| | Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40sPage 1 of 15 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15) | I am done with the guys looking for just a sex partner. I believe in waiting for it to be the right time to have sex. Ive been married before and had those FWB relationshps. I am at the point in my life where I want the whole package.
Ladies: Do you feel the same way?
Guys: Do any of you actually respect a woman if she says I want to get to know you better befoer we jump in bed or do you just move on before even having a date?
thoughts? | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/13/2011 7:46:47 PM | | Men dont settle down anymore. I hate to say it but they dont. Find a younger mand and get good sex out of it lol cause its more fun that a divorced 30s guy with 4 kids who wants a relationship | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/13/2011 7:49:13 PM | thats my point I dont want just sex...
If I am not good enough to date I am not good enough to have sex with either.. all that does is still leaves one alone on holidays and weekends...
I guess it works for some but not for all.... | |
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cvm81
| | Joined: 8/29/2011
Msg: 4 | |
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/13/2011 8:09:06 PM | | I don't want just sex either. Good men are sooo hard to find. I think if a man is interested in something more meaningful he should be willing to wait until the time is right. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/13/2011 9:17:41 PM | At risk of being castrated here, I'll toss my two cents in.
I don't speak for all men, obviously, but I have enough respect for women to wait. My last relationship went almost 2 months before we had sex. I think there are good men out there, it's just a matter of weeding through all the bs to find them.
On the same note, who's to say we are all just after sex? I chose not to pursue a relationship once after a few dates because I did not feel things were 'clicking'. I went the 'friends' route and I was accused of bailing since I did not get sex within two dates. Just food for thought. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/13/2011 9:30:00 PM |
Guys: Do any of you actually respect a woman if she says I want to get to know you better befoer we jump in bed or do you just move on before even having a date?
Depends on what she says and how she says it and what I know about her up until that point.
If she comes up with rules that I have to follow I tend to not "respect" her since that seems to mean (from the OP) I will move on.
If she automatically assumes, says and/or behaves like I am "really" some sort of torpid sex fiend running amok (or that all men are until they are tamed by the "right" woman), then I tend to lose "respect" (how it's defined here) for her.
If she has some sort of idealized relationship package she thinks is going to bring her happiness, and I am basically a cog with a boner and she doesn't want to deal with the boner until after she knows the cog can make her happy button machine work, then I tend to lose "respect" for her.
Or basically I would not respect a woman if she said something like "I want to get to know you better before we jump in bed," or, "you need to stop trying to get me into bed without getting to know me," or something that is dictating and controlling my behavior.
Personally, I really hate "couplespeak" like the mysterious "we" which doesn't exist, and I am especially repelled by the "you have to, you need to," demands.
I would more "respect" a woman if she said something more like "I want to get to know you better before I jump into bed with you," or, "I need to slow down my behavior because I am focused more on that than I am paying attention to who you are and want to get to know you better, more than just being attracted to you." And then she follows it up with her behavior.
Or if she wasn't reciprocating my advances at all I would more "respect" a woman if she said something more like "I am attracted to you, I am just not comfortable yet in your advances." And then if I didn't get the "hint" from direct communication about what she has a problem with, then break up with my handsy tentacley ass. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/13/2011 10:29:33 PM | Guys: Do any of you actually respect a woman if she says I want to get to know you better befoer we jump in bed or do you just move on before even having a date?
Let's put it this way. I wouldn't date someone who thought she needed a long time to get to know me that well.
thats my point I dont want just sex...
I would just go out with a friend or go out byself rather than date someone if I had no interest in sex. That's part of the whole package. No sex, no whole package. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/13/2011 11:11:09 PM | I guess it depends on the man..If a guy just met you and he is trying to get you into bed then HE JUST WANTS SEX...I dunno about you ladies but I can tell when a guy wants just sex or a relationship.
You got to remember, men are a strange species..and they dont think like us...They think SEX SEX SEX...omg i hope i dont have to regret this..lol | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:51:50 AM | Don't tar us all with the same brush. Not all men are the same. I am certainly not just after sex, I want a relationship.
You have to remember you chose the men you date and if you don't vet them properly or you give them reason to believe that's who you are then that is who you will get.
Everyone is different and as hard as it is you need to not give in and wait for the right type of person for you. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/14/2011 7:48:46 AM | What am emotive issue that is. But it is clear that not ALL men are the same, but you will find a great many on this site, why is that? I have my own thoughts on THAT issue.
Any person can only speak for themselves, there is not one person on this planet who has the right to judge another, a mile walked in another mans shoes etc..but clearly yes, some men are out and out scumbags......but so are some women. Its a people thing, nothing more.
For me, I need to have an attraction to a woman before I can even think of going to bed with her, that attraction starts in the brain. If a woman hasn't got anything sensible to say or cannot structure a conversation, then its going nowhere for me. In addition to this, I dont see the point in mindless feelingless sex, its far better if you know the partner AND LIKE the partner. People who simply want sex are just predictors, and as such you should expect to be treated in a certain way.
As for THIS site? Be careful what you put on your profile. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/14/2011 8:10:42 AM |
Ladies: Do you feel the same way?
Guys: Do any of you actually respect a woman if she says I want to get to know you better befoer we jump in bed or do you just move on before even having a date
Hmmm. This makes me wonder what "type" of men you've been meeting/dating as I've not had this issue. I've never had one NOT willing to wait some reasonable amount of time. "Reasonable" to me is likely different than what it means to others, but the way I found to extract those looking for an intimate encounter from the rest? Don't meet too soon. Take some time in email, then phones, etc. If someone wishes to know you, they'll want to know you before they see you naked. Not that they don't want to see you naked, but those who are sincere are more than willing to get to know you first. At least that seems the way it is when I finally meet/date someone. (And like others here, I don't wait for extended periods of time any more ~ if there is no sexual compatibility? There's no reason to waste one another's time. I think it takes a number of dates to get to that point, but it doesn't take months and months to determine if there's possibility of something more than just simple dating.) JMO  | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/14/2011 8:30:43 AM |
Men dont settle down anymore. I hate to say it but they dont.
BS
I would love to settle down with the right person !
Would I have a problem with someone wanting to get to know me before jumping into bed right away ?
Not at all - within reason, I mean I wouldn't want to wait TOO long. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:36:45 AM | | I respect women who are honest with me about what they want. I return that by being honest as well. I think you are on a better track with 'getting to know better' than some stupid number of dates rule. The best way to move to sex is when you both are boiling over like two tea kettles. You know when it should happen for you and the best match will not only respect it but will appreciate it! I would never forget about a date based on getting to know someone. It is an essential part to me. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/14/2011 11:17:23 AM | Guys: Do any of you actually respect a woman if she says I want to get to know you better befoer we jump in bed or do you just move on before even having a date
I think it depends on the way the message is communicated. I don't think it is an unreasonable request, at all. But men in general don't like to be nagged/lectured/etc. Some of us would gladly wait a little while. We're not going to bother if you make it seem as if you have fire-and-brimstone hatred in your heart for anyone who has ever enjoyed casual sex or had a lascivious thought prior to marriage, though.
My advice: state your intentions and goals and why they are important to you, e.g. "It means a lot to me to get to know someone prior to becoming physically intimate because I am looking for a committed, loving relationship" and leave out the judgmental disgust over any relationship or situation that doesn't mirror your vision of bliss. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/14/2011 11:34:16 AM | I guess I should have clarified better, yes of course reasonable waiting time. Im not talking forever.
Thank you all for your thoughts... | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:28:33 PM | I sort of just do the natural route. Most of the time, things just lead to it within a few dates. Now sometimes the problem I have is that once it does get to that point of intimacy, it seems we are THEN in a full blown relationship in her eyes.
To me that is not the case and we part ways or continue getting to know each other. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/14/2011 5:19:15 PM | Take this personally if you want, but, you sound like a woman trying to use sex as a tool. Don't blame me, blame the way you wrote it out, and are asking the questions. I believe(just a guess) you have been hanging around some classics,but believe that if you decide to make a new "rule" everything will be okay. Ummmm, it won't, unless you change a few things about your picking whom you date. It isn't the sex that is getting you the morons, it's your mind and brain.
Just sayin. | |
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ro1970
| | Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 19 | |
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/14/2011 5:43:19 PM | Well.....since I've been on my own (6 plus years now) I am finding that more and more men don't want to settle down.
Many in my age gap - that being 40 plus, seem have the view that they served their time - being married that is, and now it's their turn to go have some fun provided they don't have their kids due to custody arrangements. - Fun being hitting the bar/party scene and maybe taking someone home for the night.
They want to get laid and go on to the next thing. Nothing more, nothing less.
As a result, I have pretty much walked away from the whole shooting match.
It just isn't worth it. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/14/2011 8:01:15 PM |
Many in my age gap - that being 40 plus, seem have the view that they served their time - being married that is, and now it's their turn to go have some fun provided they don't have their kids due to custody arrangements. - Fun being hitting the bar/party scene and maybe taking someone home for the night.
They want to get laid and go on to the next thing. Nothing more, nothing less.
...yea I think this is true somewhat. I know this is what I did when I first got divorced. Many men have to continue to pay for their divorces and child support well into their 50s so many simply aren't willing to get involved with a woman long term for risk of it happening all over again.
Many of my male friends are this way, especially the ones that still have some money after their divorce. They simply date to get laid, and then move on, so if a potential mate doesn't want to hit the sack in a few short dates, its move on to the next one and try again. As a guy, If you have decent looks and some money to throw around in your 40s you do have a few "options" out there, and I can see how it would frustrate those that are looking for a long term relationship. Best to be up front about what you want and that way you avoid any heartbreak when things don't go your way........ | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/15/2011 4:38:21 AM | I think most men get a bad rep from the few bad apples out there. Men are sensitive and do want to know that our feelings are considered, how could we ever expect that if all we were thinking about was sex?
Don't get me wrong, sex matters, but it is a "big" - "small" part of a relationship, let's face it, how long do you really spend making love?
Bottom line: there are plenty of us out here that also wish to wait, anticipate, enjoy the build-up, and most importantly, make sure the chemistry is really there for the sex to be DYNAMITE!!!!
Thanks for asking. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/15/2011 6:43:10 AM | | I went 17 years between the first time I had sex and the second time. Just never saw it as a serious priority. Sex should be a benefit of a relationship not the reason for it. When we get older we can't do it as often anyhow. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/15/2011 6:44:53 AM | | Also, there are different types of girls. Some you wanna date and some you just wanna fool around with. Girls that I call "barflies" (girls who go the bar every weekened) I just can't take seriously as a girlfriend. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/15/2011 8:32:09 AM |
I went 17 years between the first time I had sex and the second time. Just never saw it as a serious priority. Sex should be a benefit of a relationship not the reason for it. When we get older we can't do it as often anyhow.
Serious question: do you sincerely believe that this line of reasoning makes sense in any reality that exists external to the one you've conjured in your own mind? | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/15/2011 9:25:07 AM | | I respect a women that wants to wait.Thats not all im looking for im looking fo a partner in every sence of the word.If I feel shes worth the wait then deffinatly.I may not make it easy for her to want to wait but I do respect it.Theres realy no time line on how long a woman makes you wait.It realy just depends on how much attractions there and if all the right buttons are pushed in all the right ways. | |
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