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 BenDov3r
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 1
No Money and Looking for LovePage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Ok, I am confused and need some advice. I've read through some of the postings on this forum and am surprised by some of the good advice found here.

So here goes...

I have a nice part time job that I like but pays like crappola. I get other rewards from it besides financial - like working with kids with autism and helping them grow as people.

For the longest time I was just content with living my life as life threw it at me. But as I get older I find myself wanting to settle down with the right person. Therein lies the problem.

I haven't always been poor. In fact, I was pretty well off for a long time. When I think back to relationships I had during that time I feel like they were prefaced by having money and all the things that money can bring. Don't get me wrong. Having money allows you to do a lot of things, obviously, and I rarely turn down money. It just hasn't been a priority in my life lately.

I am the same person I was when I had money. Money is just an object. Can have more or less of it and it shouldn't change the type of person you are.

My question is should I just forget about trying to find somebody until I can get my finances in order? What bothers me about that is I would much rather find somebody while poor and then make my money. At least then, (hopefully) I would know that they were interested in me instead of money.

I haven't ever really had a problem with making money. Just because I don't particularily care for money doesn't mean I'm not adept at making it.

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated. And feel free to call me an idiot. Most of the time lately, I would agree with that sentiment.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 2
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:00:20 PM
Hey man, I think you know as well as I do.

Unless you're a perfect 10 in the looks department, it's damn hard being a broke guy trying to date a woman unless you're under 22 and in college. Women want security and hell, do I even have to elaborate?

If you're a woman, being broke isn't really an issue, plenty of guys will still date you.

I'm probably coming off as a bitter a-hole here, because I'm sure there really are sincere women who really don't care about someone they're dating having money or not. But in all reality, those are few and far between.

Can I ask, though, why are you only working one part time job? What else do you do to fill your time?

I read your profile and you're definitely a smart guy with plenty of life experiences and perspective (you seem to know who you are), so you've got a lot going for you. Unfortunately, money counts if you're a dude...
 BenDov3r
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 3
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:07:11 PM
No specifictruths, you don't come off as bitter. I respect your opinion and it helps me sort things out.

I run a nonprofit corporation for the rest of my time. In a nutshell, help people who can't afford it with their technology problems. Take in and fix up electronic equipment and then send it back out into the world to people who need/want it.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 4
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:15:56 PM
Since this is an all MN discussion, one more chime.

I agree with Maffers, you're doing great things and maximizing your talents in a selfless manner, foregoing personal benefit. That is a wonderful trait and the right woman would/should melt over that.
 lightbrownsuga2luv
Joined: 12/1/2011
Msg: 5
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:16:52 PM
With your first post, I don't see why any one would have a problem with someone not having much money, if you hit it off why would that matter. You have potential, and sound as if making money is no problem. Yes looks are important to some people but you need to just be you, and you appear to be a nice smart guy.
Just think, why do you see some couples that appear to not really a match? One is very good looking, and the other is okay? Unless you really know their life I would say it's because someone had the great personality and knows how to treat the other person vise versa. I would also bet that in some situations, it's not just because one or the other has money
 munchkin111
Joined: 6/28/2011
Msg: 6
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No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:24:22 PM
Personally, I don't have an issue dating someone who doesn't have a lot of money. Personally, I'd rather be poor and happy than rich and unhappy. I think that anyone who judges you purely on how much money you make is very shallow and not worth your time.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 7
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No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:28:18 PM
It depends on your financial situation. If you are self sufficient, then you should not be dissuaded from dating. But if you are not, then many women will judge you from the start, and that is almost impossible hurdle to overcome. Basically, if you can take care of yourself go for it!
 brooklynlaura817
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 8
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:35:59 PM
If I am with a man and he is always so broke I have to pay for everything then forget it. Why do you only work part time.... I dont want to sound rude but yea I can see it as a problem....
When I date a guy I think its fair that we take turns paying and in your situation it sounds like she would always be paying.
 ToThySelf
Joined: 2/26/2010
Msg: 9
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:36:04 PM
The only one that seems not to be happy with your financial situation is you. Its a choice ... do what you love and sacrifice a certain lifestyle ... or love a certain lifestyle and sacrifice what you love to do.
 Lots2Give2012
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 10
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:38:52 PM
Depends what you mean by poor. Are your bills paid, rent, etc, do u have a vehicle? Can you feed yourself? Describe poor please.

PS ....Just read that you fix electronic equip for free....START CHARGING, that is a fantastic money making industry, did you say computers too? I have a friend who taught himself how to repair PC's and he makes 50.00 an hr, started his own company and owns 2 homes now.

You sound like a very selfless kind man, if a woman can't see past the dollar sign, they are not worth it. However, as one poster said, I would not want to flip the bill all the time. Dutch is great IMO.
 BenDov3r
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 11
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:42:42 PM
I try and date when I can. And for the record - the woman has never paid anything. Ever. I am not a moron. Just poor. :>
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 12
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No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:46:32 PM
Haha.

Now I know why you are poor.... you always pay. Bro, it is okay to let a woman pay once in a while. But if you are an independent adult you should be just fine.
 BenDov3r
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 13
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:55:38 PM
Define poor. Good question.

I pay all my bills (somehow). I eat. I have roommates who are not always the best at paying rent so I have to cover them and it just kills the bank account. So there are times when I have to just save money up to take somebody out.

It really isn't an asset problem (I have many thousands of dollars of artwork hanging on my walls. Which may have to be sold off to finance the NPO.) :<

It's more like a cash flow issue. Poor not destitute.
 ToThySelf
Joined: 2/26/2010
Msg: 14
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:57:33 PM

I pay all my bills (somehow). I eat. I have roommates who are not always the best at paying rent so I have to cover them and it just kills the bank account. So there are times when I have to just save money up to take somebody out.

This may be a problem. You are a bit too old to have to rely on "roomates" ... no privacy and puts your date in an awkward situation.
 BenDov3r
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 15
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:00:33 PM
"The only one that seems not to be happy with your financial situation is you. Its a choice ... do what you love and sacrifice a certain lifecycle ... or love a certain lifecycle and sacrifice what you love to do."

Hmm, interesting.... Thanks.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 16
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:04:14 PM
Unless you're a perfect 10 in the looks department, it's damn hard being a broke guy trying to date a woman unless you're under 22 and in college. Women want security and hell, do I even have to elaborate?

This is true & doubly (or more) true if the woman is a single mom. She doesn't want an additional person to support.

OP...your problem on here could be your screen name. BenDov3r? Really?
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 17
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:08:20 PM
Not all women look at dollar signs.................
 Lots2Give2012
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 18
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:09:42 PM
Roomates? Ya, sorry, turn off.
 BenDov3r
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 19
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:10:09 PM
"OP...your problem on here could be your screen name. BenDov3r? Really?"

Haha. I was speaking of IRL mainly, not on here. My name is just a joke and not representative of who I am. But hmm, maybe I should change it.
 raedonM
Joined: 1/26/2012
Msg: 20
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:24:02 PM
i believe SpecificTruths observation would be more the norm. certainly neither gender should be looking for someone to support. men however are just as much in the mix here as any female. many men have created an atmosphere of women believing they are entitled to be taken care of. this, i observe is changing. well, for me, i have never continued to date anyone who expects me to solely carry the financial end or requires that i have a certain amount of things and / or money. agreed, of course, each should be self-sufficient as stated prior. and, i luv how some of the women question about the money and start telling the man how he could make more. yes, i have heard of females who finds little comfort in the same communication their way. :)

i hope for you, sites like this will expand your ability connect with someone who will find in you more than a dollar sign. there are women out there, i believe, who will work with men in a truly equal relationship. best wishes.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 21
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No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:24:17 PM
"This may be a problem. You are a bit too old to have to rely on "roomates" ... no privacy and puts your date in an awkward situation."

I don't agree.

Unless you are living with your parents I don't see the issue a date would have.
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 22
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No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:26:35 PM
Well, I'll be blunt, OP. You are 42. You're old enough that yes, you should have some sort of pot to pyss in, even if it's only your own personal pot. Retirement savings, plans for such, should also be a priority I would hope. What are you waiting for, in that regard?

For me, it wouldn't be a matter of how much money a man had, but what said man does with his money. Choosing to live hand-to-mouth might be one's personal choice, but it's not likely going to be a selling feature to potential dates. I don't know anyone, male or female, that deliberately sets out to "date the poorest person they can find".

You're middle-aged. Sorry, but be realistic. You're going to need a pot to pee in at some point. Dating aside, do you have any sort of game plan for the future for yourself and your personal finances?

I'm middle-aged as well. And nope, I wouldn't take on someone with no fiscal responsibility or prudence at our age either. We aren't kids anymore, capiche?
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 23
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No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:28:07 PM
If you want to just date you might get away ... But if you expect more then you would have a problem. The majority of women marry up not down.. If they are used to doing there own things and you got no money to join them, They would find someone that does. When people go out like it or not but its the guy that pays more... So off you go and get a job that you might not like as much but gives you more money.. There is the politicly correct and what everyone wants to hear but money talks. Sorry to burst the bubble.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 24
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No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:32:45 PM
Actually now that women are in the workforce they do not have to marry up anymore due to necessity. The idea of a woman having to marry up was because restrictions from patriarchal societies. Now, it is a choice for many women, and most women I encounter are financially stable and want to find a partner more so than someone with a retirement account. Still, these driven independent women do want a self sufficient man, but it is not important who brings more of the bacon home anymore.
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 25
No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:35:07 PM
I'd say follow your heart and keep your eyes open for that one love you seek. Don't obsess or worry about it... just keep your eyes open for the possibilities. Your situation will sure help seperate the wheat from the chaff lol and I for one will say a prayer that you find her and she shares your passion for giving humbly! Peace!
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