|Deadweight ParentsPage 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3)|
|Do any of you have those parents who dismiss everything you've ever been interested in? It's like the older generations live for their goddamn marriage. Wake up, work, come home, sleep in the same bed as "hubby," rinse, repeat. |
My brother's in a bit of a rut. At 30, he's brought up wanting to try many things: shooting a gun, skydiving, snorkeling, etc. And the only productive thing my mom can think of saying is, "What the f--- for?!" Maybe you're content with doing nothing but hubbyandwifeyandbabymakethree, but not every generation to follow will necessarily be quite as boring and dead from the neck up. My mom won't try anything if "hubby" won't do it with her. I commend the fact that divorce rates are as high as they are; my suspicion is that people are finally starting to adopt true independence and are realizing that marriage is often a long-term, comatose death wish.
Posted: 2/25/2012 2:23:56 PM
|I;m sure youre an absolute joy to youre parents|
Posted: 2/25/2012 2:55:12 PM
|My job isn't to be the best "joy" to my parents as I can be. I've done the high school and college thing with good grades. I have a good career ahead of me. It just would have been nice to have a set of parents who weren't so immaturely stuck in their own little married world. Even my other brother's in-laws have commented on how little motivation there is in our household. It's comical to see how older generations are finally starting to see how marrying so young is such a mistake. They're in their 50's and still have the mindsets of a couple of inexperienced teenagers. She'll still pick fights with my dad over whether or not he finds someone on the TV attractive.|
Posted: 2/25/2012 2:56:05 PM
|Why is this even an issue? As two grown adults, you and your brother should do as you please. |
It seems like your parents are rather dictating your lives, and now you are venting frustration over it.
Posted: 2/25/2012 2:57:01 PM
|Wow Ashley, I hope your dad doesn't find your online forum and shoot your computer six times with a 45. My dad is a workaholic, my mother was an angel and currently resides in heaven. I want to spank you right now so give me your address so that we can get this over with.|
Posted: 2/25/2012 2:58:22 PM
|We still live the lives we want. Like I said, it would just be nice to have a more inclusive set of parents. It seems like the notion of having kids was interesting only up to the point where they stopped being very young and cute.|
Posted: 2/25/2012 3:02:09 PM
|GESH Nice kid NOT.....Blaming parents makes you a looser....Grow up inspite of your parents and become a winner,|
Posted: 2/25/2012 3:05:02 PM
|Yeah ... I think you're missing the point of my post. I didn't make it so as to commend myself on being self-motivating, on "overcoming obstacles," blablabla. I'll eventually choose to walk away from a lazy, uninterested, self-interested family unit. But I do wish it weren't the case, mostly because I can hardly believe the nerve of them making any sort of comment about our lifestyles at ANY time.|
Posted: 2/25/2012 3:12:57 PM
|I've found that people who have the kind of parents you want are either embarrassed by them or have crappy lives because they had nothing to rebel against. I had two intelligent, highly educated, motivated, successful parents who smoked pot and had affairs. They led dramatic exciting lives. I live like a goldfish. I had to be rebellious by being conservative,not touching drugs and alcohol and being extremely faithful. Not to mention I've never been very ambitious. |
It always looks better from the outside in.
Posted: 2/25/2012 3:15:26 PM
|You are not your parents.|
You don't have to follow their example.
You are an adult now.
Why do you care if your parents choose a lifestyle that you would not choose for yourself. It's not like they're shooting drugs!
Focus on making your life something special and let your parents live their lives as they please.
EDITvvvvvvv Don't get too caught up in whether or not they will be supportive of your goals. You are an adult now. You are captain of your own ship now and where that ship goes is entirely up to you now; not them.
Posted: 2/25/2012 3:16:40 PM
Thanks for the post, lacalli. It seems as though I'm being misunderstood. I LOVE my parents and I actually have great rapport with them. We can talk about everything and we're always laughing. But I'm just realizing that as I approach 25, I hate when they condescend to me in front of others. I wish they could take me more seriously, to believe that I could manage something like, say, medical school. That's only an example, but just the thought of enrolling almost makes me laugh knowing that their immediate assumptions would be that I'd fail.
Posted: 2/25/2012 3:38:50 PM
|I don't know if you ever saw the movie over the top with sylvester stalone, but he lectured his kid for years and the kid finally realized that he was worried about his own failures and didn't really know how to relate that to the kid. It took me almost thirty five years to figure that out and my dad has been very successful considering he came from the coal mines, back breaking work as a kid. But irregardless of the communication gap he wants the best for you, every parent does. My brother and I have been complete failures but our lives aren't over yet and I see many things in my dad that will help me prosper in life. I think you are just too young still to see the whole picture of what they actually are. Go on to med school if you think you can handle it, your parents will be proud when you graduate. |
Posted: 2/25/2012 3:48:22 PM
|I have no Idea to be honest. Sure in the past I had rifts with my parents as any teenager or young adult does. But now I am happy for them. They are both retired and enjoying the fruits of their labor. I talk to them weekly to see whats new in their lives. They just took up ball room dancing, last summer they went white water rafting and loved it. Course they are now nearing 70 and took care of themselves and will be married for 42 years in September. My Mom is even on my facebook. Guess it takes time to understand they really, truly do have your best interest at heart. Besides you will so miss them when they are gone.|
Posted: 2/25/2012 4:33:45 PM
|Ya know Ms Ashley, when I was your age I just had a premonition that marraige and children might be exactly that for me....so i didn't, and tried just about everything, i mean even being bitten by a cobra a time or two. I listened to a lot of crap for it, and got a lot of support for being a little "teched in the head". |
Some people say it's a wonder I even survived, but inside I just know I would have never survived the "regular life"
Posted: 2/25/2012 5:06:27 PM
I'll eventually choose to walk away from a lazy, uninterested, self-interested family unit. But I do wish it weren't the case, mostly because I can hardly believe the nerve of them making any sort of comment about our lifestyles at ANY time.
I can't believe what I'm reading.
How DARE they have the nerve to make any comments about your lifestyle.
How DARE they still have fun.
How DARE they settle into married life and work, go to bed, get up and work again.
Haw DARE they still have their health.
How DARE they still work and support the family home.
How DARE they still be together and happy and alive!!!!
I lost my parents when I was 12. I loved them as you do yours. Be thankful you still have them and a roof over your head, hear laughter, have food on the table and a bed to sleep in at night.
Posted: 2/25/2012 5:08:22 PM
|Being a parent, should I say “Welcome the new generation. I’m so glad kids nowadays are so much smarter than their parents”?|
Do you know why you kids are “smarter” than your parents? It is because someone invented all the gadgets such as PlayStation, Xbox, computers, internet, cell phones and the whole bunch of interesting games so you could play all day long, and you don’t have to worry about tomorrow. I don’t know about your own personal life, but I experienced with my kids and heard from many other parents vented about theirs.
Many parents nowadays work too hard – two, three jobs - and think they would want their children to have better life than they used to have. Lots of parents would buy any of the newest toys came on the market for their children, thinking that would make them happy. Lots of parents would follow their kids’ requests/demands to buy them the most expensive materials because they don't want their kids to feel less than their friends and to be looked down.
I don’t mean to generalize. But most of the kids now are very spoiled. They want the best and most expensive of everything such as phone, computer, clothes and car. But they don’t want to touch a finger to do the house chores, unless asked, and always argue too much first. They want to get away with work, just want to play and eat.
I can go on and on.
What do you expect from your parents? Do you want them to be “modern” and “interesting” like you? Do you want them to know all the games, the hot news, the slangs like you kids know how to talk and the fashion like you kids want to wear? Yeah right. In that case, they would have to spend all their money to buy all the things like you kids and play all day long on the computer, watch youtube, search google for all the fun stories in the world, then they would not have money to buy food and things for you, then they would not have money to pay for your education, insurance, electricity, heat, medication bills, mortgage or rent for the shelter for you to live. Think about it. Whatever you criticize about your parents now, you wait until someday you have your children and you will see how it’s like. Or you might not want any kids because you’re afraid of all the responsibilities.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Don’t you dare to say you will be a better parent than your parents when you are not a parent yet. Also, you cannot guarantee that you will find a better man for yourself than your mother did. And even you try your best to be better, your children will always find out your faults to blame. You will see. The more you look down on your parents, the more your kids will do the same to you.
I hope you parents could see this “Deadweight Parents” thread and know who posted it.
Posted: 2/25/2012 5:11:28 PM
|I think the stigma that is left over after the 70's and 80's (just after free love) is finally fading. newer perspectives have arisen. Really anyone who considers the old foundations of structure of the American way hasn't looked aroud lately. from a financial stand point it is actually cheaper then getting married to stay single ( i learned this the hard way). just as with every generation our mindset grows and develops to the situations that the economic and world culture demands. Soon there will be little of the traditional family structure left. Although for a lucky few they will find an actual soul-mate ( but most will only try to convince themselves of this and end in divorce).|
Posted: 2/25/2012 5:16:04 PM
|Seems your a bit harsh on your parents.|
Yes he has every right to go out and have all those adventures and do all those things he's dreamt of no matter what anyone else says.
But that doesnt make your parents life style choice wrong because its different from how you think or choose to live.
Some of us dream of having adventures etc. And thats fine.
While for others our dream has been to be married, to have that house in the suburbs with your wife, and your kids and a dog, just a nice normal life. And thats fine to.
I mean if it makes them happy who are you to judge. For some people the small simple things in life are what life is all about and what makes them happy. Thats certainly the case for me. And for others going on wild adventures and trying new things etc makes them happy and that fine to we are all different at the end of the day so its no suprise that people choose to live their life and find happyness in so many different ways.
I actually think most kids, and i guess i include myself in that are bloody idiots. Thinking their so much smarter than their parents and the older generations but when you really look at it my generation is a bunch of idiots. I think our parents had a far better idea of how to live a happy life than people do these days.
Posted: 2/25/2012 5:18:49 PM
|I love the traditional perspective you have provided here Dan. And you have done so thoughtfully and with a wonderful and deliberate view. I agree that simplicity breeds happiness.|
Posted: 2/25/2012 5:20:30 PM
Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Don’t you dare to say you will be a better parent than your parents when you are not a parent yet. Also, you cannot guarantee that you will find a better man for yourself than your mother did.
Agreed. " sexand the pof" . You're as passionate about this as I am. I wanted to message you but I smoke so I cant. :(
Op, be thankful for your stable and loving family.
EDIT: agreed to both posters above. xx
Posted: 2/25/2012 5:27:57 PM
|the reality is discussions bring out the actual thoughts in people. I love forums for this very reason. Why cant more things in life open like forums.|
Posted: 2/25/2012 5:34:28 PM
|Your parents are in their 50's and still married. My parents are in their 60's and still married (for 44 years this year). I think they know a little about how marriage works and how it should be. Too bad "we" do not listen to (as in their advice) our parents like we should when it comes to SOME things. |
Posted: 2/25/2012 6:31:48 PM
|It almost sounds OP that you wanted your parents to model something that would inspire you to reach beyond that tired mere aspiration of marriage and kids. I can remember feeling a bit disappointed in my mom at one point for something similar. That disappointment was misplaced. |
Some kids will have the privilege of parents that show them a more enlightened existence. However, it's really the basics of the very 'rinse-wash-repeat' life that in fact produces the kind of stable existence kids require.
At no point is it necessary for anyone to do more than whatever their general comfort level is with their life.
The overly critical personality trait you are commenting on and suggest is a part of your mother, appears to be flourishing in you. Genetically, this kind of pessimism can get passed on. You don't like what she has to say; but you're not seeing that while your message isn't the same, your critical side is likely just as dominant in you.
Bristling for things or change that will never happen with your folks is unproductive so don't spend time being that critical with them. Appreciate what you've been given and choose to believe they did and are doing their best.
It's up to you and your brother to find the kind of 'enlightened' life you each want; without glancing back over your shoulder to take the odd knocks at the fundamentals that made you. If all of our parents demonstrated 'all things fabulous' to their kids---why would those kids ever willingly choose to leave the nest?
It's the 'uncomfortableness', staidness, and restrictiveness of our families that generally speaking propels most outward to find our lives.
If you and your brother are on your own, you don't need that kind of validation and intense investment anymore from your parents because your own growing networks of friends, colleagues and your general peer group take on that role. You're seeing a 'rut' for your brother, but I think that there may also be one for you.
Posted: 2/25/2012 7:09:44 PM
ah ... I think you're missing the point of my post. I didn't make it so as to commend myself on being self-motivating, on "overcoming obstacles," blablabla. I'll eventually choose to walk away from a lazy, uninterested, self-interested family unit. But I do wish it weren't the case, mostly because I can hardly believe the nerve of them making any sort of comment about our lifestyles at ANY time.
Yet here you are making commenting on their lifestyle, hypocrite!