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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Sugarbabyy87
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 1
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle? Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Ok so this guy I've liked for almost a year has done this to me over and over. We'll text and call for weeks then he disappears on me, like I don't hear from him for months at a time. Then one beautiful day I get a msg on facebook saying, "Hey, I'm sorry for being a **** and ignoring you I was just frustrated with my life, if you still wanna talk msg me back.." So I messaged him back saying it's alright, hope you're doing fine now, etc. So I basically tried to let him know yeah I still wanna talk to you. And guess what? He didn't reply back. I called him once after that and his roomate told me he was at work so I said can you tell him to call me when he gets in and he never did. He has no cell phone right now but that's besides the point, he has a house phone if he really wanted to contact me.
This was a few weeks ago now. I use to get really hurt by his behaviour, now I almost expect it but I still don't understand. Similar situations have happened to my friends too. I just wanna know why men do this? What do they gain?
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 2
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 12:10:45 PM
No you're picking flaky men, I suggest you " upgrade" the men you seek out? why bother playing games or playing the guy game? he knows you like him and for what ever reason he's not into you , you're a boost to his ego, when the chips are down he contacts you for the boost.

I suggest stop coddling this guy and boot his ass to the curb, delete his info, contact info, emails, Facebook , cell , home number etc and move on.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 3
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 12:15:08 PM
They do it because you allow them to.

Despite him ignoring you for months, you responded to him and gave him the green light to pick up where he had left off. Then a better offer came along so he's focused on that. No big deal - he can just contact you again when it's over, can't he ?

We teach people how to treat us by what we will and will not allow them to do.
 Impune
Joined: 9/12/2009
Msg: 4
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Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 12:18:44 PM
Op its very simple, they get bored ect., wind-up fineding something new to play with once the novelty wears off or it doesn't work they go back to see if they can get some, until the next one comes around. This is the problem OP when men think with the wrong head.
 clayart
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 5
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 12:19:31 PM
This has been discussed a million times.

Here is an example for you:

I am a 7'- 3" asian male with a 14" wanger. I moved to the US from China 5 years ago to play in the NBA. The job pays well.

I am a 21 year old male and live in your area. Your photos are great and I would like to talk with you.

GET IT??????????????????????????

We can be anyone we want.

I kinda like being the Asian dude, but I just looked down and was disappointed.
 sunshine487
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 6
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 12:30:02 PM
They're just not that into you! It's as simple as that. When a man is interested, he'll be all over you. You will know he's interested. And never call them. They like the hunt. And it's up to us to let them catch us. It's a dance that can be fun, frustrating, upsetting and exciting all at the same time. Don't be hurt, it's not about you, it's about them. Let him go and keep looking. Your guy is out there somewhere and when you least expect it he'll be there. All the best in your search.
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 7
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 12:45:54 PM
Nothing personal amd I am not attacking you but you are taking this way to seriously. So what someone contacted you. They dont owe you anything. He isnt that crazy about you or has other things in his life it seems. If you want his friendship respond you got to not have expectations from anyone really unless they are commited to you, or you set yourself up for disapointment. Just take things lightly and dont analyze things.
 nhgirlinvegas
Joined: 5/11/2011
Msg: 8
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 12:58:38 PM
Delete, Delete, Delete.. This guy is not worth your time or energy.. and if you just happened to get into a relationship with him, he would MIA on you and leave you even more confused. If you really cared about you or your feelings or friendship he wouldn't flake and would respond back.
No one deserves this!
So delete him off facebook, delete his number from your phone!
Good luck!
 kevination
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 9
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 1:00:38 PM
That honky married!
 Sugarbabyy87
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 10
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 1:03:02 PM
Thanks, and I had deleted him, he's the one that came back but whatever... it's just a game to him obviously. I'm tired of this shit and I'm done wasting my time on him.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 11
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Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 1:04:08 PM
My first guess for why men would dissapear and then reappear would be

MAGIC

Second guess would be alien abductions if theyre americans

Third guess, your contacts need cleaning

Fourth? Theyre walking through a forest

A cycle could only cause this if theyre standing on the peddles whilst riding along behind a fence, but then it would only be their head that was dissappearing and reappearing not all of them



<div class='quote'>He has no cell phone right now but that's besides the point, he has a house phone if he really wanted to contact me

You obviously have a phone too, so if you really wanted to contact him......


As you dont, why do you care? Surely theres more productive ways to top up your ego

vvvvvvv My bad, talking on the phone and reading a thread isnt a good mix I guess x
 Sugarbabyy87
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 12
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 1:07:50 PM
^ I guess you didn't read anything I wrote up there. If you actually read it I said I tried calling him and he didn't call me back.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 13
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 1:37:31 PM


I just wanna know why men do this? What do they gain?


Its not MEN who do this, Baby(refering to your nick ), but rather A man, namely the one your talking about right now. There's as many different people as their are fishes in the ocean, you just fell on someone who obviously doesnt know what he want.
Let me make a point here, if I was 10 years younger, and I had dated a beautifull girl like yourself ( Iwas at the time, kind of miss it ) then that's not the way I would act. So you cant really say its men, because some do NOT act that way.
I've actually had ex gf pop back in like that for me. Okay, I shot 'em all down, but they deserved it for cheating, sue me. The point is, people like to f*ck you up like that, cos they feel like it, or they dont know what they want, or they feel remorsfull, or they made a bet, or anything really...
For me, I wouldnt hunt a relationship with someone who can be so unstable, pop out and wait 6 weeks to emerge. I think you should steer clear and find yourself someone nicer, who'll at the very least treat you with respect, young lady. We all deserve it, and if your current prospect doesnt realise that, he's not really worthy of your time, is he?

Rock on!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 14
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Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 2:41:17 PM
Why would you waste your time again and again with a guy that seriously does not care about you?
If a guy likes you he will call, if he really likes you he will stay in touch all the time. Not once a month or twice a year. Good guys do not mess with your head like that.
 walkingtall38
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 15
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 2:52:55 PM
Some men do this for the same reason some women put up with it. Because they can. Seen it visa versa as well.

Seriously need to just break off any ties with this guy. Which it sounds like that is your intention. No reason to be losing any sleep or wasting any time on this lost cause. Plenty of other men out there that don't play head games or aren't mental cases. Whatever the real reason is for his behavior.

Then again it is always possible that MikeWM may be onto something and its really magic. XD
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
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Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 3:40:34 PM
Both genders do it, as in, some PEOPLE do it. I know when I walk, or they decide to walk, I rarely will look over my shoulder. It sounds cold hearted,but, if you have it happen to you enough times(at age 21, be prepared,cause this won't be the last), it gets quite boring. You can usually see it coming, and predict the obvious.
I don't even bother telling them to go phuck themselves anymore, I just let them be. Not really worth my time,since I'm at the point in my life, I really don't have a lot of time to waste.
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 17
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 3:49:29 PM
yes....men disappear and reappear....its the game they play......if they do that to me, I just ignore them. don't return their calls, emails, texts, or any other correspondence they might try to find me with.

too many headgames and I don't have time for it!
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 18
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 3:54:25 PM
It can go on beyond a year, one can be involved for a few years and break up, then he says duh oh I dint mean that/come back...(it always fails and the break up is even more soul extinguishing, because you feel like a toy and that everything he has ever said was just a product of some dysfunction).
That is when you make sure he stops bothering you.
I never feel like going back--I don't even understand that dull nostalgia. If it was lacking before--eh.
It's a product of narcissism, thinking of others as "things" to squeeze things out of, then casting them aside without a thought when you decide you want to be alone, or with a new prospect, maybe not really wanting that "thing" but not willing to let go of it and face yourself alone, lacking maturity/empathy, etc.
OP, ask why you would allow yourself to be treated in this way, and learn this lesson.
 LM23UK
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 19
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Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 3:55:15 PM
he gets an ego boost, knowing he can pick you up and put you down as he feels!
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 20
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 4:17:25 PM

he gets an ego boost, knowing he can pick you up and put you down as he feels!


I`m not sure its as much that as he doesn't know what he wants. Sounds to me like it. As much as some people, even when their 17-18, are driven and know exactly what they want (especially women) that guys the same age tend to be stuck in a grey zone of not knowing which makes them look stupid and make mistakes. I should know But she still don't need nothing like that.
 BegrabMeinHerz
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 21
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 4:32:55 PM
He's screwing someone else. Did you really need to create a thread too figure it out?
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 22
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 6:08:45 PM
When a man is interested, he'll be all over you. You will know he's interested.


Yeah, and if a girl doesn't respond the decent guy will walk away believing she isn't interested, the guy that just wants sex won't stop trying.


And never call them. They like the hunt. And it's up to us to let them catch us.


Real bright thing to do... and you wonder why you're single?

I don't understand the "don't show you're interested and he'll keep calling" mentality of some women... its just plain idiotic.

OP The guy just wants sex from you. If he was interested in more he'd call daily. By answering his calls/texts/emails you're telling him you're interested too. Don't reply.
 Sugarbabyy87
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 23
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 6:16:41 PM
Well he never got sex from me and he never will with the way he acts. But thanks. ^
 carptopus
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 24
Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 6:41:58 PM

Why do men disappear

Because they don't want to be committed, the responsibility, or have to live up to expectations (whether they are responsible for them or not).


and then reappear

Because it is perceived to be easier to mend a broken bridge than build a brand new one.
If you're lonely, you want that loneliness to be gone now...not next week, not next month, now.
Compared to building a new relationship, going back to an old one (even if it's barely started) is immediate gratification. And sometimes just knowing that someone will talk to you, will care, even though you are a "dyck" or whatever, is enough to make that loneliness go away for a little bit. Just a quick fix then the need to talk to you has gone away.


and its a cycle?

Because you let it be and/or because it works for them.


I just wanna know why men do this?

People do this because you are a means to an end to them.
They aren't interested in you, only what you can do for them.
They get what they want from you, so they don't need to stick around.
They stuck their quarter in, got their snickers, so they don't need to stand around and tell you what a great vending machine you are.


What do they gain?

Attention, feeling like someone cares, a quick jolt of endorphins and adrenaline and other brain chemicals to normalize them.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 25
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Why do men disappear and then reappear and its a cycle?
Posted: 11/24/2011 6:49:30 PM
~OP~ I had one of those in my life. Met him a year ago, dated for a bit (and like you, no sex) and then he poofed. Fast forward 4-5 months, here he is in my inbox here. I'd relocated so there was no getting together as he suggested (and I wouldn't have anyway) but he wrote and wrote and wrote, then poofed, then appeared, then poofed. Why do some do that? I guess boredom, needing an ego fix, lonely, and sometimes too many I'm sure. I'd not indulge him any longer if I were you. He's a waste of your time.
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