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 cdg058
Joined: 4/24/2011
Msg: 1
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Second date on the night after the firstPage 1 of 1    
Hi, guys.

I have a very casual date on Thursday night. I tend to pretty much know beforehand whether I'm going to like the person I'm going out with - I know the kind of people I'm attracted to, et cetera. Obviously, we may have no romantic chemistry whatsoever, but I'll find that out then. I tend to be very discriminating in the people I go out with, though, so chances are I'm going to want to go out again. I already know this.

Should things go well, is it weird at all to go ahead and ask her out for the next night at the end of a first date? I wouldn't normally do this, but our local art museum stays open until midnight or so on one Friday per month, with musical acts and specialized presentations and stuff like that. At least in my head, it'd be an ideal REAL first date/second date for two artsy intellectuals, and obviously this doesn't come around that often. She's going out of town most of next week and next weekend, as well, so I'd rather not wait two weeks to see her again. But I also don't want to come off as smothering and not give her the space to perhaps think about if she'd like to go out again.

So, ladies, would you find it pushy or clingy at all if a guy asked you out for the next night, assuming your first meeting went well? Guys, have you ever done this, and if so, how did it work out?

I neither know nor really respect most conventional rules of dating, so I'm clueless.
 getrightorgetleft
Joined: 12/3/2011
Msg: 2
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Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/17/2012 8:46:00 AM
I've done it, obviously I'm still single so don't listen to everything I say. However, if I felt like someone would enjoy something that I knew about, of course I would tell them I would like them to go with me. I doubt things like that make you look like you are clingy, if anything it should make you appear thoughtful. Maybe she will take it the wrong way, but if that's the case, why would you spend so much thought on a woman that thinks she's that special to you after one date? You want to utilize the little time that both of you have now, if she thinks you're being clingy, it's REAL easy to prove her wrong. Isn't it?
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 3
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Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/17/2012 8:46:28 AM
I'd say "I'm going to our local art museum tomorrow night because it stays open until midnight on one Friday per month, with musical acts and specialized presentations and stuff like that. Would you like to go with me, or meet there?"
If she sounds agreeable, say "I'll probably get there around 8 but we could meet for dinner earlier if you want."
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 4
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Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/17/2012 8:53:15 AM
I wouldn't find it pushy or clingy if I liked you as much as you liked me. In that case, I would find your enthusiasm and determination charming and appealing.

If I were not that into you, asking me out again so soon would not make me any less into you.

In other words, you can't really lose if you do this, in my book. She either likes you already, and then she'll be excited and charmed, or she doesn't, in which case, no harm done.

However, because she is not me, her feelings might be different. There are some female posters here who will probably disagree. So, that's just me.

Still, just be yourself, though. If you're not on the same page with respect to how much you like each other, or how much you want to see each other again, or how quickly it is comfortable to proceed, it's better if you find out now.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 5
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Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/17/2012 9:05:36 AM
I would let her know that you are interested in seeing her again, find out if that interest is mutual, and then tell her you are going to be doing the arts show, the next day, and if she is interested and available, you would enjoy having her join you.

She then can tell you if she is interested, available, or already has plans made. Either way, do not take it the wrong way, she will let you know if she wants to see you again.

cd.......
Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/17/2012 9:32:46 AM
lillimarleen's on it. think in terms of whether you sense she's attracted, rather than some global set of 'rules' (and let's not forget whether YOU feel attracted). if you turn her on, almost any circumstances of furthering interaction with be welcome. if you turn her off, any tactic you might try will be the wrong one.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 7
Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/17/2012 1:45:24 PM
Conventional rules for anything are fine for people who cannot think for themselves, but not so much for those who CAN think for themsleves.

I have done it also, without a problem.
If the chemistry is already there, what is the point of waiting a "specified" amount of time?
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 8
Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/17/2012 2:25:58 PM

cdg058: I tend to pretty much know beforehand whether I'm going to like the person I'm going out with


That has not been my experience at all.

Sure one particular woman might have a bit more potential and her pictures might be a bit more promising but you never know what's really going to show up for that first date.

If anything I've found that the better looking she appears to be, the greater the possibility that I'm going to be staring down the barrel of a deceptive fugly.
 cdg058
Joined: 4/24/2011
Msg: 9
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Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/17/2012 2:56:48 PM
That has not been my experience at all.

Sure one particular woman might have a bit more potential and her pictures might be a bit more promising but you never know what's really going to show up for that first date.

If anything I've found that the better looking she appears to be, the greater the possibility that I'm going to be staring down the barrel of a deceptive fugly.

Take note that I'm young (23), and it's a lot easier for a young lady my age to be attractive than someone, say, twenty years older.

In any case, the "objective" sense in which someone's attractive plays a surprisingly small role in whether I like them. I don't mean to make myself sound artificially deep or anything, but I'm more physically attracted to "cute" than "hot," and would rather date (on society's "objective" scale) a 6 than a 9 or 10. Plus, as someone who is really only interested in dating other young, creative non-hipster intellectuals, it's a lot more difficult to fake that than someone who relies on truisms or generalities in what they say. I only send messages to a few people per month (I don't use this site), and have a response rate of about 70%, because I know what I'm looking for and am always thoughtful in what I say. I also tend to exchange a lot more messages back and forth than most people do before meeting, and actually get to know the person fairly decently, and no date I've been on from online dating has been in any way a misrepresentation on either of our behalfs. Obviously, personal chemistry is important and that can only really be determined face-to-face, so it usually doesn't work out, either because of no conversational chemistry (don't see each other anymore) or no romantic chemistry (stay friends, which I'm not opposed to and have done).

But anyway, I'm probably overthinking this, as I tend to do. I'm generally lacking in self-confidence and fear rejection (history of obesity, and I'm still not used to being thin), and so I'm constantly worrying about what other people are thinking rather than letting Occam's Razor take over. Thanks for the advice.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 10
Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/17/2012 4:12:11 PM

Take note that I'm young (23), and it's a lot easier for a young lady my age to be attractive than someone, say, twenty years older.

Oh no you didn't just say that!

Back on topic...if she likes you she will be happy & as long as she doesn't already have plans it is a great idea! Don't follow random rules that don't suit your situation.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 11
Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/17/2012 9:03:59 PM
You're overthinking your original topic and NOT thinking enough about saying inane things like this:

it's a lot easier for a young lady my age to be attractive than someone, say, twenty years older.

Wow.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 12
Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/17/2012 9:05:37 PM
But to answer the O-Post: if you want to ask her out for the next night, just do it. She may not be available, but how will you know unless you ask? If you really hit it off with someone and the feeling is mutual, you'll both want to spend more time together, as often and as soon as possible.
 lauramae18
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 13
Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/17/2012 9:44:07 PM
Unless she's a 43 year old masquerading as a 23 year old and needs to sleep on Friday night. Since she's old and all.
 cdg058
Joined: 4/24/2011
Msg: 14
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Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/18/2012 7:39:33 AM
Oh, come on guys, I didn't say "old people are ugly." The twenties represent the physical prime of a human being - that's just a biological fact. The younger you are, the easier it is to stay in shape, and the general affects of aging on the skin have not yet taken their toll. Is anybody going to deny that?

That doesn't mean there aren't attractive people in their forties, or that one automatically becomes unattractive by mere virtue of their age. But yeah, a greater percentage of people, both male and female, who are young are physically attractive than are who are older. Rec_diver, who by his picture is not my age, mentions a problem he has had with women misrepresenting themselves (and referring to them as "fugly," something I certainly would never do to anyone). My guess is that that becomes more of a problem in online dating the older one gets, because it is objectively harder to stay in shape the older you get, and the more likely someone may be to hide that or misrepresent themselves.

But otherwise, thank you all for reassuring me that I won't come off as pushy.
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 15
Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/18/2012 9:37:06 AM
CDG...hopefully she will have read your post and cancel, or at the very least say no to a second date. WOW...not in a good way and I will leave it at that.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 16
Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/18/2012 1:11:24 PM
if u r into her, ask her...it's very flattering to be asked out again right away, rather than to wonder: "is he gonna call me?"
 chrissyjd
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 17
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Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/18/2012 5:29:21 PM
I'm not averse to seeing a guy two days in a row early on or a few times in the first week, but when that's the case, "date number" becomes irrelevant.

Like if I'm out to dinner again with a guy again the very next day, I don't really consider it a "second date". It's more like an extension of the first. So don't expect things to progress a whole lot.
 ladypenelope007
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 18
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Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/18/2012 5:34:08 PM
You will know urself as soon as u meet up with her if the chemistry is there and ul know before the end of the evening how she really feels about u in return, body language spks louder than words. Just go for it and ask her to go with you, even if the chemistry not there between u both and u both had such a lovely evening in each others company, u have nothing to lose have you. If u guys dont get together u can still be pals, if u have had such a wonderful evening together but spark not there, no harm in keeping up as pals and enjoying plenty joyful times with one another ) Lifes too short, I'd say ask her and its not being pushy at all. If u dont she mite secretly be hoping that u had asked her and ud be kicking urself later Hope u both have lovely evening together when u meet :-)
 cdg058
Joined: 4/24/2011
Msg: 19
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Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/20/2012 7:45:07 AM
OK, yeah, totally overthunk it. Our "casual" date consisted of us talking for about three and a half hours. I asked about tonight, she said yes. So it's all good.
 McStef
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 20
Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/21/2012 9:09:48 PM

My guess is that that becomes more of a problem in online dating the older one gets, because it is objectively harder to stay in shape the older you get, and the more likely someone may be to hide that or misrepresent themselves.


OMG! You are SO gonna eat those words in 20 years...especially when some young kid says something so idiotic within earshot! You want this old lady to get you a better shovel?

Having said that, if she likes you as much as you like her then ask her.

*shakes head slowly*
 bethesdafoodie
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 21
Second date on the night after the first
Posted: 1/21/2012 9:23:02 PM

The twenties represent the physical prime of a human being - that's just a biological fact. The younger you are, the easier it is to stay in shape, and the general affects of aging on the skin have not yet taken their toll. Is anybody going to deny that?


I wish you would tell that to the people I run into at the local bars.

I hang out with people up to twice my age and I have to say they're probably in better shape than I am.

I'm also only 25 and am a member of my chamber of commerce, whereas these guys are in their 50s and have cut back working 100+ hour weeks and can focus on stuff like the gym.

I'm sure you won't come off as pushy, misguided maybe, pushy not as far as I can tell.

I know 50 year old guys that can out party me because they have the time and experience to handle their shit; kids in their 20s(myself included) don't have the physical capacity to drink like the older crowd can.

The only reason I limit myself to 30 or younger is because I'm looking for a long term relationship and am not interested in someone that's been there and done that more than I have!

I highly recommend people watch the Pilot of Betty White's show "Off their Rockers", this thread reminded me of what old people do when they start going senile.
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