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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?      Home login  
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 _erin
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 1
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Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?Page 1 of 1    
When your trying to get over someone and having a really hard time..do you casually see other people? Like hook up with them and go out on dates, but nothing serious? or do you prefer to just take a break on dating and sex all together?
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 2
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Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 10:14:17 AM
I tried to once when I was heart broken, wont be doing that again. All I did was waste a nice mans time as I had no desire to get all romantic when my heart was still broken.

My libido is too closely connected to my emotional state of mind to be able to do this.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 3
Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 10:17:41 AM
I'd take a break and then most likely begin dating and who knows maybe "hook up" but I don't make a specific plan. And I don't need, want or would use anyone else to get over someone. It all seems so scripted and generally pointless. Do what you feel like, when you feel like it and when you're ready and never mask your intentions.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 4
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Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 10:23:42 AM
No I wouldn't date anyone if I were still heartbroken.
I'd do other things though-- take a trip somewhere, go to a spa, have dinner with friends, join a club or try a new hobby, take on a big project like home improvement, learn something new like golf, etc.
I'd be happier mixing with a variety of people, sharing friendship and activities rather than pretending to be interested in someone else for a random date or meaningless sex.
 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 5
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Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 11:16:28 AM
I've no set "plan" but play it by ear.... don't know what is best in a given situation until I try.

In some instances, casually dating (having been clear to the other party that I sought fun companionship and nothing deeper) has worked well as a distraction from heartache...and I've been in the right mind-place so that both I and the man enjoyed hanging out.

At other times, any and all attempts at male companionship did nothing but increase the pain I was feeling over my prior loss. Not only was that bad for me, but unfair to the other person, as it rendered me a less than thrilling and entertaining companion.

It seems the older I get, the more "door #2" becomes the norm!
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 6
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Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 12:03:52 PM
This is the time that you get productive with work, do things with family, and go out with friends that will not take you to places you do not want to go.

Real dating should not occur until you are ready, willing, and able to give as much as you want to receive, and to do it in an objective way, not being bias because you are still hurting and thinking about your past lover.

cd..........
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 7
Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 12:04:16 PM
I dont do it, its like putting a band aid on a shark bite from a baby Hammerhead shark.
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 8
Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 12:17:49 PM
OP...given that I (and others) have seen and responded to your other thread, I offer this bit of advice. First, stop posting these threads to obtain validation from strangers. Second, get offline and work on you for a while. Sounds like you have some self-esteem and co-dependent issues to work out. Go to therapy or get a woman's life coach to help you be ok with you - absent of any male companionship. If you do not have a clear picture of your self worth and love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you in a positive and functional relationship?

Good luck to you!
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 9
Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 12:19:30 PM
PS - don't put any nice unsuspecting man through the experience of you working through your own issues and pain. Would you want someone doing that to you.
 meechpeach
Joined: 7/29/2011
Msg: 10
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Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 1:35:35 PM
I like to have a girls night or whatever, and have some casual flirting.
But if I am still getting over someone I wouldn't throw sex or dating into that.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 11
Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 1:56:52 PM

I had no desire to get all romantic when my heart was still broken.

My libido is too closely connected to my emotional state of mind to be able to do this.


ditto
 SilverLight
Joined: 11/26/2010
Msg: 12
Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 1:59:46 PM
I give myself some time. I'm OK with going for very long periods of time without dating. There's not alot of eligible men my age anyway around here, so the odds of "hooking up" quickly with someone is about zero anyway.

Beyond that, you shouldn't use people as "band-aids". I have been used in that fashion myself. Some people just cannot be alone, not even for a moment, they seem to constantly need to have someone by their side. I've seen many people, once he and I are done, rush out and immediately start to date again, within a week sometimes.

That's fine for them. I tend to need that break of time to detatch, concentrate on what went right/wrong and learn from whatever happened.

But then, I am a bit of a loner anyway, and introverted, so having someone instantly by my side is not nessasary.
 chrissyjd
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 13
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Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 3:38:45 PM
I suppose, but never with someone who might be expecting anything I wasn't going to give. Meaning, it would be understood by both of us that it was casual and nothing serious.

That said, it's really only happened once that I really had a hard time getting over someone. Most of my "relationships" haven't been long enough for me to get super emotionally invested.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 14
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Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 4:05:44 PM
Going through a breakup usually has "stages".....you know, where one day you're sad and missing him like crazy, and the next you're ripping up his pictures and telling yourself how much better off you are without him. During those times, I've gone on casual dates. Unfortunately, those dates have always sent me back into missing him instead of helping me forget him, lol. But, in the hopes that one of the dates WILL knock my socks off, I still perservere. Occasionally.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 15
Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 4:16:05 PM
I've tried to casually date.. and the only man i went out with agreed with "going slow and casual".. then got pissed that i was not free 3 nites a week.. lol He said he was not ready for an instant relationship either.. YET>. within no time.. he had a girlfriend after i said.. NO GO>. hmmm
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 16
Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/25/2012 4:16:50 PM
ps.. nice guy tho.. hope the new girlfriend is everything he pretended not to need!
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 17
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Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/26/2012 9:00:16 PM
After a relationship has ended, I simply have no interest in meeting anyone new that I might want to date. It's not even something I have to consciously think about, the desire to do so isn't there. Honestly I can't remember specifically, I'd just do something else with my time until I don't even think about what's his name anymore. Normally, it's not that long of a period of time. To date, I haven't had a "surprise" breakup, there have been discussions about issues prior.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 18
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Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/26/2012 9:11:52 PM
No I don't do casual dating if I am heartbroken. Just let myself heal up and recharge my batteries.
 G00DTIM3Z
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 19
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Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/28/2012 2:32:35 AM
I see people after a relationship............. well it took me almost two months but
wasn't serious. No sex though, I have more self respect than that!
Most ex's I'm still friends with, so if it's sexI want, I go back to the ex
which they are fine with.
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 20
Do you go on casual dates when getting over someone?
Posted: 1/29/2012 8:18:32 AM
I don't take anyone serious anymore. Of course, if I was attracted to the person then sure, i'd definatly casually date him...and if things lead to sex, fine..and would I ever feel bad ...never
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