| | Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?Page 1 of 1 | Since the time I can remember growing up I tried asking girls out and have been turned down because of things like my weight problems yet I also knew men who were more overweight than me that girlfriends. I also was shy a time in my life to and managed to over come that aspect and started venturing out and talking to more people women included however the same results. To be truthful I have been on this site for quite sometime and really its been my only source of success with the opposite sex I can't tell you how many times I have been rejected over and over again and again............But. I have been on several dates over the years including my first relationship earlier this year with a woman in which I wasn't really all that into and I was willing to give her a chance and that ended up in me discovering she was stilling living with her EX boyfriend so I dropped her very quickly being 3 weeks in and not being honest like that.
I try not to have my "standards" that high I think what I'm looking for is very realistic however it seems in my neck of the woods girls come standard with kids. My latest problem has been the whole flaking out deal, girls say they are one thing but when I go and set up the date no response at all or returning my messages. I figure I've got another 5 years left before its officially "To late" for me but I'm starting to feel like that now. My lack of options is hurting me badly, not many single girls here to begin with then the little thats avaliable to me either has kids or just won't date me at all.
Throughout my struggles I have thought about the idea of completely dropping the dream of someday meeting a girl and getting married and living life completely alone and accepting it for what it is. I've come this far in life without ever being in love I can go the rest of the way without it right?
Anyone else experience issues like this?
On a side note I'm very happy with my life, I do wish it was better. I'm working on my "Careers" hopefully someday ill be self employed like I want to and weight loss has never been easy. I'm not sure of its a genetic problem or what even if I diet or excersize it seems to not work at all. Otherwise I do activlity pursue my passions in life to keep my mind away from things like depression or loneliness like it would with most people in my situation. I can say I have an out standing social life with great friends and people in general its just weird to not have experienced a true relationship by now.
Broken heart? I don't know. Frustrated yes. I'm completely burned out from all these years of rejection and coming into reality it might never have meant to be.
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| Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
Posted: 11/8/2011 3:46:33 AM | You're only 25 and your already giving up? Okay. It will take some time to find someone who will appreciate you for who you are. But to just say i'm giving up is a defeatist attitude and won't get you anywhere. How do you figure you have 5 more years to go before it's "too late?"
The one thing i've noticed from some members in their early to mid 20's on here is the sense of instant gratification. Some are used to getting everything they want when they want it. That comes from their upbringing. When they get into the real world and realize things will not be handed to them, they don't know how to react.
People are not going to feel sorry for you because you don't have a girlfriend. It takes time, patience and in some cases a lot of weeding out the bad ones. | |
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| Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
Posted: 11/8/2011 5:32:59 AM | OP - I tend to agree with ^^^02hdf150.
Some people live out their whole lives without finding what you call "true love" so it's a little early for you to despair. Be grateful you have developed "an outstanding social life"! I'm sure there are many people envying you this.
With respect to all the single mums, that's unfortunately the way of this so-called progressive society we live in. Doubtless I'll get flamed for my comments, but decades ago, when Social Security wasn't handed out to single mothers, women took greater care with contraception or their babies were adopted out. Now there's a proliferation of young women who don't want to work and find it easier to get the government to support them. Then they get lonely and want a hubby. Mind you, I do think you men should be more responsible with contrapception also and not put the responsibility solely on the woman. It broke my heart yesterday to read a post by a young man who was about to break off with his SO when she fell pregnant - and now he's stressing out big time and is facing paying child upkeep for the next 16 years. None of which would have happened had he worn his condom. So sad. That said - I'm off my soap box now!
Back to you. At 25, you're young enough to go on a travelling holiday around the world - what's holding you back? I think you can get a visa till you're 28 to work in the EU? Never be afraid to travel - it's a great experience and will develop you in many ways.
Another thought - alter some of your social circles - e.g. swap 1 activity for another. Look for activities where the kind of girls you want to meet may congregate, such as becoming a St John Ambulance Senior 1st Aid Volunteer.
Finally, as a fellow fattie, you just got to work at it all your life; no crash diets - just portion control, stay away from the carbs and sugars, eat heathily and youll do fine.
Good luck.
Blondie. | |
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ro1970
| | Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 4 | |
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| Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
Posted: 11/8/2011 7:40:28 AM | What is UP with this determinist attitude? Giving up already because of a few set backs? Good Lord ..
Look, although relationships may come harder to some of folks , no one is "meant" to be alone forever. You just need to look at what you are doing, at the people you are approaching, at the techniques you are using.
Try to vary your approach a bit and, above everything, fight the urge to lie there enveloped in self-pity. Do the things that make you happy and make you feel good about yourself? Appreciate the good things in your life. Don't think that a relationship will just make everything so much better, because relationships WILL NOT give your life a make-over.
Also the problems with some of you bigger folks is your self esteem, you said it yourself, guys bigger than you gets the girls, ever wondered why? hang out with them for the day and you will notice a few things, 1) they are confident, secure with themselves 2) they have high self esteem which goes hand in hand with confidence and I bet they don't even talk about their weight or see it as a issue.
You can lose the weight all you want , if you think by being thinner will get you the girl of your dreams well guess what bud, Santa Claus has his waterfront condo up for sale overlooking the Sahara desert, I believe its right next to Elvis and Tinkerbell , All sorts of thin, slim , average guys cant meet a woman.
It all starts with your attitude, You need to get confidence, with out it you might as well become a monk or relocate to a desert Island. | |
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| Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
Posted: 11/8/2011 8:08:57 AM | Why not just work on you? I mean seriously, I read this two times and all it is, is you are battling life against yourself. Until you are happy with YOU, how the hell can you be happy with anyone else? Some women, some men come with kids. It is what it is. Some do not. Weight loss? You can do it if you want it bad enough. You think I got this body sitting and talking about it at KFC ( however they do have Grilled chicken now )? No. I followed a plan. A VERY strict one. and a year and a half later, I went from Athletic to more Athletic. Careers ~ find something and do it. Do what will pay the rent.
You say you are happy but I am not buying it. Content , maybe. Lift your head up. Make a plan and follow it. And do it alone for yourself. We all go through periods of depression, feeling alone . That is just life. Even people in relationships feel that way.
At 25, you should be just starting to be independent and happy. Not this drawn out nonsense. Anyone can do anything they want if they stick to it. | |
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| Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
Posted: 11/8/2011 6:13:23 PM | Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
You should be doing that anyway OP. The typical ameriskank only goes after worthless piece of trash losers. Men who are actually worth a darn don't win in the end. And if they do win and find a chick, it won't belong before she's out screwing an outlaw biker or an unemployed alcoholic | |
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| Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
Posted: 11/8/2011 6:23:58 PM | You're 25, and so far you started a couple of topics exposing your lack of confidence, your lack of experince and whatever.
Okay, words from a Daddy. Get outside and play. Expose yourself to more than you have. Try things you never have or ever thought you wished to. Be unsure,but still do. You will never learn or win(if that's the word) unless you are willing to lose. "Giving up" is soooooo negative and well, it's just plain negative. Usually, it's for us old farts, not someone 25!!!!!
I tell it the young girls here, but, might as well tell you. YOU do NOT need another in your life right now. You need to define yourself, and explore all possibilities that you can. That can be jobs,hobbies,life experinces, and yes, even "girls"(they aren't even close to being women yet). Do NOT put too much on value on anyONE of these things,but do discover them. | |
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| Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
Posted: 11/9/2011 6:42:21 AM | Diet and exercise do work. But you have to realise that it takes a lifetime commitment you can't 'diet' for 3 months and expect it to be enough.
You are not happy with you and women can see that from a mile away. Plenty of people that are over weight date a lot. It's all about attitude. | |
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| Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
Posted: 11/9/2011 11:52:13 AM | | I totally agree with the last post. When I lost the one I thought would always be there, it made me take a look at myself. I had gained weight which I have now lost 60lbs., I wanted to improve myself physically and emotional, so I could attract the right person next time. You have to be happy with yourself or you will never attract a good person. You will end up with dishonest people or users, cause they see you are weak and needy. I did it this and I only have myself to blame. Since then I have been on a totally self improvement mission. I have set bounderies and love the people who are positive and care about me. I am not going to look for someone it will happen when it is meant to be. Love yourself and there are so many ways to lose weight now, it is a mind set. GOOD LUCK | |
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| Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
Posted: 11/10/2011 9:05:28 AM | Livia is right ~ people simply need to like themselves first. I have seen over weight people with high self esteem so it is not necessarily the weight issue holding you back OP. however, if you want to lose it, then do it for yourself. Not in hopes to meet someone. I see people who lose weight , date and get fat again. I mean really? SO now back to square one, because they thought weight loss was the ticket to love?
Just get your bearings under control for yourself. Someone will come along or they will not. Dieting is actually simple. If you put your mind to it. Make some goals. And realistic ones. And do not worry about what other people think of you. It is what it is. I hear crap all the time for being a body builder ~ I just smile. Because I know i worked hard for this, and it is for ME. Not because I need some relationship.
Good luck, and congrats to you to Livia ~ keep it up. | |
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| Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
Posted: 11/17/2011 1:57:20 PM | Yeah, it may be that you'll be alone all your life. I've given up the idea of meeting someone (and no, I'm not overweight, in fact never had trouble attracting men) I've been married and had relationships. But at my age I've come to the conclusion that for a variety of reasons there will be no long term relationship for me to walk into my sunset years with. I'm not sad about it it is what it is.
When I was your age I still believed but if I could have fast forwarded to now I wouldn't have suffered as much wishing, hoping, worrying etc. I would have gotten on with my life emotionally (I got on with my life from the outside but wasted too many years being upset about my personal life.) I have some dreams that I still am pursuing-more travel, more schooling for a career change, adopting/fostering children etc. I can't wait around for a fantasy man/relationship who's going to be on the same page as I am. Of course it helps to be a middle aged woman whose libido is gone.  At your age there's still that which is a pain in the a** (or some other body part.) | |
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| Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
Posted: 11/17/2011 4:59:49 PM | Man I get where you're coming from. I really do. I have weight problems too. It's just the opposite end of the spectrum. I'm super skinny...tried all manner of pills, potions, diet plans, etc. I stayed committed and nothing still worked. Girls just don't want the short skinny guys either. I understand the being shy too.
We both know all those posts above me are correct. I understand thought that's it's difficult to keep your head up.
Just know that you're not the only ones with those feelings. Keep faith..hopefully one day our time will come. | |
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| Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
Posted: 11/17/2011 9:33:45 PM |
Blanquito
If you are skinny at least you can bulk up at the gym??? Cant help being short but personality goes a long way and you can find tiny girls I am sure.
In time you will mature and be moré sure of yourself. | |
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| Is it time to give up and live life without a SO?
Posted: 11/17/2011 9:37:15 PM | The dating sites are not the places to find genuine women, in general. They play and lie just like men do....from what I hear and are not who they represent themselves as. Even the pics may not be genuine. Be careful.
I would stop trying to find a partner and that is when it may happen. When you are relaxed and not expecting anything.....If you have weight problems you can work out and eat right. YOu are like most men on here with little or no response. It is normal.
Dont put a time limit on finding anyone. You will mature and someone can come along when the time is right.......Not everyone is meant to marry by the same token either. | |
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