally, that's the last thing it is.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 4
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 7:39:40 AM
Dear Firefly,

My general advice? If you are sincerely "here" to find genuine friendship and/or love, read as many of the threads on this forum that you feel "ready" to read: they have represented an invaluable learning experience for many other people (including me) who share your reasons for connecting with POF.

Some of what you will read is not easy to process, let alone to absorb. Reality is not always easy to handle. But if you are open and willing to receive the learning shared by the experiences of literally 1000's of adults in this forum alone, you'll have some (certainly not all) answers to your questions/concerns.

If you'd like more personal reply, feel free to send me an e-mail. While i have not found My Someone ----- yet ----- it's been wonderful to find many Special Someones along the way of my own search:) And for these people of sympathy, empathy, social conscience, integrity, wit courage, determination, and grace, i continue to be very thankful
 worknovertime
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 5
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 7:41:09 AM
Do not use POF as your primary means to meet people. You will always be disappointed.

Join meetup.com look for groups near you.
Get out and do the things you like to do.
You will meet people in Real Life.

You are going to meet the men you want to meet if you are out in the real world.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 8:08:20 AM
lol...I'm an expert at POF rejection.
So I will now share my tip with you.
After you get "rejected" sit down in a chair, turn the tv on, crack open a beer and say "fukk 'em"
 nanananancy
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 7
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 8:12:41 AM
I have been soooo grateful to find these forums. They have helped save my sanity I think. I read them often to ground myself to reality, and the fact that thousands of people who are using dating websites are experiencing the same things that I am. I want to mention also to be aware that sociopaths use dating websites to target their victims and there is nothing harder to get over than being the victim of a sociopath. Be aware! Be true to yourself. If something doesn't feel right, listen to your intuition.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 8
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 8:23:00 AM
A couple months on POF is nothing. I finally found the man of my dreams last November and I'd been on here since June 2007. I'd met quite a few men during that time and most are still good friends. They may not have been my match but most have gone on to find the one for them. I know quite a few couples who have met through this site and it does work. One thing they all have in common is that they don't take it too seriously. They are looking for friendship and if something more works out, then it's a bonus. When you take away the stress and craving to find 'THE ONE', you become more relaxed and it becomes a much more enjoyable experience.

We've all had rejections. If every time we met someone and wanted to see how it went and closed our acct, we'd be redoing our profile weekly. Very few close their accts until they are in a serious, longterm relationship and are not interested in keeping up with online friends or participating in the forums. Both my fiance and I still have our profiles here but we also have stated that we are engaged and not interested in meeting anyone for a romantic purpose. I enjoy the forums and he communicates with many of the friends he's met online here. He is their male sounding board... 'What do you think this guy meant when he did this?' or 'Do you think he maybe trying to dump me easily?'. It doesn't bother me that he has female friends he communicates with and it doesn't bother him that I love to gab on the forums and keep in touch with male and female friends on here.

This is not just a DATING site... it is also a SOCIAL site and you need to accept that and not expect people to close their account as soon as they meet someone. Sounds like the guys who've responded to you have been gentlemen who are letting you know what is going on. I'd prefer that to the famous 'No Reply'.

Hang in there. There are lots of good men on this site. Not so sure about Oklahoma though... my ex lives there and if he's any indication of the men there, you are in BIG TROUBLE!!
 Megaladonfishy
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 8:30:54 AM
You'll need thicker skin, I suggest aligator or gila monster, durable yet chic...
All of us who don't fall into the "real hottie" catagory have a boatload of fishy smelling rejections, and or rejects, it's just the way it is
 sunshine051661
Joined: 9/6/2011
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 9:02:56 AM
Amen...But on a serious note. POF is no different then being out in the real world. You are rejected every day. How many people do you reject. It goes both ways.
 sunshine051661
Joined: 9/6/2011
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 9:03:46 AM
How many men have you rejected. It goes both ways.
 luvmtgolf
Joined: 9/2/2011
Msg: 12
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 9:06:00 AM
Classic one for me......The guy posted that he was 60. I thought he looked fabulous for his age and told him so. I wasn't looking to date him at all. His reply was that he was not interested at this time. I laughed out loud. Was going to email him back and let him know his ego was larger than life, but just let it go. It was pretty hilarious though.
You've had some good advice so far. I particularly enjoyed the gila or alligator skin.
Laugh them off and chalk it up to one more fish that wasn't worthy of catching.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 13
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 9:16:19 AM
Seriously, you need to grow thicker skin lady, its like everything else in life its full of up and downs , valley's and peaks, some will think your sexy and some wont, the ones that reject you its because they don't find you appealing to THEM, its not that you're not appealing , its you're not appealing to them. I wonder how many " nice guys " you turned down because they didnt appeal to you physically? works both ways eh.

My advice, grab a espresso, some cannoli's , or some whine with some truffles and relax, then try again.
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 14
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 10:33:30 AM
I could accept rejection a lot better if it were At Least in Writing..!
Of the 147 women on my 'Viewed Your Profile' page,
(And several dozen more that have filtered-out 'Being Seen')
I've probably written to 97% of them.....and received responses from about 1%...!!
I've edited my profile a couple Dozen times, and am now in the proess of taking new pics to post.
(The logic being that my current pics just plain scare them off..!!...D-uuhhh!!)
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 10:59:49 AM
You are here for all the wrong reasons if you think that POF will solve your dating and romantic problems.

If you feel bad and rejected because you have sent out some emails showing interest, and not hearing back, or if you do, they let you down as best they can, imagine how most men feel because they are expected to do the messaging and pursuing......

Try using this site as one of many ways to be out there for others to view you, talk to you, and maybe become a friend, and if something more happens, be happy about it. Many of us have no illusions about POF or any dating site, as a way to fill our date card week in and week out, and we use the site to stay in touch with friends, talk with others that may not be available any other way, and just relax, not expecting our soul mate to show up at our door step.......

This site is no different than going to the grocery store and seeing tons of people shopping, and maybe one will stop you and ask a question, or you will them, but there are no guarantees from that point on, and if one believes that the grocery store is a good way to date, then they can feel the same about POF, instead of thinking that it exists to buy groceries.....

cd.............
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 11:38:19 AM
When you take away the stress and craving to find 'THE ONE', you become more relaxed and it becomes a much more enjoyable experience.


Right on ForumFilly.

OP ... you are taking this site too seriously.

Just because someone has listed on their profile traits that you think you have
It doesn't mean that you hold the magic wand
Maybe they do not find your physical appearance attractive.
That's just the way it is.
Do you find all the men who write to you attractive?
I don't think so.

To me your coming off too desperate
Like you need to be with someone .... any one.

That is not a good combination

Learn to be happy with you first.
 Buckets_of_Sky
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 12:20:22 PM
Oh dear, please don't let this site define you, even for a single minute. If you spend ANY time in the forums you will quickly discover what a mixed-up, crazy, desperate, misguided and yes deceitful and just plain mean bunch of hopeful darting fishies occupy this pond.
Keep in mind this is just a distilled version of the outside world.

I promise that after awhile all of that angst that you have will be but a distant memory. Just be yourself and damn the the torpedoes!

 evskypr
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 18
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 1:28:33 PM
I've been here since June and I have experience the same.Sometimes I just send a greeting 95 percent don't respond and the other 5 percent tell me they already got someone or I live too far.Sometimes I just feel like giving up and sometimes when I browse I see some cuties out there that appeal to me but they don't respond.I'll keep trying
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 1:55:21 PM
firefly ... please don't take it personally or feel rejected when you've put some effort into writing a note to a man who doesn't even bother to respond ... when I've done that and he doesn't even bother to say, "no, thank you!," I remind myself, "well, thank goodness he didn't respond ... I don't need someone that rude in my life!"

I rarely initiate contact with men any more ... 75% to 80% haven't even bothered to respond ... I suspect some of the men MY AGE (oldern dirt) consider it insulting to be approached by a woman (the whole caveman/king of the castle syndrome), the whole ego/superiority thing going for SOME of the older men ...

some may be thinking I'm too old (while still younger than they are!) ... or too fat (still slimmer than many of them) ... or whatever! who knows?

I have gone to multiple meet-greets with men ... and not progressed to a dating situation with more than two of them ... it's hard to find a good fit!! I, too, live in a small town ... mine is in central (rural) California ... I've seen most of the guys I've dated walking down a street, in shops, etc.!

rejection can be painful ... if you let it be ... so I don't let it be painful! I laugh and say, "whew ... I dodged a bullet on THAT one!" and let it go!

good news is ... I'm only looking for ONE man ... if I had a clue where he was, what he looked like ... it would make the search easier! but the quest is part of the fun!

 Iwant2lovesomebodylikeu
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 20
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 2:33:56 PM
I agree with you, my ex was seeing me and still on POF. But then I found out he is a cheater and a liar.
He is still on POF and he uses women, he always needs time to himself, yeah right.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 21
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 3:36:47 PM
Speaking as an expert on rejection (the receiving end), I have 2 words for you:

Ice cream.

Seriously, though....this site and others like it can definitely get you down if you let it.
As you will continue to find out, people online are long on fake talk, and short on genuine action.
That line about having met someone is just that....a line.

Keep connected to real life as much as you can.
 JAD2011
Joined: 1/9/2011
Msg: 22
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 3:51:58 PM
I am in the same boat with you OP.

But ... I don't even rate the "I'm sorry" notes in response ... most of my emails to guys are totally ignored.

I'm not a troll ... not horribly disfigured ... I have a good personality, great sense of humor and I'm not butt ugly for pete's sake. LOL

So I can totally get where you are coming from and while I don't have any idea how to help you deal with the rejection ... I have personally decided to just read and respond on forums ... and wait for the man to email me and go from there.

I pretty much have stopped trying so actively.

JAD
 Fireflyfrm
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 3:54:31 PM
Thank you Evskupr! Thank you for not being so judgemental. BYT I am NOT desperate I do agree I don't have thick enough skin. I either need to change my attitude or remove my profile.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 4:59:39 PM
I agree that one way of dealing with the rejection is to ... stop trying! that'll solve THAT problem!

initially when I posted my profile, I was egged into doing it by a relative who did most of it "for" me ... and I forgot all about it ...

some time later, I remembered Plenty of Fish ... someone sent me an e-mail maybe ... and I became all gung-ho to find someone to spend time with ... to travel with ... go to concerts with ...

THEN reality hit and I got to where you are now ... frustrated with the rejection ...

so I hit the forums and haven't really looked back!

occasionally, some one will contact me ... or I'll read a particularly interesting post and comment ... I've made a few good women friends thru the forums ... I've heard from someone will invite me out occasionally ...

but ... ehhhh ... whatever ... I'm now here for the forums ... if friendship finds me thru PoF, I'll be thrilled ... but ... otherwise ... I'll look for someone in "real life!"



edit: I HAVE been encouraged when fellow PoFers ... from the forums ... you know who you are ... have found love ... way to go!!! and congratulations!
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 5:12:12 PM
OP..people are using POF to meet people. Some of the people they meet are nice, some to them, are worth putting more effort into getting to know.

Just because you're on here, and talking to a few people, doesn't mean they are exclusive to you. This is the type of venue that you are dealing with-it affords you the ability to meet many people (that join). You've not done anything wrong, and from what you have said, no one has "done you wrong", they are following normal dating standards.

This is how POF, and other services like POF, work.
You have the availability to meet numerous people.
Some avail themselves to meeting as many as they can, others kinda latch onto the first one they meet, and work that one out completely before they go on to meeting someone else.

At least they are being honest enough to let you know that their interest has centered in on someone and they are working towards that.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dealing with POF rejection