| | Waiting on SexPage 1 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | | So I'm kinda seeing this guy who I really like. We have a lot in common and everything seemed to be going great until the topic of sex came up. I told him I wanted to wait. I have made the mistake of having sex with guys too soon in the relationship before and I always get burned. I didn't want to make that same mistake again because I wanted this to turn into something more than just sex. He said he was fine with waiting and that he wanted to have something more than just sex too. However, as soon as I told him I wanted to wait he back off fast. Now it seems like we barely talk and it seems like he isn't interested anymore. My question is this: is it ever okay to tell a guy up front you want to wait for sex? Do you think I ruined my chances with being so honest? How do I make him interested again? Thanks :) | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 1:32:26 PM | First and foremost, whenever a guy tells you he doesn't mind waiting for sex, please DO NOT buy into that. It's a load of crap right off the top, and that is putting it nicely.
Second. If I were to tell a man I'm dating that I plan to remain celibate for a while, and he becomes distant for that reason, I would tell myself since he's not willing to respect my choice of not rushing into intimacy because of bad choices I made in the past then he's not someone I want to continue seeing.
Third. You need to TALK to him, and if he's actually being distance because of that reason then see above. | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 1:32:56 PM | | Send me a message. I have some info better left unposted! | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 1:45:29 PM | | I would say he was into it for the sex and didn't want to wait. He may have others. What age is he? He probably sees you as manipulative or wanting to get serious too quickly. Who knows? You have to ask him. If you decide to give him sex to keep him that can backfire too. Honesty is never something to be regretted and at least now you know what he was after I guess. What is kind of seeing him anyway? | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 1:50:55 PM | Why do so many equate that having sex and the downfall of their relationship are intertwined? The relationship failing has nothing to do with sex unless it was lousey sex or one of the couple didn't want as much or any.
If you want to have sex with him, have sex with him. It's kind of an insult to men when women assume that their S/O is only in it for sex. He sounds like a good fellow, he is not your ex, why do this to him? | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 2:00:11 PM | | Dang Acoustic Confidence needs to share with the class hell Id like to know his answer too! | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 2:01:15 PM | | As others have mentioned, I doubt his sincerity in reciprocating your policy on waiting for sex. I agree that you should not regret being honest with him, and if he truly did back away in light of that fact, then he's probably not the guy you're looking for anyway. Also, as a note, not all guys want sex that badly. I've been in a few relationships where we slept together on the night of our first date. I'm not going to say that I didn't enjoy it, if it was good, but I now prefer to wait until I've spent a great deal of time with them before making that decision. Bottom line, not ALL guys are scum that just want sex; any woman who says that just hasn't found one yet. | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 2:16:41 PM | OP- Can you explain to me why you would want this guy back? Count your blessings he showed his true colors and you can move on. If the guy really liked you for you, then he would wait if that's what he had to do to be with you.
What you should be saying is NEXT  | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 2:39:15 PM | I don't see anything wrong with you being up front about what you prefer. However, getting into detail about it is a little more of a problem.
You should have just told him I would like to wait and leave it at that, nothing else. Time would have told on "him" if he was just looking for "sex" and believe me it would have been really soon.
You did not ruin your chances, I just think you should not put everything out there so soon. You can say what you mean by only saying a few words.
He was the A$$ not you don't let anyone make you feel bad about your morals and standards. Someone will come along that will want you for who you really are, not just for your body.
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Posted: 3/10/2012 2:43:43 PM | He just wanted to bang you then run to the other woman and so forth. If you want him back call him or send him an email with your picture. Make sure in the picture your have your legs open wide and issuing an invitation. Probably you will have him for a week if that long and he is gone. I am talking from experience I did the same to a woman too. Most men are dogs just looking for a piece of ass. I regret it now and I have cured myself. | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 3:51:03 PM | | he's 27 and we were kinda seeing each other meaning we were in those beginning stages of entering a possible relationship | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 3:52:34 PM | | Why withhold sex? that is my right as a woman. I don't owe him anything | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 3:53:28 PM | | I didn't go into any detail about why I wanted to wait. I just told him I thought it was better if we waited. | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 3:59:12 PM | | If you were his latest crush, he would wait. He'd be desperate to spend time with you. Think how you feel when you are really keen on someone. How would you be in the reverse situation? I'd let him go. | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 4:24:05 PM | First and foremost, whenever a guy tells you he doesn't mind waiting for sex, please DO NOT buy into that. It's a load of crap right off the top, and that is putting it nicely.
Ya well said. Men are men. Horny **stards. They say they will wait because it makes them look like one of the nice guys. At least to the women who buy into it. I'm sure back in the day they would wait since options were limited. But now days with access to hundreds of women in the local area just by logging on to a website , why would he wait while there is a girl 1 email away from giving it up. He's probably distant because he's busy hooking up with others while he's waiting on you. | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 4:52:37 PM | | OP, don't regret your honesty. He's not willing to wait, or something else totally unrelated caused him to become distant. Your instinct is likely correct, just follow it. But don't feel self-conscious having boundaries and just being persistent in following them. Sooner or later you'll meet someone for whom your "wait" policy is not something to endure, but rather he will consider it one of your better qualities (that you value yourself). | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 5:39:27 PM | | It seems anytime you voice yourself on this subject, men get all weird. I dont know if they get scared, angry or what. I would just ask him, what was up? | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 7:15:53 PM | | I had one almost jump up from dinner and run out the door when I told him I was holding off also. They say one thing BUT BOY do they mean another. My daddy use to call that talking out of both sides of your mouth. AND truthfully did you ruin your chances of having a man who got his pee pee wet then move on to the next one??? NO you dodged a bullet if you asked me. | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 7:48:12 PM |
we were kinda seeing each other meaning we were in those beginning stages of entering a possible relationship
I'm sorry........but what does "kinda seeing each other" actually mean??
Have you been on 1 date....10 dates......or just hung out at the bar together?
Were you talking daily....weekly.....monthly? | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 8:06:12 PM | | Why do you want to make him interested again? You made a decision for yourself based on your experiences. Be proud of yourself. | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 8:08:47 PM | Most guys will not accept waiting unless there is a reason. Like, waiting for marriage, religious, etc. If you can't come up with a logical reason (eg too early in the relationship) most guys will bolt. The good and bad guys will bolt, because no self respecting guy wants to wait around for sex to be used as a bargaining tool.  | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 8:11:59 PM | I think you're doing the right thing OP. Yes, a relationship can be made from outstanding physical connections, but the chances are against it most of the time. The others are pretty much correct in stating that someone who's truly interested in you wouldn't mind waiting until you both are ready to take things to that level.
Some things can be lost in translation however, so beware. Telling a guy that you've rushed into a physical relationship certainly can have hidden implications. But to add to that, if someone told me that usually guys head for the hills once they "get some", the first thing the comes to MY mind would be "well what the heck was wrong with it to make the other guys run??"
In short, I agree with your thought process and applaud you for learning from prior mistakes. Just be careful how you share that information to make sure that it isn't taken the wrong way. | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 8:29:44 PM |
wait around for sex to be used as a bargaining tool.
So how does this work since I shouldnt wait for a meaning relationship Do I sleep with every guy who offers?? Or just the guys I am attracted to?? How does it work?? If you were talking to your mother, sister or daughter who would tell her to sleep with??? | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 8:37:42 PM | megs507
All too vague and I think it may have been more on your side really the perception of a possible relationship. At least you were not pumped and dumped. Were you dating? If not then it was not even a goer. | |
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Posted: 3/10/2012 8:40:11 PM | darkbutcomely
Yes different standards when it comes to family I would suggest. If you want a one night stand then have it but having sex does not make a man more attached or committed.
By the way it should be "dark and comely". No iffs or buts. You are sending a message there that your race is a disadvantage. Just saying....Be proud. | |
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