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 goldenheart31
Joined: 11/20/2010
Msg: 1
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online dating: pay sites vs free sitesPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I know some of you only use this site for the forums (and honestly that's all I'm currently doing) but many of us have used this site and others as well for dating. I'm curious what other's experiences have been. I've been online dating for a decade, so, well, I've been around the web so to speak.

POF: well, it's free, so you get the scammers, the liars and the weirdos. however, i've also gone on a few decent dates from here and met my last two boyfriends this way, so no huge complaints.

Match: you couldn't pay me enough to use this site again. i despise that you have to pay to see who even emailed you, let alone read the email. so i fork over money only to find out some 70 year old man said hey. awesome. never even exanged emails with a single decent man from this site, only guys looking to chat and get me to look at their webcam (ew)

eHarmony: i filled out their personality questionnaire honestly, and for some reason they constantly match me with very seriously religious men (I'm an atheist, kind of a huge error). the process is so long, drawn out, and people lie there just as much as here. I've met three men off there and had some of the most horrible experiences of my life

yahoo: (told ya i've been around) honestly, pretty much the same as pof except with money exchanged (though not that much). sometimes i'm sad this site went away, though i mainly met players and liars and a rapist (jackpot!)

etc...
 BegrabMeinHerz
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 2
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 2:05:46 AM
I doesn't matter what site you use the dregs of society are everywhere. Do you think lowlifes don't have money?

As for eharmony, personality questionaires can be created by anyone and people believe it actually has meaning. Go back to eharmony and take the test again but fill out the opposite answers to what you would and see what happens.
 HeathV2012
Joined: 10/11/2010
Msg: 3
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online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 3:42:03 AM
I have been on various dating sites for many years now the only woman I have seriously dated off the net I met through myspace. Another I was somewhat involved with I met on myspace years ago but she was involved then I seen her here and she was single. I went on a date with someone I met on okcupid but I wasn't really interested I just hadn't dated much so I gave it a shot. Another I was set up on a blind date with but she was religious and not really my type . It seems many women I meet on dating sites even if we have a lot in common will not respond. The few women I seem to attract are not my type and the ones that talk aren't usually either. Seems with me the women that I am really into never talk or blow me off. Because of my experience with online dating I am not willing to pay. Part of my issues is that im looking for a local girl. I have talked to a few women from other places but they are to far. I would not pay for a dating site as many would say this should only be a supplement to actually going out and finding someone. Unfortunately for me there is no where here to go where I can meet women in an environment where I can enjoy myself.

As of right now I am seeing someone from POF but I think the only reason she responded was because I had once talked to her on myspace. We have gone out a few times now but I am not sure shes that into me. I like her but I don't know that we have enough in common. Dating sites suck just about as much as trying any other way the only thing missing is the face to face rejection and cruel responses although I am still bothered by being ignored.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
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online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 4:35:21 AM
The only hint I can put in, is that eHarmony is basically a religiously based site. They don't advertise it directly that way, but since they don't allow gay people or separated people (and who knows who else) amongst them, that means that they limit the guys to BEING religious types, or at least those who are willing to lie to get in.

But in general, people are who populate the whole planet, including the virtual one of the internet. And People is people, as the saying goes. You'll find higher concentrations here and there of one kind or another, for one reason or another that you can't recognize (like the chance of advertising hitting one local demographic more than another) . It's terrible that you ran into the second to the worst kind that once (the worst being serial killers, who seem to go more for craigslist, so far).

So-called Real Life is no different. If you seek a mate in bars, you'll find a higher than otherwise percentage of people who like to drink for entertainment. Look in vacation spots, and you'll find a higher number of scam artists and gold-diggers. Look in expensive nightclubs, and find more people for whom money is more important than character.

When it comes to lying, from both experience and observation, I see every day that someone new is becoming convinced that they have to lie to get what they want. People write in here regularly proclaiming that in one way or another. They are always wrong, because (as they will sometime later find out) lying only gets a person past the first few guards. You can't build something real and lasting on the basis of the loose sand of lies.

But since everyone is always in transition, all any of us can do is try our best to be on an even keel ourselves, do our best to ferret out as many of those who HAVEN'T learned to be real as we can, and trust to luck or chance or serendipity to let us find someone good for us, who we can be good for as well.
 carptopus
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 5
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 5:12:32 AM

online dating: pay sites vs free sites

No real difference.
Same people populate them all.
The type attracted to online dating.
It's like going to different bars and believing you really have a better choice in "mate" potential when the only real difference is the cover charge or 2 drink minimum.
You're still going to be surrounded by alcoholics, barflies, and attention whores.
 northwildwoodnjman1969
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 6
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 5:24:44 AM
Yea I've tried many dating sites also. Seems to me that all the dating sites are about the same. I've only tried paying for 2 online dating sites. (Match.com and Yahoo Personals) Both never worked for me either.

One thing you have to be careful about with pay sites is fake emails. What I mean by that is that some pay sites will send you an email saying that So and So sent you a message. But you have to pay to read it. Allot of times its a fake name/email just to trick you into paying. I realized this once when trying a site years ago. I forget the name of the site, but instead of paying I used there free username search to see if I could find the persons profile. Turned out the username didn't exist. Since then I have vowed to never uses a pay site again

I'll add one more to the lists of sites that are no longer around. AOL Personals (kind of like Craigslist. It got taken over by Match.com
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 7
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online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 5:55:38 AM
Heres my take on it.......... ( no offense to anyone)

Pay sites you have people more willing to meet and in your area.
Of them you can sift through quicker to find someone whois a good match.

I do not see the same people on free vs pay sites in my area, I live in a huge area. There are some but the ones on free sites are a different type of person... often long timers on dating sites, unable to find a partner for various reasons.

On pay sites people more apt to meet. Often they are working full time and very busy as to why they use the dating sites.
On free sites you might find people with this but also some major issue preventing them to easily find who they are wanting to meet.
On both sites often unrealisitc expectations.

If you want to use the sites to meet someone you first have to be realisitc as to who is a match for you and who isn't. You have to be realistic.
You also have to meet in person if you want a person to be with, toherwise you can have one of them "totally over the internet things" which some do.

I met my husband on a pay site... after using this site for awhile, went to pay site, used the matching feature and there were 3 matches for me in my area after all my selection criteria was put in. He was the first one I met of the sites matching.
I decided to use the sites features for a match because of meeting guys who were kinda crazy....
ok they were real crazy... some were huge guys ( not into overweight) or totally broke and broken, some socially inept/ physically repulsive, some with loads of kids or still married, some with communicable diseases, some shady characters, etc.

I also did a background check when meeting my husband, later credit check.. to make sure he was not trying to decieve me as to who and what he was.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 8
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 6:02:09 AM
I know folks who met partners from this site, from other sites, etc.

A couple of older women met them on a pay site & got engaged.

Another went thru many men on many sites, her M.O. seems to be the same, so she gets the same results regardless of the venue.

There's an old saying "Wherever you go, there you are."

I prefer real life when I am in the mode for dating. But online has it's merits, IF you know how to do a good ad AND screen, screen, screen. And don't take it too seriously.
 Full_of_Grace67
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 9
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online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 7:12:46 AM
HA! Northwildwood: I met my ex husband on "love at aol" How funny....That's when online dating sites were relatively new.

Yeah I've heard that Match has been one of the top sites where predators are. They come in all forms. Surprises me that they are still online after all the bad press. They do use ppl as "plants" to hook you. If your acct has been inactive for a while they will send an email from a hot man/woman to pull you back in. It's crap but I guess that's how they make money, and lot's of it seeing ppl are still using it!

I've tried single parents.com and a Christian web site too...No matter what they say or where they are, there is always a chance for predators, liars, players, fakers etc to make themselves known.

Take it with a grain of salt I say. You might get lucky and meet a great person!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 10
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 7:38:33 AM
I just paid to get on Match again, and it is a total waste of money. The same guys that are there are here. I only paid for one month and I won't be renewing.

I never used eHarmony, but friend of mine did--she said that the questionnaires MIGHT mean something if people didn't lie or weren't delusional about themselves.

Yahoo merged with Match.

--waste of time but free.

Mingle2--bigger waste of time but free.

Singlesnet--bigger waste of time.

The biggest problem is that people all use the same sites. Not only that, but I see the SAME pictures of guys that I saw six years ago when I started dating.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 11
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 7:53:26 AM
The same people are on the pay sites as the free sites, so why pay? People are under the mistaken belief there's a better class of people on the pay sites, when in reality it's just the same old losers, only better paid ...

eHarmony encourages people to not post pictures so you can be matched on a "deeper level" ... that's a bunch of bullsh*t in my opinion. If you don't like the person's looks, you're never going to reach that "deeper level". We all know it's about physical attraction.

I met a guy from match who had a criminal record for domestic violence and a gun charge. Just because you can pay to join those sites doesn't mean you're going to meet a good person.
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 12
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 8:10:32 AM
I met more quality women on eHarmony in a few months than I could've met in several years if I'd worked at it full time. I didn't notice any particular religiosity common to them, and many were professionals, or otherwise quite successful.

A lot of the women were having a hard time finding a man of comparable achievement, and in addition, some of the younger ones (late 30s; I was 45/46 at the time) had a lively awareness of their biological clocks, having put the kid thing on hold as they worked on their careers.

So I'd recommend it with the caveat that it probably works best for established, mature guys.

That said, I've never had a problem with anyone from any dating site, including here, nothing worth mentioning anyway, and have met some very cool women with whom I would never have connected IRL.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 13
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 8:20:08 AM
I met my fiancee here. She was also oneHarmony and according to her, they never matched her with anyone she wanted to meet, so for her, eHarmony was a total waste of time and money.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 14
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 3:08:35 PM
In the past 5 years post marriage, between Match and POF I met 4 women with whom I had relationships of 4 months to 2 years (two on each site).

Out of dozens of first dates I'd say I get roughly equal numbers from both sites and I've met three on Jdate as well (first time I ever tried it was this time around and I only subscribed for a month).

I get maybe 3-6 messages per day on POF, along with several "wants to meet you", and less winks and messages from Match.com. Match is lower activity but higher quality women "in general" but I've got enough activity from both sites to keep me dating a few times a week for the past 1.5 months and it's busier this time around than any other time I've been on the dating sites in the past 5 years between relationships.

I tried OK Cupid (free site) for the first time, but I haven't met up with anyone from there-I get maybe 2-3 messages on a good day, but I only tried that site for the first time about 2 months ago and I don't really search for anyone there.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 15
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online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 3:15:57 PM
No real difference.
Same people populate them all.

Agreed.

My experiences have been better with "Match".
This is interesting. I'm separated.
On POF I contact separated women and am always told "I don't date married men"
Which is an odd reply coming from a separated woman.

On Match I contact separated women and get messages like..."Boy, I know how hard it is to date when you're seaprated, tell me a little more about what you like to do."

Weird...
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 16
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online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 3:27:24 PM

My experiences have been better with "Match".


I've had better results at Match, as well. That's where I met my current mate. I've found the men over there to be of a higher caliber than the ones I've met on Pof. The men that interested me did not happen to have profiles on both sites.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 17
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 3:33:29 PM
[ quote] I've had better results at Match, as well. That's where I met my current mate. I've found the men over there to be of a higher caliber than the ones I've met on Pof. The men that interested me did not happen to have profiles on both sites.
she's onto something...
AND this really was a friend, I swear on all of my cat's lives...she said alot of the men in AFF have profiles in the regular sites as well...and they had their pics up in AFF too I mean their face
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 18
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 4:05:21 PM
I have three sets of friends who are married, and all met online.

One couple on a tennis lovers site.

Another on a classical music lovers site.

And the third in a chatroom that had nothing whatsoever to do dating !

I guess the idea being, that none of know where that right match will come from - could be anywhere !

PS - been on Match , and will never pay them another cent !
 pureblisscatch4u
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 19
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 4:32:05 PM
They've all been pretty bad, but I can say for sure that I've seen a lot more people on here without college degrees than anywhere else. Maybe it's because on other sites, you CAN put education as a requirement and you can't here for some reason. I can also say people on Eharmony are probably the flakiest of any site. I actually met the most guys on Match a few years back and am friends with a couple of them still. I think Match must've gone downhill or something.
You usually get what you pay for. I know of a few couples who met online, but generally, online attracts the most weirdos. I think there are more weirdos online because many lack social skills to go out and mingle with friends. Meeting through friends seems to be the most successful approach, from what I've seen and heard.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 20
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online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 5:25:44 PM
wrong thread.
 weirdotool
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 21
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online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 6:11:38 PM
I haven't been online dating for very long, but right now I'm using POF, chemistry.com, e-harmony, and yahoo.

-I get matched with women who have kids and women significantly older than me 90% of the time on e-harmony and chemistry.
-I get a similar experience on Yahoo to POF, but I get less messages on Yahoo.

So far POF has been the best experience for me personally. Will probably also cast lines at match.com soon to try that out.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 22
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online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 6:30:37 PM
At least in here you don't pay anything to get rejected.
I imagine it kindof stings more if it co$t ya.
:-P
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 23
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online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 6:41:31 PM
This leads to another question: If you meet someone from here, would you ask the person if they have a profile on any other site? I'm assuming you would check the person's profile on the other sites he/she is on to see if it matches the profile on this site and look for discrepancies.
 2drlvr
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 24
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online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 7:32:41 PM
I actually have met people who have ads up on other sites. I don't tend to check them out, as it's always seemed unnecessary to me. I never even ask if they have an ad on another site. I know either because I've come across their other ads on my own or because they've told me while we discuss our experiences in online dating. I figure if I start checking out other ads and fishing around the internet for information on them, it's kinda creepy. But that's just me.
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 25
online dating: pay sites vs free sites
Posted: 1/3/2012 10:00:10 PM
The same liars, cheats, etc are to be found on paying sites as well as free ones. I met a guy on a pay site who is also on the free component of pof. I discovered him to be 20 years older and in a nursing home. His photo was out of date, his age differed from one site to the other; in fact, his profile had nothing to do with the actual person. So, I can't see the purpose in paying money to find dates. I've found salt of the earth men for free. That's the way to go, at least as far as I'm concerned.
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