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 Qu33n0fheartz
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 1
Was i asking for too much?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
So I recently just ended a relationship it started off very well, he would constantly text and call me and show alot of interest in the beginning. After about 3months of talking and going out on dates he said he wanted to make it official, I was happy bcuz he was in my eyes everything I was looking for. About 2 months into the relationship the phone calls were every other day including the texts sometimes he wouldn't even reply to my text messages until the next day blaming it on him working so much and always being tired. Then he canceled two dates we had planned ahead of time saying it was bcuz his work would not give him the days off he asked for. I understand ppl need space and at times we just get busy but I always felt it don't take that much effort to send a lil text just to say hi or how my day was. I expressed my frustration with our situation and on top of that not being to see him as much and he started texting me alot and calling like he did b4. And his way of apologizing was buying me alot of gifts on valentines and taking me out. I know I sound like a broken record but again he started the same habit of not staying in contact with me as much. So I broke it off bcuz I felt I wasn't getting the love and affection I deserved. So any input would be appreciated
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 2
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 3:19:33 PM
Maybe you're just too demanding and emotionally high maintenance.
Who really needs someone to constantly text and call, month after month after month?
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 3
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 3:30:33 PM
Clearly you were but that seems to be the way of it these days and you are by no means one of the worst offenders.

You don't have a secure and legally enforceable claim on his time. The love and affection that you deserved was what he would say you deserved. Same goes for him. He deserves no more than you were willing to bestow.

He can cancel for any reason. He doesn't need to use work as an excuse. He did but it was not necessary. Appeasing you with gifts was also optional.

Now the other side of this: You don't need to justify why you broke it off either. If you were thinking that you were hasty, remember that you had every right and if you want to reconsider you need only consider your own reasons.
 KingofSnuggles
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 4
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 3:32:28 PM
Have to agree with Osorio, you are a pretty young woman - no need to sell your parts like that cuz then all you're getting are men looking at them and NOT you. They will show themselves just fine with all your clothes on + buttoned up.

It is unrealistic for anyone to want to keep in constant contact with their partners be it by text, email or phone call. I realize there was a pattern of it and that is why you felt something may have changed but when you're first getting to know someone or court them then you should expect a fair amount of back n forth exchanges. Once things become official the pace of that form of communication will typically drop off a bit as you're likely spending more time face to face then you were before.
 Qu33n0fheartz
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 5
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 3:37:05 PM
Thank you for the constructive criticism, and you did give me another way of seeing my situation.
 deere rancher
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 6
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 3:38:08 PM
WOW.. I got tired of all your demands ...and I was just reading !
ask yourself ,

Do you feel you have to be the center of his attention ,All the time ..?

what are you contributing to the relationship .....? is it equal to his?

and NO a piece of azz ...is not contributing

time to grow up
 Qu33n0fheartz
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 7
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 3:40:07 PM
Thanks for not being to hard on me I just needed to vent a lil bit. :)
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 8
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:00:23 PM
If you constantly need attention...
make sure the next guy is as needy as you.

That's abit too snarky.

The gentler version would be
to realize you seem to need a lot of reassurance.
so you need to learn to relax
and learn that constancy in a relationship
is more important than intensity.

 Buckets_of_Sky
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 9
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:03:21 PM

Thanks for not being to hard on me I just needed to vent a lil bit. :)


Do you feel better? What did you learn by having this little outburst? Be chill lil sis and quit trying so hard....
 Jimbonator62
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 10
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:19:26 PM
Since you are the smothering kind pick a guy that likes to be smothered next time.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 11
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:31:54 PM
Here's what jumped out at me from your post, OP:


sometimes he wouldn't even reply to my text messages until the next day

Horrors! Imagine not replying to a message until *gasp* the next day! (Where's the 'rolling my eyes' emoticon?) Maybe you should think of text messages as what they are: messages, not real communication.


I broke it off bcuz I felt I wasn't getting the love and affection I deserved.

My gosh, it's all about you, isn't it?

On the other hand, maybe he was just getting frustrated because you weren't showing him as much boob flesh in person as you do in your pictures here.
 fnlyfrei
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 12
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:36:42 PM
Hi ! I just broke up with someone because of the same thing. Yes, I DID need daily re- assurance, and I told him that. A text to say " good morning" doesn't require a whole lot of effort. If it does? I guess you aren't that into me !
I think it stinks when a man asks you to stay over, go out on dates, etc..and you are supposed to be there for him, but if you have a tiny little stipulation..suddenly you are "TOO DEMANDING" screw that. If he wasn't it...he wasn't it ! You deserve to be with someone who respects who you are, and what you need...if not...do not waste your precious time with him ! There are many, many men out there...move on!
As a female, if you keep making excuses for him when you are just dating...what happens later on?!?! Clearly he was not going to go any further anyhow. Good luck to you..you will find someone just for you. Quit second-guessing yourself.
 fnlyfrei
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 13
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:38:51 PM
And some of you responders are jerks. I hope the next time you ask for sex she simply rolls over and snores. Arseholes.
 Qu33n0fheartz
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 14
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:59:50 PM
Yea i figured i was going to get negative comments but everyones entitled to their own opinio, if it makes someone feel better to respond in a negative manner well then that's their problem. But Good to know sum1 else had a similar experience and was a little more understanding. Thank you for the positive words fnlyfrei
 roylee42
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 15
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 5:02:48 PM
Did you take the time to explain your needs to him? Or did you tell him he was doing something wrong? Before I broke it off completely I think I would explain to him how "You" need reassurance or it's not going to work. Do it without telling him what he is doing wrong and instead by explaining your needs. See if he is willing to try harder and if he is give him a little time to get it right. We do not make changes like that overnight.

We all come from different backgrounds and see the world from different views. He may have had a very secure upbringing and therefore the thought that someone may need constant reassurance just is not part of his thought process. He may or may not be willing to deal with it but he does have the right to have it explained to him in a reasonable manner if this is the reason the relationship is ending.

I personally would have felt crowded without having understood where you were coming from. I'm looking for a partner to share my life with not another child to raise. How I perceived it though would have depended greatly on how I was approached about my lack of reassurance towards you.
 Amor_Meu
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 16
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 5:08:49 PM
OP,Sorry hear that...sounds that you are a kind of romantic woman,so nothing wrong with,but am afraid that the man that you are in relationship is cold,selfish and rude,no manners at all.

He probably carry on his phone all the time but...doesn't have a bloody minute to reply a single text? Is not about you been demanding,is about HIM have no manners and respect for you at all,also he knows that you are a romantic,sensitive person,so why not giving a bit of more attention,care,love and cuddles.

Some men just don't show their emotions and trying to play harder,what a waste of time,you deserve better,next time pick up a romantic,caring male please that will be polite,nicely and with manners to fill up your needs.

Message 13,I do agree with,doesn't cost nothing to a man just reply a single text saying good morning or how have you been or hows your day been,it is called manners in the end of the day.

Break Dance 4 Life!!!
 fnlyfrei
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 17
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 5:21:44 PM
Thanks Amor....nope, when you are in the throes of early romance, you are with each other constantly...(by HIS choice) and suddenly he goes cold unless it is on his terms...RED FLAG! If the words I LOVE YOU were used...you can't play the "she is smothery" card...and my romantic interest played that card....to his convenience.

A word to the wise...stay away from the poisonous three words unless you mean them. Love means, if your girlfriend wants you to text her good morning after not seeing her for days on end....do it. Or just tell her the truth..you do not love her, and move on~!

 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 18
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 5:43:53 PM
You need a lot more attention to feel liked than he's willing to give, and if you are really needy for such attention you will find that many men will get sick & tired of it and start backing off. Your real problem is not this guy, he's shown to not be able to keep up with your needs so he's history, your problem is not moving on when you know a man will not fill up what you expect. Find another man and let this guy have some peace.

Are you kidding? If people tell you their honest opinion to a question you asked, they are just jerks? Stop playing blind and using your body to sell yourself and maybe find a guy who really does want to be with you and your peccadilloes. I am sure you and your friend posting to back you up, are hoping that men will see your pictures and flock to you and support your ego, but what's happening instead is the replies are telling you what many men are thinking of you. Find some dignity and peace of mind. When people tell you that you are asking too much, believe them, they don't have the issues, you do. So either see the truth or accept yourself as is, but stop blaming others for the downfall of how you choose to live your life.
 fnlyfrei
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 19
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:15:39 PM
Wow. What a post dayna. You are truly judgmental. I don't think my pictures are really that risque'. But you have the right to your perspective. I never said, and I do not think the OP said that she...nor I ...expected any men to flock to us. I have the right to expect what I want from a man, just as he has his expectations, it doesn't make it right or wrong. It is what it is. So the choice is to move on...which is what I have done. Now I must compete for a man against truly well-adjusted and secure women like yourself. You should be glad ! Easy pickins for you !

Take care .
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 20
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:18:47 PM
Girlfriend, ask for the moon...
after seeing your profile, I am going to save for a breast lift
YOU should have an army of men grovelling @ your feet
 GenuineHumorousGuy
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 21
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:20:28 PM
I agree.. damn, give the dude some space
 venomac1
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 22
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:22:37 PM
What daynadaze said....^^^^
 StraylightRunn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 23
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:26:55 PM

Who really needs someone to constantly text and call, month after month after month?


Are you kidding? It seems like everyone woman on POF with this type of thread expects a guy to call her endlessly and text often...it's weird.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 24
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:30:23 PM
I'm going to come from a different angle on this. Some people make the mistake of working hard to secure the relationship and rest on their laurels. The real work is keeping the relationship alive. I have made this mistake. Or the other possibility is he met somebody else and was keeping you around in case the grass wasn't greener.

One more thing, the constant texting is not good. Save all that for the phone call so you have something real to share and can really connect through the intimacy of voice and emotion. A little old fashion advice for the younger generation.
 nigelwright
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 25
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:31:16 PM
You shouldnt be texting him at work anyway !
His employer has paid for his time, not for him to be texting you.

This is a standard female trait of demanding attention.
You need to back off a bit or you will never keep a man.
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