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 SamNotHam
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 1
I'm oblivious to signals from women...Page 1 of 1    
Hi everyone. First time poster. I'm not sure if this thread belongs here or in the Dating Advice category. I'm sure I'll be pointed in the right direction :P

Anyways, my ex-girlfriend and my brother's current girlfriend have pointed out how me and my brother are constantly out of the loop when other women are hitting on us, be it out in public or online. I blame it mostly on my experiences- the whole shyness thing made me more concerned about being accepted rather than being open. As a result I don't notice many non-verbal cues from other women (my ex actually pursued me rather directly, so there was no mystery. haha.).

I guess my question is two-fold. Firstly, how do you flirt/send signals to guys? More specifically, is there a favorite method you like to use in different situations?

Second, how do you expect a guy to respond to show he is or isn't interested? For simplicity's sake let us assume you just met this person, either through a friend or just out in public.
 dp30
Joined: 9/15/2011
Msg: 2
I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 1/27/2012 5:51:04 PM
It is hard to explain, and I won't bore you by trying. I will tell you this which is an absolute fact... You aren't going to learn how to do it anywhere but in the real world by trial and error.

Pick up a book on body language and read it ten times, then look for it in the real world. That is the easiest way you will find out if someone is flirting with you.

As for methods you can use. I think everyone has their own style when it comes to that. You will have to learn as you go as what works for one may not work for the other. Go flirt with random girls, if you are too shy for this practice on girls that are friends.

I know this doesn't answer anything for you, but I am just trying to be honest with you.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 3
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I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 1/27/2012 6:01:49 PM

Firstly, how do you flirt/send signals to guys? More specifically, is there a favorite method you like to use in different situations?

Different women flirt differently. Some are very obvious about it and some less so. I don't tend to flirt obviously, for example. I'll smile and be friendly and humorous. I won't be amusing with someone I don't want to get to know because I know it would engage him in further conversation and he might like me more. I'd talk to him if he wanted to talk to me, whereas if I didn't like him, I'd probably talk to someone else and be 'busy' elsewhere. I'm quite shy so I wouldn't give him lots of eye-contact. If he caught my eye, however, I might smile.

That's just me and I know lots of other women are more confident with guys and more likely to be obvious about their attraction. Generally, if a woman is happy being near you and doesn't turn away all the time, she's probably comfortable and this is a good sign. If I like a guy a lot, then I might reveal more personal information such as interests I have and places I like to go. That's because I wouldn't mind if he showed an interest in those things and said he'd like to go too or if I bumped into him there. If I did not like the guy, the last thing I'd want is for him to know where else I hung out, just in case he turned up.


Second, how do you expect a guy to respond to show he is or isn't interested?

If he was interested in me, he'd talk to me, pay me attention and he'd smile. He'd appear happy, maybe joking a bit but not overdoing it. He'd give me the impression he was enjoying my company a bit more than others. He'd ask me about myself, my interests. He'd be trying to find joint interests that we could possibly share. He'd probably introduce the subject of relationships in some way, trying to find out if I was available. He might do this by offering information, e.g. "I was seeing someone a few months ago, but now I'm single." He'd be tactfully trying to find out if I was free too. Once he knew, he'd show interest in getting together in the future, maybe going to a gig or meeting for a coffee some time. He might be a bit vague at this point if he's shy. He'd want some basic contact details, probably a phone number or email address, but all requested in a tactful fashion and depending on the response he was getting. He might say he didn't want to lose touch, that's a nice way of indicating interest without pushing anything at that point. He might try and touch my hand or something, just casually, but really touch is a whole new area that he might want to leave for when we know each other better. It can be a bit too soon.
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 4
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I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 1/27/2012 6:19:04 PM
You could always just ask, Hey ... are you hitting on me?

All women are different so theres no clear cut n dry thing we do. So this will clear up alot or make you even more confused lol
 SamNotHam
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 5
I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 1/27/2012 6:22:52 PM
No I understand that every woman has their own style. Lol. I was just curious what some you ladies would do SPECIFICALLY. Maybe if I know what you each would do, maybe it will help me notice it better in the real world. So I'm mostly interested in examples than advice I guess.
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 6
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I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 1/27/2012 6:37:43 PM
Im the worst one to ask Im not the aggressive type. I might smile or say hi if I think someones cute but I would never approach a guy.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 7
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I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 1/27/2012 7:38:34 PM

I guess my question is two-fold. Firstly, how do you flirt/send signals to guys? More specifically, is there a favorite method you like to use in different situations?

You'll need to disregard this answer as it's not typical of most women. I will simply approach and make conversation with a guy I have interest in knowing about. I don't send signals, as most men don't pick up on them. What happens is the ones I don't want think I am signaling to them cause they're interested in me. Naah.

Second, how do you expect a guy to respond to show he is or isn't interested? For simplicity's sake let us assume you just met this person, either through a friend or just out in public.

In my case I expect the guy to either participate in the conversation, or make an attempt to interact at some point in the future (if he's interested). If he doesn't all I can assume is he's not interested or not on the market.

I would say to any guy who's wondering how to tell if a girl you think is cute is interested - just ask. Life's too short to wonder. If it's no, then it's no - you acknowledge and move on.
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 8
I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 1/28/2012 11:32:42 AM
First we play with our ears, then we will scratch the side of our faces...then when we shake your hand, our middle finger will slide accross your palm..no wait, I think that is what men do!

umm..nevermind
 ProducerTactics
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 9
I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 1/28/2012 11:37:04 AM
^^ I have never done any of the above things lol... I just play fight or end up getting into some sort of flirty convo
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 10
I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 1/28/2012 11:40:58 AM
^^^^actually running the finger over the palm thing happens alot^^^^^

I really don't understand the point of it, someone told me it was a signal they wanted to have sex with you, but who knows...
 SirDorksAlot
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 11
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I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 1/28/2012 12:34:23 PM

OP lol welcome to manhood my friend. the only way you will get better at it is to gain experience from being with women.


I agree. get out there and put yourself into more social situations (get out of the house) and just simply introduce yourself to women, make friends, talk to them, play it smooth, be sincere and understand them. you will surprise yourself and realize how easy it is to make new friends and to find dates :)
 rhonda333
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 12
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I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 1/28/2012 3:15:21 PM
ok Sam, specifically what do I do.

A long engaging sweep of my eyes from his feet to his hair, possibly pausing at his eyes, A slight smile if he notices, maybe a twist of a curl of hair. If I'm in a skirt, a crossing of the legs, followed by a bit of shoe play usually attracts some attention. It kinda depends on what I'm wearing too- a girl will generally use all her assets when she discovers an attractive guy.
 cpe1704tks
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 13
I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 1/29/2012 10:37:29 AM
Heh, I'm no woman but I'm throwing ten cents in anyway, I can give you better answers than the women here have so far. I can mostly share signs of rejection only,,, because that's all I know.

1: Scratching of any kind is bad. Pay attention, you might think a woman is playing with her hair 9sometimes a good sign), make sure she isn't scratching her neck.
2: If her lips are pressed together and stay that way, that's not good, she doesn't want to talk.
3: If her arms are crossed and stay that way, she may may also be nodding her head, smiling or not, this is not good. She's waiting to walk away from you.
4: Especially with other people around now, if the woman keeps her body slightly turned from you, it's because she doesn't want anybody to think that she knows you or that she is interested in you, again she's waiting for you to go away.
5: This next one perhaps could go either way. When I come into contact with a friendly, even smiley woman of any age who engages well in conversation, is polite, smiley, gives eyes contact, show interest in you, asks questions.... but ALSO makes it a point to bring up her boyfriend, people she's seeing or whatever then she is likely telling you to stop showing interest, but perhaps would offer friendship.
 astefko
Joined: 6/29/2010
Msg: 14
I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 2/23/2012 11:14:37 PM
1. I'll repeatedly make eye-contact & then smile & look away coyly.
That's an invitation to look me over & then come over & talk to me.
2. I'll move/walk around. Maybe even "accidentally" brushed against you or bump into you.
This is to get your attention & give you an opportunity to start a conversation with me.
3. I'll find some way to talk to you. Such as informing you your shoe's untied or comment about something or someone in a joking manner.
This is your final chance to bite the bait before I assume you're not interested & write you off.

I suggest reading: "Mars and Venus on a Date." ;-)
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 15
I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 2/24/2012 2:01:36 AM
I guess my question is two-fold. Firstly, how do you flirt/send signals to guys?

You are going about this the wrong way. I'm also oblivious to so-called signals, but I also figured out that most people who think they can read those so-called signals, are wrong. Forget about reading signals unless you're a glutton for punishment. If she isn't direct, forget about her. The only thing worse than failing to read smiles and hair tosses is succeeding in reading them. Do you want to spend your life with a woman who expects you to read her mind? If you don't want to play games your entire life, don't ever start.

Second, how do you expect a guy to respond to show he is or isn't interested?

They don't. Women who do that expect to keep you guessing (unless they get distracted by a shiney object ). Stick to women who have something else in their life to occupy their brain cells. WomanInProgress gave you the right answer.

For simplicity's sake let us assume you just met this person, either through a friend or just out in public.

If you've just met a woman, talk to her and if you want to ask her out, just ask her out. You'll find out if she's interested or not by whether she says yes or no.
 _Kites_
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 16
I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 2/24/2012 2:53:52 AM
I think you need to work on your non-verbal communication skills. Invest some time learning about body language. There's tons of stuff on the internet that you can look up and you'll have fun doing it.

Back when I was in my early twenties, some friends and I put together some fun "caveman body language" experiments. We'd go out in public and display *very* obvious signals to strangers using only body language to see what their responses would be. What I remember most was the power of eye contact. You can tell when somebody is looking directly at you from amazingly far distances. Another one was just making ourselves look bigger.. people would stop and open doors for us and they'd always make sure they gave us plenty of room. Even the little guy (Jimmy - who was a petite, scrawny, little chump) would get instant respect simply from the act of puffing himself up.

Learning to read women can be fairly simple. You could start by people watching - look for couples and try to figure out which one is dominant.. how long they'll last as a couple or whether or not the guy is obviously going to get some tonight!! It's always fun to do this with a date, btw.

Somebody called me a brain ninja once... but it's all really just an elevated awareness of communication.


First we play with our ears, then we will scratch the side of our faces...then when we shake your hand, our middle finger will slide accross your palm..no wait, I think that is what men do!
Playing with ears - interested in getting more information.
Scratch the side of their face - interested and thinking about the information.
Middle finger across your palm - I'd like to do more touching with you.

Body language is key. Good luck!
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 17
I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 2/25/2012 12:16:25 AM
Kind of funny OP: My bros, guy-friends and exbf told me the same thing about other guys always hitting on me and that I was oblivious.... dooop-right over my head... Not all my fault tho, as I went to mostly all girls schools growing up. So...I never learned these special flirting tricks with which to manipulate men and hence didn't know they were using them on me!. I just treat men with friendliness and respect. Friendly conversation gets my attention, and if you want me to know you're trying to actually flirt with me and not just making conversation, well then, if there's something attractive in the moment that I said and you allow yourself to be moved, the moment will last longer... So... just be a good human, stringing pearls of good moments together with the woman of your interest. Not all of us know how to PHD-flirt
 Reveal1K
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 18
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I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 2/25/2012 2:00:21 AM
First step is just be aware. If you are paying attention to your surroundings and who is around you, you can catch girls "checking you out." If you see them repeatedly sneaking looks at you, then there you go. That's one thing girls will do to 'flirt.'

Another one is if a girl makes the first move and starts chatting YOU up. Some girls will come up with any excuse to talk to you. Take advantage of this!

Sometimes they're very subtle about it and you can miss the flirt. So you have to pay attention. I find that the more confident you are and the better you feel about yourself, the more you will notice women doing these things because women are attracted to confident men who feel good in their own skin. If you're walking around all shy, head low and looking at the floor, then you aren't going to see as much opportunity because there is less opportunity to begin with.
 BeeRad82
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 19
I'm oblivious to signals from women...
Posted: 2/25/2012 2:15:55 AM
There are books, websites, videos, and even bootcamps for this brah.
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