Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Men who are addicted to internet dating sites      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 blonde.sugar
Joined: 1/3/2012
Msg: 1
Men who are addicted to internet dating sitesPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I am dating a man who is - for lack of a better term - addicted to his internet dating sites. I don't believe he actually meets up with anyone, but is just an attention whore. I like the man, but this is seriously beginning to take a toll on how I feel about him (and also myself for tolerating it).

Do they ever outgrow it?
 coyotefeller
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 12:21:12 AM
How involved are you with this guy?
If you are just going on a few dates
and have not committed to one another
you may be overreacting ? no?
 CalypsoRach
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 2:25:00 AM

I am dating a man who is - for lack of a better term - addicted to his internet dating sites.


So I have to ask how did you meet him and how do you know?

Why would you tolerate it?
 Jimbonator62
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 2:48:38 AM
I have no idea how you'd know this but taking it as true all I can say is you can't change people. If he's really like this I'm thinking you are hanging on waiting for him to change because he's fallen madly in love with you. Sorry but love doesn't change people, people change because they want to. If you aren't happy you need to move on.
 pink_poodle
Joined: 12/23/2011
Msg: 6
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 2:57:53 AM
I am so sorry for your emotional pain. Years ago I met a man online and he too was addicted to internet dating. The man asked me to marry him and went into match each and every day to check his e-mails. I busted him because the site tells active with in the last ten minutes. I stopped all contact with him.

Internet dating is a wonderful way to meet people but the down side is that 90% of the people lack integrity. I met a man in here 5 years ago and he definatly turned out to be an abuser. I broke up with him at the beginning of December. I am finding that nothing has changed and the guys in here seem to all have issues.

Hang in there girl friend. I wish I had the answers for meeting a quality person. I will never give up hope. I know what emotionally healthy is and it's making my search to find a quality guy a huge challenge.

I helped a gir friend place a profile in here and she found a wonderful man. My girl friend has been with him for 2 years. She is engaged to him and happy.

I would let your internet boy friend have his walking papers. I googled how to be successful in finding an internet romance and the advice given was to stay determined and not to give up.

Good Luck in your search.
Hugs,
Lauren
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 7
Women who are addicted to Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 3:03:15 AM
Since I know nothing about your relationship with this man or how long you've actually been dating him, I will have to answer this way: Do women ever outgrow this addicting desire to change the men they decided to date???
 A_Gent
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 8
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 3:12:49 AM
There are lots of people on this site for the social interaction, and honestly honey, I'm just here for the forums.

I dated one lady who took exception to my interest in the forums... she thought that accessing a singles' site I must be trolling for a hook up.. but she was on facebook about every ten minutes and had an open profile.

And there are lots of - men AND women - who have fixations on these web sites, facebook, twitter, etc., etc.

And, by the way, what are you doing here in the forums?

I suppose, OP, that you consider if his actions are interfering with your relationship, or are you perhaps annoyed that he may have a hobby that isn't focused on you? Perhaps you are justified to let him know that the amount of time he spends on dating websites does disturb you, as the intent of such sites is to make connections. You think it appropriate the he does suspend his actions. There are plenty of daily newspaper commentaries he can use for forum interaction as an alternative. And.. for the time he is on-line, he is also missing out on spending with you.
 pink_poodle
Joined: 12/23/2011
Msg: 9
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 3:45:12 AM
My X boy friend is addicted to Face Book if he is awake he is on Face Book. He talks on the feed lines while driving on the expressway, dining, walking his dogs, and at his job. His I-Phone is programmed to chime when he picks up a message on Face Book. He has been obsessed with it for over 3 years. He even photographs his dinner before he eats it. He has reunited with all of his class mates from 30 years ago. I would say that Face Book is his number one top priority to him. I looked the other way while he ignored me to be on Face Book as long as I could. I have a Face Book profile but rarely go into Face Book. I want to live life by being active and out into the world. I come in here early in the morning just to visit the forums. I am off of the computer for the rest of the day.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 4:24:30 AM
I know women...who are addicted to dating sites, because they get attention.

It is NOT a gender thing at all.

If someone has an addictive personality..they will inhabit online venues. My oldest granddaughter lives on Facebook..hopefully, she will grow out of it.

How many people do you know, basically live on their cell phones? Same thing.

Set boundries, stay with them.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 11
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 5:37:47 AM
that depends...how's ur sex life?? i'm assumming you're banging his brains out...but maybe ur not up to 'par'??
 AngelWithGuns
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 12
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 5:42:05 AM
Tough call, not knowing more about this * relationship *. I think people in general are addicted to the Internet. We just talked about this in Abnormal Psych class the other day. How people, men and women BOTH go from one site to another. HEck you cannot even apply for work, unless it is * on line * these days.

I am not on any other site. And I am only here mainly for the forums, as I have met some of the posters here in person whom have become off line ( in person ) friends. I still do not get how people get * attention * from a computer....? lol Maybe they sit there and think they are sexy & they know it kinda thing....

Sit down, talk to him and find out the real deal. It sounds like something is just not adding up here. Good luck.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 6:53:44 AM
I don't think attention seekers outgrow it until they deal with the insecurities that drive them to seek the validation they feel they need. They missed being cared for in a way that a child needs to grow up secure with themselves.
If you don't like his addiction to dating sites because you think it reflects poorly on you, and he won't look into his issues, buy him a guitar and he can play rock star. Rock stars at least are cool! lol.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 6:56:55 AM
Men receive attention on dating sites? This is a first for me. Sign me up?
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 15
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 7:05:22 AM
Let me think about this one.
You are "dating" this man you say is addicted to sites like this one and obviously this bothers you -- even though he doesn't connect or date any of them.

If he is addicted, how do you know this? Are you snooping? Or just want to make him jealous? Playing games? You are online too, by the way, looking for a man while you are dating this one.

You just joined POF -- here less than three weeks! Did you meet him before joining this elite group on POF, or found him here in that short amount of time?

That's it? If so, why am I confused about your question? "men who are addicted to internet dating sites" --- frankly, not enough information to back that up, imo.
Your question should be narrowed down to just this one man -- not men.



 sugarplum_fairy
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 7:14:45 AM
Perhaps he fell in love with you by accident. I'm sure a lot of men, and women too, use these social sites simply as a form of entertainment and interaction. He may be faced with the situation of having actually found someone he could have a real relationship with, (you), but is so used to the freedom and safety of internet relationships that a real time person is a risky proposition. If it bothers you, communicate with him and let him know how you feel. It's a real buzz to have all that attention with no strings attached...you may find it hard to compete. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt though, and just put the subject on the table and see what happens.
 tlcme1964
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 17
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 7:28:12 AM
Talk about the shoe being on the other foot! It's typically women who are the attention wh0res on internet date sites. From what I've read, a guys presence on date sites while in a relationship, mean he's looking to upgrade.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 7:56:00 AM
As for the idea that only men are addicted is a lot of BS. Have you taken a survey to see how men versus women go on dating or whatever else web sites? Whenever I'm out in public, I see just as many women who are walking around in a mindless zombie trance staring at their cell/smart phones as men. It's their only connection to the real world. It's more of an age issue than gender issue.

Like others said, how do you know he's on other dating sites all the time? You're making lovely statements (not): "I like the man...but is just an attention whore." Do you always call people you like whores? Have you called him a whore to his face?
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 19
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 8:06:44 AM
I dated a man for many years who would activate a his hidden profiles on a few different sites every time we had a disagreement, minor or otherwise.

Yeah, it took a toll, even before I found out - which took a while because I was not trolling the sites until the signs were pretty obvious something was going on.

I'm not sure how many women he actually met doing this but I do know there was plenty of corresponding via email, a few actual meets and some phone conversations (including when we were together). I asked him why and he said "because it made him feel better" and proved he was attractive. Sad.

Essentially it removed him emotionally from any relationship we might have been able to have.
 blonde.sugar
Joined: 1/3/2012
Msg: 20
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 8:31:37 AM
Actually, I HAVE called him an attention whore to his face. I have teased him about this matter many times, hoping he would see how ridiculous it is, in light of the fact that he seems to want to progress our relationship. Obviously, I can't sign up for that if he is constantly whoring it up on dating sites (and yes, he knows I am aware of his internet activity).

I believe he *does* get some attention on these sites. He has a nice profile (yes, I read it, so sue me), and he is quite handsome. He doesn't utilize the forums - yes, I checked.

Also, I never said that ONLY men have this problem, but this man does, and I doubt he is alone, which is why I came to this site (for the forum). I am not interested in trolling for men, and to be honest, after seeing how he has become so hooked on it, I would be hard-pressed to be interested in another man who might have this problem.

Regarding post #12 - sex is not an issue. I have a very healthy sexual appetite.

I've been seeing him for almost a year, and no - I didn't meet him on this site.

I would like to thank a couple of posters specifically, wish there was a "thanks" button... anyway, thank you all for responding, especially to the writers of post # 5, 14, 17, and 21.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 21
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 8:36:28 AM
I HAVE called him an attention whore to his face. I have teased him about this matter many times, hoping he would see how ridiculous it is, in light of the fact that he seems to want to progress our relationship.

If you want to "progress the relationship", then why are you playing games?? (let me tease you to hint around at how ridiculous I think your behavior is...) At a minimum, shouldn't it be clear to you by now that your obtuse approach has failed to get the point across? Maybe he interprets your "teasing" as tacit permission and an indication that you don't really mind his attention-whoring all that much, otherwise you'd at least be a bit more passive-aggressive in your approach. Maybe try the Silent Treatment. That way, when he asks ya what's wrong, you can say "nothing!!" while you give him the 100-yard stare.

Progress means moving forward and doing something *different* and *better* than what you're already doing, as opposed to doing the same crap you've been doing for an entire year and expecting a different result.

If you have concerns about the relationship and his behavior, then open your mouth and discuss it DIRECTLY and RATIONALLY like an adult instead of teasing, dropping hints, pouting, stalking him on the internet, withholding sex, or whatever your next version of the game it is that you've been playing.

vvvvvvvvvvvvv
Not crazy, just trying to make a point by way of examples.

We have discussed it, and I suppose my biggest failure was in not setting a firmer boundary, so in that, you are right.

There ya go.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 22
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 8:44:03 AM
So many people of both genders are addicted to the internet...if it is just like a fun hobby, fine...but if he cannot get things done, like basic household chores, errands, loses sleep, then it is a huge problem. I enjoy the internet, but when I have things to do, I do them...when I have chores & errands, or time to go to sleep...

Sometimes I get bored w/ the net too
 blonde.sugar
Joined: 1/3/2012
Msg: 23
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 8:48:08 AM
#23 - Are you insane? I wouldn't dream of withholding sex! I am not a complete idiot, and I don't punish myself that way. I also don't drop hints or pout, and I'm not sure it could be considered "snooping" since I don't have access to his conversations and he is fully aware that I know about his activities . We have discussed it, and I suppose my biggest failure was in not setting a firmer boundary, so in that, you are right.

Also to clarify: HE is the one that (occasionally) talks about progressing the relationship. I tell him I won't while he still on dating sites.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 8:50:18 AM
Your key will be if he meets with you or not. Many on here never intend on meeting those they contact on this site, and use it as a social diversion from their normally mundane life.

Now, if you two live a distance apart, then you have other issues to consider, and if one is willing to email privately, use the phone and cam to get to know each other better, then they are not hiding behind the computer, and the hiding will be the distance.

If two people live within 50 miles of each other or less, meeting should not be a problem, and if living at a distance that could be a problem, then they should work on ways to know each other much better away from the site they met on, and planning calendars to see if they can make the distance not such an issue.

cd.........
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 25
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 9:22:21 AM
carefree25 DON'T BE GIVING ANOTHER PERSON'S SCREEN NAME INFO OR YOU WILL BE EXITED STAGE LEFT RIGHT OUT OF HERE! AGAINST THE RULES.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 26
Men who are addicted to internet dating sites
Posted: 2/16/2012 10:11:44 AM
Depends on the person Op. Like any addiction, somoene can unhook, others relapse all their lives, no matter what rehab they get.
Flip a coin. It's those odds basically.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Men who are addicted to internet dating sites