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 nighteyez
Joined: 3/31/2010
Msg: 1
When is a good time to meet someonePage 1 of 1    
It might be me but sometimes I get alittle fustrated when someone wants to continously talk/text and not meet. So how many phone calls or messages do you need before you actually meet someone in person? I feel its good to talk to someone for alittle bit before hand but I know the actual meeting will make or break the whole possible relationship. Sometimes I want to get that over with so either we part our way or think about going forward even though its alittle nerve racking.

Just wondering what others think about it.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 2
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When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/25/2012 2:46:48 PM
Depends.
I've emailed, phoned, and met some on the same day, and with some it took months before we met.
 dp300
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 3
When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/25/2012 2:47:24 PM
Whenever you are ready to meet tell the guy you want to meet up. Its really that simple. If he wants to see you he will. If he is busy and wants to see you he will tell you that, and reschedule.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 4
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When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/25/2012 2:50:14 PM

It might be me but sometimes I get alittle fustrated when someone wants to continously talk/text and not meet. So how many phone calls or messages do you need before you actually meet someone in person?
Learn to quickly sift through the "Time Vampires" that just want to email and chat/text. This should always be moving forward to meeting! When it stalls move on.

A couple decent messages (not two line ones). A So lets say 3 to 5 messages. Then ask to move to phone DO NOT GO TO IM OR TEXT! A couple phone calls and you should be setting up a meeting.

I text/im only with gals I have met unless its a special situation.

Cowboy
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 5
When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/25/2012 4:14:18 PM
I have found that extensive e-mailing, texting, and talking on the phone prior to meeting is actually counterproductive. Literally every time I have done that, the first date has been a letdown, or just didn’t go anywhere.

I’ve tried to figure out why that is, and I don’t really have the answer. I think it’s just because you create somewhat of a fantasy sense of intimacy and compatibility before you meet, along with high expectations on how the first date will go. When it doesn’t exactly measure up, then you’re disappointed, and when you’re disappointed, then it’s just hard to get a good vibe going. Anyone else experience that?

Funny thing is, while I generally try to meet someone early on, without all the buildup, I still get sucked in from time to time. I guess I keep hoping that a strong connection prior to meeting will translate to a strong connection after we meet. So far that hasn’t really been the case for me. I've had better dates when we just exchanged a couple of brief e-mails and arranged to meet.
 Jennywillwin
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 6
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When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/25/2012 4:16:53 PM
On my part I usually have enough time to find out I DON"T want to meet him . No one wants the big build-up only to be disappointed in person. Unfortunitely I don't have the answers. I only know I don't want to waste a lot of time finding out.

One more thing, ..I think men have the upper hand in all this because women are usually more expressive and open and state what we are and what we would like in a man. Men on the other hand are very limited in their profiles and find it hard to express their feelings. It can be very frustrating how long it takes to get to a conclusion about them.

Best Wishes!
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 7
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When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/25/2012 4:27:55 PM

On my part I usually have enough time to find out I DON"T want to meet him .

I subscribe to the same school of thought.
I try to get as much information as possible, and if there are too many differences in lifestyle, interests, or values, there is no sense in wasting time for the actual meeting.
 Jennywillwin
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 8
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When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/25/2012 5:00:02 PM
I think asking the right questions to men is the key. If anyone has some tips I would appreciate u posting it here. I'm cautious not to sound like a Drill Sargeant and I leave out anything that sounds materialistic.

I once asked a guy about his kids, just gender and age and he threw a fit!! He said "I protect them against people like you" . What does he think I am , a kidnapper? lol. I think stating some info.on your family life helps. I appreciate knowing that he virtually has no time because he coaches on weekends or he's a single father or whatever. Just tell me the real deal.
 Plenty_of_FreeTime
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 9
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When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/25/2012 7:22:29 PM
I find it helpful (sometimes) to dissect information provided in one's profile,hobbies,sports,pets, etc.,and try to dig a little deeper into that.
(Seems some people don't get past the pics and are totally clueless about profiles.)
Once you form a fairly open line of communication then delve a little more and prove to the other person you're sincere and not some serial psycho.
Offer to meet them in a safe/open environment that you BOTH agree on.
If things click GREAT,if not there's plenty more fish,so to speak.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 10
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When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/25/2012 8:25:27 PM
I'd meet within 2 weeks.
No endless emails, no constant texting, no 6 hour phone marathons, no "I think I've found the one" prior to meeting, no fantasies, no expectations.
Make contact, exchange a few emails, talk on the phone once or twice for 15-20 minutes and arrange to get together for a sandwich.
If meeting within 2 weeks is a problem, there's a problem.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 11
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When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/25/2012 8:53:29 PM
In general it doesn't take more than a few messages and a phone call for me to tell if I want to meet, and then I too like to meet as soon as possible to engage the rest of our senses and not let either of us get too carried away imagining traits and features about each other.

But sometimes logistics like distance or matching schedules stretch things out longer. If there's a distance factor I need more confidence in our prospects before committing to a long drive or asking her to.


One more thing, ..I think men have the upper hand in all this because women are usually more expressive and open and state what we are and what we would like in a man. Men on the other hand are very limited in their profiles and find it hard to express their feelings. It can be very frustrating how long it takes to get to a conclusion about them.


I dunno about that. I don't have much trouble expressing myself, and my profile is more in depth than many women's profiles I read. I've moved past women who couldn't seem to communicate in more than one or two sentences, or in a phone call didn't want to talk about their own interests and hopes. I've yet to converse with a woman who seemed more willing than I was to talk about feelings.
 Jennywillwin
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 12
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When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/25/2012 9:13:03 PM
^^^

Good for everyone that you express yourself willingly and thoroughly. You are still in the minority unfortunitely.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 13
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When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/25/2012 9:38:09 PM
For me, 2 or 3 .. 20 minute phone calls is enought to know if you want to meet and greet.......... anymore than that you are wssting time with that person.

Some WANT nothing but email or email and phone contact, they do not want to meet... if you do, don't get into all that and let them go find someone who wants to chat and email... some people do that, they call it "virtual relationships"
meaning they never meet.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 14
When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/25/2012 10:30:11 PM
When I was dating, I would exchange a few emails and ALWAYS talk to the person on the phone a couple times before meeting. To me, you just can't get a true sense of someone via emails... you have to hear them speak and have an actual conversation. Do they have a similar sense of humor and laugh easily or does their personality bore you to tears; do they have a whiny voice or a sexy masculine one; does the conversation flow or is it stilted and uncomfortable? These are things you can only find out by actually hearing them. If they pass the phone test, then I'd set up a face-to-face meeting.

The time frames have varied from contacting each other one day and meeting the next to having to wait 4 1/2 months from the day of contact until we could meet (due to living 10,000 miles apart). I would say that within a two week period would be sufficient in most cases although I'm engaged to the Aussie who took 4 1/2 months to meet. We did video chat a great deal and message several times a day throughout that time period though, so we knew a great deal about one another when we did meet and we were instantly compatible. That doesn't always happen. In fact, from what I've read in the forums, we are a rarity.

I don't think you can set a specific timetable for every person. It will depend on the situation and the level of attraction. Go at a pace that is comfortable for you with each individual man. Some you may want to meet immediately and others you may want to get to know a bit more first. There is no right or wrong... only what makes you comfortable.

Good luck!
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 15
When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/27/2012 12:25:34 AM
I think you will find that the person is partnered if he wont meet soon. Or just a player.
Ask to webcam and get their landline and then see how they react to that suggestion.
I would meet within two weeks normally and after a couple of phone calls etc.
It is nerve wracking setting up a first meet but at least you know whether it is a goer or not and you can usually tell within a very short time if there is any interest.... and usually not.
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 16
When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/27/2012 8:47:31 PM
I think meeting with someone within 2 weeks is acceptable. I enjoy chatting and talking on the phone beforehand, and things can drastically change when meeting them in person. The more I know about them the more I can make a decision if I want to meet them. If things are slow and dull then I know this may not be the person with whom I should meet.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 17
When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/27/2012 11:14:58 PM
So how many phone calls or messages do you need before you actually meet someone in person?

I didn't go by the number of phone calls/messages. I went by the number of days and I generally gave women a week, two at most, to decide whether or not to meet me. The reason I didn't go by the number of phone calls/messages is that most of the women I talked to wanted to talk and text a lot in that week while waiting to meet. Personally, I didn't need any phone calls or texts at all. I met one woman an hour after I first contacted her without ever having talked on the phone. I left it up to a woman to meet when she was comfortable as long as I considered it reasonable.
 therdtymesachrm
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 18
When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/28/2012 9:14:32 AM
It depends on when I feel comfortable and ready. I met some guys after one or two emails and others after a few phone calls. Nothing happened. The man that I am now dating took longer to meet(3 weeks) because of our schedules. In the meantime we emailed (he is an awesome writer which helped) and then eventually started talking on the phone..yes we had phone marathons..lol. Every night for two weeks 2-3 hours a night. When we finally met our comfort level with each other was so great that neither of us was really nervous. We had exchanged pictures so there were no surprises. We are now in a relationship.. So while it may not work for others..it worked for us.
 Mon Cherie
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 19
When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 2/28/2012 7:13:45 PM
Everyone and every situation is different. It is kind of a personal decision. The answer, in my opinion, is "when you both feel ready to meet".

For me personally....

I find it is different with each person I communicate with. Some people I meet right away. Some take a few messages, phone calls. Some I never meet after we talk on the phone and we don't communicate well enough to go any further.

Sometimes I come to the realization that some people are never ready and are just here to email and/or talk on the phone and nothing more. I end communication with those types once I come to that realization.

Pushing someone to meet before they are ready can send them packing if they are not ready. On that note, some people need pushing. It's up to you what you are willing to compromise on in that regard, whether you feel the person is worth waiting for or you don't want to waste time on someone who is never going to meet. Trust your instinct. In the meantime, I would not put all your eggs in one basket until you do meet.

One fellow that I talked to on the phone asked me to meet. I said sure. He then made a comment "just like that, that was easy". We picked a time and place. He didn't show up. I figured the chase was his thing. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Shrugs.

I don't text, nor do I give out my number before I meet anyone in person so texting is a non-issue for me.
 Sunshinelady555
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 20
When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 5/12/2012 12:48:50 PM
I have no desire to meet every man I talk with in Person due to the conversations
before hand. lol When I feel comfortable to meet, I will meet. No time limits on
it for me. Some meets are sooner than others because of my Comfort level. lol
Most gentlemen leaves the meet up to a lady. Especially the ones I've met.
 jenniffa1980
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 21
When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 5/12/2012 1:31:22 PM
Sunshine,
I know what u mean I don’t know what you’ll think of me but I like to phone chat within the first hour of texting of Email. It puts me in position to continue or not so Email me some time jennaz19@gmail.com

I’m bi with a bf at home and a gf (my Boss) at work so lets talk about it send me a hello
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 22
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When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 5/12/2012 1:32:17 PM
2 weeks maximum or move along.

a) he's just not that into you
b) he's married
c) he's not the guy in those profile pics
d) he is the guy in those profile pics, but he is actually 20 yrs older or 100 lbs heavier
 meteorman_orig
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 23
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When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 5/12/2012 4:38:29 PM
My personal preference is to meet soon after the initial contact. It's really hard to tell what kind of person you're chatting with online.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 24
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When is a good time to meet someone
Posted: 5/12/2012 5:12:29 PM
All depends on the distance one lives from the other, the convenience of meeting that is mutually acceptable, schedules with family, work, and social activities already planned, etc.

I am usually one to respond to emails, go to messenger, get to know each other better, then talk on the phone, cam if not within 20 minutes of each other, and then set a time to meet and have coffee or drinks, that we both know is nothing more than a meet and greet, and then decide from there if we should do more or let it go.

There have been times that this all happens within a few days, all the way up to a few weeks, depending on personalities involved and all those things mentioned above. There are times that some are just to far away to meet in a short amount of time, and they are then put on the friends list and we email and talk some, and when one is in the area or plans to be for the other, then we will do the meet and greet and go from there.

Maybe this is why I have so many more friends then I do dates or potentials....my thought process is to be moved enough to make it worthwhile, and as one that has been on here for years and years, one should be able to understand my pace and why it exists.

cd
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