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 BrookfieldGentlemanTom
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 1
pics and references to children and grandchildrenPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
as a 59 year pld bachelor with NO CHILDREN who enjoys alot of nightlife and entertainment events i find myself automatically going on to the next profile when i see a woman with a bunch of pics with her children and grandchildren and then making references to them in her first paragraph.

i get alot of emails from women like this and they cannot understand why i write back to them and say we are not a match. they return that email and want to have an explanation as to why we aren't.

do you get turned off from these "family" type women whose life seems to revolve around the grandchildren and who demand an explanation as to why you are not interested?

thanks - Brookfield Gentleman Tom
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 2
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 2:23:53 PM
We all get those who after a polite decline want explanations as to why. That's the very reason that so many don't respond if uninterested.

If you prefer to write and turn them down, block them after doing so. That way, you have kept your own personal standards about treating people with respect but will not have to deal with the constant 'back and forth' some people insist on.
 SugahPunkin
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 3
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 2:31:25 PM
...maybe you should mention it on your profile..?
That way they will probably understand right off the bat and not respond to you at all.
:)
 BrookfieldGentlemanTom
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 4
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 2:41:02 PM
i actually DID block someone after she asked why AND SHE PUT IT ON HER PROFILE that i blocked her and asked why i was being so rude!!!!
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 5
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 2:41:42 PM
I also have no children and like you am not interested in someone with especially young children. Or no time to do anything else as they are so invovled with their kids lives.

Most people however have had kids, and at our age are getting grandchildren.

I am always asked why I don't have any, as if there is something wrong with not breeding.

It would be a very boring world if we were all the same.

Put it on your profile, clearly, that you are not interested in ladies with young children or grandchildren.

Simple.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 6
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 2:48:11 PM
I have children but I am now at the stage where I am getting some independence. I fully understand what you mean as I too have declined those with very young children.

Even when there is a great arrangement in place with their ex, there will still be times when those children are in the care of their father - and I don't want to return to raising toddlers. It's personal choice and sometimes, people aren't very good at understanding that it's not a personal insult when told 'no'. It's simply not a situation I choose to embrace.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 7
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History
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 3:05:19 PM
yes it's like some live through their now adult children... makes me sick.... yuck to those types.... they think babysitting is "heaven".. so let them have it. I want no part of any of that.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 8
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 3:23:32 PM
If they don't get it with the first "Thanks, but no thanks" then tell them, that their family lifestyle is not attractive to you, since you don't have a family of your own and no desire to be involved in such.

If they still think that truth is rude, block them and get done with that.
Cheers!


 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 9
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pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 3:53:04 PM
ref: Brookfield's comment: "i actually DID block someone after she asked why AND SHE PUT IT ON HER PROFILE that i blocked her and asked why i was being so rude!!!"

small question: how did you know what she put on her profile?

just curious ...

I think if you spelled it out clearly in your profile that you are NOT interested in women with a family life, I suspect women with families wouldn't bother you.

 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 10
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 3:56:23 PM
My son is 15.. and he comes first.. and his activities.. BUT

I do not need a dad for him.. so he will not be featured in my profile..

lol.. Since i share custody.. i duz indeed like the night life too.. :))
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 11
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 3:59:35 PM
I find the whole - photos with kids, gushing about kids or grandkids , "they are my world", "I love them more than anything" , " the main part of my life" etc., to be a big 'ole turn off. Right up there with gushing about your animals , your car, how great your house is, - all that stuff that is not directly about the person in the profile !

Oh , I know - it relates to the person of course, and gives you an idea of some of what they're about (thanks for the warning!). But simply too much too soon , when you don't even know someone.

They're shooting themselves in the foot when it comes to attracting someone to respond !
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 12
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 4:22:13 PM
i don't know why granmas would be attracted to you in the first place. i would think they would be looking for a "God-fearing man" who is into family like them. perhaps really these women don't want to share their family time with another man's family so they think they can connect with you. maybe they think they can settle you down or change you to the more sedate family man....lol.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 13
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pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 4:32:58 PM
This sounds a bit off. If I understand, you are being pestered by women who have lots of child-related stuff in their profiles, which makes you assume that they don't want to spend the time you do in carousing . I understand that part.

Where I get lost is, that you seem to be saying both that these women also initiate contact with you, and when you return a generic no thank you message, they argue back. This is foreign to me to begin with (perhaps I simply don't attract the intensity of desire you do), and my first thought is that you are saying more than "no thanks" in your message, and that THAT causes them to respond again. For example, if you answer back that they appear to be overly involved with their relatives for your tastes (as you complain about here), that unneeded criticism might be setting them off.

You are in enough of a twist of resentment about this, that you go to the trouble of RE-reading their profiles (otherwise you wouldn't KNOW that she put your rejection into her profile).

In other words, when someone claims that they are getting THIS much of a problem from others, I stop thinking that all of those in the focus of your complaints are nuts, and start to suspect that the problem is of your own generation.

No one notices the quietly prejudiced people. The ones who get fussed at, are the ones who go out of their way to BROADCAST their acidic views, and push them at others.
 BrookfieldGentlemanTom
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 14
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 6:22:55 PM
my reply to their emails is, "I'm sorry but we are not a match".

i think it's obvious from my profile that i don't lead a sedantic lifestyle yet these gushing grannies seem to think i'd be happy sitting next them on a saturday night playing with her grandchildren and think it's a fun exciting evening.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 15
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 7:11:33 PM

i think it's obvious from my profile that i don't lead a sedantic lifestyle yet these gushing grannies seem to think i'd be happy sitting next them on a saturday night playing with her grandchildren and think it's a fun exciting evening.


"Gushing grannies"?

Op,from this Thread and your previous Posts,i doubt these women would be remotely interested in you and i seriously doubt they're even contacting you.
I think you just wanted to rant.
Ps.Ive no children but nor am i into the bar scene.
Gawd,i left all that long ago when i grew out of it.
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 16
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pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 7:37:12 PM
Well OP I read your profile and no I didn't see where your only interest is clubbing. It actually doesn't show much of your personality, and these women who are contacting you evidently don't read the forums, because then they would know your personality.

Your pics show nothing except that you like to spend your time eating with your sister in law. Since you have a photo of it you must spend all your time with her.

Assume much????
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 17
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pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 8:48:30 PM
I'm with you, Tom. Especially when their username includes the word "mom" or "grandma".

But I rarely reply to someone when I'm not interested, for the very reason of what has happened to you. No reply should be enough to know someone's not interested.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 18
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pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 8:55:18 PM
For example, if you answer back that they appear to be overly involved with their relatives for your tastes (as you complain about here), that unneeded criticism might be setting them off.

You are in enough of a twist of resentment about this, that you go to the trouble of RE-reading their profiles (otherwise you wouldn't KNOW that she put your rejection into her profile).

In other words, when someone claims that they are getting THIS much of a problem from others, I stop thinking that all of those in the focus of your complaints are nuts, and start to suspect that the problem is of your own generation.

No one notices the quietly prejudiced people. The ones who get fussed at, are the ones who go out of their way to BROADCAST their acidic views, and push them at others.


Egor nailed it. OP, I believe that one of the main reasons you're having this issue is because you do come across as somewhat smug and overly opinionated, as well as confrontational. This is evident not only from your posts, but from your profile.

If you're not the least bit interested in children, I'd suggest you disclose that tidbit in your profile, and state that you don't want them, rather than "Prefer Not To Say", which is ambiguous, and carries the implication that you might be open to the idea of children. Just sayin'.
 Bandit370
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 19
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 9:34:14 PM
Hey Tom;
I agree. Nothing annoys me more than finding a nice lady who insists on posting her pic with her grandchildren, pets, motorcycles, etc. Same applies to a pic of a lady who likes to fish standing 50 yards away holding up a carp. I might add that, if you post a pic of yu and a group of friends, at least point out which one you are. Better yet, save those pics for your Facebook page.

Yes... your grandchildren are precious... so are mine, but you won't meet them on our first date, and they will never call me Grandpa. That said, ladies, fix yourself up and have a friend take a nice RECENT picture of your face for POF. You might also consider posting a recent pic of you first thing in the morning, still in your robe, standing at the coffee pot, and scratching yourself while yawning. If a guy approaches you after seeing that pic, he must truly be the man of your dreams.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 20
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History
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 9:42:31 PM
I would never ask why. There's not much you can do about these women asking you, but you don't have to answer, that is the point where I would just block them. I don't really feel a need to explain that not interested is simply not interested. Also I would not usually have any reason to read the profile of someone I blocked (could I even???), why would I then look at their profile?
 DoubleEagle2
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 21
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pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 10:15:11 PM
I can't ever remember meeting a woman my age without kids. Maybe I have but I sure don't remember. Who cares if they gush about them in their profile. And how many women on POF don't have children?
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 22
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pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 10:26:37 PM
To OP & others. Kid pix are just not safe. My 2 buddies in the neighborhood are computer dudes and seriously advise against that. That being said; (I dislike that expression) LOL. I'm really in the minority ; I like women who enjoy kids. My kid, their kid, grands, adopted whatever. I'm impressed when they affectionately speak of them. Please don't berate me for this. I've gotten my azz beat for it on other threads. I know what I like; I like what I know. As Walt would say, phuck em. You folks go your way; I'm goin mine. Oh, wow, just realized Eagle survived the forum nazis from another shoot out.LOL. Got your crash helmet ready?
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 23
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/14/2012 11:24:32 PM
We all have our preferences. My son and his partner don't have any kids and I'm just fine with not having grandkids. My sister has 4 and is absolutely crazy over them and that's wonderful for her. I don't want to be around kids. I raised mine and I enjoy the company of adults. My fiance feels the same way. He and a former partner split after 3 yrs when her adult kids started having grandkids and the babies began to take over every aspect of their lives. Her grandkids became the end all, be all of her world. That wasn't what he wanted out of life and it isn't what I want either.

OP, on your profile explain that you are not interested in being around kids, whether they are the woman's own or her grandkids. That is not how you envision your life. And definitely put 'Does not want children' instead of 'Prefers not to say'. Ambiguity is not a good thing when it comes to something that you feel so strongly about.

Nowinters, there is nothing wrong with loving to be around kids. Different strokes for different folks. Enjoy the children in your life!
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 24
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/15/2012 1:52:20 AM
I dont think it is the safest thing to post photos of your children or grandchildren on line dating sights.
one thing I want to say to the OP is that just because a woman has photos of her grandchildren and speaks lovingly of them...does not necessarily mean she spends all day with them. maybe she only gets to see them once a month, or even less. so she posts the photo because she is proud of them and loves them.
it does not mean she is going to bring them on dates or expect you to be their grandpa.
just sayin'
and what about ladies like me who dont post any pics of grandchildren and I have 4 of them.
should I write it in my profile so men who dont want to be around kids wont contact me?
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 25
pics and references to children and grandchildren
Posted: 1/15/2012 7:23:09 AM
I think all these nice old lady gushy grandmas are dodging a bullet and they just don't know it. But, not everyone on POF reads the forums.

OP: put it clearly on your profile, what your absolute no's are in regards to children and grandchildren, then you won't have to suffer like this.
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