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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...      Home login  
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 truckinbabe
Joined: 7/14/2005
Msg: 1
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I don't know how to tell him that complications are going to arise from that Everytime that I try and bring the subject up, he says that I should stay out of his life and let him grow up and find out for himself. Am I smothering him, or what?
 Danielle N
Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 2
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 2:51:47 AM
No!! by no means are you smothering him. Sit him down and tell him that the consequences are severe. Not only can he be found guilty of a sexual offense, but if found guilty it stays with him forever. he'll have to register as a sexual offender, won't be able to maintain employment where there are children around, and will be looked down upon by so many people. If he plans to work for the state he can forget it. He'll have to register with the authorities and let them know where he lives and works for the next 10 years to life. He can't even live close to a school. So make sure he knows all this and that you are acting out of love. If that doesn't stop him take his phone, car keys, and computer. If he wants to be an adult he needs to start thinking about the consequences of his actions like an adult does.
 whosyourbadkitty
Joined: 8/27/2004
Msg: 3
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 7:56:06 AM
truckinbabe... all you can do is explain to your son the consequences of having a "sexual" relationship with a minor. in CA, it is illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to consent to sex. if your son has sex with her and her parents find out, he could be charged with statutory rape and serve quite a bit of time in jail behind that one minute act of pleasure. if he continues to see this gal and he's living under your roof... i would simply not allow her over while you're not home, i would meet her parents and i would make sure i made real good friends with them and make sure they understand your opinion of their relationship and you understand theirs... again... if he's living under your roof, despite his age, there are rules he must follow. he's old enough to move out if he hasn't already done so and should have respect for you in your home. you already know that the more you tell him not to see this gal, the more he'll cling to her so don't do that... just make him aware of the consequences and encourage him to abstain from any sexual activity with her. or... you could do what i have threatend to do and call the police on him if he touches her. :)

my son is 17 and his girlfriend is 16... they both know that if i find out they've had sex, i'm reporting it to the police. her parents are fully aware of my take on juvenile sexual activity and especially between the two of them. i love his girlfriend dearly but i don't want to see them make a mistake so early in life. the longer they wait to have sex, the better chance they have of keeping the wonderful relationship they have together and they are both fully aware of this. i also have to have a discussion with her parents regarding their relationship. it is a very age appropriate relationship but once he turns 18, he will not be allowed to have her over while i'm not home. they are not having sex but i don't want their to be any mistake about that and i know he won't have a problem respecting my wishes. he will need to wait for her to turn 18 to continue to see her once he hits his 18th birthday. if they really care for each other, this break in the relationship will be no big deal. it's in both of their best interests to keep them away from each other during that short period of time.
 lil sweat heart 2004
Joined: 1/25/2005
Msg: 4
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 9:11:22 AM
tring to keep kid's away from each other,is the wrong thing to do...
i understand u want to keep them safe..but they don't i was 16 my ex 21 and no matter what my parents said and did i wanted him more because they said no..and really it made matters worse..the more they said no the more i ran to him...i believe if my parents just said what they had to say and left it alone i would of not been so quick to disobey my parent's
teens are wild and do thing a little crazy
 Crayola
Joined: 6/28/2005
Msg: 5
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 9:25:42 AM
What complications do you see exactly?
have you taught him right from wrong.
What ethical choices should be made to not ruin his future at a young age?

Then I wouldn't worry too much about it!

And to whoever posted about calling the cops, just know the age of consent laws for your region. Here in Ontario it is 14 years of age.

The only I can do as a parent is make sure I have taught them well, and hope for the best they make the correct decision.

Making threats, and forcing them to do what you want will only result in a child rebelling against you in most circumstances.

ETA: The fact that he is 19 years of age makes him an adult. He has every right to tell you to stay out of his business.
 w82b
Joined: 5/9/2005
Msg: 6
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 10:03:29 AM
Crayola,

You are right in your statement about consentual sex after the age of 14 (in Ontario). I know of 2 such cases. Personally, I feel the politicians that allow that type behaviour from adults are perverts themselves.


Truckinbabe,

Tough love is something you should consider. If you son wants you to butt out of his personal life, then do it. Let him clean his own laundry, make his own meal, offer no finanacial assistance to him whatsoever... butt out of his life. Do it on your terms... not his!

It's your home, therefore it is your rules. If he uses the old excuse "I'm 18, you can't tell me what to do", I would make him into an adult right then and there. You can't stop him with a young girl, but you can make him grow up real fast and realise that you deserve the respect as the mother and he is not going to make the rules under YOUR roof. Don't make excuses for his behaviour... that's not a good lesson for teaching about responsibility and accountability.
 lil sweat heart 2004
Joined: 1/25/2005
Msg: 7
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 10:04:41 AM
i know first hand what rebelling is allabout
even today my parents blame themself that i was a teen parent..
my parents believe if i was left to make my own choice nad not do it just cause i was told no things would of been differant
i don't blame my parent's ...teens are cray and do not think right at all
guide them don't control them ....
 Crayola
Joined: 6/28/2005
Msg: 8
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 10:29:56 AM
My_Island: you know what, kids if they want to have sex will do so during one of their spares they get in highschool. It doesn't prevent anything. No matter how strict the parents are. Go back to 14 and think about the things that were going on in your life and the other teens around you at that time.

However, at 19 years old, she can not control him and his decisions. I do agree that he can start paying his own way, and start taking adult responsibilities. Right now as it stands, she never mentioned him still living under her roof.
 w82b
Joined: 5/9/2005
Msg: 9
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 12:59:11 PM
crayola,

I agree. You can't prevent it, but you can thwart his way of thinking that this world is his oyster. Make HIM responsible for his way of thinking and his actions. Too many adults make excuses and bail out kids with that attitude.

When taking a stand for "turf rights" the kids will always take with reckless abandon. All you can do is teach him that it's an adult world now.... "mommy" isn't there to cover his ass anymore.
 VictorNorth
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 10
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 5:51:49 PM
I think all you can do is inform him of the consequences and let him know in no uncertain terms that they will be his consequences and not yours...

I'm sure you've stated your opinions to him quite vehemently. Unfortunately he might still screw up. At that point I would make sure that he faced the music and didn't get an easy out.
 dawnieangel76
Joined: 6/30/2005
Msg: 11
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 6:30:55 PM
FOURTEEN the age of consent?

Good Lord! When I was 14, I was still playing with Barbie dolls.

To me, that's just telling the pedophiles of the areas 'go on, go get 'em and have a good time'! How disgusting.
 w82b
Joined: 5/9/2005
Msg: 12
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 7:05:23 PM
^^^ I agree^^^
 ineedaman0
Joined: 7/16/2005
Msg: 13
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 7:23:41 PM
oh lord let me tell ya.. My 19 year old husband just left me and his daughter for a 16 year old. i need some help too....
 d-belle
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 14
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 7:37:00 PM
When I was 15 my boyfriend was 19. He had experiences and expectations that I could not even comprehend at that age. It just was not fair to me. They are just NOT at the same level at all. Not at all. :(

I'm not saying your son is like my ***hole ex-boyfriend. I'm just saying that it makes we wonder why he's interested in a child. She can't possibly relate to what his life is like outside of her. She's in school (I hope) and he's likely in college or working full-time. She's into lipstick and talking to her girlfriends on the phone, and he's.....just not.

I agree with Lil Sweet Heart on this point....the more you try to separate them, the more they will want to be together.

Good luck.
 Trueblue1225
Joined: 10/26/2004
Msg: 15
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My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 7:53:12 PM
At 19 He is an adult, but I know around midwest in USA he would be facing very serious legal trouble if he had sex. He could get arrested even if both sets of parents were cool with it. Around here the girl has to be at least 17. They would really go if someone over 18, an adult, did it someone under 16.
If I had a child 19 and they were going to do something stupid like cocaine or rob a store, I would butt in to save them from going to jail. The same applies here, I would not want a 19 year to go to jail.
I guess all you can do is show him the info, about what laws he is breaking. If he does, it is on him. At least then you know you really tried, so when he does get arrested , he can't say "No one warned me!"
 whosyourbadkitty
Joined: 8/27/2004
Msg: 16
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/23/2005 8:33:23 PM
WOW! 14 is pretty young to be given the right to consent to sex but whatever works for canada. sex was the furthest thing from my mind at that age, but times have changed. i hope these two are not sexually active. you may be a grandma before you're ready... and that's sad...

all you can hope is that you taught your son to respect women and not to rush into sex, ya da ya da ya da.

as far as ME - yes, that was me who has told her son that the police would be called if he crossed that line... i'm one of those mom's that doesn't spank her child, i use alternative detourants to keep my kid in line and they work well for us. just knowing he would run the risk of being accused of rape if he had sex with his girlfriend is scary enough for him to hold onto his virginity. all it takes is for her to wake up one morning and regret having sex for him to be picked up and prosecuted for that act. they were both forewarned, her parents agree with me on this and also that sex is not an activity we condone between the two of them and if i catch them... they're both going to pay the price. thankfully both of them are still virgins and this hasn't been an issue, we as parents just made the rules very clear to the both of them.

this is MY house. I make the rules. if my son happens to live here after he's 18, he will still respect my house rules. when he has his own place, he can do what he wants, when he wants, with whomever he wants... he has an enormous amount of freedom as it is but i still don't allow alcohol in the house, he needs to be respectful of my free time and space, do his share of the house work, and that's basically it... as long as i know where he is, i don't worry. i know all of his friends and their parents, i know where he hangs out, etc. the rules in this house aren't that tough... especially if you don't wake the momma up on a work night. ;)
 cathyyyyy
Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 17
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/24/2005 5:51:53 AM
hey truckinbabe.
i know im not old enough(compatitively) ,neither do i have the experience to answer this..
but will u the viewpoint of a 19 yr old(me).
i dont think there is anything wrong in ur son goin out with a 15 yr old..
for her..its probably 'cool' to go out with a 19 yr old n nothin more.
for him.well sex is on his mind but im sure he knows that its not so right to do it with a 15 yr old...maybe u cud tell him to be safe or soemthing
their relationship wont be a serious one n i dont think u have reason to worry..
abt underaged sex,like it or not,everyone does it...
cat
 whosyourbadkitty
Joined: 8/27/2004
Msg: 18
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/24/2005 10:05:07 AM
cathyyyyy... being a 19 year old young woman vs. being a 19 year old young man are two totally different things... you could very well date a 15 year old young man and not attempt to have sex with him. on the other hand... a 19 year old young man is hot and rarin' to go. you're right about the relationship not being a "serious" one... they're just flings more often times than not but not everyone is engaging in underaged sex as you've suggested. there are plenty of virgins on this site as a matter of fact. it's just a matter of how a person was raised and what morals they have when it comes to sex at such an early age. it's just not unheard of to find a young man still a virgin at 19 & a girl of 15 is more than likely a virgin. if she's lost her virginity at that young an age, i would venture to say she had a sexual experience early on in life and that could definitely be a problem.
 thingummyjig
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 19
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/24/2005 10:11:53 AM
Regardless of the age of consent (16 here in the UK), just sit the pair of them down and calmly and succinctly explain what a condom is, and how and when it should be used. That should embarrass the cr*p out of them, and in any case, if they're going to have sex, they need to know because they'll do it regardless of what you or even the law have to say on the matter.

At 19, in the UK, he is an adult. She is a few months off being able to leave school, get a job, have a child - and, with parental consent, leave home and marry. They are not babies. It would probably be a good idea if they were to wait a while before *having* babies. So treat them as what they are, which is young adults, and give them the respect, information and space to form their own decisions. If you don't want them hopping into bed together under your roof, then tell them so. He's a big lad now, he can get his own place., and some privacy.
 whosyourbadkitty
Joined: 8/27/2004
Msg: 20
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/24/2005 10:17:36 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^
 Always Smiling35
Joined: 7/1/2005
Msg: 21
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/24/2005 10:18:21 AM

Not only can he be found guilty of a sexual offense, but if found guilty it stays with him forever. he'll have to register as a sexual offender, won't be able to maintain employment where there are children around, and will be looked down upon by so many people.


No he cant, thats not against the law in Canada.
 k-o-r
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 22
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/24/2005 3:56:25 PM
my friend is 22 and he was dateing a girl that was 17 and i got him over her really fast when i took him to the bar and made her wait out side while we drank, needless to say he wanted someone fun and oldenough to go out and have fun with,
 whosyourbadkitty
Joined: 8/27/2004
Msg: 23
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/24/2005 8:28:52 PM
so you can have sex at any age in canada?
 Always Smiling35
Joined: 7/1/2005
Msg: 24
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/24/2005 9:26:08 PM
^^^ no, I believe the age of consent is 13 or 14.

Cant remember which, but it is young.
 leatherqueen
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 25
My 19 year old son is dating a 15 year old, and ...
Posted: 7/25/2005 1:59:25 AM
You know i have a son and if iever found out that he was dating some one that young i would kill him he needs to find some one his age of stop dating u need to sit ur kid down and, tell him that this is the way it is going to be he is going to sit there and lisen to what u have to say he need to hear it from u and soon
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