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 zuythemanfrog
Joined: 6/2/2011
Msg: 1
Is dating harder now than before?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Is dating harder these days than back in our parents and grandparents day? It seems that there has been a big erosion in the ability to have happy and healthy relationships. Back in the day when you got married, it really was for life. If you threw in the towel, there was a stigma attached to being divorced. What happened to us?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2
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Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/11/2012 9:03:17 PM
Nope, it's way better now. You don't have to settle down, you don't end up in arranged relationships, and you can choose to discontinue a marriage or relationship if it's not working. We can date someone we like instead of having parents pick out a potential spouse.

Years ago they married for stability, to someone who's family knew theirs, women didn't tend to live alone before marriage. And sure more marriages lasted longer but there were many people in marriages they wanted to end but because of society it was rough to go through with it. A lot of times it was better to throw in the towel but people became roommates instead.

If I was alive back then, I'd likely end up either the weird woman who never married and everyone talked about when I left the room, or the woman who was married to some guy who took good care of me but I was so-so about. I might have wound up in a closet somewhere after putting my kids in a playpen taking Valium and drinking vodka. Nope, this is better.

: )
Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/11/2012 9:08:06 PM
My parents were in the war, so I don't know how dating was back then.
I think they were more concerned with keeping their heads down during air raids.

As for being married and staying within the marriage,
even though it was not working for them,
Would be an entirely different topic.
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 4
Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/11/2012 11:40:54 PM
i'm glad things have changed. if i had stayed married ( i was married 22 yrs i would have had a nervous breakdown. i was close to it as it was. staying in a bad marriage for the kids, for your family and for general appearances is just wrong. dating may be harder as we get older because we have to put forth some effort in dating again, meaning you have to put yourself out there and may get let down. its not something we like, but you have to get social again. i don't want to live like in the age my parents did, kind of like the show "madmen". i often wonder about long marriages because there could have been a few affairs no one on the outside ever heard about. everything was hush hush. not a healthy way to get through life.
 apurfectmeow
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 5
Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/12/2012 3:19:09 AM
Dating was much easier when I was younger because my priorities have changed.
Is it harder today then 50 years ago? I think we just have more available options and a wider range of acceptable suitors making it easier. Do I believe love is forever? Yes but relationship longevity has no guarantee. I make better choices therefore eliminating the possibility of unsuitable potential "dates" before they happen.
That too has made it easier to enjoy the dates I have.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:20:39 AM
I think it is probably a little harder, in some ways. But it's not because "something happened to us."

People are about the same as they have been for thousands of years. What they have to deal with changes as we progress technologically, and what is acceptable and what isn't evolves constantly.

On the good side, I like that people now have the option to change their minds later, because it means that a commitment really means a lot more than it did when they were trapped.
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 7
Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/12/2012 11:09:33 AM
We lost the plot..

That's what I think.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 8
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Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/12/2012 3:14:07 PM
It's easier today. Much easier. We are free to pursue whatever we want and we have much fewer social restrictions and enforced social structures to adhere to. We also have a much wider selection to date in, racially, religiously, sexually and heck simply the physical territory that we have to search in is bigger. We have access to more options to meeting people than ever before...

Yet I just discussed this with my girlfriend and she says it's harder now before dating was a safer environment that was not quite so overtly sexual or predatory. Women were courted and the dating ritual was very structured. There are so many ways to operate that it becomes difficult to know what to expect or how to read the signs. i.e. He emailed and he texts, but he has never called. Is he interested?
Also with the different possible types of dating relationships today (casual dating, relationships, FWB and all the shades of grey in between) it's hard to know what the intentions are.

So I guess that it depends on your position in dating and what you are having issue with. While the rules and restrictions of dating have been loosened, some of those same loosening restrictions can cause confusion and uncertainity where they used to provide security.
 FieryRam777
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 9
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Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/12/2012 3:29:48 PM
F*#& yes it's harder now-a-days.......
The ratio for being stood up was probably so close to nil years ago as compared to today. We as a culture are constantly being barraged by the media, trying to manipulate the way that we think and influence our personal sets of values. We allow the media to do our thinking for us because, deep down, we're too damn lazy to formulate our own opinions, because, after years of allowing ourselves to be led around by the nose by the media, we seem to have forgotten what "forever and always" really means. So we have more options in today's dating market. Wonderful! That just fosters an indecisive, superficial lifestyle. If you're enjoying a good relationship with someone, and some damn magazine tells you, "Dump her/him if they don't do this in bed.....", and that suddenly ends the relationship, what the hell? What the hell kind of crap is that shit? Do you think people in our parents' and grandparents' days had to contend with useless drivel like that? I do believe in personal preferences, but some of the preferences are a bit too shallow and superficial in my honest opinion. So, we have all of these various forms of media clammoring for our attention, trying to tell us how to live, feel and think, do things or what-have-you, that yes, we have lost the magic which characterized the love of a by-gone era. And you people on here saying, "Oh, geez! I can't conceive of being married to the same person for X-amount of years! I'd go crazy!" Ask your grandparents how they did it. A commitment meant something in those days......a fact that is sorely lacking in today's instant gratification, I-want-it-now, take what we want, dis what you don't, society where we feel that it's okay to just "try" at marriage as opposed to HAVING a marriage. We as a civilization have got to realize that marriage isn't an institution whereby we enter it to get what we want, but to meet the needs of our mates, within reason. We should be looking out for their best interests while we allow them our vulnerability to return the same favor. And the divorce rate was way down in those days.
 deere rancher
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 10
Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:15:22 PM
Dating now.. is NOT harder than it used to be ....in fact dating is much easier !

Now finding someone that interest me enough, to want to date ....well thats alot harder: fishing:
 LukeH1984
Joined: 2/22/2011
Msg: 11
Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:20:54 PM
Maintaining a healthy relationship, yep that's a lot harder these days than back then when marriage really was for life. Constant people making stupid mistakes like having kids early when they're financially screwed or getting married solely because someone got pregnant, etc just results in a million divorces.

Meeting the physical standards also got a lot harder. No one cared about looks back then, now with all the publicity and celebrity looks propaganda kicking around, suddenly looks mean everything.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 12
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Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/12/2012 7:39:02 PM
It's harder now because way back when, people actually socialized in person and got involved in social settings where people met other people. But now, everybody is hiding behind a computer screen, and if a guy expresses an interest in a woman, the first thought that goes through a woman's mind is wondering if the guy is a serial rapist and murderer. In the age of computers, getting two people together for an initial meet is a long formal drawn out process involving multiple steps and hoops to jump through. And even after that, most guys won't be able to live up to a lot of women's ridiculous expectations of total perfection. People have taken the human aspect out of dating. Dating now is all about finding a fantasy figure. People were more realistic and smarter 50 years ago. America and western nations have been dumbed down for various reasons.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 13
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Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:09:41 PM
Women always liked to look at someone they found attractive - so yes, they always cared about it. Years ago they had to prioritize portfolio, family history and ability to support a family over looks because they weren't as able to support themselves and had to marry so young that they had to pick from the best available at that time. A lot of them lived at home until married and worked part time. Some had full time jobs, and careers, but it was really out of the ordinary and would usually cause people to talk.

Most of those women had sex usually enough to have kids, and then tried to avoid it. A lot of couples ended up roommates, and maybe eventually friends as they got older. If they ended up with a husband they wanted to have sex with and could actually talk to, they got lucky. It was desired, but just not practical to be prioritized.

These days they can actually go after what they want, because they make their own money. So guys can't just phone it in anymore on their family, their degree, or their checkbook - they now have to be attractive AND have a half decent personality. The horror!
 Rorschachs_journal86
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 14
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Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/12/2012 11:41:08 PM

*#& yes it's harder now-a-days.......
The ratio for being stood up was probably so close to nil years ago as compared to today. We as a culture are constantly being barraged by the media, trying to manipulate the way that we think and influence our personal sets of values. We allow the media to do our thinking for us because, deep down, we're too damn lazy to formulate our own opinions, because, after years of allowing ourselves to be led around by the nose by the media, we seem to have forgotten what "forever and always" really means. So we have more options in today's dating market. Wonderful! That just fosters an indecisive, superficial lifestyle. If you're enjoying a good relationship with someone, and some damn magazine tells you, "Dump her/him if they don't do this in bed.....", and that suddenly ends the relationship, what the hell? What the hell kind of crap is that shit? Do you think people in our parents' and grandparents' days had to contend with useless drivel like that? I do believe in personal preferences, but some of the preferences are a bit too shallow and superficial in my honest opinion. So, we have all of these various forms of media clammoring for our attention, trying to tell us how to live, feel and think, do things or what-have-you, that yes, we have lost the magic which characterized the love of a by-gone era. And you people on here saying, "Oh, geez! I can't conceive of being married to the same person for X-amount of years! I'd go crazy!" Ask your grandparents how they did it. A commitment meant something in those days......a fact that is sorely lacking in today's instant gratification, I-want-it-now, take what we want, dis what you don't, society where we feel that it's okay to just "try" at marriage as opposed to HAVING a marriage. We as a civilization have got to realize that marriage isn't an institution whereby we enter it to get what we want, but to meet the needs of our mates, within reason. We should be looking out for their best interests while we allow them our vulnerability to return the same favor. And the divorce rate was way down in those days.


I couldn't Agree more with this statement
 Rorschachs_journal86
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 15
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Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/12/2012 11:49:19 PM

Meeting the physical standards also got a lot harder. No one cared about looks back then, now with all the publicity and celebrity looks propaganda kicking around, suddenly looks mean everything.


Yeah well back in the 50's, 60's and 70's the overall health was better then it was today... Obesedy rate wasn't nearly as high as it is today....
Physically people looked better back then, I mean people now have better fashion sence..
 CalypsoRach
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 16
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Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/13/2012 12:12:37 AM

Is dating harder these days than back in our parents and grandparents day?

I didn't date back then ( I'm not old enough lol) but I believe it's harder these days. Morals used to be important and considered an asset. A long with attitudes towards people.I think this aspect has is not really considered.

I remember even 20 years ago. Men and women conducted themselves differently. It comes across as what can I get attitude rather than what you can offer another to compliment each other. Roles have changed also within society. Women and men both served different roles. Defined.

I don't often see a man try to impress a woman these days in their attitude. If anything I see a lot of really bad attitudes between both genders. To think a person believes they are all that. Confidence appears to be replaced by arrogance.


What happened to us?

Honestly, attitudes happened. Lack of respect for each other happened. People stopped caring about others so much and it became about them.

Well that's my view any way.
 LukeH1984
Joined: 2/22/2011
Msg: 17
Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/13/2012 1:20:32 AM

Yeah well back in the 50's, 60's and 70's the overall health was better then it was today... Obesedy rate wasn't nearly as high as it is today....


That's certainly true and a good point. These days people seem incapable of laying off the confectionery and pasties!
 Lionessx
Joined: 9/26/2011
Msg: 18
Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/13/2012 2:22:19 AM
When looking at the title of this thread, Is dating harder now than before ? this song is playing in my head "Whatever Happened To Old Fashioned Love?

I find there is too many options like Dating Sites where we can pick and choose.

One time you had to get and be social to nab a man.

Dating Sites is like church where you can pick a hymn and I choose him , him and him.
 deere rancher
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 19
Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/13/2012 8:07:41 AM
Woman in progress ; msg14 said

Years ago they had to prioritize portfolio, family history and ability to support a family over looks because they weren't as able to support themselves and had to marry so young that they had to pick from the best available at that time.

.... it sounds like you read this, in a book somewhere !

I have to take issue with it, because my parents have been married almost 60
years and have been in love from the very first minute

The women I know my mothers age, mostly married for love back then............ and work for , hoped and prayed for the best !
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 20
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Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/13/2012 8:19:39 AM
Dating is harder now because way back when, almost everybody ended up marrying their high school sweetheart and marriage was like a continuation of high school. As people grew and matured, couples learned to tolerate each other's shortcomings and make compromises. People refuse to make any compromises now. The current attitude is "what can he/she do for me?"

Way back when, if a guy forgot to get his wife a card and gift on her birthday, anniversary, or Valentine's Day, or if the card or gift wasn't good enough, it wasn't grounds for divorce. Today, it is grounds for divorce. A lot of women measure love by the amount and quality of stuff she gets, especially on those special "buy me stuff" days.

A generation earlier, people weren't willing to look for a life partner outside of their neighborhood and long distance relationships were almost unheard of. A lot more people are now willing to travel hundreds or thousands of miles trying to find Mr./Miss Perfect.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 21
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Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/13/2012 9:50:22 AM

Woman in progress ; msg14 said

Years ago they had to prioritize portfolio, family history and ability to support a family over looks because they weren't as able to support themselves and had to marry so young that they had to pick from the best available at that time.

.... it sounds like you read this, in a book somewhere !

Nope - not the kind of book I'd be interested in. I talked to older relatives, parents and grandparents of friends, older friends, etc.

I have to take issue with it, because my parents have been married almost 60
years and have been in love from the very first minute

The women I know my mothers age, mostly married for love back then............ and work for , hoped and prayed for the best !

You'd be agreeing with me, not taking issue. Your parents would be ONE in I don't know how many couples who were actually into each other - I did mention that if a woman married a man she found to be easy on the eyes and great to talk to, she got lucky. So your parents got lucky, and so did some of their friends. Doesn't change the fact that a lot of other couples may not have been so happy to be paired up.

Way back when, if a guy forgot to get his wife a card and gift on her birthday, anniversary, or Valentine's Day, or if the card or gift wasn't good enough, it wasn't grounds for divorce.

Back then, being hit or raped by your husband wasn't grounds for divorce either - not much was in say the 40s or 50s. The church, your parents, society would likely send the message that it needed to be dealt with behind closed doors. Again, there were exceptions, but that did go on a lot.

If you're married to a woman who would divorce you over what she gets on Valentine's Day, I'll assume you knew she was that way before you married her, and I'd ask you why you did.
 prometheus76
Joined: 1/22/2012
Msg: 22
Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/13/2012 9:55:05 AM

What happened to us?


We evolved and realized that being unhappy in a relationship isn't a prerequisite to life?
 DB0011
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 23
Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/13/2012 9:55:59 AM
Yes, it is. Life is different now, people are more open, have different values and women give them self to easy. This country is number one when it comes to divorced, that mean that people do not tried to work things out. It is more easy to get a divorce, then get married again and get another divorced. This new era is a disaster, people uses people for sex without any commitment. Yes, it is hard and it will be harder.......
 daspecimen
Joined: 11/24/2011
Msg: 24
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Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/13/2012 11:43:04 AM
i think it's easier in some ways and much harder in others.

easier in the sense that the initial chase/ice breaking is a lot easier particularly in the online arena.

more difficult in that people are so materialistic now and generally seem to expect a lot for little in returm
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 25
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Is dating harder now than before?
Posted: 2/13/2012 1:15:27 PM
*We* are never going to know, since none of us can go back 60 or a hundred years and try it to compare.

I'd guess a lot of *us* say it's better now because we hope it is better.
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