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 celladore
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 1
what the heck is going onPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Im not usually one to kiss and tell but this one has me questioning.
Obviously nobody will be able to give the difinative answer, i just want to know if my theories reflect that of others.
The Situation: a couple of months ago i had sex with a colleagues housemate, they had become friends and we hung out rarely/occasionally. The colleague wasn't around at the time and it happened after a drunken fumble, and just as it was going to get to that make or break point where both parties know 'we're gonna have sex', i stopped it and said lardy lar not right for each other lets stop here and no regret lar lar, she said, its all cool, shes horney lets do it anyway and no worries, what is a guy to do.
since then its all been good, no probs. Except last night, i was informed this is a big problem for my colleague who beleives i used her friend who she considers a sister, betrayed her trust and now we can't be friends in 3, only meetings of 2, me/colleague me/friend, or friend/colleague.
As a man i guess i'm failing to see the significance of my colleagues position in this story, can anybody help?
 Monkeysox
Joined: 3/11/2010
Msg: 2
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what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 8:27:55 AM
Maybe the housemate told her a completely different story than what actually happened.
 bambiisnotsingle
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 3
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 8:29:38 AM
Easy her recollection of the event and what she has told your friends is painting you as a preditor .
shes the wee ofcorse who you used for sex you cheeky boy .


never sleep with an overly drunk women its a bit dodgy .

If im out with my male friends there very overproctive .
your mates no diffrent

just realised your mates a girl as well does she want your pants of as well so you have no chance of bonking the othere one everthings just u two lol

look
betrayed her trust and now we can't be friends in 3, only meetings of 2, me/colleague me/friend, or friend/colleague.


so u can see your college ... or you can see her friend or they can see each other .
mmmmmmmmmm
she dont wana see you with the one you sleeped with jelousy
 maverickgirl69
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 4
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 8:49:56 AM
Never poke the payroll (or anyone related to it).... sorry that probably didn;t help.

Not much you can do except perhaps learn from it. Who knows what she has told your colleague? You have no control over that. Probably not much point trying to defend yourself.
 bambiisnotsingle
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 5
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 8:52:33 AM
nope his rubarb was in that custard be carefull were you stick it next time
 garyzac
Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 6
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what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 8:57:42 AM

As a man i guess i'm failing to see the significance of my colleagues position in this story


What has your gender got to do with failing to see anything?

Why do you think you have to understand your colleague's position? She's disappointed in your action - leave it at that.
 Whitey5.10.74
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 7
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what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 9:00:52 AM
I think that your colleague is jealous. Either she wants you or jealous that her mate has had you? If the woman you slept with is ok with what happened, then it is fcuk all to do with your workmate. I think that she is just sticking her nose into something that is none of her business.
 celladore
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 8
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 9:03:51 AM
True, I guss i'll have to learn not to play with work pals pals.
I did consider the thought that she may have been attracted to me first and is now jealous but she'd never given me reason to think that before this. I asked her to talk to me when she gets back into leicester so i can find out whats wrong. In the meantime i'm going to wash custard off myself.
 bambiisnotsingle
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 9
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 9:15:46 AM
Women can be like that and never give anything away .
I am one if i like a guy id say nothing its not in me to do the chase .
I cant for the life of me come on to guys .
women are all diffrent .
Im very out going and confident loads of guys are my mates .
But i was brought up very very oldfashioned
ive a total mind of my own but i just personaly for me wouldnt hit on a guy .
 celladore
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 10
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 9:23:44 AM
@ bambi
You know reading that last post of yours reminded me of one of the first conversations i had with her, telling her about how i never date colleagues, i think its all slotting into place.
oops, my bad.
 bambiisnotsingle
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 11
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 9:31:20 AM
You have hurt her but it wasnt your intention .
She has kept you close hopeing youl say do something .
You slept with her friend .
Iexpect the sexul intrest she has had will be gone now .

no loss to you as if you had been intrested you would have showed intrest .
to remain friends tell her you both were drunk full stop
dont say you regret that sounds horrible and she will translate that into you used her mate for your needs .

Im very into a man just being a man i will not take libertys or the piss .
but i see my roll as a women to not chase id feel downright weird
i dont expect other women to be like me .
Thats just me but i no other women are the same .
 pauline2012
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 12
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 9:59:17 AM
You don't think shagging a friend of a friend and continuing to socialise in a group won't change the dynamic of those friendships?
 celladore
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 13
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:25:37 AM

You don't think shagging a friend of a friend and continuing to socialise in a group won't change the dynamic of those friendships?


Whats your point? I didn't ask to have my sex life scrutanised, but i'm looking for a solution through the sharing of opinions.

at the time, it was said that nothing would be said. why would it be a concern to somebody else what two others did one day.
I'm a very independant person and have seen this occur in similar situation before me playing a non shagging part that time and i didn't feel it was a big deal.
 stillsparkly
Joined: 5/26/2010
Msg: 14
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what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:30:52 AM
You will never know whats been said between yr mate and her housemate - you can only speculate.
Thre are many dynamics to the whole thing - if you have done nothing wrong you need to stand by it and maybe make a bit of distance from the both of them until things blow over!
x
 bambiisnotsingle
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 15
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:32:50 AM
Exactly you both consented to have sex you both were adults . I no mates who have slept with mates its non of my god darn bizzness .
I do call them dirtys though but they no im having a laugh .

I think its utter crap what being done thats one thing ive learnt since my father died my genuine mates the ones that never judge me just care .

Shes given you rules id tell her to put them were the sun dont shine
shes just jelous your rubarb wasnt hers

A friend of mine told another friend something id said it was totally true .
id said it cause id lost trust in that friend .
then it got back to me about there little gossip what did i do i dealt with it head on
told them if i wanted to be in a cunt of a mood with someone and bitch i will .
told them its human nature .
The mate who had been told what i had said had herd what i said with bits added in .

The result was go fvck yourselfs .
as both have always plenty to say about others at least i say to a persons god darn face .
yip even if ive bitched which all my close mates have given me 100% permission to do
cause they no its not nasty just me being in a grump .

What do you do with siblings grump and moan lol thats what we do as well with our mates its a part of your relationship with them .

Id say what you feel op then say END of or im out there loss
 pauline2012
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 16
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:34:59 AM

Whats your point? I didn't ask to have my sex life scrutanised, but i'm looking for a solution through the sharing of opinions.


You didn't? Why put it out there on the internet then?

My point was, you had a 3 way friendship that was by all accounts totally platonic.
Now it's not platontic and whether any of us like it or not sleeping with a friend or even a friend of a friend might go some way to changing that dymanic.
 Cinderfreakinella
Joined: 2/13/2011
Msg: 17
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:58:48 AM
I agree with pauline, the dynamics of the three relationships have now changed, it wont be the same again, how could it?

I'm thinking

1. either the friend of your colleague failed to mention to your colleague that you called a halt but she said it was ok to go ahead

2.the girl you had sex with said it was ok to go ahead as she secretly fancied you and was hoping things would develop between you afterwards and when it didnt she has sour grapes about you

3. or, your colleague likes you for herself and doesnt like the fact you slept with her friend instead

No going back from this one I'm afraid...at least learn never to sh1t on your own doorstep again
 Technopunk
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 18
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 11:02:06 AM
yeah karma bites us in the ass when we least expect it. there's no escaping cause and effect but you can shrug your shoulders and say 'oh well, c'est la vive' and move on

adults have sex, your friend should know this, and as the 3 of you have no commitments to each other i don't see what the problem is

it isnt you that has the problem my friend, it is her, and with her being of the lady variety i dont think there's a lot you can do about it
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 19
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what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 11:05:56 AM
I'd d1ck the friend of a (male or female) friend, in a heartbeat - unless they'd been involved with each other and I'd not been given the all clear to get it on with her.

I can see that it might change how you all get on, but it really shouldn't ... it wouldn't on my part anyway.

If people aren't being totally upfront about how they feel about each other, then yeah maybe there'd be some issues ... but then that's the fault of the people, who aren't being upfront.

If I thought it might cause an issue, then I'd talk with my mate about it ... and then take it from there. But I think most of my mates would be fine (or they'd just tell their female friends/relatives to stay away from me)

If one of my mates (normal or workmates) got the arse with me, because I'd been with a friend of theirs, then I'd ask them why and if I thought the reason was stupid, then I'd just leave them to it.
 bambiisnotsingle
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 20
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 11:13:41 AM
agreed luisipher as they were both adults .
They wana start dishing out rules now id walk as it stinks of ideots
 theangelworeredshoes
Joined: 6/30/2011
Msg: 21
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 11:41:44 AM
Sound like she jealous, and behaving like child , ur single it's one shag it's not a crime.tell em to grow up and move on
 pauline2012
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 22
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 12:46:08 PM

1. either the friend of your colleague failed to mention to your colleague that you called a halt but she said it was ok to go ahead

2.the girl you had sex with said it was ok to go ahead as she secretly fancied you and was hoping things would develop between you afterwards and when it didnt she has sour grapes about you

3. or, your colleague likes you for herself and doesnt like the fact you slept with her friend instead


Or maybe she'll never be able to look at the pair of you again in the same room at the same time knowing that you did the dirty deed.

Who knows, it could be 100 different reasons. People like to think when it comes to the matters of all things sexual that they are enlightened but sometimes when it gets a tad too close to home they realise that they aren't. Even if they cannot put a finger on specifically why.
 kirkstmoritz2
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 23
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 12:46:59 PM

Sound like she jealous, and behaving like child , ur single it's one shag it's not a crime.tell em to grow up and move on


 Geordie_Colin
Joined: 6/20/2011
Msg: 24
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 1:15:49 PM
Yeh. Your workmate may have been given the indication from her housemate that she was not best pleased that her charms had not won you over or that your workmate wanted a portion from you and is vexed?
Women have some very complex emotions going on and it can sometimes be impossible to get all of the answers that your looking for because of that.
Have a cigar in their honour and trust your instincts more next time.

 jaqi
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 25
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what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 2:42:03 PM
I agree she's definitely jealous. Walk away from both of them they're not worth the hassle by the sounds of things.

You know a thought has just crossed my mind that perhaps your colleague told her pal that she fancied you, before the 'dirty deed' and her pal just had to go out to get you first! Hmmmm whatever the case you are better off steering clear ... one's devious and the other childish. xx
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