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 Llillabette
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 1
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating AgainPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I recently went through a bad break up with my first love. We had been together off and on for 4 years. This past year he asked me to marry him and I accepted. Unbeknown to me he was cheating. Toward the end of our relationship a things went very sour, and there was a lot of fighting etc. I feel like the past 4 years were all a lie. At 32 I want a significant other, I am just that type of person. We split in October, and I am not sure if I should jump back into the waters just yet. I have gone on a few POF dates, which have either been horrible, or have lead to nowhere. The chemistry is just not there. I'm not sure if it's because I haven't fully healed, or I'm not picking the right men to go out with. Maybe it's a little too soon to date? Help!
 Rescuediver08
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 2
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:48:06 PM
You are the only person that can answer that. If you think you are ready then go for it. If you dont think you are, then dont!
 Llillabette
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 3
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:49:23 PM
Just caught my grammatical errors.. lol. sorry.
 seventiesbaby2
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 4
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:49:45 PM
Dont push the dating.. Go out with people as friends and let it happen naturally. You are very fragile now as you should be . You went through a lot. Take things slow. Maybe some of your friends know a single guy who might be good for you to hang out with. Good luck... sorry about what happened to you ..
 Llillabette
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 5
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:51:36 PM
I want to be ready that's the thing, but what I want and need are 2 different things.

Thanks for the advice.
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 6
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How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:52:01 PM
POF dates are almost always horrible. Don’t let your negative experiences (or mine) hold you back.

As to your question - if you have to ask you’re not ready.
 Llillabette
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 7
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:53:32 PM
Thanks mediagirl2. Bleh.. love is so hard sometimes. I am a very resilliant person and know that it exists for me. I think there is so much pressure in going on dates, that hanging out as friends first is a good idea. Especially in my case.
 Rescuediver08
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 8
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:54:41 PM
You just don't want to talk to a guy, and him end up being a rebound. Hurts a lot of feelings
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 9
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How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:57:40 PM
If you haven't full healed, are you attractive men who want a broken woman?
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 10
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:58:07 PM
Oh, I am so sorry to hear about your recent heartbreak...

when u r ready, the chemistry will be there...

good luck
 seventiesbaby2
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 11
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:59:42 PM
When a relationship with me ends I usually spend lots of time with the girls.. Then out of no where a man comes along when I wasnt even looking.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 12
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 1:14:01 PM
I want to be ready that's the thing, but what I want and need are 2 different things.

You'll be ready when you're happy being single and you don't feel like you need to be looking for someone. You need to be able to get the things you want and need without relying on someone to give them to you.
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 1:16:03 PM

I'm not picking the right men to go out with


^^^^
Yup ... this happens when you are not ready.

Good for you for noticing.

If you want to move this along a little quicker, then therapy is an option.
Nothing wrong with that.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 14
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How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 1:19:03 PM
You are attractive and if you have it together, no reason you have to wait a certain amount of time before dating. Saying that, by "not looking" and just " being" gets better results in my book. So I'd say go out and enjoy yourself without expectation or any agenda, be happy with who you are right now and don't fret about it, he'll show up.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 15
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 1:32:46 PM
"picking the right men"

Maybe you are, maybe not. Different people take different amounts of time to get over their last love. A rule of thumb is one month for each year, but no hard and fast rule.

Be comfortable with YOU, be able to be alone with no guy. IMO that's when your ready to date.

So based on what you said. I think you maybe ready to date, but your picker may not be. There is an element of apprehension in dating, making the same mistake, after being hurt.

Take your time, date many, until your picker seems healed!
 Melannie1
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 16
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 3:05:52 PM
Hi Llillabette! From my perspective an on again off again relationship suggests to me that the relationship that you had with this fellow was not so good for you from the onset. Why was the relationship on and off? Were you becoming too demanding as he was not meeting your needs? Were you sensing something was not right for you througout your four year relationship with him? I am only asking these questions so as you may be able to learn from your experience with him....

Also, only you will know in yourself to date another. If you need more time, take all the time you need.... take care and good luck.. M.
 A_Gent
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 17
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 4:50:21 PM
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again???

Well... you're gorgeous and an intelligent profile. If you were closer, I'd say start dating again right away... and here's my number!

But alas... at least 8 hours away.. and a few years away too.

So to answer your question more directly...

.... when you are no longer blaming the schmuck for being who he is, and are grateful that he showed his true self before you wasted anymore time in him... When you know you are taking responsibility for your future instead of trying to change the past... you will be ready to invest in a new relationship.

Best wishes.. and .. would you like my number???

Cheers.
 Goldentyga117
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 18
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/17/2012 9:39:02 PM
If you're not over your ex or what happened between you then you're not ready to date. It's not fair to you or a potential new guy to be bringing with you doubts and anger and resentment still lingering towards your ex. Just take some time and do whatever makes it easiest to be sure you're really over him first.
 hotbrowneyes24
Joined: 2/15/2012
Msg: 19
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/18/2012 7:08:46 PM
i went thru the thing i learned that, one it takes time to heal, two if u been thru a bad break up dont go for the next guy/girl who says your pretty or sexy even if they say they love u. reason being is now you have that scar in your heart and if u are quick to find love you will make a mistake. give yourself time to heal and look around even if it takes a year or more it will be worth your wait
 DoubleEagle2
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 20
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How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/18/2012 8:24:18 PM
There is no timetable it just happens naturally. I've been divorced three years after a heart breaking mess. I would date for a while and quit...wasn't ready. Then date some more and quit. and again and again. After about 2 years I finally felt able to give myself 1oo%.
 Megaladonfishy
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 21
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How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/18/2012 8:47:18 PM
Tonite is too soon, tomorrow will be fine...
 Hope.4.Love
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 22
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/18/2012 9:17:42 PM

I can relate I to am 32 & was in a on and off again relationship 5 years he was not cheating . But 5 years come on now really ?
He did ask and I have the Ring yet, I live here in NY and he is back in PA and we still just dont get a long . So that said girl I understand .

It is never easy to say good bye . you hate that you love him and yet cant stand to be with him or with out him i get it .

So I am hear if you need some one to talk to ... Hugs
 SirDorksAlot
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 23
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How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/18/2012 9:52:05 PM
if it's because I haven't fully healed, or I'm not picking the right men to go out with. Maybe it's a little too soon to date? Help!


This might not work for everyone but you should burn all pictures of him.
cut off all contact. and move on NOW. keep dating at a pace you feel comfortable at.
having a date maybe twice a week might be a little too much.
i would say maybe twice a month and increase your dating until you find someone who just
makes you very happy and comfortable. Honestly i don't think its too soon.
pamper yourself. hit the gym and put yourself out there and find a worthy man.
Don't let that POS break down the wonderful person that you are. stay positive.
forget about that cheater. once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater.
 lar2564
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 24
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How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/18/2012 11:06:13 PM
Do things in small steps. You don't have to date right away, you need to get some good results to start with no matter how small those results. Horrible dates althrough common on POF can ruin confidence. Being friends first may not be a bad idea, but also realize some guys take that as you aren't interested in a relationship (even if you are). Another option can be email a few guys back and forth and eventually talk on the phone and have some good conversation. There is no need to go on a date with a guy the very next day after meeting him online. There have been a few women that we emailed back and forth a few times, then talked on the phone and the whole process can take 3 weeks or longer before the first date. This is not necessarily a friends first philosphy, it is more like taking your time to know them, but at the same time, letting them know your intentions is to eventually develop a relationship.
 Isis_feline
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 25
How Soon Is Too Soon To Start Dating Again
Posted: 2/19/2012 12:31:02 AM
what Landra and Abelian said.....

Dont rush a bad break up is a nasty thing to get over, took me a year to feel totally happy with myself and ready to fling myself back into the fun world of dating....
I was ok after 6 months but not ready to date.......they are different things...

You have to be happy in your own skin, with your own company before you can find a man who suits you better....heal by spending time on your own, going out with the girls for a night out, girls nights in, weekend away etc and get to know 'single you' again before looking for someone else....you could end up hurting someone cause your not ready, or being hurt as you may attract men who prey on vunerable women....

good luck x
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