TDH49
| | Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 1 | |
| | Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | I got a very odd message in my box yesterday. So odd in fact that I started a thread asking other posters what it meant. I replied to the message asking the person to clarify it for me. This morning I got a even more confusing message as a response. Thinking someone was screwing with my head I fired off a rude reply to the second message.
After reading the reply from her to my rude message a light went off in my head and it downed on me that maybe this person wasn't playing games at all. So I sent her a message saying it's very confusing trying to communicate with her via email if she liked I would love to try on the phone and sent her my number. She called a few minutes later and as soon as I heard her voice I knew she was mentally challenged and I felt like I needed to go find a rock to crawl under and die for sending that rude message.
I found out her sister helped her with her profile, guessing sis help with the phone call too. But I started to wonder just how safe online dating was for a woman like her? I mean I see women without her challenges complaining everyday about safety. How can online dating be safe for a mentally challenged person?
Should they be online? I know that sound like a stupid question but should we not be protecting those who can't protect themselves? Is it ok to have the mentally challenged dating online even if they are supervised? | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/14/2011 8:42:34 PM | Maybe because she's mentally challenged she feels like she has no hope. Her sister not being a professional in this area figured just getting her out to there and communicating with people might be the best approach?
I remember I attempted to interpret that message haha. I feel horrible for laughing.
To answer your question. I would definitely think that mentally impaired individuals to that degree who can't communicate even reasonably coherently shouldn't be on the site. Not just because they can easily be taken advantage of (although it makes my skin crawl to think of what type of depraved individual would do that) but also because frankly it's not likely they'll find someone here.
For clarification. (just in case Gwen reads this)
Mentally impaired by my qualification would be: Downs syndrome, severe forms of autism (not aspergers), severe forms of mental retardation that reduce communicability. | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/14/2011 8:53:11 PM | If a mentally challenged person cannot communicate or understand the basics of communication they shouldn't be online, but I find it hard to believe someone that is mentally challenged, I suspect you mean the un -politically correct term " retarded" they wouldn't know how to navigate online , and if they have a sibling helping them, shame on the sibling for putting the mental challenge person in harms way
There are strange people out there but I dont think they are mentally challenge, although after reading some threads , posts and what not I swear some of them should be locked up | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:00:58 PM | I think there are plenty of mentally ( especially if you count emotionally ) challenged people on here already. All you have to do it look at the Jerry Springer like mentality that comes out in the forums to substanciate that . I guess it all depends on whose definition of mentally challenged you are using... If you were to eliminate all those who
cannot communicate or understand the basics of communication
Then the number of people in this pond might be greatly diminished.
. | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:03:54 PM | Wow!!! What a situation. I actually have a friend with a son with Down's Syndrome and he is nearly 20 and still cannot be left alone without a babysitter that is specially trained to care for him (only herself and a few of her family members can watch him).
I would DEFINITELY not recommend a site like this for someone like him because he does NOT have any concept of what is acceptable and not acceptable to do. He has exposed himself to fellow students several times at school even though he has been in serious trouble for it. He also has no concept of what is right and wrong in social situations. I attended a funeral where he and my friend were also there and he kept trying to plant kisses on my cheek and put his arm around me during the service and I kept having to tell him to stop it. A person of regular intelligence would realize that it was HIGHLY inappropriate to do especially at a funeral.
I would say it depends on how functional they are, and since most people with Downs, etc. have a caregiver that should monitor what they are doing online and make it clear with anyone communicating with them that they have mental disabilities (Not to be unkind, but to avoid mishaps such as what happened to you) | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:07:06 PM | If someone wants to take their chances in here....
that is their choice.
I would hope those who are mentally challenged
would have someone ride shotgun with em.
and just keep an eye on em.
Cus dating is challenging enuff for those of us without mental issues. | |
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TDH49
| | Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 8 | |
| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:21:29 PM | If someone wants to take their chances in here....
that is their choice. At first glance this way my frame of mind too until I gave it some serious thought. Online dating is just riddled with mine fields, it's hard enough to navigate even for the mentally strong. I can't even begin to imagine how bad it would be for a retarded woman/man. Saying they could get taken advantage of might just be the understatement of the year. | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:27:43 PM |
just how safe online dating was for a woman like her?
Probably no more or less safe than being offline.
Possibly more safe (online) to tell you the truth.
I knew of a "mentally handicapped" woman that was given the chance to live a "normal" life.
She lived above a restaurant, where she worked as a dishwasher/busboy.
Whenever she got lonely, or bored, or just weird she would sometimes go outside naked, and/or leave her apartment door open, or just try and bring home strangers that walked by.
She has had everything stolen several times (even though all of her stuff is from goodwill), and her sister (who kind of looks out for her as possible) thanks god the "mentally handicapped" woman was sterilized at a young age because she knows she would have gotten pregnant several times over.
IMO online dating is populated by a lot of bottom feeders. Doesn't mean they will all, or are more likely to, start feeding sub strata just because they may think it's easier.
The "upside" to online dating is it allows for at least some kind of barrier.
If the woman is "mentally handicapped" enough she could lose interest in the conversation quick enough.
She might not be all that capable of giving out her address, or location.
She might not be able to remember setting up any dates.
And her caregiver might have some control over the situation and the people the other is meeting.
If it was a part of my life I would much prefer saying "sure, here's a keyboard, you want to talk to people, go for it," rather than "here's a 20, go find yourself a nice sailor."
Should they be online?
IMO being online should be licensed just like driving.
You get one identity, and it's backed up with birth certificate, history, address, some sort of potential paper trail.
should we not be protecting those who can't protect themselves?
Do you have any proof there is anyone "mentally handicapped" that isn't being protected to some degree?
And to what degree do we protect them? Keep them in cages and let visitors come to look between the hours of 9 and 3?
Is it ok to have the mentally challenged dating online even if they are supervised?
"Have the mentally challenged dating online" kind of denotes promoting it. Like pushing them towards it.
I don't think anyone really promotes or advertises online dating specifically towards "mentally challenged." Although "mongoloiddating.com" would be an awesome website name.
And you know how far it goes in this society when one group tries to keep another group from doing something "for their own good."
So it's not really promoted, nor are they segregated from participation. | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/14/2011 10:13:43 PM | Speaking from experience of having a family member with mental disability:
Aside from chronical age and mental acuity not being equal in most cases, there is a lack of experience and understanding when dealing with "average person" communication (i.e. subtle nuance in conversation). They will guilelessly accept anyone who represents themselves as a friend because they do not have the tools the "average person" has to weed out those that may do them harm.
Is it safe?, my answer is "no."
MrsF | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/14/2011 10:15:32 PM | People with problems are everywhere.
One in 25 people are considered a sociopath and I've encountered a couple in real life. Then there are those with personality disorders, bi-polar disorders, and other serious mental problems.
We all need to be careful. | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/14/2011 10:20:07 PM |
I found out her sister helped her with her profile, guessing sis help with the phone call too. But I started to wonder just how safe online dating was for a woman like her? I mean I see women without her challenges complaining everyday about safety. How can online dating be safe for a mentally challenged person?
My initial reaction is BS 
After thinking about what you wrote, in total, I am still siding with my BS meter pegging out.
Mind you, not you..but the situation you are describing, and that is I think you're being duped by a couple of game players.
In response to should mentally challenged people be on the internet? Well, look at all of them and tell me it isn't common! 
All joking aside, on the internet..no big deal. With or without "sis's" help.
On a dating site, even with "sis's" help..NFW.
I still think you are being duped by a couple of jokesters. | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/15/2011 6:15:05 AM | She called a few minutes later and as soon as I heard her voice I knew she was mentally challenged
How can you tell from hearing her voice? People with cerebral palsy have difficulty speaking, but are not at all mentally deficient.
How can online dating be safe for a mentally challenged person?
I dunno. Define mentally challenged. I'm sure different people might have different ideas about what ``mentally challenged'' means, so without a bright line that differentiates between those of us who aren't mentally challenged and those of us who are, your question is a non-sequitur. Also, from what I've read in the forums, online dating isn't safe for a lot of people who are presumably smart enough to know better. Does that mean the standard ought to be higher than your question might imply?
One woman I met when I was dating, invited me over to her house for a first meet. She had me show up at 8:00 so she could put her 3 year old to bed and have him asleep when I arrived. To the best I could tell, she was of average intelligence, yet inviting a stranger to her house was pretty stupid. Inviting a stranger to her house where she has her 3 year old kid asleep was beyond stupid. Online dating isn't safe for her, except through the luck of the draw, but I'm pretty sure she could have racked up 100 points on an IQ test. | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/15/2011 6:39:50 AM | TDH49
I have always enjoyed reading your comments and your post.
interesting question...should they be online? I think more so are they safe online.
No one is safe online, from Identity theft to rape or even murder...it does happen. (sadly)
A computer can not tell if someone has a Disability, either mental or physical...or both.
What is sad is the sister here, she has allowed a easy Target..(her sister who is mentally challenged) to be on a online dating site. SAD!! SO SAD!!
As for me, I dont think she should be on a dating site...She is Mentally Challenged and ANY dating site could put her in danger!!! (any computer could also put her in danger) We are to protect the mentally challenged not take advantage of them..Are we going to wait until some mentally Challenged be murder before we take action...Im not for more laws...as a matter for fact I hate more laws...
Question is, Should we not protect our Mentally challenged from onlinbe dating site???
HELL YES! | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/15/2011 6:46:07 AM |
No one is safe online, from Identity theft to rape or even murder...it does happen.
If you aren't safe from identity theft online, you're just careless. You can't have your identity stolen online unless you provide someone with the information they need to identify you. As far as rape and murder goes, you should be no less safe than you are any other time, unless again, you're careless. | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/15/2011 6:48:51 AM | The more I thought about this the more I think the sister needs a smack upside the head for being stupid , or this was a cruel joke someone played on you, I cannot imagine a sane person wanting to set up her sister who is mentally challenged with a person who isn't mentally challenged? or this is a supposition case?
It doesn't make sense. | |
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TDH49
| | Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 18 | |
| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/15/2011 7:36:57 AM | The more I thought about this the more I think the sister needs a smack upside the head for being stupid , or this was a cruel joke someone played on you, I cannot imagine a sane person wanting to set up her sister who is mentally challenged with a person who isn't mentally challenged? or this is a supposition case? I'm certain it's not a joke actually. This person added me as a favorite about 4 or 5 months ago when I was traveling in her city and had my profile listed for her city. I have no idea why she took so long to write me. My first thought was maybe she was pissed I didn't take the hint and contacted her months before after she added me. Some people are bitter that way.
But I went and read her profile as well as looked at her one picture after the thought crossed my mind and all the signs were there. In the profile as well as the picture(her eyes).
How can you tell from hearing her voice? People with cerebral palsy have difficulty speaking, but are not at all mentally deficient. It's not hard if you have been around and communicated with mentally challenged people before to tell the different. Very easy in a 5 /10 minute conversation actually.
I have no intention of asking this person if she is retarded. I am just going to go by the evidence presented. She lives in another city so it's not like I plan on meeting her just to prove myself right. Which would be a cruel and asinine thing to do anyway.
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/15/2011 7:50:52 AM | consider this: a recent new definition of life defines life in a frame of
"connection, interaction to the outside world"
you were - or are - one of these connections.
online datig certaily provides anyone with a possibility of connections...
dangerous?
sure.
staying indoors in a closed room is safer, but thats not life.
you did nothing wrong, TDH, since you assumed the other person is also mentally healthy, "normal" individual.
guess it is one of those debates that cannot be decided with a "yes" or "no".
you can have "pro" arguments, and "against" and debate endlessly.... | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/15/2011 8:02:31 AM | It's not hard if you have been around and communicated with mentally challenged people before to tell the different. Very easy in a 5 /10 minute conversation actually.
In your original post, you said you knew as soon as you heard her voice, not after a 5-10 minute conversation. If the original post had been more accurate, that would have been clear. | |
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TDH49
| | Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 21 | |
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TDH49
| | Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 22 | |
| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/15/2011 8:09:04 AM |
you did nothing wrong, TDH, since you assumed the other person is also mentally healthy, "normal" individual. I pride myself on seeing past the obvious. Yet when I got her emails I jumped to the wrong conclusion instantly without even thinking it through. If I had I would have figured it out, instead I reacted with a rude sarcastic response. In that regard I was totally wrong.
She leaves words and letters out of her emails. You have to try and figure out where she is trying to go and add those words and letters in yourself. That's what makes communicating with her so hard. It's the same in her profile, only to a lesser degree.
In your original post, you said you knew as soon as you heard her voice, not after a 5-10 minute conversation. If the original post had been more accurate, that would have been clear. My bad! I should have said I suspected after hearing her voice, and my suspicions were confirmed after talking for a few minutes. | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/15/2011 8:13:17 AM | | I'm gonna say oh-hell-to-the-no ... it's sometimes not safe for those of us with all our wits about us. Can you imagine the crazy predators out there who'd take advantage of someone mentally challenged? I'm a big believer in that there is someone out there for everyone, but perhaps mentally challenged people should find a less challenging place to meet people than a dating site? | |
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| Is it safe for mentally challenged people to be online dating?
Posted: 11/15/2011 8:30:32 AM |
I pride myself on seeing past the obvious. Yet when I got her emails I jumped to the wrong conclusion instantly without even thinking it through. If I had I would have figured it out, instead I reacted with a rude sarcastic response. In that regard I was totally wrong.
1.you dont have time for "games", so you reacted impulsively.
2.reaction by impulsivity is more often wrong than by thinking a lot, a the thinking process provides us with better alternatives....but we dont have time for that in a "fast moving dynamic" World....especially not in Dating!
In dating, you need to be spontaneous, quick, fast, dynamic, and dont think too much....
When you approach a woman in real life, either you confidently approach her in the first 3-5 seconds after seeing her, or you are "overthinking".
3.It is great that you are critical about yourself, that the outcome of your impulsivity was not ideal indeed....however, there is absolutelly no reason to hide under a rock!
She leaves words and letters out of her emails. You have to try and figure out where she is trying to go and add those words and letters in yourself. That's what makes communicating with her so hard. It's the same in her profile, only to a lesser degree.
so when she calls you T49?
just say you appreciate peace, and so are not the _tank_
from an easygoing point of view, if this site is really for the sane or the mentally challenged.....it is actually for humans who think they are fishes!  | |
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