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 HoopoeBird31
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 1
Virgin And Over 30Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I am just wondering some thing.

Is it perfectly normal for a male who is over 30 and still a virgin? He may not just be the virgin, but also without any experience at all with women in terms of intimacy. In other words, never been kissed either in a romantic way. On top of that, he is not gay. Is that normal?

Not trying to attract sympathy or attention.

 coyotefeller
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 2
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Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/6/2012 9:55:00 PM
Perfectly normal may be stretching it,
in your case, import from India, would
help to explain it some though !
I understand your desire to bust loose
from Indian customs since you live here
now, but how is this going to affect your
relationship with your family?
Are you really ready for that, culture clash
and all?
 BChamp1226
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 3
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Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/6/2012 10:22:46 PM
I'd say it's pretty rare - less than 15% of American males in your age demographic are virgins. I don't know what your faith does to that statistic, but I would imagine it has an effect, so it might not be as rare as with Americans in general.

I'm not sure what this information does, but hopefully it's helpful.
 AllyK14
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 4
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/7/2012 2:36:35 AM
Don't think it is common but I was 26 before I lost mine and still am not that confident when it comes to sex..... but I try
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 5
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/7/2012 2:56:58 AM
My boyfriend was 25 when he was a virgin. 30 might be pushing it, but its still young.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 6
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/7/2012 6:03:20 AM
Obviously you are the "he" in this story.

There's no shame in being a virgin of any age,especially if it's related to your morality or religious beliefs.Find a woman "on the same page" (presumably waiting for marriage) as you and you will see just what you have been missing.

Sex and love are awesome and you're not getting any younger.
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/7/2012 8:11:13 AM
Jump in... the water is fine.

If you are looking for LTR, then you need to decide if you are going to take the chance of scaring them off (or the exact opposite).

If your looking for some play (but be honest about it), look for an older woman.

Older women are not afraid to tell you what works for them and what doesn't.

All in all, it isn't that hard to figure out. Just don't rely on today's porn for any real education. Not every woman likes it slammed up their butt and then is going to suck you clean right after you pull out of her ass. However, you can learn about good positions, where to go to give her the most pleasure, etc.

I would be willing to bet that aside from some of the stuff you will find here, there is probably a million places on a simple Google search that will have you all educated and ready to go. Just remember though.... just like your first professional job, all the schooling isn't going to make up for experience, but its a start.

Rule #1 .... I don't care if she says she is on the pill. Wrap that Rascal!!!!!

The only thing good that can come out of not using one, is nothing.
You will either have an 18 year financial obligation (hopefully you would go beyond that though) or a lifetime of looking for similarly infected women.

Rule #2, refer to rule number 1
 darknight48
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 8
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/7/2012 8:19:56 AM
wats the song enjoy yourself its later than you think
 KingofSnuggles
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 9
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Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/7/2012 8:37:38 AM
Whether by personal choice, religious belief or ya just don't find all the whacky women all that attractive....it's your life/choice and there is NOTHING wrong with it.

I'd bet that someone women might find it/you super attractive in that there's no previous relationship baggage to deal with and they would thoroughly enjoy showing you the ropes so to speak. Be warned though, you will run into the idiots who will say/think "I don't want no man who don't know what he's doing in bed" blah blah blah....you don't want that type anyway.

Welcome to the conundrum that is sexual relationships!!!
 HoopoeBird31
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 10
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/7/2012 12:22:55 PM
Actually, I am confused about this whole intimacy issue to begin with. I definitely do not want to get to know the person for the sake of satisfying my sexual desires. If I wanted to do that, there are always options available to achieve that goal.

What I ever wanted was a genuine interaction of mind, body, and soul all together that would lead eventually to a healty sexual relationship e and I would not have to be married necessarily.

I am fine without having sex personally for the rest of my life. However, even if I dare to break this news even to closest of my friends judgments are quickly made about me.

It gets frustrating and things get worse when everyone around start to come after me asking me why I am not married or have a girlfriend. Like why am I still singe? Once I was waiting for an elevator in a building and a guy came up to me and asked me, "How many kids do you have?" That put me in an awkward situation. He didn't bother to ask if i am married or have a girlfriend or any thing. He jumped directly to this question.

Why should I force my self to get laid to some one to prove to everyone about my manhood when I will not be happy just by getting laid?
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 11
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/7/2012 12:27:00 PM
What I ever wanted was a genuine interaction of mind, body, and soul all together that would lead eventually to a healty sexual relationship e and I would not have to be married necessarily.


That is good and so possible if you are open to it!

What has kept you from getting involved with a woman enough to find your way to making love?? Have you never let yourself become attached to a woman over the past decade? That must be lonely.


I am fine without having sex personally for the rest of my life.


You can't say that without knowing what you are missing.
Sex for some,is intimacy from body to heart and if you skip sex,you
may not ever feel the closeness it brings to people in love.



Why should I force my self to get laid to some one to prove to everyone about my manhood when I will not be happy just by getting laid?


You shouldn't it that's not what you want! But you might want to push yourself to find a woman to love and someone to love you back first!

Getting laid is totally different than making love and you don't have to settle.
Being a man in my book is being open emotionally and allowing yourself to feel with more than your hands!
 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 12
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/7/2012 1:45:02 PM
hoopebird31, just go out and get laid, for God's sake.

In the long run, it doesn't make any difference who it is with.
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/7/2012 2:11:45 PM

I am fine without having sex personally for the rest of my life

The Catholic Church could use a few men like you. lol

seriously... Thats all fine and dandy, but once that damn breaks your cooked.

Okay, now you switched directions here.

Regarding your friends... I can't relate because, I don't really give a crap what my friends think about my sex/love life, unless they think she is a real **** (shoulda listened to my BFF with wife #1).

I dunno why anyone would come up to a stranger and ask how many kids he has, but nothing wrong with saying "none" or "none of your business"

I hope you don't think I suggested you should force yourself to get laid. I was just sayin... don't use modern porn as the barametor for what it's really like, because most women are not like that. I was offering up suggestions for your first intimate moment if you don't want to disclose your virginity.

Be true to yourself
 wonderfullife1000
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 14
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/7/2012 2:23:38 PM
You have a problem and A IG ONE. Perhaps it is small and that
is problem

 wonderfullife1000
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 15
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/7/2012 2:26:04 PM
No reason for a problem as you are so desirable
Strop talking of hearing aids and talk of heart.
I want your heart and mind not worry the small stuff


 happy-go-lucky_
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 16
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Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/7/2012 2:34:27 PM
Well, this:

Actually, I am confused about this whole intimacy issue to begin with. I definitely do not want to get to know the person for the sake of satisfying my sexual desires.

...and this:

What I ever wanted was a genuine interaction of mind, body, and soul all together that would lead eventually to a healty sexual relationship e and I would not have to be married necessarily.

...aren't necessarily mutually exclusive in most cases. Indeed, while there is absolutely nothing wrong with the criteria and/or preferences you put forth in the second paragraph, I'm not sure the probability of finding a mate who meets all of them is very high, especially if you have no prior experience with relationships.

Do you ever go out on dates, or otherwise seek out opportunities to meet women, to interact with them in various settings and get to know them? If the answer is no, then this might ultimately be a bigger red flag for any woman than the fact that you're a virgin.

While it's fine to have an end goal vis-a-vis a romantic partner like the one you described above, you probably should've been trying to work toward this goal ever since you were a teen and certainly since reaching adulthood. You may not agree with me, but I firmly believe that reality and practical considerations trump ideals every single time. Taking little steps toward your ultimate romantic goal is important in many ways, and not just for the sake of discovering your ideal partner--it will also help you learn more about yourself in the process, and hence help you decide whether or not you need to tweak some of your preferences. You'd also have the benefit of prior experience to help guide you moving forward.

As with any other aspect of life, romantic relationships are valuable educational experiences; you need to approach them as opportunities to learn and grow--emotionally, intellectually, morally and perhaps even spiritually (full disclosure: I personally don't believe in "spirituality" in any sense of the word).
 dwayne88
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 17
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Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/8/2012 5:29:00 AM
If you're ok with it OP, then I don't even see the point in you askin the question.

I will soon be 30 and a virgin, and it isn't the easiest thing in the world.

Tho masturbating a few times a day takes the edge off.

I guess you need to go to church or something like that if your looking for some big commitment before doing it.
 SerendipityHappens
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 18
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/8/2012 5:45:42 AM
I've known a LOT lot men and women in their 30s and beyond who are virgins for religious reasons. I don't know that it's "normal" because I think the instinct to copulate is very strong but I don't think it's anything to really worry about either. Just because you are not having sex now does not mean you won't have a strong sex drive when you are actually in a relationship. -once you're doing it regularly I'll bet you won't be claiming that you can go the rest of your life without sex either.

Don't dwell on your virginity and don't bring it up with the women you date. If you're worried about being inexperienced then read some books and watch some videos. (actual educational videos, not porn)

Most importantly, if you're ready to find a partner then get out there and FIND HER. Don't be afraid. Intimacy is a beautiful thing and you deserve to be experiencing it with someone who cares about you. So quit talking and start acting!
 Travsam
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 19
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Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/8/2012 2:45:03 PM
I had a friend lost recently his virginity, we thought that it was not abnormal, but he feel a little frightened because his couple has some experience, but at least he tried his best, he told me that he was not able to endure a lot of time due to excitation, but he and his couple enjoyed the night and slept together.

He is anxious now, he wanted to try it again, but his mate was not interested to have another date due to her job (an overstressed IT work). However, he is feeling more secure that could have a relationship... at least he can say is not longer a Forever Alone :)

Regards
 F1fanIam
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 20
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/8/2012 2:49:22 PM
Maybe you are looking for someone who is perfect ? And no one is..I would suggest seeking counseling..
 Elgalawaat
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 21
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Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/8/2012 3:14:53 PM
No it is not normal it is weird.
 HoopoeBird31
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 22
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/8/2012 3:56:24 PM
The reason why I have been relatively quiet in this topic even when I am the op of this thread because I don't want to sound like that I am trying to gain sympathy. That is not the goal I am going to say it again. Most importantly, I would like to thank everyone who took their time to respond with their sincere and good advice.

Moving on, I did have a problem in interacting with people through out my high school and college life which was spent here as I came to this country when I was 15. I could just never come out of my shell for one reason or another. Now finally when I think the shell is broken I have realized that when you are out of school and college it is very hard to meet new people. That's why I joined POF at the first place.

I am not looking for perfection. However, I am a sucker for romance. I grew up watching many melodramatic romantic bollywood films that played a key role in planting this idea of the quest for true love. That's all I ask for. Also, I have been afraid that if I get laid to a woman then I would truly fall for her and then what if she doesn't feel the same way about me? I would have acquired the help of escort services , but the possibility of me falling for a random prostitute also scared the crap out of me.

It is confusing.
 SerendipityHappens
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 23
Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/8/2012 6:35:35 PM
The truth is that there is always a risk of heartbreak, but it's worth the risk because the feeling of being in love is so AMAZING that we are willing to risk heartbreak in order to feel that connection with another person. I'm not saying that you need to run off and be intimate with the first woman you see, but you need to put yourself out there. You need to allow yourself to be vulnerable to heartbreak in order to ever be able to reap the reward of a reciprocal caring and nurturing relationship. You need to have a fearless heart.
 leonherperger
Joined: 10/3/2011
Msg: 24
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Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/9/2012 4:25:18 AM
I have a close friend who hadn't so much as kissed a girl into his 30's. he spent his teen years and 20's a shy, introvert instead focusing all his energy into making music. in his 30's i watched the drastic transformation of him coming out of his shell and eventually of the news he lost his virginity.
What he found after all those years of amounting all of his priorities and self confidence from his music was that he didn't feel needy or like he had to have relationships to be happy and he continued on focusing on his music and left women as a very low prioritiy in his life.
i myself came to the same conclusion after countless long term relationships only finding the only thing keeping me happy was my music. i could honestly say i don't need to have sex anymore either as the things that interest me seem so much more rewarding.
i wouldn't be embarassed or ashamed of any of this. as a more and more evolved species there is less and less emphasis on procreation or life long partners. more and more people choose to live alone, without a spouse or children.
i'm not going to pull your leg like everyone else on here and tell you to "go for it" because sex and relationships are "awesome". the truth of the matter is they are alot of hard work, alot of stress, and often alot of heartbreak. i think people in general are a needy bunch who, for the most part, fail to learn enough independance as to not need a relationship. i really don't know what to tell you - sometimes other things are more important
 dwight_the
Joined: 7/4/2010
Msg: 25
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Virgin And Over 30
Posted: 3/9/2012 10:19:54 AM
You are not alone ,there are lot of men like you out there .They are shy and are scared of something that don't exist .The internet is a great help in meeting women these days .There are no magic things to say to women .Just get a conversation started. I would advise you to let the women know you are quite shy in some ways but don't give too much away.Just start talking to women,it will help if you get that out the way.The sex will come after you meet the woman and both of you get comfortable .Don't plan sex,just let the moment take care of itself.
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