| | why do they never love backPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | I have been married twice, and now am in a relationship with a man I love very much. But he has told me all along that there will never be a commitment between us. Yet I love him so much that I don't want to lose him. I always seem to love the ones who do not love me back. For the first time, I have a man who treats me decent, yet he will never love me. All I have ever wanted to do is love someone and be loved back. Why do you think is it no one can love me? | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/6/2004 9:07:08 PM | | Honey, I think it's just because you haven't found the right one. Or could it be that they only respond to those women who are pushy and bossy... I don't know. But in your case, when this man has told you that there will never be a commitment between the two of you, give him his hat and coat and say audios. There are some very nice men out there and we just haven't found the right one | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/6/2004 10:00:18 PM | To Ladykiss
There is a guy named David D'Angelo who writes a very informative
free newsletter to help guys understand the processes of getting women.
A lot of the stuff will work in reverse. Maybe you are sending the wrong
subconscious signals.
you can sign up ang get his newsletters they cycle thru.
look for the ones about attraction.
"David DeAngelo"
For example: (this is a bit of one newsletter- remember,
what I'm saying is valuable is insights about the chemistry between
men and women)
---------------------------------
" I often talk about the concept of ATTRACTION, and
why it's more important than anything else when it
comes to being successful with women and dating.
Well, one of the amazing aspects of ATTRACTION
is that it can be turned up and down. You can actually
AMPLIFY an initial attraction... if you know how.
Of course, if you DON'T know what you're doing,
you can also DESTROY a woman's attraction to you as
well. And, in fact, if you don't know how to AMPLIFY
ATTRACTION, then you're most likely GOING to destroy
it whenever you do create it.
In this newsletter, I'm going to talk about two
of my concepts... one that I've talked about a lot,
and one that is relatively new.
Here they are:
1) TWO STEPS FORWARD, ONE STEP BACK.
2) NEVER LET THE LINE GO SLACK.
So let's talk about these concepts and how they
relate to creating a powerful emotional state of
ATTRACTION inside of women.
TWO STEPS FORWARD, ONE STEP BACK
I realized a few years ago that women don't get
"turned on" the same way men do (duh). More importantly,
I learned that men get turned on like light switches,
and women get turned on more like volume knobs.
A man can go from being not interested in sex (like
that ever happens) to completely ready and totally
turned on in about 30 seconds. Hell, it's probably
more like 3 seconds.
Women, on the other hand, usually start out with
a spark of attraction, and if the situation goes the
right way, she gets more and more turned on... to the
point where she's ready to have sex.
One technique you can use to actually AMPLIFY any
initial attraction that a woman feels is to use the
technique that I call "Two steps forward, one step
back".
This simply means progressing a little bit (like
maybe kissing her) and then stepping back for a little
while (maybe leaning back and holding her hand or not
touching at all)... and then moving two steps forward
again (maybe kissing her, then kissing her neck)...
and so on.
A powerful ingredient of ATTRACTION for women is
ANTICIPATION.
Women love to be given a little bit, then teased...
so they are waiting in anticipation of what's going
to come next. Of course, since you keep taking a step
back each time, it even amplifies the anticipation
and sexual tension further.
NEVER LET THE LINE GO SLACK
Once you start to "get" how this process of women
getting turned on works, you're going to need a way
to gauge how fast or slow to go... and to keep a woman
interested without turning into a wussy-boy who calls
her 10 times a day.
I call this concept "Never let the line go slack".
Imagine that you are holding one end of a rope,
and the woman is holding the other end. Both of you
are pulling gently... enough to keep TENSION in the
line."
=================
Stuff like that. It can clue you in a little better to what is going on.
and that may bring some realizations that are useful.
I always thought that if I really loved a woman deeply she would realize that
I loved her the most in the world and everything would follow.
That does not work, all that happens is that the woman thinks you
are a wuss and loses interest. D.D'Ang's writings have clarified for me
why. I think he has real insights on a number of levels.
Evan | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/7/2004 12:36:47 AM | | Ladykiss I believe you said it in your profile “I still want to believe my special sole mate is out there somewhere, and I am looking for him.”. The quote “believe in yourself and all will come to you, believe in others and all will come to them” comes to mind. Your present mate has what he wants and you do not. I can understand you being infatuated/needing him but I cannot see you really loving him when it is not returned. | |
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Ruby_
| | Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 5 | |
| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/7/2004 3:27:28 AM | ladykiss it is this man who won't commit to you, it doesn't mean no man ever will. So what if you have had two marriages already, it doesn't make you a bad person. I know a couple of people who had three marriages before they were with the right person.
This man you are with will only break your heart. He says he won't committ to you, not he won't commit to any woman. It would be really sad if he dated someone else and decided he wanted her. The only thing this guy is doing now is keeping you from finding your right guy. You deserve to be loved. | |
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Snoug
| | Joined: 11/19/2003
Msg: 6 | |
| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/7/2004 7:25:29 AM | | lol evan I started gettin that darn newsletter spammed everyday to me in my email. I think his theorys are uninformed and wrong. I would not suggest this newsletter to anyone. | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/7/2004 7:30:01 PM | hmmm, i can relate to initial interest "increasing" with the 2step forward, 1 back thing....but once we've become closely involved, i prefer more communication, and less head games. it's healthy for each to maintain a seperate space for themselves individually, no one wants to lose their entire identity in someone else, as tempting as it may be, it's usually not good. but the fact that he was honest and not playing games, he is giving you the chance to take him or leave him. he loves himself enough to know what he wants, and you do the same for you! yes, if you choose to let him go, he might give more to someone else, but chances are, he would only give her a piece of himself, just as he is giving you. if it's good enough for now, so be it, but keep your eyes open for future prospects. you don't appear satisfied with this one. when you love you, nothing else matters. one sided love happens all the time, so please don't think this is particular to you. it'll all work out, you'll see. | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/9/2004 12:18:54 AM | Ladykiss, either settle with the state of affairs you are currently in, or continue to find someone else that will provide the Love & Commitment you seek.
If you were to call off your current relationship with him, do you think it could change his mind to make a commitment after all?
(I am not suggesting to play games here, but it would give you an index how valuable he considers you to be.) | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/9/2004 8:03:58 AM | | Girl, it definately isn't you. I just went through a relationship like that actually and am totally devastated but I like you seem to fall into the same trap all the time. We are too big hearted and in the end it seems to crush us. Someone will come along for us, maybe not our soul mate but someone that will love and care for us the same way we love and care for them. | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/9/2004 8:09:03 AM | Lady.... I say this in the kindess way I know how.....
You need to love yourself a little first hun.
Re group.... take care of you and be the best you ..you can be..... never depend on someone else for your own happiness and fullfillment.
You seem like a loving person with much to give..... giving starts at home .... be good to you value yourself more.... love you. If he feels there will never be a committed relationship here you only have 2 choices.
Accept it if it's compadable and meets your needs.... or end it and find what you truly need,
Don't settle, don't try to change him..... respect what he needs and respect what you need. If it's not one in the same......then move on.
Be true to yourself at every cost..... it's only fair to you and anyone else you're with.
(((Lady))) Be well . | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/13/2004 4:46:02 AM | actually I think that maybe you are giving your heart away too freely. No need to put up barb wire and an electric fence with rabid terriers, but however, maybe you are allowing your good feelings in your relationships to get the better of you. When you let that happen you end up falling hard and heavy and get hurt in the end.
The above may not be you but I've seen it happen to many people, just like that. | |
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w8in4u
| | Joined: 10/11/2004
Msg: 13 | |
| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/13/2004 5:10:15 AM | I gotta ask - What do you love about him? Is it the way he doesn't fulfill (sp?) your emotionals needs? Do you want to live without that feeling of being loved? Are you willing to feel that you care more than he does?
Girl, love yourself. Believe you deserve all that you put out. Don't settle - if you don't treat yourself like a Queen and allow others to treat you as less, they will see you as less.
You've stayed with him under his conditions, why should he change? Turn it around, if you were the one not willing to love and yet he loved you - what would make you change? | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/13/2004 11:45:45 AM | Well, the only universal meaning to "I love you" is "I want you in my life."
In this culture, we swoon at the word "love" but actually the English language isn't very adaptable to describing the qualities and aspects of different kinds of love.
If we are in love with someone and they say they "love" us back; we should be thinking critically.
"For What?" is not a bad question to ask.
Sometimes love is bad and destructive.
Anyone beloved by someone else should analyze what it's really about.
Some people want someone to make them feel superior.
Some people want someone to feel inferior to.
Some people want someone to yell at.
Some people want another "Mom" or "Dad" figure in their lives. In psychology, this is called an "imago". This happens so often and is so destructive that I recommend anyone should look this up. It means someone is attracted to a member of the opposite sex who has the same physical or character attributes as Mom or Dad; and the most critically desirous to us are the FAULTS.
If we're rational, we should evaluate the relationship on the bases of:
1) How we get along. The ideal situation is when a guy's known you for years and is still as sensitive to your feelings as he was on the first date.
2) What kind of relationship does the other person want?
Is it what you want?
Is it realistic?
3) Where will we be in five years?
What does he want? What do I want?
This is just a start...
The point is: it's good to think these things through before making a lasting commitment.
It might even be that the person who doesn't want to make a long term commitment might be the best thing going for you at this time.
Consider all the factors... | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/18/2004 8:11:50 PM | Thanks to all of you for your advice. I hope that someday I will be fortunate enough to have a real love, haven't had much luck so far. And it is true, I seem to give my heart too freely and easily. Guess I need to toughen up. Hope to hear more from you all later.  | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/19/2004 9:31:59 AM | | EAst bay I am not picking on u ok? But I just have to ask after that post, have u ever been in love? | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/19/2004 2:38:55 PM | Hello Beauty :-)
Yes, I've been in love, Pretty Lady.
I think you can tell.
... but I've also learned how easy it is to make mistakes.
Mistakes can last for years, my Friend.
After one gets hurt afew times, you just need to look at it more and try to put yourself in a lower risk group for mistakes.
I just don't take alot of stock in what I consider urban legends like "soul mates" and things like that.
I've been through love a number of times and I think it's important to realize that love should be classified as "good" or "bad" or otherwise. Sometimes we love things that aren't good for us. Ask the husband of any drug addict or alcoholic about that one...
What do you think, Beauty? | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/19/2004 6:48:00 PM | I think u may be on to something there. I can ask the ex wife of any drug addict or alcoholic about that, myself.
I to have seen love a few times and for the most part it has all been bad lol I can laugh about it now, no ones fault but my own, results of bad choices and not weighing out what may happen in the big picture.
I totaly agree that as long as someone sees that they can get over on u and still keep ya they will continue, why not?
I use to believe that my soul mate was out there somewhere, but now I have a different outlook on things, maybe he is, and maybe he isnt.
To the lady that posted this thread, no one deserves to be not loved, I think u have recieved alot of good advice, if u can deal with what he has told ya, ur stronger than I could ever be, and if not find u a man that will kiss ur feet and love u for who u r!!!!! | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/19/2004 7:03:48 PM | Beauty: a Great movie about love is "Jungle Fever". It's not JUST about interracial love. It's about love between men and women in general and there's alot of life truths one can use in that. It's Spike Lee's unknown masterpiece.
It's like: after they get to a certain age, everyone knows the words you're looking to hear, the buttons they push to get you hot, the answers to the questions you're going to ask; because they've read the books, seen the programs...
You have to read the PERSON, not your dreams and ask yourself where you think it's going to go. Think it through...face the truths based on what the relationship is, who the person is....
Otherwise, love is just some type of temporary insanity. | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/19/2004 9:38:14 PM | hi there , infact i do not know how to start my tale ,but let me try at least in a wink
i did love a woman and she was in love with me as she said ,and we keep talking to each other for 5months through internet ,cause we are a little far from each other (but we were planing for a happily couples)we were used to meet each other every night at 11pm and she was not online for 3 nights i tried many times to call her but vain, and i tried to email her yet vain, and when she appeared she appeared with a new personality very upset with me and talking to me angrily
she said why do i used to worry about her ?why do i insist on making her to be online ?
all what i discovered is that she doesnt like me to love her more than myself ,but the reality says that she has met an other person for making bedstead (sorry to say that she was a night bedstead girl) do you know from whom i got this truths ,it was her daughter who tell me everything about what she was doing and she has send me a video showing how much love her mam was pretending to me in a cheating way ....:((
but though i do believe in there is a serious and honest woman is waiting for me
i am sure that i will find my soulmate somewhere and someday ....
hicham.looking hopefully for ur reply if you do not mind u can email me back at
seriousxman@yahoo.com | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/20/2004 1:12:08 PM | | everyone has really great advice here, and this was a good thread to start up. my major crush on here...yes i have one, (and i really thought, what is wrong with me to even have an online crush?)...well, anyway, he said something that made so much sense to me, and really helped clear the cobwebs outta my head. He thanked me for my compliments...that what I thought of him were "ideals" that he strives for, and that it was the "ideals" that I was crazy about. He falters like anyone else, and to know him in real life, might seem different. OK...I'm kinda veering off a little. What you "love" about the person...is it really ALL there? Maybe it's the attention, the sex, the putting another up on a pedastal(being kind to someone else, in hopes of the kindness to be given in return- or feeling good about yourself because you were so nice to another), filling emptiness you actually have within yourself-to try to boost your own self esteem, the list goes on forever.....when you reflect on what it really is that you are feeling empty for, and fix that part of you...you never need to worry or wonder why they don't love back, because you will move on without even second guessing. And in the long run, will find exactly what is really good for you. I'm trying to practice what I preach as we speak. Good luck to us all here~ | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/20/2004 4:35:22 PM | | lady...i'm sorry about your experience....but sooooo glad i came across your post, as i'm going thru the same thing now...i was in a relationship for almost 13 yrs when my ex suddenly announced 'i love you, but i'm not in love with you, so we're done'....4 months later, i met a charming, suave, sweettalking frenchman that swept me off my feet...told me he loved me after two weeks; i told him i couldn't say i felt the same, as my breakup with the ex was too fresh....said he understood, but begged me to 'open' up to him and share everything about myself with him, as he wasn't going anywhere....now...fastforward about three months...i felt totally head over heels in love with him...i told him i loved him...his response was 'why are you telling me this now? i don't love you any more; i realised you're not the kind of person i can love'.....in all my f-ing stupidity, i hung in there when he said 'oh, but give me time....i'm sure i can change my mind'....but....slowly....he showed me his true colours...anger management issues....verball, emotionally, and mentally abusive....i took a whole lot of crap from him til he came to me, 5 days before our first year anniversary, and said his 'friend' had decided he wanted to 'produce' a documentary on my bf and his work cohorts on their line of work....arborists, for chrissakes,...and that in order to make the 'documentary' more interesting, the 'producer' had created 'roles' for them....my bf's role was that of 'the playboy'....and to get actresses to play his paramours, they'd go out to bars and pick up chicks.....finally...something snapped in my head.....i told him 'this is the absolute last straw...if you carry thru on this, we're finished'....his response? 'well, i guess we'll just call it quits right now'....my heart is kinda broken....but i can see how i set myself up for continuing to take his b.s.....truthfully......if you're gonna be a floormat for someone, they're gonna walk all over you....i now realize that i was feeling so unloved and unappreciated after the first breakup that when this a-hole came along, showering me with attention, i bought it...and he took advantage of my vulnerability....and i basically let him......so, now.....i'm flying solo for a while; not on the lookout for that 'special someone'...if they're out there, they'll show up...but d*mn, i'm gonna be alot more cautious next time....we'll both be ok, chicky.... | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/20/2004 5:46:25 PM | If he stays with you and leads you on then he is NOT treating you decent. Please read the
very thin, very readable, "he's just NOT that into you." It is written by a guy who wrote for
Sex And The City, one of my favorite shows. It is from a guy's perspective and a real eye
opener!
I have in the past year been right where you are and this book has released me. My previous
relationships have been with men who have either doted on me or stalked me. I truly believe
that my attraction to this rearend has been his aloofness. In reality he initiates every time
we get together. However, I have been the fool who responds and follows that lead. No More.
There seems to be men who are worthy of you. We can only hope they are that lucky.
Distance yourself from this relationship and find out.
Good luck and good life,
Dupliccity | |
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| why do they never love back
Posted: 11/20/2004 11:29:55 PM | I have the same problem the ones that i find as good finds or atlease think they are it always seems i put more into the realtionship and more loving. I think i figured out that at least for me I sometime fall in love too quickly before i really know the peon so i am putting in all this effort with someone who doesnt want me in the end and cause more heartbreak for me so I try and make sure ir eally know someone before putting all my effs in one basket. As for you situation if he said he cant commit it may be hard to do but you shouldnt contuine a realionship that isnt going lead anywhere if you keep haning on the longer you do the longer the hurt. Well the my humble thoughts, anyways good luck with your situation and hope thing workout for you either way.
j | |
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