| | Changing roles from a long relationshipPage 1 of 1 | | I have been in a decently long relationship of 9 years starting in high school, through college and into some career years. During that time I always played the role of wingman when I'm out with just the guys. I had loads of confidence and sharp things to say to girls because I knew the conversions weren't going to lead to anything, scouts honour. Now that I'm single and interested in the lead plane role but seem too shy to even say hi to the opposite sex. Wtf! My question is do you think my normal confident self will return in time or is it something I will have to work on and rebuild due to my past relationship? Or other? | |
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| Changing roles from a long relationship
Posted: 2/22/2012 5:01:57 PM | You haven't had to talk to a girl for yourself in a very long time.
Of course you're going to feel somewhat nervous over it.
You just have to put yourself back in that same mind frame.
If a girl says no, she's not the right girl for you anyways. | |
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| Changing roles from a long relationship
Posted: 2/23/2012 2:41:40 AM | You have discovered the role that "agenda" plays, and how agenda affects your sense of your own sense of confidence, as well as how what you really think about dating might look to everyone else.
When you were just a wing man, with no intentions yourself, it didn't matter whether you or your "lead plane" were after a real relationship, or a quickie in the parking lot. Now that you have to take full responsibility for yourself, and what you want, you find that your store of "sharp patter" sounds hollow and meaningless, because it actually is. When what you say and do doesn't matter, it's easy to be carefree. When what you say and do determines your emotional fate, you find that silly chat can actually become a deficit.
This is actually a very good thing. It means that you have grown from your previous relationship, to begin to recognize that there is more to finding a mate than snappy conversation, sexual technique, and having a car to drive them to your "pad" in. Because your first long relationship ended, you are for the first time truly aware of the fact that love can and does end, and that what you do and say really does matter hugely.
You might find at some point soon, that you can indeed slip back into snappy patter and getting laid, and dating freely, but only if you give up trying to find a mate that you truly care about and want to stay with long term. But now you will also know as you do that, if you do, that it does NOT lead back to the comfort of anything long term, as you one thought it did. | |
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| Changing roles from a long relationship
Posted: 2/23/2012 8:49:30 AM |
You haven't had to talk to a girl for yourself in a very long time.
This is so true. Didn't think of that detail, my encounters were for my buddy and I didnt care but now it's for me. Aha. Guess I'll be working on getting the fearlessness back. I'm pumped. Thanks meech. | |
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| Changing roles from a long relationship
Posted: 2/23/2012 8:56:37 AM | | Holy sh!t igor! Just read your reply and wow. Nail on the head! Thank you so much man. I'm going to be cycling those thoughts in my head all day. :) | |
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| Changing roles from a long relationship
Posted: 2/23/2012 12:02:38 PM | | My advice would be to still go out with that same "wing man" agenda, at least for now. Could work out really well and I'm sure your frinds wont mind. | |
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