rkel74
| | Joined: 10/18/2009
Msg: 1 | |
| | Single dad and son wants a new momPage 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | | So I ask my son today what he wants for christmas and he tells me a new mommy. I'm 37 and my son is 4, he knows his mother is never going to be in his life and I'm finding it a joke t6o try and date someone. When I'm not working all my time is spent with my son. When we do get out we never really get to go places where I can really meet single people, because everything is kid friendly. Then again I've tried this site now for almost 3 years and haven't had any luck yet. What am I doing wqrong | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/26/2011 4:28:16 PM | | Have you been contacting single moms? seems a woman with one child, no father in the picture is going to be your best bet.... you will have a lot in common from the start and if the kids are near the same age, all the better. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/26/2011 4:39:04 PM | | Go to the profile review forum, you have a poor me profile. It's not positive at all, doesn't say anything about you it just you whining about how come no one emails you back. Be positive | |
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rkel74
| | Joined: 10/18/2009
Msg: 4 | |
| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/26/2011 4:39:40 PM | | yep no luck. More so when a single mother puts it out there that their child is number I don't think they're really looking | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/26/2011 4:46:11 PM | Dating a woman with the view of her being a replacement mother is a bad idea. And your woe is me attitude is now rubbing off on your son. Instead of nodding and agreeing with him about his request for Santa, change the focus of his thoughts into what a great relationship you have. As a side note - step parents have a very different role then biological parents. They are primarily there to support the biological parent who is their partner. A sounding board if you will. These are the times when the step-parent role is most successful based on my observations.
Stop focusing on looking for mummy #2 and focus on being a family with your child. Once you get over the pity me attitude after feeling that your life is more fulfilled, that's the time when you will be ready. Until then, I think anyone who comes into your life will feel so pressured that they will soon turn and run. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/26/2011 6:13:49 PM | I ve been raise my kid since he was 2. He is 14 now. His mother is a meth head and my son hate he. But i never tried to replace her with a " new mom." Be positive and be happy u r rising him. And a good lady will come along and see your kid come first. Try activites centered around kids parks, McD's playland, preschool moms. It tough.
You are thinking to wrong way. A young kid is a babe magnet. Try go to church. Lots of single ladies there to. Think outside to box. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/26/2011 7:12:14 PM | Did your son say anything about wanting a new sister or brother. IMO your best chances as a divorcee with young child is a single mom.
Since you said
when a single mother puts it out there that their child is number I don't think they're really looking
I have to wonder if you have contacted any women with a child or two your sons age yet. Or are you telling us that your child is not number one or that you are not looking?
You must be looking because you said that
I've tried this site now for almost 3 years and haven't had any luck yet
or maybe you feel that only you can be putting your child first and be looking at the same time.
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/26/2011 8:32:12 PM | Try to get a better attitude in your profile....and get pictures where you smile.....says a thousand things your pictures.....
Over the years I have no issue finding dates...and some respond and some do not....and with the numbers of emails that some woman see each day...I easily understand why they take a look at the pictures and what is stated....and simply hit the next button. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/27/2011 4:36:17 AM |
Go to the profile review forum, you have a poor me profile. It's not positive at all, doesn't say anything about you it just you whining about how come no one emails you back. Be positive Before you go to the profile review forum OP... write a fking profiile.
You honestly cannot expect a woman to want to sign up for even one evening of listening to you rant on about crap and with your sullen expressions... bah, I say toss this and start from scratch, new pictures et al. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/27/2011 12:35:00 PM | Well first thing sport is your attitude blows dead bears, sorry to be so blunt, I don't know what your profile was like before and I can just imagine the emails you send to some of these ladies, typical nice guy stuff I bet.
The fact that you are relying on online dating as your dating savior, finding a new mom for your son is part of your problem Sport, like everything else in life you have to put in effort and a wise man once told , every thing in life has its secrets that is invisible to outsiders, Outsiders THINK they know but they don't know.
Ask your self this Sport? why are other single dads successful using this site and others like it?ask your self why are you NOT successful? the answer if you're honest starts with YOU, YOU and guess whom ? YOU. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/27/2011 1:02:22 PM | | Hi my name is Linda. I was in your place years ago. I am a single mom of 7 kids...some are adopted. Long story short, my son who was a year old when his daddy died always asked me for a daddy, and at christmas he would asl santa for one. I never did re-marry but I found that putting him in sports where there were positive male role models helped a great deal. He is now 16 and plans to go in the USMC after graduation. all of my other children are very well rounded as well. Its tough for us to hear what our children want and not be able to give it to them. Life is like that, we do not always get what we want. Its how we react, and what we say to our children that will help them cope and not focus on the loss in their life but focus on the positives. Maybe a grandmother, Aunt or another positive female in your childs life can fill that gap. Hope this helps, I do understand. Have a wonderful holiday season. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/27/2011 1:28:10 PM | I agree with other posters. Your profile screams negativity. Why would someone want to get into that? I know there is enough of that crap in daily life, why would I willingly jump into more?
I am a single mom to twin 3 yr olds. I agree to focus on talking of your awesome relationship to your son, then trying to find a 'new mom'. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/27/2011 1:49:00 PM | Your not doing anything wrong. As a matter of fact, your doing what you should be doing - being a great dad. Be proud of that because it's important. Dates will come and go, but your son will be with you forever.
Use it to your advantage. There are plenty of women in the same situation as you that would love to have a guy that takes good care of his son. That's an appealing trait. It's real. It's shows your a real man and you have your head screwed on straight. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/27/2011 5:53:52 PM | I can completely empathize with your position. But there is one thing many of these people arent realizing or they are ignoring. the fact that a single dad HONESTLY puts his kids first is just a novelty concept to most of these women. im not trying to point the finger or speak ill of others but when a man puts his kids first he is considered to be full of it. the double standard for this situation completely stinks but is more true than most will admit openly. Been on here and met some decent people in the past few years and barring your "negativity" you wont find someone to be there for you until you concentrate on one being completely comfortable being anything and everything your son needs while being alone.
Now if and when you find someone to date, then u need to make sure the relationship is stable before you consider introducing your son to them... remember, none of its easy but you gotta start somewhere... | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/27/2011 6:01:10 PM | OP, your profile says
Really this site wants you to put an effort, but you get nothing out of it. but I think perhaps you're getting out of it the effort you put into it, which is not much, judging from a view of your profile. I agree with all the previous posts about the negativity and lack of information you present.
Why not join a single parents group? One, that will give you some social contact with other single parents (some of whom will be single moms), and two, you can meet people to swap babysitting when you've got dates lined up...it never hurts to expand your support system.
Be positive. My dad was a single primary custody parent and he did plenty of dating when I was growing up, and very few of the women he went out with saw me as "baggage" (oh, how I HATE that term) once they were introduced to me. I myself married a single dad of 3...so it's not as if women who date single dads don't exist. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/27/2011 7:13:16 PM | Um, you should know why it took you 3 years on a dating site and not even one email was sent to you.
Let me help....your profile should be a series of question marks, dollar signs, exclamation points, and smileys. THAT would be better than posting a negative remark and absolutely nothing about you in the "About Me" section.
Remember, you get out of it exactly what you put in.
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/28/2011 11:20:04 AM | rkel74: how about a "singleparent" dating site?...
Why would your son tell you he wants a "mommy" for Christmas? Are you expressing to him your dissapointment with dating?
What are your intentions with dating? to get to know someone? or just finding a mom to help you raise your son? | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/28/2011 3:17:00 PM | | OP, I have a sone and I take him to some kid places. THere are both moms and dads and some of them are single. You can always talk to them when kids are playing. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/28/2011 8:33:31 PM | | no,no,no...a child the same age will cause nothing but conflict. Different means of parenting,jealousy between kids and a clear mess between adults. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/29/2011 8:30:04 AM | I have to agree that your profile stinks. If you want someone to message you or respond to your messages you have to give them a REASON to respond. Currently, you're putting the entire onus of conversation on the other person. Furthermore, your pictures do not do you justice -- they make you look like a miserable person as you aren't smiling in any of them. I highly suggest you go by the profile review forum.
Secondly, as a single mother who has her child 100% of the time (her father has not been involved since she was a few months old), I understand that it's difficult to date. The problem many single parents have, however, is that they don't take any time for themselves. It wasn't until my daughter was about your son's age that I realized that however important it was to spend time with my child, it was also important to spend time being ME. You NEED something outside of work that you do for you (without your son). As a single parent, it's important to find some sort of BALANCE in your life so that you don't forget who you are. Work is important and the kids are important, but YOU are also important and frankly, if you aren't taking care of yourself, you won't be of any use to your child. Find something to do for you that doesn't involve your son (or work)...you'll be much happier for it. The added benefit is, that when you do have something you do (sport, hobby, whatever), it makes you a more interesting person to potential dates (and gives you an opportunity to meet people).
Finally, ditch the "poor me" attitude off your profile. People want to meet/hang out with people who seem like fun, not with those who come across as needing someone to hear them complain about their life. The attitude you're expressing in your profile is a major turn-off and it's no wonder why women aren't responding to you. People are attracted to positive people....come across as positive in your profile, and you'll have better luck with online dating. It's difficult to say beyond that why women aren't responding to your messages as I don't know what you've been sending out, but if it's anything like what the majority of men send on here (3 words or less messages saying nothing but, "hi" or "how are you?"), then that could be a problem too. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/29/2011 10:37:56 AM | | everyone says dont put a sorry for myself ad on pof. if I am then why not. if a lady was in a relationship and the man got sad you would hope a lady would care. according to all ladies on pof, that is not true, they just want a happy go lucky guy 100% of the time. I would be happy if I could find a lady to love me. Todd | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/29/2011 10:38:58 AM | | This thread title throws me off every time I see it. The way it's written, it sounds like you both want a new mom. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/29/2011 12:18:35 PM | Buddy,
Being a single dad, is your son number 1? I know mine is, so personally I wont go out with a single mom that puts me, or anything before her child. Also if you try to smile in a picture it might help... people want to know that you can have fun. Im not trying to come down on you or anything, just offering my opinion. | |
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| Single dad and son wants a new mom
Posted: 11/29/2011 3:29:38 PM | Rkel, what are you doing wrong? NOTHING! You have been there for your child and I applaud you as are an inspiration.
Remember, your son will grow up and during those years think of the extra time you got to love him, take care of him, and just see him (EXLUSIVELY). It matters in your scenario, believe me. | |
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