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 hand356
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 1
How many emails before asking for the first date?Page 1 of 1    
Interested in opinions on when you think is the appropriate time once emails have been exchanged to ask for the first date/meeting.

thanks.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 2
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 12:50:48 PM
There is no set rules really, well first thing know the difference between first date vs First meeting, the two are not mutually exclusive. First meeting should be short and sweet so you can determine if there is enough chemistry to go on a date.

Back to your question, Some folks likes to email for a few time , progress to MSN, then to the phone/text, then set up a first meet.

Some don't like MSN or phone calls and if you are close by , will suggest meet up for a coffee/drink before phone numbers are exchanged.

Biggest problem I Can see from listening and reading others experience is they meet someone on line, and they are either too slow in asking for the number or too quick, most needs to develop listening skills and temperature taking when chatting with the opposite sex you met on line.

When You email someone and they are interested, talk to them and find out what they are comfortable doing.

Good luck.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 3
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 1:30:14 PM
One email. If you have her attention, then suggest a meeting for 30 minutes, right now.
You have nothing to lose.
 pjinmd67
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 4
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 1:33:12 PM
There are a range of views, as above post notes. You might search for other threads on this, which come up regularly.

Just one man's experience, I personally try a few emails (3-4), and offer a meet or at least a phone call. Most women will know their interest by then, and if they don't then I'm not. Prolonged indirect contact in my experience is usually not the road taken by people there to close a deal, with the usual legit exceptions for long distance, travel, unusual busyness, etc. The real initial test of interest is following through to an in person meet anyway, the successful preliminaries should be like a brief bit of ritual dancing.
 dp30
Joined: 9/15/2011
Msg: 5
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 3:10:11 PM
i usually ask for the phone number by the 3rd or 4th message. Then if they give it I give them a call, and talk about meeting up some time that week. I never ask to meet while still on the site.
 ChillinChill
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 6
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 3:17:40 PM
Precisely 117. No more no less......


OP. Does that sound foolish?

There is no rule or guidline or magical thinking about it.
Everyone is different.
 HappyGirl344
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 7
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 3:57:47 PM
You're so off base on this one.

We're adult women. We can't drop what we have going and meet "right now."
Most of us have kids and plans we've already made for the day.
Give the woman several hours heads up or preferably 3 days notice.
If you've made the mistake of asking her out requesting an immediate meet & greet & she can't make it, don't interpret that as she doesn't want to meet at all.
If you ask for a Friday date on Friday... most likely, we're going to have plans.
 HappyGirl344
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 8
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 4:01:08 PM
Email a few times back and forth to get a feel for her responses... ask for her number within 1-2 days. Call, if she doesn't answer, leave a message. We want to hear your voice even if we can't answer. Call again later & ask if she'd like to meet.
 hand356
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 9
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 4:31:45 PM
thanks, for all the varied responses. Gives me something to think about.

I have asked a few ladies to meet, and I usually get the "let's see if we click first" response. Not sure what the hell that's suppose to mean. I can be the most charming dude in the email world, but smell like a barn yard animal, and have no wit in person. Email, gives the slow witted a chance to be witty.

I'm just not into wasting a bunch of time exchanging a months worth of one line sentence emails only to finally meet and see your not who you pretend to be online.

Seems to be a lot of chatters on here.

Love puppet your getting 117 emails from me and then I want your digits! You need to move to houston now and be my cowgirl.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 10
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 4:56:04 PM

We can't drop what we have going and meet "right now."


If you can be online for 30 minutes, you can transport into town, closeby and meet someone for 30 minutes.


Most of us have kids and plans we've already made for the day.


And thats why its inadvisable to seek dating women with children. Unless you're prepared to be always the third wheel and plan a week in advance, all the time.


Give the woman several hours heads up or preferably 3 days notice.


Sure, within 5 days a meeting happens.. if that can't happen, then he should walk away.


If you've made the mistake of asking her out requesting an immediate meet & greet


This is not a mistake. This is reasonable.


& she can't make it, don't interpret that as she doesn't want to meet at all.


If she doesn't mention an alternative time and day, within 5 days, then walk away.


If you ask for a Friday date on Friday... most likely, we're going to have plans.


This is true.
A man should never waste his weekend on meeting with women he has never had sex with before. Weekends are reserved for the woman he knows will put out.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 11
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History
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 4:58:11 PM
Wait until you feel you are getting on well with each other, that there is a rapport. Having a set time is just likely to make it come across as awkward. Wait until you are both happy exchanging information about likes and dislikes and so forth. If someone asks too soon, I would usually say 'wait until we know each other better', at which point they take offence and give up. But, I really do mean it. If I don't feel comfortable with a guy, I won't meet him, and trust does take a bit of time. I can understand you not wanting to chat forever with no hope of meeting though. You just need to see how warm the messages are and if the person is happy to keep up the exchange. If they put work into exchanging messages, they probably like the sound of you.
 sweet_n_heart
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 12
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 5:59:38 PM
There's no set rule.

When your ready to meet, ask her.. if she's not ready, then continue to talk online or on the phone and ask her again at a later date.

It varies with everyone when their ready or able to meet in person.
 GothNerd666
Joined: 12/9/2011
Msg: 13
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 8:28:59 PM
As many as it takes to make sure she's comfy first
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 14
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 9:26:14 PM
no set rule. but the sooner you can get to a phone call the better.
seems for me that the longer we chat on line and dont talk on the phone we never end up meeting.
 hand356
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 15
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 9:36:17 PM
that's what I'm thinking. I don't see the harm in talking on the phone. If people are that afraid of giving out a phone number why not get a prepaid phone as your POF phone.

Also, don't understand the huge fear factor in meeting. Do women fear they will be attacked or kidnapped if they meet too soon? Psychos can be very charming online.

Can also have a friend accompany them and hang in the background like presidential secret service.
 Silver_Sparks
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 16
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/21/2012 9:59:52 PM
Unfortunately, I agree with you---there are a lot of "chatters" online.
So after 3-5 emails, I try to schedule a quick meet-n-greet.
Personally, I won't give out any personal contact info until AFTER I've met someone.
Once I've met them I will, and THEN we can see if we click.
Like you, I don't want to be duped into investing a lot of time and effort into a farce.
But if you like these women, just keep chatting and see where it leads. No harm no foul.
In the meantime, keep actively persuing other leads.
People who want to meet you WILL.
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 17
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/22/2012 6:47:12 AM
Don't set a rule. Just go off of your vibe with her. If she's giving you rhythm and she's vibing with you. Get her on the phone asap. Talk to her and get a feel for her vocal intonations and then go ahead ask her out. The less time you spend thinking about it and acting, the better chances will be for you!
 RedElectric
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 18
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/22/2012 11:24:14 AM
LoL my dates "grandpa died" and now he's conveniently in another state!
oh and also, he only has text at his house here, no voice calling.
LMAO does he think I am stupid?!
*smh* it's pure comedy, these sites
 hand356
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 19
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/22/2012 5:53:37 PM
RedElectric, I had something similar. I exchanged a few emails and then called and setup a date. Then she changes the day. I rearrange my schedule then she changes the day again. I accommodate then the night before the date she emails me changing the time to earlier.
I just said forget this. If this is some kind of test as to how bad I want you then forget it.

 pjinmd67
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 20
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/22/2012 6:28:17 PM
You are kind.
I'd allow one reschedule where they call me and offer something specific within 3-5 days.
After that, I wouldn't take the bait, maybe short of a credible offer for pick up and steak dinner.
 hand356
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 21
How many emails before asking for the first date?
Posted: 1/22/2012 11:16:53 PM
pjinmd67, I met her the first week I was on this site. She was very attractive and I still hadn't learned all the tricks on the online dating site. Just like going to prison the first time you gotta learn the rules. ....um, er so I've heard.
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