| | How important are common interests?Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | I think my biggest issue beyond chemistry is common interests.. MOST men who contact me assume .. Sexual attraction is a common interest.. I think NOT.
Out of all the men I've ever dated.. the karaoke singer got me.. and i fell madly in love with him. YET>. his ego drove me away.. lol
My favorite Interest is singing.. music.. Its very hard to find someone who can participate.
Tonight.. i messaged a man who likes hiking/backpacking.. another lessor interest.. Can it work?
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:01:50 PM | | I think interests are a huge factor. Im a big tomboy you def wouldnt see me talking to a man who is a musician. I need someone I have stuff in common with so we can do it together. I think its mandatory to share stuff in common with your so | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:03:01 PM | I think there has to be some common interests.
Maybe they won't be listed on his or your profile, but you will find them out later. | |
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| Oh No. It's Back. Run everyone. SAVE YOURSELVES
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:05:39 PM | Consider a move to my city where every 3rd person sings. I can fix you up !
Seriously -- yes, variety & spice -- it can work.
(As mentioned above) IF the interests they actually have, turn out to be similar to the interests they list because they think it sounds good.
I dated a man for a year who listed live music as his main activity. If he was going to live shows, he was doing it without my knowledge; and hiking as an interest lasted only for the first few dates.
The things I need to have in common tend to be less along the lines of sports teams or even music preferences; and more toward world view, how you act in business, how you treat friends and family. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:07:04 PM | Through a rather pedestrian process of deductive reasoning, I have determined that if your personal penchant for karaoke virtuosos was not enough to overcome your ultimate desire to run away from the attendant narcissism, then by implication.... a man who likes to sleep in the dirt, drink his own piss and whatnot a la Bear Grylls should not automatically dissuade you from the possibilities of True Love and Soul Mate-ish howling at the moon. Seems obvious.
Two words to consider: Core Values. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:15:00 PM | Signing and music...well a lot of ego is involved as the center of attention, so it comes with the territory.  It wouldn't hurt to go outside your comfort zone though and you might find a new interest or hobby! | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:15:51 PM | It depends on at what level you want to share your interests with him and him with you. If you have a major interest that you might already be sharing with friends but still can find common ground with him and him with you, it should be okay.
But if you want him to share yours with you and him his with you and neither of you can't do that, then it most likely won't work.
If he likes hiking he might already have hiking buddies that he would prefer to keep hiking with, you don't always have to share everything with each other. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:20:16 PM |
Sexual attraction is a common interest.. I think NOT.
Well, .....it is. But it should not be the only one.
My favorite Interest is singing... Its very hard to find someone who can participate.
I can participate....if you want to clear out a room. 
Common interests are important.
I know it seems like almost a stereotype, but it must have some truth to it- in many middle-age divorce situations, the last kid leaves the nest, and the couple looks at each other and realizes the only thing they had in common were the kids, and now the kids are gone, and they get divorced, and try to start a new life with someone new.
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:23:15 PM | Of course they're important. You don't need (or even want, for that matter) to have EVERYTHING in common. But you gotta have things to talk about, you have to be able to have conversations that aren't debates. You have to be able to do things that both of you enjoy.
It's not a dealbreaker if the guy isn't into everything I'm into. But it's a dealbreaker if he isn't really into ANYTHING I'm into. (In fact, it's also probably a dealbreaker if he IS into everything I'm into. How boring would that get?) | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:23:41 PM | ah.. i just shared NOTHING with my ex husband.. he was in control of everything.. now i am. its great..
When i finally had a man who shared my singing thing.. it was awesome... (for a while).. then his issues came out.. :((
I just dont want to BE what he wants me to BE.. and i cant imagine connecting with someone who totally had a different path. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:34:48 PM | and another thing.. about this guy who i messaged tonight.. he also has a "few extra pounds".. Most men are fat.. yet say they are athletic.. i totally said.. jeez.. this guy is HONEST!.. :).. and i can see myself hiking.. with him.
I just dont know if its enough.
I became attracted to musician types when i first divorced.. this man i dated would play guitar and dance around the room... I was sooo enthralled with his happiness.... i just wanted some of that!.. so i learned to sing..(still suck at guitar).. and my happiness grew.
I can just imagine someone smiling.. and singing in the shower with me.. it just doesnt happen in reality.. ha | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:42:27 PM |
I just dont want to BE what he wants me to BE.. and i cant imagine connecting with someone who totally had a different path.
You've nailed it. Move on. If you don't, he should. If you just want to share space and time with a breathing human being who has little (that is meaningful) in common with you, then drive on. Otherwise, if you're looking for a long-term companion, you're wasting your time and/or his. Being alone has less conflict involved. Your call. I'm just saying you shouldn't change for him and he shouldn't change for you. I just know disparity on "main things" would be a major issue for me -- I wouldn't even subject myself to such a situation in the first place. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:46:54 PM | A man has to dance.
I'm out a few times a week dancing. Men who can't or won't dance generally assume or expect I'll quit dancing. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:52:54 PM |
MOST men who contact me assume .. Sexual attraction is a common interest.. I think NOT.
I don't think that sexual attraction should the First common interest, but it should rank up there.
Maybe you can introduce an "interest" to the other (like the Op's interest in music). | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 6:31:01 PM |
A man has to dance.
I'm out a few times a week dancing. Men who can't or won't dance generally assume or expect I'll quit dancing.
exactly.. we want someone who will do the very FAVORITE things we do.. otherwise.. we will fall bored.. befere we EVEN have sex with them.. ha.. :)) | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 6:42:46 PM |
I think my biggest issue beyond chemistry is common interests..
Personally, I don't really think common interests are all that important as long as you share common values. I assume a woman ought to be able to entertain herself without needing me to jon in what she does for fun and I have my own interests, none of which require another person to make those things satisfying. In fact, I'd rather do those things by myself. If a woman couldn't entertain herself with her own interests, I'd consider her helpless and codependent. Also, there isn't anything a person can do that I can't pick up on and join in occassionally, so whatever her interests are, I can manage to find some way to share in some of them.
Sexual attraction is a common interest.. I think NOT.
Well, if that isn't a common interest, there's no point in dating. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 7:32:04 PM | In my opinion... for most over 45 folks in here....
seeking too many common interests can hold us back
and keep us single.
Cus the older you get...
the harder it is to find someone with all the common interests you desire.
Not saying you should settle.
Just be realistic.
It would be extremely rare to find a girl interested in all
or even alot of stuff I am interested in.
So I mainly concentrate on
if there is stuff she does I can do with her?
Or
if she may be interested in some of the stuff I do.
So I find I must be adaptable and open to new things.
And am looking for a woman the same.
Common interests are last on my list.
Cus if I find a girl like I described...
we will enjoy sharing our own interests
or discover new ones together.
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 7:46:49 PM | A few common interests that a couple can share is great, but when it's demanded that the other person be like a Siamese twin when it comes to interests.. hell no. Core values, as stated earlier, are very important.
My current and I share similar interests and they often overlap ,She likes to go antiquing for .....stuff. Stuff to use in her crafting. I on the other hand am very particular what I look for while out antiquing (vintage radio's, electronics.books and manuals) We enjoy that time together, we also like working in the shop together, (she has a killer garage full of tools of all kinds, mine is more geared towards electronics) But then we both branch off into our own area's we enjoy individually.
Just because a person is one half of a partnership does not mean they have to lose their individuality. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 8:38:07 PM |
How important are common interests?
Not important at all depend on the underlying motives and perspective and personality that drive you towards pursuing specific interests is compatible.
Like if he likes going out and it's ultimately to people watch in order to mentally make fun of people and feel better than them and you like to sit around and watch judge judy and jerry springer ultimately to feel better about your life by feeling better than the guests, then you have different interests, but the underlying motives are compatible. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 9:02:26 PM | | I think it is somewhat important. I don't think one person has to like exactly all of the things the other person likes or vice versa. But they should have at least some common interests. There can be some exceptions. But IMO when 2 people have none or very few common interests, there aren't many things that they can do together. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 9:27:58 PM |
we want someone who will do the very FAVORITE things we do.. otherwise.. we will fall bored..
I’d settle for sharing my second or third favorite (my first is music too, incidentally), but much depends on the individual.
Shared interests in general are a lower priority for me than chemistry, good communications and shared values. But without a few shared interests beyond eating and sleeping, our time together might get stale. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/2/2012 10:18:21 PM | I think common interests are important to a certain extent. It takes many factors to make a relationship work.
It definitely takes two open-minded people who don't mind trying new things to find some common interests if there was none to begin with.
And if they aren't open-minded and set on their ways that is when compromising comes in.
But then again you can find yourself with someone who shares all of your common interests and the relationship still fails to work. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/3/2012 8:53:50 AM | Of course common interests are important!
I want a woman who attracts me physically, and one who is affectionate, passionate, even sexual. But I also want a woman with whom I can enjoy other shared interests, because two people can't spend all their time in bed. Nor, to be honest, would I want to spend all my time with a woman in bed; it might be fun, but that's just not the sort of relationship I'm looking for.
What kind of common interests? Could be anything from favorite authors to cooking to recreational activities/sports; the more, the better, as long as it's things we both like to do and can do together. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/3/2012 11:34:31 AM |
We do need to have things to talk about and stimulate our minds
When a woman says that, my first thought is to ask if she'd like to discuss relativistic quantum field theory. If you want your mind stimulated, be stimulating to talk to. I've found that approach works fairly well in acheiving that goal. | |
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