| | When would you tell someone "no chemistry"?Page 1 of 1 | Not the "we get along and you're easy to talk to" chemistry, but the sexual chemistry. Had a really good first meet with a man who is smart, stable, sane, has good manners, good values-- we are compatible in many ways. Enjoyed the time with him, and we made plans to have dinner together this next week.
I really liked him as a person, but felt zero sexual attraction. I realize that you don't always have lust at first site, and that it's probably better if I don't. I know that even though someone is not "hot", attraction can develop over time as you get to know someone. But if it doesn't, at what point would it be the right thing to do, to pull the plug or at least make sure I tell him that I'm not feeling it?
Would really like to hear some male perspectives on this, though all opinions are welcome and appreciated. | |
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/29/2012 4:28:06 PM | Many will say that "you know" in the first 10 minutes of meeting.
I can agree that in some cases, it's a definite "no" because of some repulsion factor.
But...if there is no repulsion factor, you must decide if this is a person who could be holding back a little, and spending some time together may create some sparks.
If you don't want to kiss him at the end of the night, then you might want to tell him how much you enjoyed his company, but you don't feel that you're a romantic match.
MrsF | |
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/29/2012 4:28:08 PM | I'm not a guy sorry. I have found from experience that the sexual attraction can come later as you get to know someone well and especially if you like everything else about him. I would give it time first.
Sometimes when the sexual attraction is there right off you tend to overlook the rotten qualities about that person and it eventually ends anyways. That's just my personal opinion but if you feel that strongly then its best to tell him right away to save his feelings and so he doesn't feel played | |
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/29/2012 4:32:47 PM | | I'm thinking it's null enough that it is bothering you but since he seems to have every other quality you are looking for you want to hope it will grow, and it could. But again realizing it is nil tells me that maybe you should just say thanks but no thanks now before you use and hurt the guy. | |
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/29/2012 4:47:57 PM | Thanks y'all. I was not repulsed at all, I just did not feel attracted sexually-- and I do know that sometimes the sexual attraction can develop for me. There is a LOT to like and respect about this man. (which sadly has usually NOT been the case with the men who are so hot I feel instant lust). I do not want to take advantage, mislead or hurt anyone. I'm not the kind to jump in bed fast anyway, so even if I did feel the urge I'd stifle it til I got to know him. In my mind, I'm thinking if no sparks by third time I see him, it's time.... But meanwhile, I'd like to see if anything develops.
I already got an email saying don't make him buy my dinner if I'm not attracted... so for what it's worth, I don't trade dinner for sex. I do not subscribe to men paying the way all the time, I am willing and able to feed myself. I did let him buy me two drinks, so figured next time I start paying for movie tickets, or the wine-- do something to help pay, just like I have my whole life. | |
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/29/2012 5:26:30 PM | I have a hard time understanding the not repulsed, but not attracted thing. I'm beginning to understand it a bit more lately, but it seems it's either attraction or repulsion for me, no middle ground.
There could be a chance I haven't even felt REAL sexual attraction. I'm kinda frigid. | |
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/29/2012 5:32:57 PM | I can tell attraction almost immediately, and the chemistry part will take a little longer and usually happens with the first touch and/or kiss.......and once that happens it will let me know, and hopefully her as well.
The real deal is in the compatibility, and that takes much longer to find out, understand, and feel good about.
So, you can tell if someone is attractive as they walk up to you, shake your hand, say hello, sits down and you think good things about their looks, speech, and body language. The chemistry will happen as you spend some time together and then touch each other in some way, and/or that kiss and how it feels and moves you......the rest is up to the two of you.
cd...........   | |
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/29/2012 5:39:22 PM | if you're the direct type, and if he seems to be too, you could explain your feelings as you have here. just don't say 'i find you about as sexy as lump of concrete, but someday you might rise to the level of actual human. whadaya say?'
maybe something like 'i like what you have to offer but i tend to go slowly physically when i'm getting to know a man.' that way he knows the score and can cut bait if his patience runs out before you give the high sign.
as for how long you should wait for yourself to feel anything, i'd say if the third date ends and you still can't see yourself kissing him, pull the plug. | |
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kja71
| | Joined: 12/21/2011
Msg: 10 | |
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/29/2012 7:11:46 PM | | I think you can give it one or two more dates, but if you don't feel anything, I wouldn't lead him on. I had one woman I was quite attracted too, thought everything was going well, until almost 4 months later she told me she had no physical attraction to me. I ended it on the spot, but it hurt. Made me think "how long has she thought this, and just been using me?" Better to wish him the best of luck than do that, especially if you think he's a good guy. | |
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/29/2012 9:53:53 PM | Break it off now and save the both of you the trouble of a relationshit with a no passion. Who cares if he gets hurt, pretty girls are a dime a dozen and he would do well to remember that.
Did he kiss you? It is all in that kiss. | |
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/29/2012 10:25:59 PM | | At first date I felt no sexual attraction to her. Just she was not the woman I have her picture in my brain. She was nice and I treated her as a gentleman and gave her the princess treatment. Next morning I sent her a text "the spark was not there" If you don't have the spark for him do it now. Let him know. It is not "LADY" or "GENTLEMAN" manner. To lead some one and let him build hope and go for dinner and movies........ and we know that we don't have the spark for him or her. It will be FRAUD and Lewd behavior. | |
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/30/2012 12:26:03 AM | If you agree to meet someone, I think it important to carry the meeting as pleasant as possible. When it is obvious nothing is happening, just smile and say it was a pleasure meeting you and confidant you will meet someone soon, but I do not feel it is me.
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/30/2012 6:38:41 AM | | I agree with the majority (above). If at the end of the first date you do not want to kiss him, then do HIM a favor and leave him alone to find someone who does want to kiss him. | |
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/30/2012 8:59:05 AM | | As a male and as someone said earlier, i can tell a sexual attraction immediately while the chemistry stuff comes on later. You know it's the whole "is it lust or love" question. That's why for me it's never a good idea to jump in the sheets right away until i can judge the whole package. However, i never make judgements on just one meeting unless we had spent all day together. But by a second or third meeting i will know. If it's not there, no use in prolonging it. | |
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/31/2012 6:23:00 AM | Has sexual chemistry grown in other relationships you have been in? If not, maybe it would be best to move on. Some women actually can become more attracted to a partner over a period of time. But, from a guy's point of view, sexual chemistry is there or it is not.
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| When would you tell someone no chemistry?
Posted: 1/31/2012 9:56:14 AM | Well.....since you didn't put up a picture....I figure you're no pinup either !
Maybe he feels the same way about you.
Just stop going out with him.....don't get caught up discussing your feelings.....you already sound detached. | |
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