| | High Expectations and First Dates.Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Ok, so I went on a date week. Talking away and we both went to the bar. SHe bought her own drinks but then constantly complained about having to buy her own drinks. She must have mentioned it about 10 times. then again in a message the next day. Now I'm all for chivilry but I don't think that because you get asked out on a date that it means your date has to pay your way!! I actually was so disgusted by the fact she expected me to pay for everything and how she constantly complained about it I have ignored her.
Seriously, I have been fully fleeced by a woman before and never intend it to happen again. And by the way she carried on I'm thinking she was that sort of woman.
Any thoughts? | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/28/2012 10:09:50 PM | If it was the first time I had met someone I might choose to buy my own drinks for safety sake, or because we're not friends, but it sounds a bit awkward if you both have to go to the bar at the same time over an entire evening. Maybe you could have bought rounds? And just kinda taken it on the chin if her drink costs more than yours.
Your experience of being 'fully fleeced' before has made it more of an issue for you. Sometimes we take previous experiences from relationships into the next one. Trying to protect ourselves from being hurt can make us awkward and realistically its not fair to the next person to assume that everyone is going to be the same. It can cause misunderstandings and resentment. So I guess I'm saying...its baggage. | |
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Tah,
| | Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 3 | |
| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/28/2012 10:44:24 PM | maybe there was a sublimal message in the complaining?
maybe she was saying you shout me now i will shout you later in other ways? | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/28/2012 10:48:11 PM | Quit Whining Stan.....plenty more fish in the sea .But seriously, if its a real issue to you then best you found out earlier not later huh?
Not sure about on a first date, but these days I like to buy the drinks when we go out. That way at the end of the night, he owes me and payment in sexual favours is my currancy. Luckily for me he is quite a cheap drunk and it only takes half a dozen beers for me to look really hot! | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/29/2012 12:03:19 AM | Wow Hilly do you know anymore women like you?? You already look really hot Hilly, no beers needed!!
Let's just say the pay me back in other ways wasn't an option, really not my type and a little different to her profile shall we say. But wow could she talk herself up. She dated someone 20 years younger than herself and he was at Oxford University!!
And I don't have baggage, I don't think anyone should pay for the other on a date. If each pays their own way then there will be no missunderstandings of what someone should "owe" the other. I also don't want to pay for someone only to have them thinking they are going to have to put out because I'm paying.
But as Hilly said there are plenty more fish in the sea. It really really helps if you actually know how to fish though!! | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/29/2012 12:54:22 AM | WTF? Not even one drink? No end of night BJ for you.
Seriously, I would be pisssed off, and no, you 'aren't all for chivalry', you are out for yourself.
Luckily I only drink water and don't date... I would just have to punch something out otherwise. | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/29/2012 1:06:54 AM |
I don't think that because you get asked out on a date that it means your date has to pay your way.
The general rule of thumb is, he (or she) who asks, pays. I think that would be an acceptable assumption for someone to make.
However, whining about you not buying her drinks is pretty poor form on her part. She should have just left the date if she was that unhappy. | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/29/2012 2:04:21 AM | | Hi DarkStanley1974! I am wondering here was all this payment stuff discussed prior to meeting her? If it was, you probably would not have met her at all. M. | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/29/2012 2:32:34 AM | | ^^nope not disscussed. Would you go on a date if someone flat out said "if I go on a date with you, you have to pay for everything". Pretty sure that would turn most people off. | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/29/2012 2:49:09 AM | | Hi DS1974! There is a difference in someone asking 'flat out' and 'discussing' how they would like the bill to be paid for. Asking 'flat out' would definately turn most people off, too blunt. However, 'discussing/negotiating' with how a bill is to be paid would possibly obtain a better response. M. | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/29/2012 3:10:32 AM | Generally I would pay and have done in the past and I haven't resented that at all.
Maybe I am old school but that is me.
If a woman suggests that they are willing to buy the drinks or some of the drinks again I don't have any problems with that as well.
If I pay for everything then all I expect is to have a good feed, a couple of drinks and some good conversation with no expectations of anything sexual afterwards, again that is me.
This business of who pays for what and when has been covered with various other threads.
Maybe people should stop overthinking the dinner date as this seems to cause a lot of comment and I am betting a lot less second dates. | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/29/2012 4:12:17 AM | First date, I actually like shouting the first round no problem. There is rarely a seond round, as its just a meet and greet in my book.
I would never expect a guy to pay, as Im usually the one orgainising the meet and greet...
That chick sounds like a waste of space dole bludger... Out for whatever she can get | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/29/2012 11:00:14 AM |
Generally I would pay and have done in the past and I haven't resented that at all.
Maybe I am old school but that is me.
same here and being a non drinker myself, a pub wouldn't be my choice of a first meeting. though may have to try that, the more she drinks, the better i look eh? :-)
any women here get off on water? yes, frauchilli, can i buy you glass of the clear stuff  | |
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Tah,
| | Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 15 | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/29/2012 9:44:07 PM | If the first date is coffee/drinks, I always pay for the first drink unless the woman clearly objects to that, if we continue for a few more drinks, either I'll pay or we will alternate, it doesn't really matter to me either way. For a dinner date I will generally pay and she may buy drinks if we go onwards afterwards, or maybe get the next one.
I don't expect another date, sex or a kiss for paying, if i wanted that... well.. there are places to go. I treat a date as a chance to meet a new person, hopefully have stimulating conversation, and possibly meet somebody i find interesting for a friendship or a relationship. If I've had a good conversation, laughed and smiled a lot, then i consider it money well spent.
On the other hand, I would find it unattractive if a woman were to 'demand' I pay, or if after a number of dates she seemed to just 'expect' that behavior and made no attempt to contribute... We don't live in 1940 anymore, for better or worse. I'm a generous person, but I like to approach dating from a perspective of equality, with perhaps a little traditionalism thrown in and I'm looking for a relationship with an equal, not a toy to hang on my arm. | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/30/2012 3:04:31 AM | Date,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,is this a dateing sight.......damm
i just go & have lunch with mates, online mates that i may have never meet, but mate never the less | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/30/2012 3:08:18 AM |  Expext the worst and pray for the best........
Just go with the flow of the night, if anyone whinges about buying their own drinks, then simple, don't drink........
It's a first date, who said the rules are to pay for everything...... It should be up to the individual, not made uncomfortable about it!
This will strike a nerve in the female community........
You can't have independence and free drinks........ | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/30/2012 3:25:16 AM | It should be up to the individual
I agree Jimi. There is no one right answer.
If you are naturally inclined to pay, then pay. If you would prefer to go Dutch, then ask them. I reckon being straight up and communicative about it will get you further in the long run because that is who you are. Why pretend otherwise?
I would pay for some drinks, as long as I didn't feel like I was being taken for a ride. I shout mates, so why not? If you can't spend your money on your mates and your dates, what good is it?
But that is me. Ultimately, you should do whatever you feel good doing. | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/31/2012 4:26:40 AM |
Ummmm, whats a date ?
You americans get it mixed up with 'booty'. Probably something to do with date palms and pirate treasure in the caribbean. Arrr. | |
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 1/31/2012 2:00:38 PM | Now you be leaving the Caribbean alone there Ginger arr
Last meet/greet she insisted on paying half no problem so when she went to the little room i payed the bill as only had a $50 note.
She came out pulled her purse out and started to get upset that the bill was payed then started to put the purse away so i explained re 50 then got a your a tight ar.e look
Iam a bit like, what i desire and what i expect can be totally different and that there is no obligation from either party[.  would be nice ]
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| High Expectations and First Dates.
Posted: 5/3/2012 11:07:31 PM | | well womens expectation these days r unbalanced n way out mostly, very few r balanced, verv allowed emselfs 2 b conditioned by society. | |
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