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 JHparkes
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 1
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A boyfriend jealous of your catPage 1 of 1    
Hi

Just wondering (not for me) if it's normal for your boyfriend to be jealous of the cat and say that you give the cat more love and attention than him (seriously).

He will also say he wants to lay down on the settee when the cat is at the end of it so that the cat has to move (if lying next to the girlfriend) and will just poke his feet near it to get it to move. He will do aggravating things to the cat to get it to go out and he gets really irritated if the girlfriend says "aww don't be cruel" and say "It's a friken cat for godsake". He has also suggested (as he has given up smoking weed for her) that she should give up her cat for him.

This is a serious question and please give me serious answers as to whether it is normal for someone's partner to feel threatened by a cat. He has even said (although he said this was in jest) that when she is cuddling the cat, she looks like she wants to have sex with it.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 2
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A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 1:45:50 PM
This isn't normal.

Unless this woman dresses this cat in baby's clothes he has no reason to be jealous.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 3
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A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 1:45:54 PM
You should be seeing not a red flag, but a row of them with this...........
as well as :DANGER, control freak ahead signs !
 CalypsoRach
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 4
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A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 1:48:04 PM
Doesn't the dog get jealous of the cat and the boyfriend?
 pipedreams1111
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 5
A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 1:59:01 PM
We have a cat but every since I smacked it's butt for getting on the kitchen table, she is afraid of me. I don't yell at her anymore, I don't smack her anymore, and she still gets on the kitchen table, but I think she is getting use to me. So anyone elses cat would probably just be afraid of me. No reason to be jealous of a cat, they are cute and funny and ours expects to eat everytime we eat. She wandered on our property as a baby and we took her in.
 Wolfpath
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 6
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A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 2:02:43 PM
"Putz" . . . for lack of polite ways to call the person truly applicable and colorful euphemisms without offending someones sensiblities.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 7
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A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 2:44:19 PM
Can you tell that this has nothing to do with the cat and everything to do with how HE feels in regards to the cat?
 XtiBrad
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 8
A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 2:45:06 PM
Well, automatically I assume that the boyfriend has jealousy issues. Sadly, such problems can escalate in to extremely serious matters, so I'd suggest the girl be weary. Aside from that, I wouldn't deem this situation normal. Either he has issues, or he's acting like a child. (possibly both)

Unless when they're hanging out she's snuggling the cat, petting the cat, making silly noises at the cat, for the whole (or most of) the duration of hanging out.. I'd say he's in the wrong. She would be in the wrong for not being respectful to her guest. (if she was doing the previously mentioned things with said cat)
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 9
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A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 2:55:35 PM
I'd think your... erm.. the BF needs to grow the hell up!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 2:57:13 PM
My ex was jealous of my cat, too. She was jealous of pretty much anything and everything that I enjoyed other than her company, but that cat in particular annoyed her. I think it might have been because I was, after a while, less cautious about giving affection for the cat, than I did with her. For my part, that was simply because as time went on, the cat would not treat me with disdain, and repulse me when I hugged her, but my wife would.

It was one of many indicators of a souring of our relationship. After dealing with it, and pondering it for a good long time, I have concluded that this sort of thing is a very negative indicator about someone. Though it's certainly true that a person can have an imbalanced approach to anything, spend to much time and money on a hobby, or have a greater regard and attachment to pets than to people, it's also just as possible that the other person is themselves so possessive, so needy, or so unbalanced in their own emotions, that they resent anything and anyone that the other has feelings about.

It is not "normal," either to have inordinate affection for a pet, over a mate or a relative, but it is just as abnormal and unhealthy to be so possessive that one cannot deal with the mate having interests and affections aside from the other.

Given that it can go either way, each situation needs to be judged on it's own.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 11
A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 3:04:30 PM

This is a serious question and please give me serious answers as to whether it is normal for someone's partner to feel threatened by a cat


I wouldn't be threatened unless "come get some tender vittles" meant the same thing whether addressing the cat or I.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 12
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A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 3:19:17 PM
Your partner feeling jealous of a cat, your job, your kids, your family, your friends, your hobbies, or anything else is really immature.

I don't know why, but some people can't just hang out and be with you, you also have to ignore everything else around you in order for them to be happy, including what goes on in your own house.

That's just exhausting to me. I think it's totally abnormal. If he wants to address intimacy or closeness with you, that's one thing. To focus on the cat is pretty childish.

After dealing with it, and pondering it for a good long time, I have concluded that this sort of thing is a very negative indicator about someone. Though it's certainly true that a person can have an imbalanced approach to anything, spend to much time and money on a hobby, or have a greater regard and attachment to pets than to people, it's also just as possible that the other person is themselves so possessive, so needy, or so unbalanced in their own emotions, that they resent anything and anyone that the other has feelings about.

Absolutely. This is a better explanation than I could come up with.
 Robert122077
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 13
A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 3:29:39 PM
Some men are just ***holes when it comes to cats. I've always liked cats myself, since I grew up with them right along side dogs. People who expect their partner to change innocuous hobbies or other traits just for the sake of it are unreasonable and playing power games.
 seasinblue
Joined: 7/2/2010
Msg: 14
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A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 3:58:23 PM
This person certainly needs psychotherapy. That would scare me. He is dysfunctional. That is sad, they can help people with stuff like that. Why go on suffering? Sad. Nevertheless, people like that can and do get dangerous.
 Amor_Meu
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 15
A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 3:59:14 PM
OP,So the guy is your boyfriend or of someone else that you know? That is really insane and mad,any animal should be treated with respect and love,the cat is just on his own place(the house) and also the cat was there before that "boyfriend comes along".

You got tell to your friend that this guy is a freak control and he will controlling her life and anyone else around her,he is a possessive jealous man that CAN'T control his feeling even with a cat,so you can imagine when he seeing your friend talking with other male,he gonna be mad at her.

Tell her that to get rid of the guy and keeps the cat,at least the cat is loyal and never will control her life,good luck!

Break Dance 4 Life!!
 SuperFunGuy
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 16
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A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 4:20:03 PM
Seriously, I'm not a fan of cats. I'd say you got two choices. Which more important, owning a cat or having a boyfriend.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 17
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A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 4:22:33 PM
The boyfriend clearly doesn't share your love of animals and care towards your cat. While I would also move a cat from the settee if I wanted to lie down, I wouldn't poke it or mistreat it but would gently put it elsewhere. The boyfriend sounds a bit aggressive towards the cat and resents its presence. He resents the attention the cat is getting and has some very odd views on it. It does sound like some form of sexual jealousy that is directed towards the cat.

This sounds extreme to me and I think if I was with someone like that I would not trust him alone with my cat. I'd be fearful he would hurt it. It sounds like he has anger issues. If I could not trust my boyfriend with my cat, then the boyfriend would have to go. I could not bear to be with someone who cannot treat animals well and does not care for them well. Quite frankly, it's the cat now, but what next? Is he going to start getting jealous of every guy you talk to, follow you around, tell you who you are allowed to speak to and where you can go? My feeling is this guy could turn quite nasty and be a potential stalker. Obviously I could be wrong but that is my instinct. He won't like it if you try to get rid of him and if you decide to, you should plan ahead to have friends close by and change the locks. Nothing too obvious, but something tells me the guy is a bit sadistic and will try to act out in some way.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 18
A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 4:43:19 PM
I'm not a cat fancier and would object to someone treating one like a person. Not jealousy. Just don't like cats and lavishing attention on them. I like dogs but do not treat them better than people, just better than some people. I knew a guy who objected to his wife's objection to his treating the dog "like one of the kids". His reason? The dog was there first. Her problem? She didn't like dogs. Either the "friend" is going to have to choose between them or put up with the bad behaviour and snide remarks. My advice? Find one of them a good home.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 19
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A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 4:43:38 PM

Seriously, I'm not a fan of cats. I'd say you got two choices. Which more important, owning a cat or having a boyfriend.

Depends on the type of boyfriend he is. Sounds like the cat's the better choice in this story, plus the cat was there as part of the package - he could have just decided it wasn't his scene and dated someone else. He can't ask her to choose as that's cruel, but he can choose to eliminate himself or learn to adjust.

However, they can also only spend time at his place, which is what I'd do if I chose to keep a boyfriend around that was jealous of my cat. Spending any time at my place would basically stop altogether - and if we couldn't get together at his place or somewhere neutral, we'd have to take a rain check.

 Jimbonator62
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 20
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A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 4:50:03 PM

when the cat is at the end of it so that the cat has to move (if lying next to the girlfriend) and will just poke his feet near it to get it to move.


Come on! OP says he pokes the cat with his feet, she did not say he kicks it! Right away the animal lovers accuse him of cruelty to critters. I can feel pretty sure about saying this woman dotes over the cat like it is a human and the guy is just tired of it. Don't get me wrong, I like animals but I will never replace humans with them.
 mainelyhere
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 21
A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 4:54:47 PM
Maybe the guy wants the space to himself. Human trumps animal simple as that.
I would say the red flag is humanizing an animal.
 mainelyhere
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 22
A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 4:56:28 PM
BTW i thought this was ask a GUY.
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