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 dixiesthrnstar68
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 1
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Sub/Dom RelationshipsPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Is it rare for a man to find that your vanilla lifestyle is work, kids and social events and that's the extent of it? What happens if you are looking for a natural dominant alpha male? It certainly doesn't mean that you are in to hardcore BDSM.



 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 2
Sub/Dom
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:01:40 PM
Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself not to feel guilty about being tied to the bed, with nipple clamps, a ball gag and prodded with a taser in all the right places.

It's ok.. just make sure he doesn't set the voltage too high, it might result in an unwanted hairstyle.
 dixiesthrnstar68
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 3
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Posted: 12/26/2011 3:06:47 PM
That would put all sexual experiences in to one category which is a natural reaction from someone who has not experienced anything first hand.

I would never feel guilty for what I agreed to. However, none of the things that you listed above is part of my sex life. lol Did you google that and go to the hardcore extreme?
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 4
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Posted: 12/26/2011 3:18:32 PM
It might help if you explained exactly what you mean by "a natural dominant alpha male". A man who makes most or all of the decisions in your relationship, including where to go and when? A man who tells you what he expects in the bedroom? A man who goes in for bondage and/or domination, either occasionally or frequently? A man who wants a virtual slave? Or something else?
 HappyRocker
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 5
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Sub/Dom
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:20:20 PM
Hey whatever rocks your boat.

What is telling is that someone tried to have this thread auto-deleted. Three others have voted to leave it up. I would say there is someone out there that wants to be "dominant" but doesn'twant to talk about it.
 SugahPunkin
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 6
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:21:27 PM
Im sorry Ive missed the question.

Are you asking is there more to your vanilla life for a man to see other than work, kids and social events?

Are you asking how do you find a Dom that isnt into hardcore BDSM ?

Im not following the wording of your post. Im sorry.. maybe its me.

Maybe you should try fetlife or collarme. Altho this is a good site its not really geared toward D/s.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 7
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:41:10 PM
I didn't understand her questions either.

OP, if you are asking if there is such as thing as a Dominant male who is not into "hardcore" BDSM, the answer is yes. There are even Dominant men who are not into BDSM at all (I was married to one).

Otherwise, I don't understand what you're getting at...but would like to help.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 8
Sub/Dom
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:42:39 PM

Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself not to feel guilty about being tied to the bed, with nipple clamps, a ball gag and prodded with a taser in all the right places.


How on earth are you extrapolating that from the O-Post?
 dixiesthrnstar68
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 9
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Posted: 12/26/2011 3:47:10 PM
Thank you, Vixen. You hit the nail on the head. My message was vague, because I knew only a certain few would understand what I may be hinting about.

Yes, how do you approach the subject when dating that you are looking for a Dominant man that is NOT into BDSM? The BDSM world is not all that people would like to think by what they research. Most things they see or hear about are hardcore. However, I like to be submissive in a relationship and within my sexual relationship staying in the set boundaries that we have agreed upon.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 10
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Posted: 12/26/2011 3:49:14 PM
What happens if you are looking for a natural dominant alpha male?

I would think that a natural dominant alpha male wouldn't consider a submissive female worth his time...
However, I can see how a male who is a wannabe domininant might like a submissive woman to make him feel like he is an alpha male...


how do you approach the subject when dating that you are looking for a Dominant man that is NOT into BDSM?

Simple, you embrace a lifestyle that brings you into contact with those kinds of men... and for the record, I don't mean the BDSM community...
I mean in general.... You have to be where they are...
To my mind asking for a dominant male, is going to simply attract wannabe's....
And a dominant alpha male also gets to pick and choose his woman or women... so you hve to have what he's looking for in the first place....
 dixiesthrnstar68
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 11
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Posted: 12/26/2011 4:00:04 PM
I'm confused. I thought in your first post that you stated "in your opinion" and natural dominant alpha male would not be attracted to a submissive female?

Your advice now is the embrace the lifestyle that brings you in contact with these type of men and be aware that they he get's to choose.

Which way do you care to lean?

My original question is how do you approach the subject when dating in general. Unless you are in to BDSM you will not find a community of Alpha's unless you are aware of somewhere that I am not here in Atlanta, Ga?
 SugahPunkin
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 12
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/26/2011 4:11:31 PM
There's a huge dungeon there in Atlanta. Its full of all kinds of Doms.

As for bringing up the subject what exactly are you wanting? TiH, HoH, D/s, M/s..
Im still a lil confused about what youre wanting.

I have only one hint about it on my profile. That is all it takes. Believe me, they will find you.

You give some odd combos on your profile..
So, you want to be the lil housewife as in June Cleaver while the hubby handles business and you stay home and make cookies? You want a 50s Household? There are plenty of men wanting that.
You want the TiH its there.
All these kind of things are on the two sites I mentioned where you fill out your profile explaining what youre looking for in a relationship.

Im confused still somewhat because on one hand you dont want BDSM yet you want a D/s?? Well hells bells.. a D/s doesnt have to have SM in it at all. Most of D/s relationships have to do with the "natural" order where the man leads and the woman follows. Is that what youre wanting?

...Im so confused.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 13
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/26/2011 4:19:39 PM
I agree with everything Sugah Punkin said, and I'm still confused. Just state what you want on one of the "specialty" sites, and then take your time weeding them all out to find the "natural real" ones, who IMO don't have to TELL you that they're "natural" and "real".

m_church, your post really confused me. What are you trying to tell the OP?
 SugahPunkin
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 14
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/26/2011 4:39:34 PM
Thank you Vixen..
I was beginning to think Ive lost my mind.

WHY would you need to just hint around about it here in this world? Just because someone "looks" nilla doesnt mean they are. And just because people dont advertise it doesnt mean they dont know bout it or cant relate.
Not everyone is dressed in gothic black with spiked hair.
D/s comes in all shades of black and white .. with splotches of red... hehehe..

:)

Just come out and say what you mean and mean what you say.

Hello. My name is --------. Id like to find a man that is strong enough to lead my lil world and and knows when to spank my bottom and pat my head and tell me when Im a good girl. I like being a good girl..

You have to weed out people everywhere you go. And I agree. A natural "Dom" doesnt have to tell you...like a "natural" subbie doesnt have to. The energy just flows.

Your original post still baffles me. You want a D/s but dont want BDSM.. you want a Dom but dont want to tell anyone... what? Is He just suppose to fall into your arms?

If so, Id like to find the leftovers.
;P
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 15
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/26/2011 5:12:29 PM
We each have our own sexual pleasures. Sometimes I like the guy to take charge and sometimes I like to. Everyone hopes to finds someone they can enjoy. If it isn't the same as other people's who cares? Find someone that turns you on.
 thisisfunnynow
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 16
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Posted: 12/26/2011 5:50:16 PM
I think I know what she means??..Thats me...I was trained into this in my last relationship..she loved the SUB mentality..I found that I really enjoyed the DOM role. Now since this relationship is over..I find myself wondering if I will ever find that role again. We never got toooo "crazy" but there was some slapin, some mild choking, lots hair pulling, dry runs, rough and agressive play is more like it. Sometimes it got really intense, and very passionate...It was something that I learned!! And it was a fantasy of hers....that and the fact that I was 17 years her senior made the role esier to play. I will say this, it was, and Im sure still is very erotic to connect with someone who is on the same wave length. I knew about this type of behavior, and the farthest I ever got was some ass slappin basically..LOL ANyway...I would love to find that senerio again in any future relationships?? I found I like the role..I also liked the openmindness we kept in try'n "anything" once! :-)))
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 17
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/26/2011 5:56:48 PM
@thisisfunnynow - I'm not sure that she is looking for what you describe either.

OP - if you could, either ask more specific questions so we can discern what you want, or if you'd rather not go into detail on the forums, you could message me, SugahPunkin, and/or the other kinksters on PoF so we can steer you in the direction that you want to go. I'm just not sure from your posts what direction that may be, but BDSM has a very wide spectrum and SugahPunkin gave you some excellent sources.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 18
Sub/Dom
Posted: 12/26/2011 6:17:18 PM
How on earth are you extrapolating that from the O-Post?


I think he's trying to sound "in the know"

Op,short of stating EXACTLY what you're after in your Profile,you may find what you're seeking through dating lots of men
Nb: You certainly cannot tell what they're into (by looks alone) unless they tell you or you find out for yourself which can be a lot of FUN

EDIT
\/\/ *Yawn*......yeah,yeah,whatever............
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 19
Sub/Dom
Posted: 12/26/2011 6:20:14 PM

Kitten189: I think he's trying to sound "in the know"


All I know is that if a woman wants to be dominated I'll be happy to tie her to the bed and have rough sex with her and every penetratable opening in her body, but she's gotta look good with a ball gag in her mouth and she's gotta thrash against the ropes like she really wants to get free.

And screw that with the "safe word". Once the handcuffs are on, we are not done until I say so.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 20
Sub/Dom
Posted: 12/26/2011 6:36:27 PM

And screw that with the "safe word". Once the handcuffs are on, we are not done until I say so.


Wow. Just...wow.

(Not a good wow, either.)
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 21
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Posted: 12/26/2011 6:39:44 PM

All I know is that if a woman wants to be dominated I'll be happy to tie her to the bed and have rough sex with her and every penetratable opening in her body, but she's gotta look good with a ball gag in her mouth and she's gotta thrash against the ropes like she really wants to get free.

And screw that with the "safe word". Once the handcuffs are on, we are not done until I say so.

That's not creepy at all.

OP.. take Vixen and Sugah up on their offer to help if you don't want to clarify what you are trying to find out with your very confusing questions.

I'm thinking you are confusing BDSM with only hard core S&M, and there is a whole lot more to it than that. There are are many different styles out there, like there are stars in the sky.

Be honest with the gentlemen you are meeting that you want them to lead the relationship and you will abide by their decisions. If you're asking where do you look for such a thing.. open your front door and look left, right, and straight ahead. They are out there in the real world... you just can't be coy about what you are looking for and expect the whole world to understand what you want. Be specific.
 SugahPunkin
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 22
Sub/Dom
Posted: 12/26/2011 6:50:29 PM
*blinks and looks at Vixen

Personally I would run from someone who said that to me about the safe word.

That just blows me away. I would never scene with anyone that said that...even jokingly.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 23
Sub/Dom
Posted: 12/26/2011 6:51:48 PM
Ok, I take it back.

The safe word is "F-ck me harder!"
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 24
Sub/Dom
Posted: 12/26/2011 6:56:10 PM

The safe word is "F-ck me harder!"


If that is the safe word, then it means STOP RIGHT NOW.

Don't think that's what you had in mind.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 25
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Posted: 12/26/2011 7:01:57 PM

If that is the safe word, then it means STOP RIGHT NOW.

Don't think that's what you had in mind.

Yeah. I don't think he gets it and is trying to appear cute and amusing, and failing.
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