| | To live together or not...Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | I'm curious to know how many of you would rather be in a relationship living apart or would you rather living together. | |
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114M3
| | Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 2 | |
| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/9/2012 7:20:17 PM | Personally, if I was confident enough to move in with a guy, then I should be confident enough to get hitched to him.
So nope, no live-in before marriage for me. I believe that during the dating process -- if we truly keep our eyes open there is no need to "have to live together" in order to really know how a person is. ... I mean how many live-ins and "trial-runs" are we gonna go through til we find the one that works?
Apart from that, what happens if the live-ins don't work? ..... I'm not one for constant living situation change either.
~ JMO | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/9/2012 7:46:38 PM | I have lived with every one of my long term partners. I think it's a good indicator. There are things you cannot learn about one another living apart. I find if one can't live with someone amid a relationship, there's no way one would be able to live the rest of their life with that person.
The problem is most people don't seem to find this out until AFTER they've married them. I feel moving out of a failed relationship might be a heck of a lot easier than enduring a divorce. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/9/2012 7:58:31 PM | | i've never lived with a partner, aside from one or two staying with me for a short time, but never seriously, like our toothbrushes were side by side. i don't know, was pretty happy being alone. i think now i'd rather live with someone. marriage doesn't matter to me so i'd be just as happy remaining common-law. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/9/2012 11:04:34 PM | | I enjoy living with a partner! I miss that part as much as anything else. I liked the rituals. Cooking food, cleaning the house, setting up seasonal decorations..together. On my own I lack motivation as I am only doing it for me. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/10/2012 12:55:53 PM | | I think eventually I would but I need to know them for at least a year before that idea can come on the table. I'm rather enjoying living alone right now. :) | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/10/2012 1:12:11 PM | | I takes yearsss to get to that stage. To me that's one step below marriage. So yeah, that's a huge step. It's ok to spend a lot of time together in one house, etc. But she keeps her house, I keep mine. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/10/2012 5:46:03 PM | | I've never lived with a partner but ive lived with a lot of roomates. In the end I don't think living together is the hugest issue but it is vital for the relationship to go to the next step. . (depending on ones definition of that) I think petty things like leaving the cap off the toothpaste or not making the coffee in the morning is just that PETTY! and will be detremental to the relationship . . being that as it is, its a compramise living with someone else irriguardless if they are ones true love or just an idiot roomate | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/10/2012 5:56:42 PM |
I am sorry but living together means I am still single. I refuse to pretend to be married to a man I am not married too. The author of THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATOO lived with his girlfriend for 20 years. He died before his book was a block buster hit and HIS FATHER AND BROTHER got the profits. She got nothing. Marriage is a tad bit more than a piece of paper. It has always been a contract between two people. In the past they wrote out marriage CONTRACTS. Now in our new fangled way of looking at the world we try thinking it is a big romantic happily ever after that more than 40% of us fail at. AND living together increases the chance of divorce. THERE is no prince, there is no princess and THE end is never happy.
PS. My answer is NO. YOU want me to act like I am not single, then MARRY ME. Other wise I am single and ready to mingle. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/10/2012 6:18:41 PM |
My answer is NO. YOU want me to act like I am not single, then MARRY ME. Other wise I am single and ready to mingle.
you make it sound as if you have free rain to have no respect for your partner in any way shape or form unless he marrys you. . .but why would any self respecting man want to marry someone whos looking for other long term partners activly behind ther back.
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/10/2012 11:47:05 PM | At this point of my life, after having done the whole marriage, kids, living together thingy, I'm now doing everything assed backwards.
I ain't doing anything or moving anywhere until there's a ring on my finger.......... first! 
Maybe then I'll have better luck doing the old fashioned way. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/11/2012 5:38:25 AM | | NOPE.... I don't think I would, at least for a few years. I am happy living the way I am right now, just me and the kids hanging out. I would not throw a wrench in that right now for anything. Now after my kids are grown and out of the house, maybe, after I had dated someone for a really long time. I am kinda old fashioned and believe in marriage before living together thing for the most part. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/11/2012 7:59:05 AM | | I've done both and I would not even consider getting married again without first living together. Living apart in a relationship shows only what each wants to show, while being together 24/7 lets you know every asspect of themselves. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/11/2012 8:08:51 AM |
other long term partners activly behind ther back.
BEHIND your back who said that?? I said I am single and YOU are a room mate. AND you bets make sure you have your share of the rent. I am single..do you need me to say it louder?? I AM SINGLE. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/11/2012 8:53:13 AM | | Not right away - probably never, but if I ever do, the place has to be roomy enough that I can get my space when I need it. If I know I can have that, I'll be more open to it. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/11/2012 10:03:51 AM | It's interesting how many people are making this about marriage, when the word is no where in the original post....
Living together is not something I would jump into quickly, to be honest at this point I can't even fathom it. But, I try to keep an open mind because sometimes life can surprise you when you're least expecting it. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/11/2012 4:14:46 PM | It is a step in the right direction to find out who that person really is. As some have posted here, you never know the person unless you are with them 24/7. That is when you find out exactly who they are. Sure some may choose not to but I hope those people are strong enough to overcome some of the difficulties of finding out the other person's personality.
I know a friend of mine who did just that. Got married to him before living with him. Hell the whole process of dating, engagement, marriage, moving to him, and pregnancy took less than a year. They went through a 1 year or so break up because it turned out he changed big time.
Better safe than sorry. I'll change my address a few more times rather than commit to something that is unknown. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/11/2012 5:46:44 PM | | Through my experiences of living with a sig other I'd prefer to live separately. That way it's easier to miss your partner. I can actually be happy to see her and not have to pretend I enjoy her company every single moment. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/12/2012 11:03:31 AM | For me that is the ultimate end goal, to find someone I am comfortable with seeing every moment of every days as much as possible. However I think like many big steps if done to soon it can cloud the relationship and mix in things that will mask the true feeling of both of you.
For example if one is going through a tough time and between jobs and becomes dependent on the other they will have a vested interest in making it work for the financial stability sake even if emotionally they might not feel that way. Same goes for sleeping together to soon for me, it can cloud the line between love and lust.
Its part of the ultimate goal but should happen when the timing is right in the relationship and no point sooner. I also have kids so that makes it that much more important to help off. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/12/2012 1:15:27 PM | Q: Do you think they would make a good room-mate, yes or no?
A.1: Yes, then move in together.
A.2: No, don't move in together.
I think there are various layers to relationships, someone who is your lover might make a fine room-mate, or they may not. I think our society has built up a lot of expectations about finding a partner who is everything for you, when maybe you should be trying to fill the various niches in you life with different people. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/12/2012 1:29:41 PM | | I've been in a couple of long term relationships while living apart and one living together. I wouldn't consider marrying someone until I've lived with them for a while,based on one of those long term relationship. As much as you think you might know someone,you might find a lot of differences once you live together. If you'd rather wait until you're actually married to discover those differences,that's up to you. | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/12/2012 8:31:52 PM | In my opinion, for those of us who are looking for a long term relationship, someone we can share our life with. If that is our goal, yes, I say move in together but not too soon, and do it because you both want to, not because it will help financially or any other way.
HOWEVER, next time I consider living with my partner, I will be insisting that we each move out of our current homes and into a new home to both of us. This should eliminate any claim over the dwelling. For example, my bf at the time moved into my place. When we split up, he told me that he never considered my home to be his home. I think this was because I always had the upper hand and could kick his ass to the curb. This point of view of his came as a surprise to me considering I did the whole `nesting`thing as apparently women do, trying to make my home his home as well. I didn`t see it the way he did until he pointed it out on the way out the door, and ya know what? He was right! (don`t tell him I said that though). I did have the upper hand and I used it when I kicked him out (don`t let this scare you off guys, there were many good reasons for my action). He wouldn't have been able to do that to me cause it was MY house. I don't ever want to feel that where I live isn't my place and I wouldn't want my future partner to feel that way either.
As bad as this sounds, it`s not necessarily a bad thing.....I would also consider a co-habitation agreement as a safeguard for both persons`property should the relationship fail.
So, if you buy a house together, there`s not really any question as to who pays for what. You split the expenses down the middle and that`s that. This should also eliminate one of you feeling as though you`re just a `tenant`.
Anyway, that`s my opinion.
Cheers! | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/16/2012 3:08:34 PM | Touching on the comment about roommates:
I do NOT want to be the "ROOMMATE". Roommates do not share the same relationship as an intimate and loving couple. Roommates do not even have to interact at all as long as they pay the rent on time, keep their messes to themselves, and not steal other peoples food.
I have lived in shared homes with multiple roommates. I experienced the ignore each other and mind ones own business, as well as, the ones where we learned to interact, have fun, compromise, and partake. Both were good life skill building experiences.
The time I had a boyfriend move in we became nothing more than just roommates. The relationship was over before the lease agreement was. I ended up with more of a connection with some of the other roommates, because we spent time interacting and developing the friendships. Something I had tried to keep going with my boyfriend.
On the Overall Topic Discussion:
There is not right or wrong answer, but works for the couple. Couples living together is not an issue as long as both partners are on the same page of where the relationship is and what the expectations are. Whether you just want to test the waters and be more intimate, just want to be closer or more accessible, want to 'get to know' your partner better... those are not the same as planning on an LTR or a marriage. If one partner comes in expecting marriage and commitment, and the other is just testing the waters or getting comfortable, there will be the pressure of expectations that are not shared leading to frustration and disappointment.
As another poster stated, one should not speak in definite terms as you never know what life may throw at you that may be the exception. For the most part I feel confident I would not. I want a partner for life, and to me that means lover, best friend, and confidante, with the relationship having developed solid intimacy, connection, and companionship. When we choose to move in together with or without marriage, it wouldn't be destroyed because of the toothpaste tube or toilet seat, nor would it be simplistically a "roommate" situation where we split the rent and household duties.
Just be honest with yourself, know what you really want. Then make sure your partner is honest and you both discuss the wants, needs, expectations, and goals. Remember, things change over time, so it isn't a topic you only discuss once. Expectations and goals change for people.
Good LUCK ! | |
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| To live together or not...
Posted: 3/16/2012 6:38:31 PM | | Start off living apart then when the time feels right live together. But no one in my life as ever made me feel like I would want to see her all the time. | |
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