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| | guy said he loved me but did he really??Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | So there was a guy I was with for 3 months, and i lived with him for w little while. He said he loved me. Some say it was fast but it all delt right and the way he was treating me was amazing. He was a complete sweetheart. We pretty much fell I love, so I thought.. I could talk to him about anything and he was very caring and comforting... After about a month I couldn't talk to him about anything, he didn't care if I was crying or in the emergency room.. he stopped showing affection so much. He left one weekend and I had this gut feeling something was not right...I went to bed and dreamed he was texting some girl all night. I didn't care if he had friends that were females. But he always said to me he doesn't text girls. And he don't care to.. well in the dream was the girls number (weird I know) and I could only re v member so much of the number..I asked him about it and he said he di d n't have that number in his phone. So I said well were u texting a girl last night he said no.. I knew he was lying. And btw everythi ng was open in our relationship. We knew the passwords to everything. And we always reassured eachother that we weren't hiding anything from eachother. Well I looked at his phone bill and sure enough this number was on there and it was a girl. Doesn't matter how small the lie but he gave me every right to think anything...who knows what else he lied about...not only this..but he said he had a certain occupation he didn't have in the beginning of us talking..but I thought maybe I misunderstood..but no he's a liar. Well he got mad said I'm nosey, and I don't trust him. And he kicked me out and ended the relationship over text..apparently he has cut things off this fast before. But please tell me...does this sound like love at all?? I am not as heartbroken not but I defintaly am upset how someone can drop you that fast. And say they love you. This all happened when he was away. Maybe I went to far but things led me to what I did. If he has to hide things then obviously there is more than ill ever know. Want honest opinions, please don't mean. Sorry this is long. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 2/29/2012 6:38:05 PM | You moved in with someone within 3 months and started telling each other you "I love you".
Well that didn't work ... did it?
Love takes time to grow.
You need time to understand what the other person is like.
Lots of time.
In the beginning you fall in lust ... not love.
After about 6 months you begin to see what the other person is really like,
as they let down their guard.
Whatever starts off quickly will end just as quickly.
So what did you learn from this? | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 2/29/2012 6:48:45 PM | Well everyone is different. We talked A LOT before we got serious. And we fell for eachother fast. In most cases that's bad but I thought every thing was mutual and it felt great
And what I was feeling was not lust. I know what love is, and I definatrly was in love with this guy. The point is he said these feelings and we agreed we felt the same.
And I have talked to numerous of people...this stuff can happen anytime to someone. Whether u took it slow and waited 2 years. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 2/29/2012 6:51:17 PM | doesn't sound like love to me, from either of you.
hopefully you learned some good lessons and will not repeat this type situation ever again ! | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 2/29/2012 6:56:47 PM | | I think that you are young and fell too fast for this guy, moved in way too fast and fell for this I love you bs after 3 months. At 19 you shouldn't be living with some stranger, you got dissed and thrown out on your butt and will learn from it. Don't be asking yourself this question did he really love me go find another guy and don't move in with him. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 2/29/2012 7:27:57 PM | | You guys are being more judgemental than anything. How do you know if u lover this guy? Why would I be hurting if I didn't love him? He's the one onto the next one...hmm that's what doesn't sound like he loved me.. and please...dont even talk about age. There is some whom are immature at way older ages. I had to grow up fast. So some people are ready for things others aren't at various ages. The point is..we had agreements and everything...and he broke his end completely. And was a liar. I guess I believed everything he said and I shouldn't have. And yes I tend to fall for a guy fast after I know we are very similar and we both want the same thing. It's not like I jumped in with a stranger.. because I saw his good side...then it went to trash. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 2/29/2012 8:19:55 PM | you came here to ask advice form people who have vastly more life experience than you,,then you give them shit for giving the advice,,
so which is it? do you want to listen to people who have been thru the exact same thing as you,,,,,many times,,,, or not
because,,,,age is a very important factor ,,,,,,
let me ask you this,,,,,i have been 19,,,have you ever been 49? no of course not,,,so,,,obviously i know what it is like to be 19 and i remember how much i knew about the world back then,,,and it was hardly anything compared to what i know now.,.
and the one thing i know,,,is that of all the people who i have met in my life,,,,,,i cannot think of one who is still with the girl he dated when he was 19 no one...period..
sure they exist,,,,but they are few and far between,,,and what does all this mean to you.....
you are going to have many more men who claim to "love you' before you are done living,,,just do yourself a favor,,,and learn from each one,,,,,,,and then you will also know as much as we already do having been there and done that,,,,
do not get defensive when people say age is important,,,,,,,if you were to have a baby,,,who do you feel more comfy with as a doctor,,,some kid who just got out of medical school and has never even seen a patient,,or a guy who is a total pro and well respected and been doing his job,,well,,for 20 years?
the answer is obvious,,,,,,,,,age,,,mixed with the wisdom learned from a long life,,,,cannot be replaced by youthful enthusiasm or "experience'
but,,,your going to know all this in about 20 years.... | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 2/29/2012 8:39:37 PM | Jamesat40something>>>>
You said that very well!! I am only 28. and i am just realizing my own identity, and who i am from the inside out. So i couldnt agree more....age does matter!
I just have to comment on this one becuz i dont think you truly know someone until you have been with them for a while! Everything is always perfect in the beginning. But at some point the grass seems greener on the other side and its only becuz your not taking care of yours. After about three months the "honeymoon" part is over. Every relationship is a on going job! If you both dont put in equal support it will end.
How old was this guy? Maybe he took advantage of you. You are young and niave. After this happening to you a few more times you will learn with each one and be stronger and protect yourself from it happening again! i am sorry you are hurt. and i am sure you are heartbroken. but you fell for this person. so you are gonna be upset!
You know the answer to your question. Or you wouldnt be asking the world to basically tell you what you want to hear! There are 2 things about life....1. Its not fair...and 2. get used to it! | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 2/29/2012 10:01:48 PM | | I know what Yall mean. And believe me, I have lots to learn. But I also wasn't the one lying and etc.. Hes 23. And truth is for some it takes years to grow up and mature. But I've always been someone serious about relatio nships. I fell for him to fast, and believed everything he said. I'm asking to get peoples points of views. And age matters but maturity wise its whenever u grow up. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/1/2012 4:03:28 AM |
. and please...dont even talk about age. There is some whom are immature at way older ages. I had to grow up fast. So some people are ready for things others aren't at various ages.
If you are grown up you would know that what you "feel"(love IS an emotion by the way) does NOT mean that others will "feel" the same way. And if you were grown up, you would understand that you shouldn't really be looking or even a relationship that requires you to "depend" on another,ESPECIALLY at your age(yeah there is that age thingy again). In fact, being "unemployed" at your age,even if you were going to school is not all that bright either.
You are young. You, (again, I repeat this sooooooooooo many times I sound like a record) at your age, should be worried about YOU. Meaning, YOU should getting ready for the rest of your life in the real world. Gaining experinces,skills,etc that will make YOU an independent person,one that make you a productive member of society and NOT one that requires "another" to be the person that they can and should be.
In saying that, as one poster has asked, did you learn anything yet about what you just went thru????? Do you understand that you are still dealing with boys,and do you know boys in and around your age are not really(no matter what comes out of their mouths) ready for anything that you could define as "long term". I know, you think 3 months is a long time,but remember, you spent 3 times that length inside your mother's womb. Think about that for a minute.
A little more patience and thinking before you jump the next time?????? You'll learn,despite your thinking that you already know it all today. Wisdom IS wasted on us old farts,but, if you young ones are willing to listen, it may help you a bit as you find YOUR path in this world. Not some boy's. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/1/2012 8:37:00 AM | That's really dirty how He just put you out like that. Better now than later that He showed you his true colors. Listen in all life experiences it's easier to point the finger at the other person for doing this or not doing that but at the end of the day you are responsible for your own well being. Don't leave stuff up to other people... What I mean by that is don't believe everything people tell you.
Actions truly do speak louder than words. Get to know people more before you just move in with them. Love yourself and enjoy being young guys come and go. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/1/2012 2:42:10 PM | | Thank you Lilly for being friendly and saying everything nice..!! I agree with you. I had no bad intentions. I don't think I know it all cuz I don't. A lot of people are unemployed in search of jobs like myself. And I am working on myself right now. And he was not my age.. he was 23. Taking things slower is definately happening next time. Actions definately speak louder than words. And he showed me everything I wanted to see...then it went to crap. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/1/2012 4:20:24 PM | | Your welcome : ) Most definitely have to take your time because you never really know what people's intentions are. When I got dumped I made a list of stuff I wanted to do and crossed each and every item off. I felt better about myself after doing stuff I wanted to do. Keep applying to places and something will come through for you just stay positive... | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/1/2012 5:00:15 PM | | Experience will teach you that just because you saw someone's good side you still don't know them. We all have a good side and we all have a bad side. We all have qualities that can be admired and we all have qualities that are less than desirable. It takes time and a lot of it, to learn all sides of another person. When you first meet, of course they are going to show you their best, they are trying to impress you. Over time the full spectrum of their being will come forth. Things like how honest they are, how they handle anger, hurt, disappointment, etc.. You keep rushing and you are always going to be hurt because you are always going to be falling for a part of someone, not the whole person. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/2/2012 12:27:53 AM | | no, my dear, it isnt love more infatuation or a crush...They say crushes last for about 4 months...anyways...Dont let it get you down or dwell on it, it happens to all of us. Best of luck in the future. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/2/2012 2:10:23 PM | You didn't fall in love with him, you fell in love with who he told you he was. It was all a show. He made you think he was one thing, and when you started questioning he cut bait and ran. He wants a woman who believes everything he says and doesn't see what he actually is, and doesn't question anything. You got out quick ... count yourself lucky!
Consider it a learning experience and move on. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/2/2012 7:34:32 PM | I honestly believe you don't know anyones true colours till you've known them for well over a year weather it be friends or GF/BFs.
Heaps of people put on a farce for the first few months of a relationship then you get the real person who clearly wasn't who you thought they were. Lots of people are bulls*** artists doesn't matter where you go where you are or what age you are and as you get older part of maturing is being able to pick up on these cretins and it does take time. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/3/2012 4:11:08 AM | The best of us will try to be who the other one wants us to be when we are crushing on them. The problem is, a sane person cannot maintain that pretense no matter how much we want to do it, and what we don't like about the other person will eventually wear us down. Love is not just accepting what we don't like about another person to accomodate the lust, but actually liking that person underneath the lust.
Let's say that he ignored what he did not like about you and initially accepted it for his passion (lust) for you. This is what a lot of romance themes follow. And let's say that he made himself be a "better man" and held himself to higher standards, say, by eliminating other girls from his life and being open with you and letting you talk about everything even when he wasn't interested.
Then he found he could not maintain it all, and his better man ethics slipped to who he really was, and he could not accept all of who you are, and he could not feign interest in "EVERYTHING" you had to talk about. He wanted out and out he went. It doesn't mean he did not care, it just means that he could not continue caring.
Girls tend to wear guys down with their talking about everything. Guys tend to think that her beauty is enough to deal with it. Behind every girl who says her guy is her best friend is a guy unloading the sheer quantity of topics of discussion onto another willing to listen female just (for now) friend. Behind every beautiful girl is a guy who is sick of her.
Find a best friend who can talk to you about everything and you with her, and ONLY discuss what matters as a couple (as opposed to EVERYTHING) to the guy in your life. Find a guy you are interested in enough to LISTEN to, and when it isn't about being a couple and you aren't interested in what he has to say, have boundaries, don't pretend to be interested, tell him to save it for boys night out the same way you save your girl talk. Leave a little mystery for him. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/3/2012 9:24:17 AM | | I don't think he truly loved you, at least not in the ways that someone should love you which is for the long haul, when times get tough, when you've shared everything about yourself, when many years have passed and you have nurtured the relationship. Some people do say they love others early on in a relationship but some hold back. I think you both jumped the gun on this one and as it seems it fizzled out fast. Hopefully you can put it behind you and move onto better things and people in your life. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/9/2012 6:57:32 AM | Thank you everyone! And i believe that there is no "time estimate" that you start loving someone. i think love can happen in a few weeks, or a few months or years..
And i think you dont truly know someone unless you live with them, because they get comfortable and you see their true colors. But i know that for a while its like that honeymoon stage till reality hits, and thats when i guess people run away. I would have still made things work if he would have wanted to work things out, so i think in my side im fine, but jumped in to fast with this one. Which im was heartbreaking and i definately dont want to do again. But defintely was a growing experience. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/9/2012 10:15:14 AM | Most jobs give you a 90 day probationary period to see if you fit, why not look at relationships the same way? Mature people do not rush love, they understand it takes time and will never be perfect. Soulmates are only for the very delusional.
Of course at your age I fell in love at your age every other month. | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/9/2012 7:36:04 PM |
You didn't fall in love with him, you fell in love with who he told you he was. It was all a show.
Very true...
More women should read this...
It happens far too often... | |
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| guy said he loved me but did he really??
Posted: 3/10/2012 12:02:14 AM | I think from where I am sitting it's not easy for you OP.
I recall when I was a little younger than you. I allowed my heart to rule my head. I moved in with him too. Regardless of what people thought at the time. I don't regret it it's a life curve ball to learn from. We only see what we want to see when at first we are infatuated with a person. I know that's what led me to it.
The reality as you have discovered is very much different to the dating aspect. Rather than rack your brains about his actions. Look at your own and how you could of done things differently. Whilst the heart wants. Your mind and experience of this should help you in the future.
It's a dead end. The moment he stopped telling you the truth is the moment you should of said I'm out of here. Good Luck in the future.  | |
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