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 Ljj5911
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 1
Can I pursue?Page 1 of 1    
Its been 2 weeks side I've had contact with someone but am interested still...we texted and emailed but never got together. Neither of us is looking for more than dating so I am easy going about the whole process, meaning I have no expectations of long term at least not now. I'm too new to the dating scene for that. He's on other dating sites so has many more options than me.
Problem is I was the last one to initiate a get together and never heard back. He tried the week before but I wasn't available. I'll add that he initiated contact from the start and I flaked out on him after his first try at getting together, so I'm aware I'm he one who has sabotaged any chances. I've been contacted by others but he holds my interest for some reason....must be the challenge.
Any advice as to how I could word an email to spark up interest again?
 funinsun32
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 2
Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/6/2012 5:15:23 PM
Hmmmm.. Well the only thing that comes to mind is to acknowledge to him that you realize that you may have "sabotaged" your chance but that you are still interested in him for x,y, and z reasons. Then just simply let him know the ball is now in his court and you really look forward to getting a chance to meet up with him. THEN FOR GOODNESS SAKE MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW THROUGH!!
 Ljj5911
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 3
Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/6/2012 5:32:50 PM
Thanks I guess there isn't much else I can say...with so many fish out there it's hard to stand a chance
Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/6/2012 5:50:33 PM

Hmmmm.. Well the only thing that comes to mind is to acknowledge to him that you realize that you may have "sabotaged" your chance but that you are still interested in him for x,y, and z reasons. Then just simply let him know the ball is now in his court and you really look forward to getting a chance to meet up with him.

so she wants a date with the guy, and your advice is, 'call him, but don't ask for a date.'

i think the bloom is off the playing-coy, chase-me-now rose. her flaking queered that pitch.

op, call the guy and suggest a specific day, time and place to get together. if he makes an excuse with no counteroffer, move on to another prospect.
 coyotefeller
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 5
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Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/6/2012 5:57:02 PM
OP !


Thanks I guess there isn't much else I can say...
with so many fish out there it's hard to stand a chance

....so we are both laid back And desperate then !! lol
 lovelyladyonsite
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 6
Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/6/2012 6:02:05 PM
You say you are interested because of the challenge. So if he becomes interested again, you may lose your interest, is that correct? Are you interested in him or only the challenge? Just curious if this is a pattern with you that once a guy is interested in you, you lose interest. Not judging, I just find it interesting.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 7
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Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/6/2012 6:06:06 PM
It is always better to communicate and let them know your feelings, just be subtle in your words and approach. Something to the effect of, would enjoy communicating more, and getting to know you, can we make that happen.....

I say go for it and be assertive enough to let this man know that you want to meet and greet and find out if there is attraction or not.

cd......
 A_Gent
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 8
Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/6/2012 6:21:04 PM
Can you pursue?

Of course.

But it will likely end badly.

I don't have any hard research on the subject but it does meet with my experience that it is the man's job to pursue.. it is the woman's job to let the man know she wants to be pursued.

If you've done your part, and he hasn't responded.

There is your response.

Move on.
 Ljj5911
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 9
Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/6/2012 6:21:05 PM
Interesting point because I've wondered that myself, since he came on strong at first (almost too strong ) but when it came time to meet, I panicked and didn't call when I said I would (did call but Sunday instead of before the weekend). And not to mention he first contacted me January 1st, and after the flake out have emailed/texted back and forth sporadically. I'm guessing he moved on at this point and I should too...
 funinsun32
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 10
Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/6/2012 6:25:54 PM

so she wants a date with the guy, and your advice is, 'call him, but don't ask for a date.'


Basically, yes!! Its obvious that she f'd up so she needs to leave it to him if he would like to pursue or not. She is not entitled to his affections or second chances, as you so eloquently stated with
her flaking queered that pitch
 CHULO_MALO2010
Joined: 2/18/2012
Msg: 11
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Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/6/2012 8:16:14 PM
Goes to show you and what people always said and wondered......women always want what they can have. Sad!!!
 funinsun32
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 12
Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/6/2012 8:19:08 PM

women always want what they can have. Sad!!!

Yup here we go!! Just because the OP gave you a prime target doesn't mean ALL women are this way. If we judge by OP's post then we could also say that ALL men have something waiting in the wings and one woman doesn't matter.
Let go of the generalizations already.
 Ljj5911
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 13
Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/7/2012 6:07:25 PM
I appreciate all the replies they give me a sense of reality. It is interesting though that in this forum and in some others, both men and women give great advice, but the harshest and more judgemental answers tend to come from the women and not men. I never said I was entitled to anything, and have no intention of harrassing the guy. So, if something can be worked out, why not give it a shot? Given that it's usually through email (a phone call may be too awkward at this point) it is pretty harmless... He's not going to get any angry,crazy "why haven't you responded?" emails- to me THAT shows a sense of entitlement, and I've even gotten them...All that being said, we all have our issues, and wanting what you can't have tends to be a pretty universal one
 xxsmexixx
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 14
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Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/7/2012 6:33:28 PM
[Neither of us is looking for more than dating so I am easy going about the whole process, meaning I have no expectations of long term at least not now. I'm too new to the dating scene for that. He's on other dating sites so has many more options than me.]

What's so special about him?

If you only want to date there are a lot more men out there. I wouldn't be wasting my time thinking what will happen..... Its obvious.... You would have a few dates and it wouldn't go anywhere.
 BChamp1226
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 15
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Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/8/2012 3:15:03 AM
He may have 'filled up his dance card' currently, and be avoiding you because he doesn't have time right now. Maybe give it a couple weeks, and if you haven't already filled up yours, hit him up again.
 AxMurderer
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 16
Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/8/2012 4:58:09 AM
Try :

Hey -

I'm really sorry that I flaked out on you that time. I'd like to see you. Would you like to meet at _______________ at ___PM on ______?

Easy game.
 Dreamweaver863
Joined: 12/4/2011
Msg: 17
Can I pursue?
Posted: 3/8/2012 2:38:36 PM
I can relate, but the Question is- should you pursue?
Well On Christmas eve I received the best email thus so far on POF, accompanied by decent pictures. I reviewed his profile and pictures and was intrigued by what I read and saw, so I replied and therefore it started the internet relationship. I soon found out that he was 2 hours away, but figured hum, we shall see where this goes. Lets just proceed with caution. for he seemed to have a genuine and authentic character. I liked that. Bottom line he seemed to be the perfect man on paper and from his pictures. Flaws and all.

I was skeptic about this internet dating. Not wanting to be disappointed or hurt I optimistically proceeded with caution. He appeared to let me believe that he was interested and we soon exchanged #'s and email's but yet there was so much time in between replies or phone calls. So I became confused. Was this man really interested in getting to know who I am? Is he real? And me being an upgraded member, I could see that he was online. Knowing that he had been online and hadn’t taken the time to email me became more and more hurtful. I began to question every move I made and asked Am I being practical? I tried to play it cool but that last phone conversation I had with him, I nervously tried to explain to him that I could see that he was online, but yet he couldn't take the time to respond. He replied that he would have to chew on that. (well I guess he choked on that bit of info)

Well my dispatch from Christmas drifted away. I think he thought I was a stalker of some sort. The thrill lasted a month or so & God was closing this door, I was devastated, I was heart broke. And the biggest thing is I had never even met the man behind those emails or calls. I allowed myself to get carried away in emotions on someone I had never even met, I thought oh my gosh I am NOT that desperate! I have thought of emailing him to just say a simple “thank you, thank you for pulling away as you did, because if you had not, I would of never had the lessons that I needed to learn.” But I do not think that is the appropriate thing to do. He is just not that into me! and I have accepted that. God closes doors that no man can open, and God opens doors that no man can close.

Developing any relationship takes an investment of time and effort. Be patient. “But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently” (Rom 8:25)

I don't know if this helps you answer your questions, I am sure this post will get ridiculed and criticized but it is what it is . Thank you and many blessing.

Best regards

DW863
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