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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?      Home login  
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 kassi99
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 1
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Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?Page 1 of 1    
Please help settle a discussion between my two best friends and I. I have been seeing someone and things were going very well. Enjoyed each others company, a lot in common, attraction definitely mutual, etc. things go very well for a couple of months then he starts to go hot and cold. Calls, talks, texts, comes over then nothing for days including not responding to my text, etc. then back to hot, etc. I come on POF for the forums and notice he is on here again. I asked if he ever reads the forums because I find them interesting and he says no, he never has. .lightbulb moment right. So I plan to talk with him and let him know if he wants to see other people that is fine but be honest about it so I have the opportunity to decide what I want to do.
Anyway, my friends are telling me this kind of tihng happens because I am independent, strong and do things for myself instead of acting like I do not know how to do things so the guy will " feel needed". Things like home repairs, etc. I think acting like you are incapable s a form of lying and someone who says they admire my intelligence and ability to get things done when we start seeing each other should not be surprised when they find me installing new floors myself instead of calling and asking him to do it when I know he is busy with work, his son and his own home responsibilities.
I enjoy being with the man because of who he is not what he can do for me. So guys here is the question, is it true that a man would rather be with a woman who would pretend to be incapable in order to make him feel needed? Or, do men want to be wanted for who they are not what they can do/give to someone?
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 2
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Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/1/2012 9:41:35 PM
Some men do, many men don't. As to yours no one here can possibly say as we do ont know him and the scenario you give is too vague. What I DO know however is this. You apparently cold busted him lying to you. From there the rest should not matter.

If you come to the conculsion that some men need a dependent woman to feel needed, the question becomes do you want a man like that?

but the issue is that he is lying about his activity on a dating site. he is lying period. are you okay with that in your relationship?

Your friends could be wrong or right, but in the end what are you willing to put up with?
 BountyHunterMike
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 3
Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/1/2012 9:44:15 PM
Pretend???? you should never pretend....if you want him in your life....add him into your life....weather you "NEED" him or not.....being that your so "Independent" you might be getting what you really want...your independance
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 4
Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/1/2012 9:45:44 PM
is it true that a man would rather be with a woman who would pretend to be incapable in order to make him feel needed? Or, do men want to be wanted for who they are not what they can do/give to someone?


Most men do want to feel wanted, some may need to feel needed by certain worthy women...

When a woman exudes an attitude of "I am independent and can take care of everything myself" most all the time, some men may go with that and let her be by herself much of the time... And so he can "date" others...
Two months and he is back on POF seeking other women, do you want him to lie about that?

Other men may recognize the likely inner conflict the woman may have by so obviously having the need to verbally express her "independence" multiple times...

All of that second-guessing another's intentions is part of why Finding and maintaining a compatible long-term SO relationship IS
the second greatest challenge in life..
Success there REQUIRES sharing about 50% power/control with another imperfect human being like yourself... S
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 5
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Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/1/2012 9:55:09 PM

And all of that second-guessing anothers intentions is why Finding and maintaining a compatible long-term SO relationship IS
the second greatest challenge in life..
Success there REQUIRES sharing about 50% power/control with another imperfect human being like yourself...


Well said sir.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 6
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Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/1/2012 10:31:25 PM
Allow yourself to be vulnerable with a man.
 BrockLee74
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 7
Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/1/2012 11:17:12 PM
That is not gender biased. Plenty of women have the same need.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 8
Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/1/2012 11:47:19 PM
OP - can you install a hotwater heater ? a dishwasher/washing machine ?





splice lines to add a 3 way versus a 2 way ?



do u know how to detect a gas leak with bubbles ?


can u hang sheetrock on ur ceiling ?



etc etc ????
 _Kites_
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 9
Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/2/2012 12:23:51 AM

Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?

Here I'll interpret this into man language - "Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel appreciated?"

There ya go.


I am independent, strong and do things for myself instead of acting like I do not know how to do things so the guy will "feel needed".

Shall I interpret this one too??

Perhaps you could stop listening to your female friends and take a dive into the male perspective. Or you could just continue on with the "I don't need no man" attitude that your female friends have created for you.


So I plan to talk with him and let him know if he wants to see other people that is fine

Perfect solution. I'm sure he'll feel great about that.

Good luck!
 KorageHu
Joined: 10/29/2011
Msg: 10
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Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/2/2012 12:24:35 AM
It depends..........

I dont.
Others do.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 11
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Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/2/2012 12:27:35 AM

Anyway, my friends are telling me this kind of tihng happens because I am independent, strong and do things for myself

this question comes up repeatedly. short answer is, character assets don't hurt relationships. character flaws do. i would caution you about getting caught in a gf affirmation feedback loop that convinces you of the causes of the relationship problems before you ever talk to the other person in the relationship.
 ChadsFormerStandIn
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 12
Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/2/2012 2:15:57 AM
christ speaks the truth........again!! lol!

I don't care if you pretend. Just pretend REALLY well please!
 Bukleigh
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 13
Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/2/2012 2:38:31 AM
OP this is the question you asked ....

There's a guy that you're interested in, that seems to do losing interest in you. Is the reason:
-- you're simply too magnificent
-- he's simply too stupid to know better
-- do you need to pretend to be stupid so he'll feel better about himself
-- do you need to pretend he's a better man then he is.

Seriously ?? .......... Fairly blatant rationalization.

Maintaining any relationship, requires you accept your role as an active participant and responsibility for the outcome. You're NOT there ... cause you're thinking what's wrong with the other person. You're not participating, you're expecting the other person to do it you're way ... but if necessary you're willing to make some allowances, if he's willing to do it your way.

That's not a relationship, it's simply your way of rationalizing your need for control and your reluctance to open yourself up to a real relationship, likely because you fear rejection. These are things that will prevent any relationship from growing or progressing.

You're not getting what you want because your fear of NOT getting it and your fear of NOT being able to control it ... is preventing it from happening.

Of course he could just simply NOT be interested ... but you will never know, because you're not willing to commit.
 Goldentyga117
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 14
Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/2/2012 2:45:46 AM
You don't have to pretend that you're stupid or incapable or any of that stuff...but guys like the feeling of being needed and wanted and to be protectors etc.... I get that women are all excited about this whole "being independant" thing but sometimes that comes across as "I don't really need you you're just here because it's convenient"

Maybe just do something little...like ask him to help you open a jar or something...that can be all it takes to make him feel like you need him around. Just because you're independant doesn't mean you don't have to take the other persons feelings into consideration....you don't have to lie or do something dramatic it could just be something simple like the opening of the jar thing....or even letting him do something that you both know you can do. What have you got to lose ?
 weirdotool
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 15
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Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/2/2012 3:41:31 AM

So guys here is the question, is it true that a man would rather be with a woman who would pretend to be incapable in order to make him feel needed? Or, do men want to be wanted for who they are not what they can do/give to someone?

When you really boil it down, they are the same thing.

People in general want to find someone who looks upon them, likes what they see, and loves them for it. In my personal opinion, that is the fundamental reason for living.

Whether it be to marvel at their ability to fix things or anything else about them you like. I suggest you do a slight amount of soul searching and consider what it is you really like about him, and then tell him about it. Tell him what it is that makes you INTO him; be specific if you need to be.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 16
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Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/2/2012 3:58:20 AM

Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?


No, no, no, no, no.

It isn't a matter of pretending to have needs. The problem is not that you are too independent, or too self-sufficient.

The problem is actually something that I would normally have expected women to instantly understand, because it's something I learned directly from being guided to it by women.

The problem is, that you have to give someone the feeling that you actively want them in your life. That's it in a nutshell.

Neither most men, or most women want someone to need them. We want someone to want us.

If you are going to redo your floors, you don't ask them along because you need their big, strong arms to push the sander around, or to lift piles of nasty dusty wood for you, you ask them along because you will enjoy whatever you do more with them being there in any role.

If every time you have a task of some sort, you shove your friend aside, and tell them to just hang out by themselves until you are done, at the end of the day, you will have spent only a few minutes with them, and that was used up saying "don't bother." The clear message you sent to those people was: "I only want to use you as an occasional sounding board when I feel like talking, and as arm candy, or financial assist when I feel broke."
 _Kites_
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 17
Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/2/2012 4:12:04 AM

I get that women are all excited about this whole "being independant" thing but sometimes that comes across as "I don't really need you you're just here because it's convenient"

The whole "excitedly independent" thing is such a strong female belief and life rule that they forget guys don't think this way.


installing new floors myself instead of calling and asking him to do it when I know he is busy with work, his son and his own home responsibilities.

She expects the guy to have the same perspective that she does - doing all this stuff on his own, all by himself. In reality, I think the guy just wants to be a part of her life. He wants to do these things together, with her. He doesn't want to do it *for* her. She's confused. Guys *like* to do that kind of stuff. It's like if the guy really enjoys yoga (and she does too), but he never invites her along when he goes. Ouch!

He's drifting away because she doesn't seem to want a partnership. I think men have accepted the female/male roles as they exist today. When was the last time you heard the word "chauvinistic?" Seriously. Enough is enough! Can you all please start acting like it's 2012 and escape the 1960s??

...just trying to get my point across and change the world (again)! :p
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 18
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Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/2/2012 4:36:36 AM
I personally don't need someone to lie so I will, "like" to be with them. However, some guys are needy and they might need needy women.

Basically, the dude lied about being on the forums. Do you want that?
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 19
Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/2/2012 4:58:47 AM
Letting a man feel needed/wanted/important/respected and valued is not lying.

I can change my tire and air filter but if it makes him happy and saves my nails..GO FOR it Shuga..That's sweet and I DO appreciate it.


I can cross a street alone, but having someone hold my hand as we cross in a protective manner is just..GOOD stuff.

Lie?

If YOU see it that way.

Most men can do things I can that were normally seen as women's roles/duties, but if he wants to act like I am not valued for things I can and want to do for him.....

That makes him something ..........but a liar? No.

To many people have to much to prove..To themselves/others and it just makes them come across a bit dooshy IMO
 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 20
Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/2/2012 5:05:47 AM

So guys here is the question, is it true that a man would rather be with a woman who would pretend to be incapable in order to make him feel needed? Or, do men want to be wanted for who they are not what they can do/give to someone?


No one likes anyone acting under false pretense.

Most people I know, men and women, like to feel that they have a sense of purpose in their significant other's life and be appreciated for it.
 AngelWithGuns
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 21
Do men want a woman to lie to make him feel needed?
Posted: 3/2/2012 5:09:03 AM
How does one pretend to even be this way? You are who you are. Maybe HE is the one with issues.

I could not pretend to be someone I was not even if I drank a 5th of Gin. So why would you do this?

What I will add is there does seem to be something going on and I would call him up and say we need to sit down face to face and talk. Maybe find out what the real issue is, instead of acting like a needy chick.

It doesn't seem he needs to feel needed, I think he is not telling you something about how he really feels in this relationship. People who just do not call, show up, text, whatever normally have something else in the fire. Just a thought. Especially if he logs back on here and is not here for the Forums like we are.

If you see him on here and he is not a Forum user...time for a little chat. Communication is the issue here, not him needing you to feel you need him.
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