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 Loulabelle68
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 1
Contributions to a hosts partyPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I have a problem...
My 'friend' has invited me and some others (who I really like) to a wine and cheese night at her house. Only thing is, she has asked of a £4 contribution. Now I know 4 quid aint much but am slightly offended as if I were to host such a night, I would NEVER dream of expecting my guests to contribute. I just dont think this is the done thing! If you invite people to your house, you expect to host and pay dont you? Or dont bother hosting at all really! I am interested in your point of view? Please stop me from messaging back 'friend' and saying she is a tight wad cow and I would rather stick glow sticks in my ear than attend! I could understand if she said 'bring a bottle'. That would be ok but pay to attend is offensive to me. Do you agree
 pauline2012
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 2
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 2:47:09 PM
Ask if you can bring wine or cheese instead. Or take a gift. How many people are going?
If I felt that strongly about it I wouldn't go.
 Cinderfreakinella
Joined: 2/13/2011
Msg: 3
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 2:49:13 PM
take a bottle? contribute 4 quid?...getting off lightly IMO, maybe your friend wants to host a gathering but cant afford to cater for everybody? Bet she found it hard to ask too, look at the reaction.

I know in my family we all help each other out that way when throwing a bit of a do...you wouldn't get a decent bottle of wine for under £4 would you?

And I'm sure, as we all know when we hostess, she will spend more than that anyway...

My advice is go, contribute the paltrey £4, and enjoy yourself with friends.
 Suzanne_999
Joined: 12/31/2011
Msg: 4
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Posted: 1/11/2012 2:54:25 PM
It sounds like a good idea to me. I dont do it when I have BBQ's though but if i was in a friends circle and we all went round to each others houses then it would be so much easier to contribute to the host rather than spend much more on taking cheese and wine along for the table. Plus when it comes to your turn you will know that its not going to be too expensive. The problem arises if someone doesnt attend regularly then hosts their own expecting everyone to pay. either everyone has to be in it or not. Would have been good if the host bantered the thought around you all first to gage a reaction rather than just invite and ask for payement though. think the host may have went round it in the wrong fashion. Perhaps theres money issues involved with the host but she wants to see all friends. i'd contribute the £4 if it was my friend, after all it takes a lot for someone to ask for money ..
 pauline2012
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 5
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 2:54:26 PM
When you say 'friend' do you mean there are other issues going on or is it just this issue that has cheesed you off pardon the pun?
 Lulubellabella
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 6
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Posted: 1/11/2012 2:55:14 PM
i think it is abit cheeky and a tad strange she asked you to pay ... ive never heard of anyone to do this before ... if it was me i wouldnt go and i would tell her how odd it is that someone who invites you to their house has asked this ....
 Loulabelle68
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 7
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 2:56:04 PM
Maybe you're right Cinders but I just find it rude to ask and its not something I would do and I know she can afford it but thats not the point. Its just the whole idea of a fee to attend that seems weird to me and offensive. I dont think I will go but also wonder if my values on the subject mean I am cutting my own nose off to spite my face as I really like the others that are attending - then again, maybe I will just invite them around to mine and lavish them with wine and food like I always do and not invite 'her' cos she's tite
 Suzanne_999
Joined: 12/31/2011
Msg: 8
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Posted: 1/11/2012 2:59:26 PM
well if she can afford it then that changes the whole thing.
 Cinderfreakinella
Joined: 2/13/2011
Msg: 9
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:01:07 PM
Look at it this way, how much would you spend on a nite out?

£4 to have what I knew was going to be a great evening doesn't seem like the end of the world to me, times are hard right now...and anyway, just think she may be using the 4 quid a head to hire a male stripper for you all...yay

You sure nothing personal going on between the two of you...rivalry somehow?

What do your other friends that are going think about it?
 socialwire
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 10
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:01:27 PM
If she's a friend you should should have a reasonable idea if she's doing well in life or finding things hard .....money wise .

She's invited you round her house ( which is nice !) and i'd guess she wouldn't ask for the £4 unless things were really tight ??
personally i'd give her a fiver/tenner and say thanks for inviting me round


Its your friend and if you think she's trying it on just decline the invite ....... only you know her cos she's your mate !!
 kirkstmoritz2
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 11
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:03:35 PM
I thought the whole reason for having a party was so when they've all gone home you had much more booze than you started with? asking for a contribution is just tight...but why four quid??? that's not gonna cover anything! weird.
 pauline2012
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 12
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:03:53 PM
I don't think it does change it to be honest. Just because someone can afford it doesn't necessarily mean guests shouldn't take something along with them, I know that isn't the issue, the issue is that she's asked for cash instead of a bottle of wine, or cheese or a dessert.

If the issue is shes asked other people you really like as you said, invite them round to yours if this issue is annoying you so much.
 Suzanne_999
Joined: 12/31/2011
Msg: 13
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Posted: 1/11/2012 3:05:01 PM
I agree with socialwire.. you know your friend well enough. We dont. I already changed my mind when I read the next post saying your friend could afford it. If something bothers me about one of my friends then I would tell them and not bottle it up.
 Loulabelle68
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 14
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:05:56 PM
Well socialwire; call me old fashioned but it seems rude of her to ask. Lou was on my wave lenght. I'd like her to know I was offended but subtly - I hate confrontation and do not want to offend her because as others have posted, there may be a finacial reason for her asking but as said before, I dont it! She has a similar job to me and I do well but she is young and lives with her folks, has no finacial commitments etc. I really just think she is being an ass.
 Marquis_de_Michaelmas
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 15
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Posted: 1/11/2012 3:07:34 PM
It could be a bit tacky emptying the contents of your loose change into her penny jar, or maybe you send her a cheque?
 AngelCakes85
Joined: 8/20/2011
Msg: 16
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:10:06 PM
A friend invites you to a BBQ or party most say 'bring a bottle' same thing really, I always take something no matter what.

You don't like it don't go, simple really but not worth losing a friend over.
 mazeyh
Joined: 7/7/2009
Msg: 17
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:10:37 PM
I have a group of friends and we have pudding parties.Everyone brings a pudding and the host provides the drink. It's a great way of having regular get togethers without having to spend too much dosh. If a friend said she wanted to do something different and could we contribute £4 I'd think great and look forward to it. I'd imagine any one of us would broach the subject with the others first though. I guess that's where your friend has gone wrong.
 finbarrsaunders
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 18
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:13:26 PM
Turn up p1ssed. Tell her you spent the 4 quid on cheese and wine. You drank the wine and Anthony Worrall Thompson nicked the cheese!
 Loulabelle68
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 19
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:14:41 PM
Angel I agree but being an honest open woman, it will sting me to not say why I didnt attend i.e. why I thought asking for a cash donation rather than a food or wine donation was rude.
I thank you all because I think I have the answer! I will reply to her invite and say 'would it be wrong of me to find that donating cash was a little odd in my book and would you be offended if I bought a selection of cheese and wine instead to help out?'
 Loulabelle68
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 20
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:18:15 PM
You're so right mazeyh! That's it spot on! I think I might just forward this thread!
Thank you everyone!
You're lovely here!
I might just stay! lol x
 Lorri55
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 21
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Posted: 1/11/2012 3:18:38 PM
I would not mention the money thing but take along a bottle of wine and/or a couple of nice cheeses.
She will probably get from that that you didn't think asking for a cash contribution was the right thing for her to do.
 socialwire
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 22
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:23:55 PM
thats a good reply op

like i said she's your mate and only you know if she's taking the piss or being genuine and really needs the dosh .

from what you say it sounds like she's a skinflint and trying it on.
 Loulabelle68
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 23
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:30:13 PM
Ok - so this was my reply...
'Cheers luv! Would be happy to attend and thanks but feel a bit weird about the donation thing... Would it be better if we bought a bottle and and a bit of cheese of our choice? What does everyone think?..'

Do you think that was ok and got the point across without offence?
 pauline2012
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 24
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:30:37 PM
To be honest, if it bothers you that much I'd stay away, or I'd ask the other people how they feel. Or I'd ask her outright why she's asking you to pay.

Taking the wine and cheese instead of the cash solves your issue, but not everyone elses and to be fair, if other people are being asked to stump up 4 quid then you walk in bringing wine or cheese it might cause a few issues.

Why not ask her why she wants a cash donation instead of the food and drink?
 mazeyh
Joined: 7/7/2009
Msg: 25
Contributions to a hosts party
Posted: 1/11/2012 3:42:37 PM
Maybe it's so everyone doesn't turn up with cheese strings.

After all you can have too much of a good thing can't you?
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