| | Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | I'm just curious how many other folks in our age bracket like to make friends with people through the forums? I have "met" a few folks here I like to check in with occasionally, and I love to read their forum posts. I have seen younger people write things like, "I already have enough friends. . . " and maybe that is also meant more in relation to real life--I mean, who does not have time for an interesting email conversation occasionally with someone who lives far away? I'm not talking about "penpals," either--something you feel you must keep up. I'm talking more about the spontaneous friendship(s) that seem to arise when you write (or receive) a message saying, "hey, I liked what your wrote and you have a great profile. How's your luck been on POF and what do you think about X, Y, Z." Then you see and respond in the same forums and occasionally have a private chat about things.
So, do you have "forum buddies" and what types of conversations do you have off-forum? (I want to make sure there is an explicit question in here b/c that's what the forum rule is, right?) Would you like to meet a FF IRL or have you and, if you dare, are you secretly wishing that FF didn't live 2000 miles away? (Oh, and I did a search and this question has not been addressed specifically in our age group, nor has it garnered as much interest outside of some threads in specific states/provinces). | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/13/2011 2:15:56 PM | I have quite a few - more than I've ever had dates, anyway. Most end up on facebook, a few haven't, a few I have phone conversations with.
Conversations? Everything under the sun, from comparing notes on posts/posters to family problems to upcoming marriages. Just like ordinary people. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/13/2011 4:34:13 PM | I have seen younger people write things like, "I already have enough friends. . . This is my perspective. Cyber friendship, imo, is not any more real than a cyber relationship. It's an illusion. Friendships and relationships are something that happen in RL. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/13/2011 4:46:44 PM | Cyber friendship, imo, is not any more real than a cyber relationship. It's an illusion.
Hmmm...beg to differ. There are a number of people here I like, respect, confide in and would most likely hang with were it not a distance issue.
Just because you don't see them face-to-face does not make them any less a friend. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/13/2011 5:10:06 PM | ^agreed...friends are friends, no matter how often you get to see them.
have made some wonderful friends and acquaintances here since 2006 from australia, canada and the 'states.
some i have met. a few have visited me here in oz, i have met up with others on my travels. if it wasn't for the distance involved we would certainly meet up more often and have even more fun.
i keep in contact with most of them, a lot via facebook... | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/13/2011 6:42:34 PM | I have not yet achieved buddy status with any other posters, but feel some kinship with those whose views tend to be similar to mine. And then there are those that I find intriguing just because. 
There are definitely some regulars whose posts I enjoy reading, and I’d embrace any opportunity to get to know them IRL. Makes me wonder if the personas I have created in my imagination are anything like the reality. I don't know if they also look for and/or read my posts, but I do feel they provide insight into my character.
I have had several non-posters contact me regarding my entries and want to discuss specific topics, and I have yet to decline. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/13/2011 6:53:15 PM | Personally, great topic... as I have a long time FF from another dating site - friendship came about as a result of her chuckling over a joke of mine... and we just found that had a basis for friendship. {based on interpretation of written word and context}
I'd love to get over to Illinois to see her {and I was so close just earlier this year but missed out} - we cheer each other on when it comes to events happening in our lives and I feel it would be so much better if I could do it for her over a cuppa and Friday night chat.
I've often read a comment on forums and thought, wow - someone who 'gets it'... and that leads me to check out a profile - am sometimes tempted to write the person {a couple of blokes I have... just to say 'great thoughts' but I guess they think I'm coming onto them tsk tsk, as if I should be so brazen (yeah, I know - just a perception)} Hmmm, might make more of an effort in the future as a result of this discussion.
Hmmm, wonder if I had better change my paremeters to seek long term from individuals overseas??? lol 
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/13/2011 6:55:14 PM | Yes, a lot of us have very good friends we've met here on the forums. I have friends here in the States, Canada, England, New Zealand and Australia. My fiance, Dave, is Australian and he came here so we could meet. He's been here twice this year so we could spend time together and I also went with him to Australia for 3 months to continue our relationship. While in Oz, he and I also got to meet other online friends, including our 'matchmaker'. Dave has a number of American friends he's met online and then met in person on his annual visits to the States. I've gotten to meet quite a few of them with him.
As others have said, FB is a great way to keep in touch with forum and other online friends. Most women in our age group never think you can have too many friends. We love to check in with each other via FB, forums, emails or phone calls. Don't hesitate to contact someone with whom you feel a friendly connection. Most likely they will respond favorably.
Shelley | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/13/2011 7:45:13 PM | in my life, I, too, disagree with you Winter w/Flowers ... for ME, of course ...
my cyber friends are friends whose company I enjoy ... we weather storms together ... illnesses ... joys ...
in fact, due to differences in time zones, etc. ... in "real life," we probably couldn't be as friendly as we are online ... when a friend from Canada writes me something (usually in Facebook) ... I sometimes don't notice it for several hours ... but it warms me anyway and I respond ... we cheer each other on ...
I have "real life" friends ... but getting together due to time issues gets in the way! whereas, my internet friends are always "here!"
there are others posting on this very thread who I've communicated with outside the forums ... I think these are prefectly valid friendships!
I never understand when people say they have "enough friends" ... in my life, there's always room for more ...
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/13/2011 8:53:03 PM |
My fiance, Dave, is Australian and he came here so we could meet. He's been here twice this year so we could spend time together and I also went with him to Australia for 3 months to continue our relationship.
I've been meaning to say CONGRATS!  I remember running across past forum posts...I've been on and off. You guys give me hope for the future! Just never know what surprises are just around the corner...or around the world apparently! | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/13/2011 9:20:18 PM | I've made many good friends here in the forums, and I'm so glad the forum link was restored to the main page so we can keep having an influx of new participants.
Some of those friendships are strictly email, some I've spoken with, some I've been able to meet on my travels or theirs. They do add value to my life, even if they're a bit harder to hug across cyber space. I still cherish my 'real time' friends, but living out in the boonies as I do I sometimes go a couple of days without a face to face conversation with anyone, so having my forum 'family' to check in with means a lot to me. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/13/2011 10:08:48 PM | I have quite a few forums friends and have met many of them IRL- planning on meeting a few more in the future. Many have become dear friends.
We discuss everything that people discuss IRL. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/13/2011 11:56:49 PM | don't really have any friends here on POF. And that is intentional. I don't really have any friends outside of POF. That is intentional, also. I don't believe you can really make friends on a web site. You can be "friendly" and they can also. But I don't believe you can be "friends" without ever meeting someone. So, I an friendly to a couple of people on this site, but I know we will never be friends.
BTW: a friend is someone who feels they have the right to screw you before anyone else does! And not in a good way!
JMO | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/14/2011 2:36:23 AM |
While in Oz, he and I also got to meet other online friends,
Like me 
I had the pleasure of meeting Shelley and Dave when they were in Melbourne and there's many (more)in the Forums id love to meet and id love to name them,but it may be against da Rules?
Some intrigue me and some make me wanna flip my lid but id still like to meet them  | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/14/2011 3:18:26 AM | So, do you have "forum buddies" and what types of conversations do you have off-forum?
Yes and the conversations are all over the map, same as with people I've met in real life.
This is my perspective. Cyber friendship, imo, is not any more real than a cyber relationship. It's an illusion. Friendships and relationships are something that happen in RL.
Some are. Some aren't. I have a number of forum penpals and some are friends enough that my fiancee and I plan to visit them. In fact, I've known two women here longer than I've known my fiancee and I've known her for 2 1/2 years. There's no reason you can't meet people and make friends online. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/14/2011 7:31:35 AM | | 55% of communication is with body language. You can't do that over the internet. Also, spending time, real time with a person, is how a friendship grows and develops. Maybe it depends on your definition of 'friend.' Having met in RL someone you've met on the internet of course changes things somewhat, but not being with someone in real time, in the flesh, a good amount of time is not a realistic measurement of how in depth and enduring a relationship is. It is interesting that the very people who claim quite adamantly that a romance isn't real until you meet in person and spend time together are claiming quite adamantly that a friendship is real although you may have never met the person or only spent a brief amount of time with them. Odd. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/14/2011 8:31:57 AM |
55% of communication is with body language. You can't do that over the internet. Also, spending time, real time with a person, is how a friendship grows and develops. Maybe it depends on your definition of 'friend.' Having met in RL someone you've met on the internet of course changes things somewhat, but not being with someone in real time, in the flesh, a good amount of time is not a realistic measurement of how in depth and enduring a relationship is.
Two of my oldest friends - we go back to grade school and jr high - are friends I haven't seen IRL for over 40 years, but we stay in contact online. Another one I 'met' online about 15 years ago, and we've been in regular contact since then - gone through deaths, births, marriages on both sides... there's the occasional phone call and her husband usually insists on an update on my life before he calls her to the phone.
Some of them are in wheelchairs or have other physical issues. Body language is irrelevant - some of them simply don't have enough control over their bodies. Would you say that people with severe disabilities can't have or be friends because of that 55%? If you're blind or deaf and can't see or hear, does that mean they can't interpret body language properly? Not being critical, just hoping to give some people cause to rethink their definitions of what friendship and communcation can or can't be. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:02:03 PM |
It is interesting that the very people who claim quite adamantly that a romance isn't real until you meet in person and spend time together are claiming quite adamantly that a friendship is real although you may have never met the person or only spent a brief amount of time with them. Odd. Well, I sure don't fit into this category. My fiance and I developed a very strong relationship online prior to us meeting 4 1/2 months later. It's only gotten stronger as time goes on. Also, our dear friend and 'matchmaker' has been like a sister to me since we first started communicating 2 1/2 yrs ago and when we finally met in person, it was as if we'd known each other all our lives. Very strong bonds can develop online, especially when you add voice and video calls to the relationship, which we do. Some people are more reserved when it comes to getting to know people and others can immediately connect with someone they've never seen in person. I take it that you are one of the former and I'm definitely one of the latter. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/14/2011 1:06:03 PM | @ Msg 16 - I know where you're coming from but it's not so different from pen pals.
The point is it often leads to real life meeting and what you would call "proper" friendship.
But even if it doesn't, who's to judge, really? An online buddy could be really supportive and vice versa, who's to say that's invalidated because they haven't met? | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/14/2011 1:46:36 PM | ^^^Who's judging? I expressed an opinion. People really don't get the difference between a value judgement and an opinion.  If you take everything someone says and censure it by saying they are being judgmental, what you are really doing is saying they cannot express any opinions that conflicts with your own. And I didn't say an online 'buddy' was invalid, only that it exists within a limited scope. I don't believe it is true friendship. My opinion. Which you are trying to invalidate by saying it is a judgment. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/14/2011 2:55:41 PM | I work weird hours
so am selective with who I can share my limited time with.
Have a few forum buds who I also chat with in FB.
What I try to avoid is being the online guy crutch
for some lonely woman who lives in some far off swamp with no guys about.
I cannot fill that role.
AS for those I do email intermittently
(or rather put up with me intermittently)
eh...just resonate on some level.
hard to quantify. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/14/2011 4:59:01 PM | | Well, I haven't reached 'buddy' status with other forum posters, but I do have to say I enjoy the forums. Shyness keeps me from sending messages to other posters, but I'm working on that! As for building a friendship ... why not? A friend is a friend, no matter where/how you meet that person. As for younger people (or maybe just some people or even one person) feeling they have enough friends in the 'real world,' I look at it as their opinion. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/14/2011 6:02:38 PM | To my way of thinking POF is much more than a dating site...the forums have acted as a catalyst for making friends, both male and female. When I think about it, it's actually quite ironic in that I have formed more friendships than I have made romantic connections....and I'm okay with that.
And on that note, I want to share my story, my opinion, my thoughts with regards to on-line friendships.
I also want to make it clear that for me, discovering and participating in PoF forums has been a great learning experience...and, as crazy as this sounds to some...very fulfilling as well in many respects.
Like I said, I may not have made any romantic connections but it has allowed me the opportunity to connect and meet people in my similiar situation that I would not have been able to do otherwise.
And yes, a couple of years ago...I flew half way across the country to meet cyber friends that I had been chatting with for over six months. We decided that it was about high time we met. So we set a date and each of us made the necessary arrangements It took months and months to plan as there were nine of us involved...all meeting for the first time
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As it turned out, a friend was able to arrange for us to stay at a lakeside cabin down in Alabama... which we dubbed "The Bunkhouse" And so began the first "Alabama Hoedown"
Being cyber friends for so long, we had plenty of time to get to know one another. So when we finally did meet....it was like we had known one another all along, like we were old friends re-connecting.....we just meshed. Good thing too cause we had to share not only the cabin but all costs, cooking and clean -up duties...lol
Five incredible days, we were together constantly. Each day was filled with well planned activities from sunrise to sunset.
We toured the Cathederal Caverns, visited the aquaruim and sailed down the Tennessee River on a paddle boat. What an amazing experience. Most evenings were spent playing board games, frolicing in the pool or just sittting around chatting up a storm. Someone even brought along water guns...oh gosh, what a blast, we behaved like kids. Who said you can't go back.. lol. In some respects, five days wasn't long enough....or maybe it was just long enough. Anyhow....many strong bonds were formed.
I cannot say enough good things about this meet-up. An experience of a lifetime really. If anyone would have told me I would be flying across the country to meet people I "met"on line I would have thought them crazy...But yet I did it. And I would do it again.
But it doesn't end there...the best was yet to come. Out of that came love. One couple have since decided that they wanted much more than friendship, so he packed up and moved to Oregon to be with her. They were married last year and have recently bought a new home. Happy as clams....
As for me....I am still in touch with those same friends (all now on Facebook) and we still get together whenever we have the chance.
And to think.....PoF provided the venue for my cyber friends to become my friends in real life. *Big Grin*
...mae | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:27:36 PM | | Wonderful story, Mae! Let me know when the next get-together is and Dave & I will do our best to attend also! I would so love to meet so many of our forum and facebook friends. | |
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| Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:58:02 PM | | Why not? I have a number of friends from another site and a couple of them have become very dear to me - we get together in person when we can, and keep in touch via all of the electronic means when we can't. For those who are too far away - heck, everyone has old neighborhood and school friends who have scattered to the four winds, and no doubt still consider those folks as friends even if e-communications are the only way that the connection has been maintained. Why should "we-met-online" friends be any different? | |
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